Is it common for co-workers not to talk to others in the same department?

[Dodgersfan11]

I've noticed in my department some don't bother to engage in causal conversations like small talk. The only people that they associate with obviously are the ones they consider their friends-so its like a clique-it just seems like social suicide if an "outsider" starts talking to them. I just don't see why not at least have small talk? Like how was your weekend? I mean, if I'm stuck at an office 40 hours a week, 8 hours a day, and I see co-workers more than I do my own family why at least not make it enjoyable to come in to work? The last time that I initiated a convo with 2 co-workers I got the cold shoulder and one word answer. Geez. Am I wrong to think this?

[basil67]

It depends on the size of the department. I've worked in small departments where people would chat to everyone. I've also worked in large departments where we didn't know everyone in the department.

[GemmaUK]

Yes.

 

I'm one.

I don't do the whole 'how was your weekend?' bit because firstly, the more a couple of members of my team know about a person the more they gossip - loudly or it's info they deem can be shared with anyone and more usually everyone.

I've worked alongside them for over 10 years, have heard way too much (when they talk about all and sundry - including those who they consider close friends) and have been stung by it myself.

 

So yeah, anything personal is for those who are my friends at work (these people are not in my team) - it's built over time, they share with me, I do with them but we each know that whatever is discussed is not 'public' news to be openly discussed.

[d0nnivain]

It's work not social hour. I think being cordial is great. Just be yourself. If you are upbeat, keep saying good morning & so on but expect it will take a long while for some folks to thaw out. Keep the small talk very superficial & not personal. How 'bout them Dodgers? is fine. Do you want to hear what happened to me at the club last night? is probably more personal then these folks are comfy with.

[Happy Lemming]

Work is for trading my skills for a paycheck. I'm there to do a job, not socialize.

 

For me, (when I worked) it seemed people want to take "pot shots" at me. Perhaps they were jealous. I used to go out of my way to avoid people and truncate any useless "chit-chat".

 

I had one job where I would stage an invoice in my print queue (dot-matrix printer - NCR paper). If someone knocked on my door, and came in I would release the invoice to the printer which would make a horrible racket. This usually deterred chit-chat, but if they pressed further, I would say "Unless this a business related, I'm very busy. I have to get these bills out. You know, money, money, money" A which point, most would leave.

 

Every time I tried to make friends with co-workers I got kicked in the teeth, so I just kept to myself and compartmentalized that portion of my life away from my personal life.

 

My suggestion... Make friends outside of work. Be polite, but brief at work.

 

Just my two cents...

[preraph]

No matter what size the company, there's always cliques. My part-time office job, there have been times no one there was friendly to me and acted like it was an imposition if I spoke to them. Now it's a smaller staff but there's still cliques. Most now, because I've been there so many years, probably, will be polite, but they're not really interested in chatting it up with me. There is one guy there who is chatty with everyone, including me. I think the reason the situation is slightly improved now is because it's a smaller area office and they can hear me talking casually with the owner from time to time and probably think they better be nice because maybe I have his ear. Thing is, I think it makes the owner nervous that me and the guy talk, partly because the guy is supposedly super busy, I'm sure, but also, I just happen to know the owner really hates gossip.

 

Just remember being too chatty at work can get everyone in trouble, so you should never force it.

[Eternal Sunshine]

I have learnt my lesson. When I start my new job, no close friends at work and chit-chat will be kept to bare minimum.

 

Even seemingly innocent topics can be turned around on you. I have witnessed people that are close friends back stabbing each other to the boss, boss complains about performance of person A to person B then an hour later goes to person A and complains about person B (all within the same team). People will be best friends one minute then hate each other the next and so on in an endless cycle. All the personal drama has huge impact on people’s performance.

 

Beware of super friendly and inviting people when you start, they are usually the biggest gossipers and things will turn bad very quickly.

[GemmaUK]

Beware of super friendly and inviting people when you start, they are usually the biggest gossipers and things will turn bad very quickly.

 

So true!

 

And as Peraph said also, too much talking an get you into trouble.

A couple of folk within my team (funnily enough those very friendly ones ES!) have been told about talking enough but are oblivious past a day or so and inconsiderate towards the whole team. They are about to get slammed by our new boss as he can't tolerate it either.

We have outbursts of quiet in my team, not outbursts of chatter.

[BaronChairman]

Yeah, it's pretty common, especially in office settings with lots of cubicles. Most of the people there aren't there because they're working their lifelong dream. They go in, punch the clock, do the job, collect the check, and head out.

[JEG88]

The field I'm in tends to be analytical, so as an introvert I enjoy the less frequent social hours and less chit-chat at work.

 

 

However, while it's not always the best to spill everything to "work friends" I do believe that you need people at work you can confide in to an extent.

 

 

 

As an introvert I think that's one of the biggest lessons I've learned in the workplace - being totally isolated is just as bad as being part of the gossip circle. But at the same time, I am quiet most of the day and have learned not to let my job define my happiness outside of the office.

[losangelena]

Wow, I have such an opposite experience. At my office, yes, things are professional, but we also value relationships, and almost everyone is very friendly with each other, and many socialize at and outside work. I personally love it. I've been at jobs where no one talked to each other and there was not a lot of small talk, and I always felt very isolated. I much prefer a warm, convivial atmosphere.

[GemmaUK]

Wow, I have such an opposite experience. At my office, yes, things are professional, but we also value relationships, and almost everyone is very friendly with each other, and many socialize at and outside work. I personally love it. I've been at jobs where no one talked to each other and there was not a lot of small talk, and I always felt very isolated. I much prefer a warm, convivial atmosphere.

 

We also have a really good 'team spirit'in the main (which it doesn't sound like from my previous post tbh).

We also have a good social thing going on too - we have a sports & social club and maybe around half of our employees are members - they have at least one event happening per month.

Then we have the more chilled out crowd up for drinks every month or so (this is that which I sometimes get involved in and it's great for getting to know some of the newbies or people you don't necessarily interact with much on a daily basis.

 

My largest issue is far less than a handful of folk and most of the issues are in my team. Trouble is, we have moved offices very recently to a smaller office (with a good deal of space though) and chatter from certain members of my team can be heard on the other side of the building - and yep - that includes gossip which can also be heard. Or chat about some reality TV show or..etc etc...

Other teams have complained. Teams 100ft away barricaded by cupboards 5ft tall.

It's diabolical sitting within the team though - trying to concentrate is nigh on impossible.

We have a new Finance Director and I work closely with him and we are finding we have no choice but to book a meeting room as we just cannot concentrate when looking at stuff at each other's desks.

God forbid one of them gets a phone call! They seem to think you have to shout because the person on the other end is a long way away........ *sigh* Lol!

[preraph]

Wow, I have such an opposite experience. At my office, yes, things are professional, but we also value relationships, and almost everyone is very friendly with each other, and many socialize at and outside work. I personally love it. I've been at jobs where no one talked to each other and there was not a lot of small talk, and I always felt very isolated. I much prefer a warm, convivial atmosphere.

 

I bet if you really look at it, there will be some people who are usually left out.

[preraph]

A few years ago, my boss was getting some complaints on someone or something he, I guess, didn't want to deal with, and he figured out two of the young women were texting each other and I hear him tell his mother, who worked there at the time, "That's what's going on, they're texting each other." He fired them both. Honestly, at the time, I felt they had a legit issue, but can't remember what it was about now, and I liked one of the women a lot, but I guess he felt they were conspiring and also wasting time texting to each other.

 

I'm telling you, it's best to keep your head down and not be the first person to troubleshoot something. I've always been a troubleshooter and it usually just comes right back on you.

[GemmaUK]

A few years ago, my boss was getting some complaints on someone or something he, I guess, didn't want to deal with, and he figured out two of the young women were texting each other and I hear him tell his mother, who worked there at the time, "That's what's going on, they're texting each other." He fired them both. Honestly, at the time, I felt they had a legit issue, but can't remember what it was about now, and I liked one of the women a lot, but I guess he felt they were conspiring and also wasting time texting to each other.

 

I'm telling you, it's best to keep your head down and not be the first person to troubleshoot something. I've always been a troubleshooter and it usually just comes right back on you.

 

Troubleshooter here too.

My two sit next to each other but talk all day ad have IM messages going on all day to each other - pages long!

The next scariest thing is the assistant clearly watches all her manager does on the system as we keep hearing 'no, don't write that there, don't press that button...' and she is right, the Manager is getting it wrong.

Yet, and with all that they still talk Kardashians all day and still manage to sit at their desks and 'appear away' for 20 or more minutes a time simply because they don't touch their keyboard - we're meant to be paperless!

All they do is chat.

 

OP, don't chat too much at work, pick your friends wisely but you are there to do a job. That is what you are paid for.

[LuckyM]

It is common for coworkers who do not know each other well or who are far apart in ages not to talk much to each other. I have known both types: the talkers (myself) and non-talkers who stay silent like it cost them to be friendly. In my experience, it divides by age, gender depending on who talks to whom, beyond hello good morning. Most of my coworkers stick to business only, and then only when necessary, not even discuss issues in general at work.

 

 

There's an old saying: don't say anything at work that you would not be willing to be on the front page of tomorrow's newspaper (or on the MSN or Yahoo News) The same is true for lunch.

[OatsAndHall]

I have taught in several different schools and had one or two good friends at each but I kept every one else at arm's length. I learned quickly that being a social butterfly at work is just a hassle; people gossip about on another, they involve themselves in issues that are none of their business and it's easy to get stuck in the middle of it.

 

 

 

One good friend of mine hung around with a "clique" of other teachers and he'd invite me out with them continually. I went out ONCE, listened to them (excluding my friend) chirp, b-tch and gossip about anyone and everyone (including another guy they knew I was very close with). I excused myself early and haven't gone out with them since. In fact, I only show up for the staff Christmas party long enough to eat dinner, chat with the boss for awhile to gain some brownie points and disappear.