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Colleagues prone to tears


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How do you deal with them or can anyone advise on a way to deal with them.

 

This is within an office and professional setting.

During meetings and during a work day.

No one is being mean to anyone btw this is simple normal business.

If anyone was being mean I would report it right away but none of that is happening.

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This person will start crying for no apparent reason? I'd suspect that they are dealing with overwhelming personal issues or depression. Has anyone had a closed door "I'm worried about you, are you OK?" meeting with them?

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What in the world are they crying about? Unless someone in their family suddenly died it's inappropriate as hell.

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What in the world are they crying about? Unless someone in their family suddenly died it's inappropriate as hell.

 

Sadly, mental health issues are not known for behaving in the most appropriate ways. The person would be well aware that it's not cool to cry at work and is likely mortified at not being able to keep their emotions in check.

 

Calling symptoms of poor mental health 'inappropriate' is why society still has a stigma around people who aren't coping and contributes to our high suicide rates.

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Does this happen everyday to this person or did it just happen once? I have to say, I've had days when I've felt stressed out, then someone says one thing, could be in the most inappropriate place, and I just start getting teary eyed. The person was probably just having a bad day.

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We have been taught that no matter what goes on in our lives, even if we are one step away from giving up on life, "thou better not cry at work and be unprofessional". At work you are not to be anything other than a worker.

 

Sure, show and share your "happy" things in your life: freely talk about your birthdays, holidays, your children, your wedding, your fun days, your loved days, your ....everything with the label of "happy" and success, but NEVER ever show that you might be experiencing painful things.

 

So, we have learned that.

 

What that means therefore, is that by the time a person gets to a point where they no longer can hold it together to put on a fake pretend-I'm-happy facade for everyone, it must be that they are at their wits end and out of options and are reaching out to anyone out of sheer desperation.

 

OP,

whatever the issue is,

can you just pull the person aside and talk--just tell them you are worried and that you would listen if they want to talk.

 

Being human and showing a touch of compassion does not reduce work productivity.

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How do you deal with them or can anyone advise on a way to deal with them.

 

This is within an office and professional setting.

During meetings and during a work day.

No one is being mean to anyone btw this is simple normal business.

If anyone was being mean I would report it right away but none of that is happening.

 

Based on your other posts seems like they are trying to be manipulative with the tears to avoid having to actually address their own deficiencies, so I would just completely ignore it and go on as if nothing was happening.

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How do you know it's a "she" ?

 

Mr. Lucky

 

because females do the vast majority of crying in this world

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because females do the vast majority of crying in this world

 

 

Perhaps. Male employees do the most whining.

 

 

 

The way I dealt with a over emotional crying Office manager was to replace her as she would become ineffective at her job. The least amount of pressure she felt she would shut down crying.

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The two I've run into that cry out of proportion at work were both manipulators trying to get sympathy instead of get in trouble.

 

Now, of course, if someone is overwhelmed in their personal life there will be moments at work but that shouldn't be ongoing at all and it should be apparent to those closest colleagues what they're going through.

 

Those who cry when they're about to get in trouble or just receiving instruction are manipulators and I like to get them out of there because they will usually blame others instead of taking responsibility.

 

The trouble with a closed-door meeting is the manipulators will have a big sob story, and once you've heard it, you have to act accordingly. If someone has a big personal problem -- like the morning I had my cat put down after 20 years with her -- if you're going to work, call the boss ahead of time and tell him "I was up all night and had to put my cat down this morning, but I'm coming in. I might not be all there, though."

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We have been taught that no matter what goes on in our lives, even if we are one step away from giving up on life, "thou better not cry at work and be unprofessional". At work you are not to be anything other than a worker.

 

Sure, show and share your "happy" things in your life: freely talk about your birthdays, holidays, your children, your wedding, your fun days, your loved days, your ....everything with the label of "happy" and success, but NEVER ever show that you might be experiencing painful things.

 

So, we have learned that.

 

What that means therefore, is that by the time a person gets to a point where they no longer can hold it together to put on a fake pretend-I'm-happy facade for everyone, it must be that they are at their wits end and out of options and are reaching out to anyone out of sheer desperation.

 

OP,

whatever the issue is,

can you just pull the person aside and talk--just tell them you are worried and that you would listen if they want to talk.

 

Being human and showing a touch of compassion does not reduce work productivity.

 

I feel like this should be its own thread. Beautiful and so very true--every word. This should be in every company handbook, and really should just be a basic rule of being.

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Sadly, mental health issues are not known for behaving in the most appropriate ways. The person would be well aware that it's not cool to cry at work and is likely mortified at not being able to keep their emotions in check.

 

Calling symptoms of poor mental health 'inappropriate' is why society still has a stigma around people who aren't coping and contributes to our high suicide rates.

 

Yes and people should get help for their mental health issues. People can't be expected to walk on eggshells around work colleagues in fear that they may break into tears. People need to toughen up.

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Thanks for the replies.

 

This isn't a mental health issue..

This is pre-discussed and pre-planned tears for when meetings come up - I have overheard one discussing this with the team manager and asking in all seriousness 'Would you like me to cry?'

We had a team meeting just 3 weeks ago which was completely derailed with almost an hour's worth of tears from two members of the team whilst discussing issues we're having with our processes

Further tears ensued following the meeting also as noise and constant chatter had come up as an issue. one team member shouted at two of us who use earbuds and headphones and listen to music or just use either to cut out distractions. The noise is down to chit chat almost all day from 3 of our team of 7. The chatter isn't usually work related.

 

Aside from that - eg this week - 2 ended up in tears when we had another team member leave to go on maternity. We'd clubbed together to get something little and all signed a card.

Three of the team were away from their desks when they chose to pass the gift and make a speech, I had gone to the toilet, one was making a coffee and the other had gone for a ciggie break. The ciggie break lady found out the presentation had just happened and rightly asked why we weren't all involved.

It would have taken seconds to IM us all to give us a time to be there.

Two then burst into tears at being asked why they couldn't have waited a couple of minutes until we were all there.

 

I was on a conference call earlier this week relating to a project I'm working on and a couple of the chatterers were talking about a tv show which has just ended. I couldn't hear the people talking on the call I was on so asked if they wouldn't mind keeping their voices down a little as I was on a call. I wasn't actually aware of it at the time but this led to tears again from one who then disappeared into the toilets for 20 minutes.

 

Other incidents that have happened.

One colleague was struggling with the formula to calculate a margin. This incident had gone on for a long time it seemed and I had assumed there were some personal issues she was having and was therefore opening up to her manager..

Once I found out why she was crying. I quickly showed her a little spreadsheet I built for those who struggle with this and sent it over to her but it was still another 20 minutes until she was able to stop crying.

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Thanks for the replies.

 

This isn't a mental health issue..

This is pre-discussed and pre-planned tears for when meetings come up - I have overheard one discussing this with the team manager and asking in all seriousness 'Would you like me to cry?'

We had a team meeting just 3 weeks ago which was completely derailed with almost an hour's worth of tears from two members of the team whilst discussing issues we're having with our processes

Further tears ensued following the meeting also as noise and constant chatter had come up as an issue. one team member shouted at two of us who use earbuds and headphones and listen to music or just use either to cut out distractions. The noise is down to chit chat almost all day from 3 of our team of 7. The chatter isn't usually work related.

 

Aside from that - eg this week - 2 ended up in tears when we had another team member leave to go on maternity. We'd clubbed together to get something little and all signed a card.

Three of the team were away from their desks when they chose to pass the gift and make a speech, I had gone to the toilet, one was making a coffee and the other had gone for a ciggie break. The ciggie break lady found out the presentation had just happened and rightly asked why we weren't all involved.

It would have taken seconds to IM us all to give us a time to be there.

Two then burst into tears at being asked why they couldn't have waited a couple of minutes until we were all there.

 

I was on a conference call earlier this week relating to a project I'm working on and a couple of the chatterers were talking about a tv show which has just ended. I couldn't hear the people talking on the call I was on so asked if they wouldn't mind keeping their voices down a little as I was on a call. I wasn't actually aware of it at the time but this led to tears again from one who then disappeared into the toilets for 20 minutes.

 

Other incidents that have happened.

One colleague was struggling with the formula to calculate a margin. This incident had gone on for a long time it seemed and I had assumed there were some personal issues she was having and was therefore opening up to her manager..

Once I found out why she was crying. I quickly showed her a little spreadsheet I built for those who struggle with this and sent it over to her but it was still another 20 minutes until she was able to stop crying.

 

seriously, you need to find another job

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Gemma, you have a toxic office. Someone needs to fire all those idiots.

 

F it! (excuse me for that) I know!

 

Today didn't contain tears but was ludicrous with the AP Manager.

If I were the boss, she would go.

But I would get a whole new team - in AP.

 

This is a result of our ex, now retired FD.

He let things happen. It sucks.

 

Just this week we changed our policy on long term sick (why the hell we had it as full pay before now is totally beyond me!) - told another member of another team who has depression and has worked less months over 4 years than she has worked that she won't be paid any longer.

Her Doc won't sign her off sick.

She was back today. Disgruntled but back.

This is down to the new FD (my boss) and the new MD.

Thank heavens for 'something'

 

Things will kick off next week, we have cause and a few of us are up for a fight.

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Can you tell if the FD is eager to clean house or just trying to wipe the tears? Honestly, if someone doesn't clean house and get that bad bunch out, I would look for a new job.

 

Are you in CA? They're the only place I've ever head with such liberal time off and nearly forever unemployment compensation.

 

If those people were really miserable (the criers), they would have left a long time ago.

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If it comes to the point where the FD wants to get rid of all of them, I have one suggestion how it can be done with less peril. Tell them the company is eliminating the department and sadly there are no other jobs available because it's being absorbed into other departments. Then if they want, once everyone has moved on, they can just christen a new department under a different name, somewhat reorganized.

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I'm not sure of his 'clean house' thoughts. We're in the UK btw.

 

He has come in at the time when the Financial Plan is being done - the major part of which has been over the past four weeks and will continue as harshly for around another three to four weeks and will then drop off. I say harshly as it's a massive undertaking. I know as I do all of the prep work gathering the past data together and making sure the file works and new categories added runs through the file as it should. That in itself is a challenge.

Right now he has to make that his focus.

 

There are things I'm not even sure he is aware of and up to this point there has been no time for any conversations to state more than the actual task at hand right now.

I've been working each weekend, as has our AR Manager, as has the FD. We have all been working early mornings and late nights and the FD is working when he gets home too. This is one of the impacts of this time of year with the Plan going on but not quite to this extreme. The problems in AP are what is causing this extreme because simple things are not simple

Once the worst part of the Plan is over we will have more time for other things. More time to concentrate on all the issues we have.

We have the new FA (I haven't mentioned him much - Financial Accountant - brought in to cover maternity leave and here as more experienced and to help the FD on a higher level. as well as covering the existing role. APM isn't currently accepting him which caused more issues this week which I'll mention later) , who isn't working the hours but is helping the FD in elements of the Plan

I let a penny drop with the FA this week - and this has been a week where a lot has come out of the woodwork - some of which has been highlighted by the lady who is helping the AP team out (NG as I've been calling her).

The thing I deliberately let slip was in some ways to find out if he knew about it already. Our young one in the team - the apprentice. Well, she was studying and tried to apply for an exam, she got rejected, didn't say anything and tried to apply again. Same result. She got the rejection email during work hours and, of course, burst into tears. A few gathered around asking what was up and then the AR Manager brought the apprentice around to have a chat and look into things at her desk, next to mine.

The ARM when through the possible reasons why she had been rejected and the Apprentice was insisting she had this and that qualification and then it came out that these qualifications she thought she had were not qualifications at all. She had begun courses - courses which if passed would add up points wise to other similar levels of education. EG pass a BTEC diploma and the points add up to an A level (the next level up from a normal 16 year old school leaver grade. Except that she didn't ever finish the courses. The certificates she supplied had 'Uncertified - failed to complete course' written all over them.

It turned out our apprentice company didn't open the envelopes containing the certificates so didn't see it. We can't sue them for not doing their job as we own the apprenticeship company - bought them and merged several years ago.

The apprentice is not even qualified to join us as an apprentice but the old FD didn't get rid of her, instead, she has stayed and is now studying the lowest version of accounts. Alongside that though she has the highest sick rate in our team, has been caught watching TV on her mobile and is regularly caught internet browsing. (She was supposed to be moving desks this week so that she could be visible all day to myself, the ARM, the FA and the FD - hasn't happened yet as our IT team didn't have the resources to set her up.)

The FA didn't know any of this and I suspect the new FD also doesn't know - this all transpired at the start of this year.

If an apprentice is unqualified, lazy, doesn't pass exams then it's a fail and our company gets rid of them. The old FD should have got rid of her. He didn't.

 

 

This week it became obvious that the APM isn't accepting the new FA.She i s supposed to go to him to ask about payment runs, discuss what should and shouldn't be paid and get approval from him to release funds. She has, instead been trying to get me to give approval. Why on earth she is coming to me I cannot fathom!

I don't have anything to do with payments or cashflow.

We've had two arguments this week over it. Yesterday, she asked me again and I said 'you need to speak to FA about that. Have you?'

APM: I did mention it yesterday

Me: So, he is working from home and online today, have you been in touch with him today?

APM: No, I didn't want to bother him but it's urgent

Me: Then would you please contact him?

APM: I'll wait and see if he contacts me

Then she went off to lunch, so instead I contacted FA. It was agreed the day before that once APM had everything ready she would contact the FA. FA told me this and the ARM backed it up as she had overheard it being said.

 

Due to NG, a sort of process has become apparent. She is furious. She trained APM back in the day but didn't train her to work in the way APM works. NG is fast, accurate, no fuss. Many of us in the company know her well and know she can be relied upon to efficiently do anything asked of her. If I'm honest and if I were the boss I would fire our APM and take NG into the role.

 

What we are doing (this is our new paperless system btw and all led by APM) is :

APM prints off every single invoice we receive.

APM hand writes info on each invoice where it needs to be coded to but also some invoices do need a descripton.

APM will write a description even if the invoice clearly states what the invoice is for EG - Marketing Artwork, APM will write directly underneath that this is for Marketing Artwork.

Paper invoices then get posted to our accounts system (APM dishes them out to her assistant and the apprentice) but they do not get dragged and dropped to the system (APM instructs the team not to do this) until after they have been approved. They show as on hold until approved.

APM passes out paper invoices for various people to approve.

The team do not chase up approvals - this has always been the case - they are too badly affected emotionally when they get a negative response from an approver.

Eventually, invoices come back approved, are taken off hold and then the paper invoice is added to a pile which needs to be effectively re-scanned (as 98% of invoices come in via an online document) and later attached to our accounts system.

NG has been doing the scanning and attaching.

Once a pile is attached the paper documents can be shredded. This causes an argument each time as the AP team want to keep the paper and put it into another pile and stash it in the cupboard.

When payments are made the payment is posted to the system and all payments should be allocated to their particular invoices - therefore clearing down the customer ledger.

They are not allocating payments though (for some reason the APM has decided to take control of allocations) so when the APM, FA or FD need to see what is due to be paid they cannot tell as running a report shows all invoices as unpaid if they are not allocated so APM or (more usually what happens is) the FA has to look at what has been paid via previous payment runs and manually figure out what needs to be paid.

All of this emanates out through to the rest of us when we need to look at an invoice, try to arrange a contra for a supplier who is also a customer and our finance records are a total shambles as we can't run accurate reports without manually picking and piecing through what has happened.

 

What should happen.

Invoice received via email.

Any wording is added via text box on the Word document - a description if needed and the coding it need to go to.

Invoice is posted as on hold and attached to the accounts system

Invoice is sent via email for approval.

Approvals come back via email.

Email approval is attached to our finance system

Any invoices which have queries - the query email can be attached to the finance system or a note can be added to state what is happening and the item can be left on hold.

Invoice comes off hold

Is paid

Payment is allocated

No paper to shred.

 

The APM will moan and complain to anyone and everyone whenever she can that the system doesn't work.

If you ask her or speak to her about anything she will overtalk you. In fact the above conversation I had with her was the ONLY conversation I have had with her of late where for once she did not overtalk me.

We had some really bad weather this week and she offered me a lift home but I can no longer bear to be around her. The first request from her this week for me to approve a payment run for her she giggled and called the new FD and FA Bodge-it and Bodge-it and went into a tyranny of disrespect basically about how she thinks they cannot do their jobs.

 

So much **** came out this week. Work-life balance does not exist right now and the only damn time you get to reflect or think about what is actually happening is when you're not at work. We're all doing it - me, the ARM,FA and FD - but also NG too.

Another incident happened yesterday too - a statement received which we needed in order to know which invoices are outstanding to be paid because we cannot tell from the ledger.

NG was asked to work on it by the FD.specifically.

Instead, as she was not with our team yesterday the APM and apprentice both looked at the statement. APM printed it off and ticked things on it and the two of them now think the work is done. Both were most offended when I said that NG would need the info they have recorded when she tidies up the ledger. NG has been tasked with checking everything, allocating payments and taking over the lot for that supplier as it's a supplier involved in a particularly big project and needs to be up to date..

It'll take NG one afternoon to do all that is required whilst it took one afternoon for both the apprentice and the APM to tick things off on a bit of paper.

 

Myself and NG had a call last night.

Things will be kicking off next week.

NG is at threat of being pulled from helping by her own boss because all she is being given is scanning and attaching. The APM is just not giving her anything solid to sort out.

AOM just keeps everything to herself.

 

The above is ridiculous and inexcusable. All of it.

Sorry for the vent - this is my 'outside work' life currently when I get a chance to think about things. Airing it helps.

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It really sounds like whenever the focus can shift to this problem in a few weeks, they need to put down in writing the tasks like the list you made. It needs to come from their boss and be the Bible. If they're not following it, they are subject to negative review.

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