krista28 Posted September 20, 2018 Share Posted September 20, 2018 So I have this very good work friend. We’ve known each other for years. So on the 9th it was my bday and on the 19th today it was my friends. So she walked back to my office today and had a bag on her hand. I said what did you get who got it for you? She said nobody skirted around it and wouldn’t tell me. Then freaked out at me. Then she said to me later via text that the person who got the gift told her not to tell me about it. As it would be awkward. I then said that’s pretty hurtful. This after I took her phone for the week as she’s on vacation. Any of you been there? Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted September 20, 2018 Share Posted September 20, 2018 In your shoes I would be concerned about the gift giver. Why didn't that person want you to know they gave something to your friend? As for your friend, when she received the gift & was asked not to tell you for her to come waltzing into your office with it, seems petty & like she can't be trusted with a confidence. It was hurtful for her to rub the gift & the anonymous giver in your face. Do continue to be professional at work -- take her phones etc. -- but now know that you can't trust her with a confidence. Link to post Share on other sites
Author krista28 Posted September 20, 2018 Author Share Posted September 20, 2018 Thanks Donnivian you nailed it right on the head. I don’t want much to do with either of them anymore. I think this person didn’t want me to know because she knows me well too and it was my birthday a week and a half ago and... I got nothing. Link to post Share on other sites
preraph Posted September 20, 2018 Share Posted September 20, 2018 If you think this is about the other person not getting you a birthday gift, then I think you shouldn't even be mad about this whole situation at either of them. I mean, I've never gotten a birthday present for someone at work, and I certainly wouldn't get everyone a birthday present at work just because I got one person a birthday present who I was closer to. Your friend can't be blamed because she got a gift and you didn't. You don't really have any legitimate reason to be upset about this. Have you gotten the 3rd person a birthday gift in the past? Even if so, not everyone wants to get that started, especially at work. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Mr. Lucky Posted September 20, 2018 Share Posted September 20, 2018 Not sure this qualifies as "betrayal" and seems much ado about nothing. I'd save this level of upset for real problems... Mr. Lucky 5 Link to post Share on other sites
HiCrunchy Posted September 20, 2018 Share Posted September 20, 2018 Not sure why u care who got her a present. It's one of the things u let go of and move on with ur day. Not really a betrayal in my opinion. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
HiCrunchy Posted September 20, 2018 Share Posted September 20, 2018 Not sure this qualifies as "betrayal" and seems much ado about nothing. I'd save this level of upset for real problems... Mr. Lucky Yep, dont make an issue where there is none 1 Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted September 20, 2018 Share Posted September 20, 2018 I had forgotten the detail that it had been your birthday. The fact that the giver gave your friend a gift but not you is probably the reason for the request that your friend not say anything. That is legit on the giver's part. I take it you suspect who the giver was & if you have an issue with not getting a birthday gift from that person that is a different issue. Especially if your friend knew the giver did not get you a birthday present & suspected that was the reason for the giver to ask your friend not to say anything about the present she got, IMO that makes your friend even more petty. I'd add a lot of distance in the personal side of your relationship Link to post Share on other sites
Author krista28 Posted September 20, 2018 Author Share Posted September 20, 2018 Plot thickens The person who did this turns out to be my arch nemesis at work. She isn’t by a long shot even friends with my friend I and believe she gave it to nina and said don’t tell Krista it’ll be awkward knowing that she’s tell me. Otherwise she wouldn’t have sent her over with a bag. This girl and I are far from being friends anymore( gift received). The girl who gave her the gift was previously bullying me mercilously and I turned her in and I now feel she’s using every opportunity to try to get back at me. Just last month she got me in s lot of **** with my boss....I feel like saying to her when will this end? There’s a chance that she honestly likes her and wanted to give her a gift but I doubt it judging her malicious actions as of late. Link to post Share on other sites
BaileyB Posted September 20, 2018 Share Posted September 20, 2018 If you have an arch nemesis at work, then perhaps it's time to start looking for a new job. Seriously, you sound a little paranoid. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author krista28 Posted September 20, 2018 Author Share Posted September 20, 2018 Well she honestly won’t stop Link to post Share on other sites
BaileyB Posted September 20, 2018 Share Posted September 20, 2018 Well she honestly won’t stop Get a new job. It's not a healthy or respectful workplace if you are being bullied at work. There is legislation that should not allow this kind of behavior. What has your boss done to offer a consequence for your coworker's behavior. Link to post Share on other sites
Scarlett.O'hara Posted September 21, 2018 Share Posted September 21, 2018 This all sounds like unnecessary drama over nothing. Your friend/colleague is under no obligation to tell you who the gift was from. It was pretty clear from her initial response that it was from someone else at work, and to be honest, it really isn't your business. Reading further posts, it sounds like you managed to guilt her into telling you, and now you know why she didn't want to tell you. It was from someone you have issues with. Whether they are close or not, doesn't matter. The reality is it is just a stupid gift. If she did it to "get at you", that strikes me as a pretty childish attempt to cause drama, so why on earth would you allow yourself to be baited by something so meaningless? I don't mean to trivialize anything else that is going on between you and this other person, because situations like this can be toxic and career damaging. However, this particular incident sounds trivial and not worth giving it another thought. The best option would be to have no reaction to it either way, and don't bring your friend/colleague into the drama. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Author krista28 Posted September 21, 2018 Author Share Posted September 21, 2018 Thanks but she’s not bullying me anymore she’s just trying to get back at me it seems. Link to post Share on other sites
Scarlett.O'hara Posted September 21, 2018 Share Posted September 21, 2018 If that is the best she's got, then I'm sure you can handle it. The best way to avoid the drama would be to just ignore it. Link to post Share on other sites
Author krista28 Posted September 21, 2018 Author Share Posted September 21, 2018 Thanks Scarlett you were actually very insightful. I do think she was trying to bait me honestly... as they don’t have a friendship per say. If they did I mean good for her. I know she has no obligation to tell me but her and I tell each other everything and she I think even actually felt guilty for even accepting the gift and didn’t seem overly excited about it. It’s very childish and she’s done other childish things like ignoring my emails and not communicating with me. In reality I should have never found out about this gift. Unfortunately she left holding it. I personally would’ve stashed it. To avoid hurting my friend. If the gift was a nice gesture then so be it I guess and that’s nice. However I have a bit of a hard time believing that. Link to post Share on other sites
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