Jump to content

Is it inappropriate to give a compliment on appearance at the workplace?


Recommended Posts

FilterCoffee

I’ve always wondered about this. Occasionally I pass a compliment on a colleague’s attire (both men and women) and tell them they looks nice. For example, a girl in my office had worn a pink top that I thought looked good so I said “Hey S, I like your pink top. That colour looks good on you.” So far, I haven’t encountered any problems and they’ve always been well received but would this be considered inappropriate at other work places?

Link to post
Share on other sites

I hope not. I do the same and never had any problems and have received similar and not thought anything bad of it. I can only see a problem in the delivery, if it was leery, or creepy, or one person was consistently singled out by another. Otherwise, it's just being nice to fellow people, colleague or not.

  • Like 1
Link to post
Share on other sites

Sadly too many people are overly sensitive these days. What you said was fine. It certainly wasn't illegal. Actionable sexual harassment must be severe or pervasive & requires an "adverse employment action" meaning the person lost money, got fired, etc. An occasional compliment is neither severe nor pervasive (as long as it's not every day) nor does it have an economic impact on the person you are complimenting. Just don't accompany what you say by standing too close or winking.

  • Like 1
Link to post
Share on other sites

To add, complements on clothing are usually fine as long as they don’t include their body.

 

“Great sweater” - No prob

 

“I really like how that sweater shows off your curves” - not so great

 

In the first case you are complimenting them on their tastes. In the later you are complimenting their physique.

  • Like 2
Link to post
Share on other sites
I’ve always wondered about this. Occasionally I pass a compliment on a colleague’s attire (both men and women) and tell them they looks nice. For example, a girl in my office had worn a pink top that I thought looked good so I said “Hey S, I like your pink top. That colour looks good on you.” So far, I haven’t encountered any problems and they’ve always been well received but would this be considered inappropriate at other work places?

 

well, it used to be ok but not anymore. to be safe I would stay away from compliments or any type of flirting

  • Like 2
Link to post
Share on other sites

You better check company policy on it because I have definitely seen that prohibited, included in with harassment. I mean, you can see why. If there's harassment going on, you know, leering even if they are afraid to say anything, and then they say something like that, well, the woman or man already knows that person is fixated on them because you can usually tell, and then that would be the first tangible thing they did that was reportable.

 

Here's another way it can foster ill will. Say I'm in your office, a 65 year old overweight limpy woman who takes care of herself and tries to look nice. Then there's a guy who's worked there 2 years and never said "I like your necklace" or anything, but then a new hire has been there for a couple of months and he's quick to tell her how good her pink blouse looks on her. No room for eye-rolling there, huh? That sort of thing suddenly becomes very transparent and could cause resentment, especially if that guy ends up getting a promotion sometime working over me because I know where his head's at now.

 

That said, I do it in my small office of mostly women but I try not to overdo it. Last month I asked the new hire where she buys her nice thick all cotton knit shirts. I doubt that would be misconstrued. Still, the girl who's been there awhile that sits next to her, I've only ever commented when she got a new hairdo and never her clothes, which are blah, so if she is sensitive, she might take that wrong. Thing is in the office, you just never know what the person is like, so you just want to play it safe.

  • Like 1
Link to post
Share on other sites
  • Author
FilterCoffee

Thanks a lot guys. Got some interesting points of view. I work at a startup where the average age is about 25. We don’t have a detailed policy on male-female interactions at the office so I’m sure I’m not breaking any rules. Plus it’s not like I do it everyday. I guess the wise approach would be to see how my colleagues behave with each other and just emulate that.

  • Like 1
Link to post
Share on other sites

Depends on a lot of factors IMO - frequency, how it's said, what exactly is said, how close you are to them, etc. To use extreme examples, if you told a female acquaintance in the workplace that she looks gorgeous in that dress while eyeing her up on an almost-weekly basis, that would be inappropriate. But a light-hearted "love that shirt!" occasionally, especially to a colleague whom you already have a lot of rapport with and without any weird stares, would be completely fine.

 

Things might be different where you live though depending on how conservative the people are. Also, this might unfortunately be sexist, but clothes/appearance-related comments are the kind of thing that women can almost always get away with saying in the workplace (unless they say something completely egregious), but is a lot more iffy for men. If I was a man I'd personally just play safe and not mention it at all in the workplace.

Edited by Elswyth
Link to post
Share on other sites

With this kind of thing, you are always rolling the dice every time these days, taking the chance of receiving a formal complaint. That complaint may even come years later and the remark submitted as evidence of an ongoing pattern. The younger the coworkers are, the greater the risk. As a male, I just don't think it is worth it.

  • Like 1
Link to post
Share on other sites

It depends on how it's said and how often or even on how well you know the person. To be safe, I would not give compliments on appearance at work if I was a man, however, just because you never know how it'll be perceived.

Link to post
Share on other sites
It depends on how it's said and how often or even on how well you know the person. To be safe, I would not give compliments on appearance at work if I was a man, however, just because you never know how it'll be perceived.

 

It really depends on the nature of the relationship you have with that person. And the type of compliment you give. Complimenting clothing choices or a new hair cut is usually OK. If it involves the body it's probably not OK - unless you are close friends with someone you work with and the context works.

Link to post
Share on other sites
As long as its not sexual it should be fine.

 

everyone's definition of "sexual" is different

  • Like 1
Link to post
Share on other sites
NomiMalone

Even though you mean well, I would avoid making those compliments in the workplace unless you knew the colleague well, and are 100% sure they wouldn't be misconstrued as creepy.

Link to post
Share on other sites
bathtub-row

What you’re doing isn’t a problem and I wouldn’t cave in to the overly-hyper PC group. Having said that, if you’re in a Management position, you do have to be more cautious, especially if you’re disciplining someone.

 

I remember once there was a woman in the office and she continually wore extremely protective clothing. Add to that that she was performing badly at her job and had a bad attitude. With a lot of women like this, if other women aren’t friendly with them, they automatically think it’s because they’re jealous of them when it’s probably because they don’t like their crappy attitudes.

 

Anyway, I had to talk to her about all these issues. When I mentioned her manner of dress, I tried to soften the blow by saying something along the lines of her being a pretty lady but... Well, when the CEO asked me how the meeting went, I told him what I said, he jumped all over me about it. “Never give your opinion about someone’s appearance,” he said. Apparently what I said could’ve gotten me and the company sued. I was fairly new at managing at the time and never had a situation like that but I never forgot how an innocent comment could land me into a world of trouble. Nothing ever happened and the woman left shortly after that.

 

I was also told that when anyone talks about their personal problems, be really careful about expressing opinion because that’s another way to get sued. But all that pertains to managers, although I see many of them step into potential land mines all the time.

Link to post
Share on other sites
Eternal Sunshine

From my experience, guys that do it (even if totally non-sexual) get a reputation of being sleazy. I don't believe in being hyper PC but women talk and you don't want to be known as "that guy". It quickly adds up (semi-flirty banter, compliments even if directed at different people).

  • Like 2
Link to post
Share on other sites
Romantic_Antics

I'd tread cautiously with doling out compliments to members of the opposite sex in the workplace. Even though you may have genuinely innocent intentions, it could still get you into trouble with an anal retentive manager/supervisor or even if the woman doesn't feel comfortable with a male coworker giving her a compliment, especially if she's married or has a boyfriend.

 

It's tough to say with people in the workplace. I've run my own business for most of my adult life, but there was a time I was a sales executive for a small company with an absolutely absurd female manager who took it upon herself to make my life a living hell until I resigned. She wrote me up for everything from blowing my nose at my desk to allegedly going to the bathroom in excess of 6 times per hour, every hour, all day long. It was bogus, but she wanted to get me fired for whatever reason and had no qualms about lying. My point is that you just don't know how something might be taken the wrong way by the wrong person in a work environment and it can have an impact on your career.

  • Like 1
Link to post
Share on other sites
×
×
  • Create New...