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I am being blackmailed by pervert colleague.


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Old 20th January 2018, 1:42 PM   #61
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Originally Posted by salparadise View Post
In what universe does HR report to office staff? Has anyone EVER heard of this kind of organizational structure in an actual company?

Car Washes and Telemarketing Call Centers would be my first guess.
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Old 20th January 2018, 8:06 PM   #62
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Car Washes and Telemarketing Call Centers would be my first guess.
I work at a telemarketing company.So what!I have a bit of a complex regarding my career but I am very good at what I do . I make a decent amount of money. I always did excellent in grade school and high school, got great grades in college.

People do not see this as a career. It is job in their mind.When I started out I admit I used to be ashamed when I told people I worked at a telemarketing company.
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Old 20th January 2018, 9:06 PM   #63
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I think you should book a session with a private counsellor. When people are in crisis, they absolutely need to be believed, but this is just such a bizarre situation you're describing.

Written down on a forum, I'm afraid it comes across as the sort of thing people write when they're trolling internet forums. And I think most people don't want to feel like gullibles who have been successfully trolled....which is probably one of the main reasons you're getting some terse responses rather than sympathy and words of comfort. Also, the negative commentary you're passing about this woman's appearance, age, height etc probably won't win you much support.

A trained private counsellor would be sympathetic, non judgemental and would hopefully help you to plan a strategy for dealing with this situation as best as you can.
I feel extremely unsure of where my life is headed right now.My life is a mess right now.I just want someone to understand, hear me. I don't know where I'm going to find that. I don't know what to do my life is completely messed up.I am stuck.I understand that I'm being a wimp.
My parents are both in their mid-60s and have recently retired.I am worried about their lack of financial planning for their old age. Since retiring, they have spoken openly about “blowing all their savings” before they get too old. They are taking round-the-world holidays and are always shopping for new things. When their savings have run out, they will live (relatively comfortably) on their monthly pensions.I don't have any brothers or sisters.I'm an "only child". This awful sociopath woman H R manager says that this is just a beginning and that I have so much potential, she's got so many plans for me..I don't get it!It makes my working life very awkward and I'm really just not strong enough to do this anymore, I'm a wreck!Every morning I feel like calling in sick but I'm trying so hard not to go down that road.
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Old 20th January 2018, 9:11 PM   #64
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Originally Posted by stella1979 View Post
I feel extremely unsure of where my life is headed right now.My life is a mess right now.I just want someone to understand, hear me. I don't know where I'm going to find that. I don't know what to do my life is completely messed up.I am stuck.I understand that I'm being a wimp.
My parents are both in their mid-60s and have recently retired.I am worried about their lack of financial planning for their old age. Since retiring, they have spoken openly about “blowing all their savings” before they get too old. They are taking round-the-world holidays and are always shopping for new things. When their savings have run out, they will live (relatively comfortably) on their monthly pensions.I don't have any brothers or sisters.I'm an "only child". This awful sociopath woman H R manager says that this is just a beginning and that I have so much potential, she's got so many plans for me..I don't get it!It makes my working life very awkward and I'm really just not strong enough to do this anymore, I'm a wreck!Every morning I feel like calling in sick but I'm trying so hard not to go down that road.
What does your boyfriend you made the video for in the first place have to say about all of this?
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Old 20th January 2018, 10:38 PM   #65
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What does your boyfriend you made the video for in the first place have to say about all of this?
He is my ex boyfriend.We broke up in June 2017.We were together for 13 months from May 2016 until June 2017.I made videos for him in April 2017.He is divorced since December 2014.We had some major issues we tried to work out. He is actually a wonderful person. But the relationship wasn't moving along like I wanted. We didn't live close by one another so it was sort of a LDR. We would only see each other every weekend. We chatted online every night but it lacked in quality. Also, I just needed more of him emotionally and he was often distant, as kind and as generous and affectionate as he was. He was still lacking in areas where I had unmet needs, important needs. So, I'm struggling with wondering if maybe I should have weighed the pros and cons more in favor of the relationship. He never tried to stop me though from breaking up with him. He just said a few times that I needed to be happy. So, it hurts when someone doesn't fight for you. He said it was because everything I said was right and he wasn't doing what I wanted him to do. He said I wasn't being unreasonable either. But yet, he cried.It was just a feeling of not getting any enthusiasm from him about us.However, all that said, it doesn't seem right to break up with someone when you are both crying during the process. Wonderful in so many ways but also not willing to meet certain needs of mine. We shared so many wonderful moments together while we were together. He never raised his voice or got angry with me.

He is ignoring my calls and my messages, even though he said he would like to remain friends.

Last edited by stella1979; 20th January 2018 at 10:45 PM..
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Old 21st January 2018, 5:21 AM   #66
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I feel extremely unsure of where my life is headed right now.My life is a mess right now.I just want someone to understand, hear me. I don't know where I'm going to find that. I don't know what to do my life is completely messed up.I am stuck.I understand that I'm being a wimp.
I don't think anybody's calling you a wimp over this...but there's a definite sense of you distracting yourself, and readers, from the presenting problem in this thread. Not to say the other issues aren't real, and won't need to be addressed at some point, but the presenting issue in this thread is that you're being blackmailed by a colleague.

Various people have mentioned going to see a lawyer. I think you definitely should, but you need to use an appointment like that properly. That means going there with the problem you have presented here....and sticking to that. Go off the point or start talking about other things in a legal appointment, and you'll find yourself with a very big bill to pay and not much to show for it.

Blackmail involves A theatening B in some way, if B doesn't give them something they want. The implication here is that if you complain about the HR woman's behaviour, she will share these private films, pictures etc. From what you're saying, she hasn't explicitly said "Do X or I will expose you with these things I downloaded from your computer", but she's let you know that she has them in her possession, and she's sexually harassing you.

I think you need to establish, with the help of a lawyer, whether

a) this woman is blackmailing you in a way that constitutes a criminal offence
b) whether you're likely to lose your job over this
c) how far you can go in terms of obtaining evidence (eg is it legal, in your area, to record people without their consent - and would such a recording be admissible as evidence.
d) whether you may have a claim for damages against the company (ie if they have what's called vicarious liability for this woman's actions).

Call a good lawyer, establish from the outset that there's no conflict of interest (ie that they don't act for the company you work for, or for this woman you're being harassed by) and make an appointment. Bear in mind that the quality of advice you get from a lawyer will often reflect the quality of information you're prepared to give that lawyer...so be absolutely honest, avoid constantly going off track and avoid using the appointment like a counselling session - otherwise you'll be charged a big bill for what will probably seem like a waste of time.

Making a counselling session separate to a legal appointment would be a good idea. That way you'll have one expert advising you on the practicalities and another providing you with emotional support. But you need to do something. You're not going to get any closer to addressing these issues simply by languishing on this thread.

Finally, if what you've presented as the problem on this thread isn't actually happening and is something you've made up for attention...and if the other things you've touched on (concerns about your parents, relationship not working out etc) are the real problems, then you probably should start up other threads about those things. There's no doubt that a dramatic story about being harassed and blackmailed by a colleague is an attention getter, but if it's not true (and I have to concur with other people who see a lot of things that just don't add up here) then you're wasting your own time as well as everybody else's...and you'd be better off discussing real problems in your life.

Last edited by Raidar; 21st January 2018 at 5:24 AM..
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Old 21st January 2018, 11:37 AM   #67
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I don't think anybody's calling you a wimp over this...but there's a definite sense of you distracting yourself, and readers, from the presenting problem in this thread. Not to say the other issues aren't real, and won't need to be addressed at some point, but the presenting issue in this thread is that you're being blackmailed by a colleague.

Various people have mentioned going to see a lawyer. I think you definitely should, but you need to use an appointment like that properly. That means going there with the problem you have presented here....and sticking to that. Go off the point or start talking about other things in a legal appointment, and you'll find yourself with a very big bill to pay and not much to show for it.

Blackmail involves A theatening B in some way, if B doesn't give them something they want. The implication here is that if you complain about the HR woman's behaviour, she will share these private films, pictures etc. From what you're saying, she hasn't explicitly said "Do X or I will expose you with these things I downloaded from your computer", but she's let you know that she has them in her possession, and she's sexually harassing you.

I think you need to establish, with the help of a lawyer, whether

a) this woman is blackmailing you in a way that constitutes a criminal offence
b) whether you're likely to lose your job over this
c) how far you can go in terms of obtaining evidence (eg is it legal, in your area, to record people without their consent - and would such a recording be admissible as evidence.
d) whether you may have a claim for damages against the company (ie if they have what's called vicarious liability for this woman's actions).

Call a good lawyer, establish from the outset that there's no conflict of interest (ie that they don't act for the company you work for, or for this woman you're being harassed by) and make an appointment. Bear in mind that the quality of advice you get from a lawyer will often reflect the quality of information you're prepared to give that lawyer...so be absolutely honest, avoid constantly going off track and avoid using the appointment like a counselling session - otherwise you'll be charged a big bill for what will probably seem like a waste of time.

Making a counselling session separate to a legal appointment would be a good idea. That way you'll have one expert advising you on the practicalities and another providing you with emotional support. But you need to do something. You're not going to get any closer to addressing these issues simply by languishing on this thread.

Finally, if what you've presented as the problem on this thread isn't actually happening and is something you've made up for attention...and if the other things you've touched on (concerns about your parents, relationship not working out etc) are the real problems, then you probably should start up other threads about those things. There's no doubt that a dramatic story about being harassed and blackmailed by a colleague is an attention getter, but if it's not true (and I have to concur with other people who see a lot of things that just don't add up here) then you're wasting your own time as well as everybody else's...and you'd be better off discussing real problems in your life.
This sociopath woman H R manager could ruin my life.She threatened to send the videos to all my facebook friends,my parents and my extended family.I know I have been stupid.
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Old 21st January 2018, 1:53 PM   #68
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Originally Posted by Raidar View Post
I don't think anybody's calling you a wimp over this...but there's a definite sense of you distracting yourself, and readers, from the presenting problem in this thread. Not to say the other issues aren't real, and won't need to be addressed at some point, but the presenting issue in this thread is that you're being blackmailed by a colleague.

Various people have mentioned going to see a lawyer. I think you definitely should, but you need to use an appointment like that properly. That means going there with the problem you have presented here....and sticking to that. Go off the point or start talking about other things in a legal appointment, and you'll find yourself with a very big bill to pay and not much to show for it.

Blackmail involves A theatening B in some way, if B doesn't give them something they want. The implication here is that if you complain about the HR woman's behaviour, she will share these private films, pictures etc. From what you're saying, she hasn't explicitly said "Do X or I will expose you with these things I downloaded from your computer", but she's let you know that she has them in her possession, and she's sexually harassing you.

I think you need to establish, with the help of a lawyer, whether

a) this woman is blackmailing you in a way that constitutes a criminal offence
b) whether you're likely to lose your job over this
c) how far you can go in terms of obtaining evidence (eg is it legal, in your area, to record people without their consent - and would such a recording be admissible as evidence.
d) whether you may have a claim for damages against the company (ie if they have what's called vicarious liability for this woman's actions).

Call a good lawyer, establish from the outset that there's no conflict of interest (ie that they don't act for the company you work for, or for this woman you're being harassed by) and make an appointment. Bear in mind that the quality of advice you get from a lawyer will often reflect the quality of information you're prepared to give that lawyer...so be absolutely honest, avoid constantly going off track and avoid using the appointment like a counselling session - otherwise you'll be charged a big bill for what will probably seem like a waste of time.

Making a counselling session separate to a legal appointment would be a good idea. That way you'll have one expert advising you on the practicalities and another providing you with emotional support. But you need to do something. You're not going to get any closer to addressing these issues simply by languishing on this thread.

Finally, if what you've presented as the problem on this thread isn't actually happening and is something you've made up for attention...and if the other things you've touched on (concerns about your parents, relationship not working out etc) are the real problems, then you probably should start up other threads about those things. There's no doubt that a dramatic story about being harassed and blackmailed by a colleague is an attention getter, but if it's not true (and I have to concur with other people who see a lot of things that just don't add up here) then you're wasting your own time as well as everybody else's...and you'd be better off discussing real problems in your life.
I feel like i have no choice than to let this pervert woman H R manager to grope me and rub me.Now my eyes are opened and I realize I don't stand a chance against this pervert woman. Is she just playing with my mind? Or is she grooming me to be her sex partner?It's gotten to a point that i pretty much just let her get away with a lot of things because it feels like it makes my live easier.
I'm ****ing scared.What is her endgame In your opinion?I am a 100% straight.I am a heterosexual woman.Even the thought of eating out a vagina makes me gag.I've never had any desire to do anything sexual with a female.Also this sociopath woman is hideous and repulsive to me.So far she hasn't tried to kiss me.This pervert woman is humiliating me.What is enjoyable about this? What is the mental mechanism that gives her pleasure to see me feel ashamed and embarrassed?Why she makes a lot of comments about how tall,big and soft i am.It is weird and creepy.She is CONSTANTLY wanting to touch my breasts. If I just stand there, she would stay there for a long time just feeling them and squishing them or whatever.When she gives me hugs she tries to bury her head into them. She will just randomly grab them. If she needs comfort she will tell me “I gotta rub your boobs”. Now, I’m becoming so frustrated with her. Also she will just full on grab my butt. It is super annoying.I find it irritating when this pervert woman H R manager walks by and grabs my butt. I get a lot slaps and groping. She will often include a growling noise.
I know it's really weird and probably sounds ridiculous. When she is groping me touching me rubbing me hugging me pressing her face on my breasts I just want her to finish and leave.I am frozen to the ground.I am totally paralyzed while she is groping me,touching me or grinding on me.I don't know why it happens.Suddenly, I am unable to speak coherently.I'm going "ummmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm" "errrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr" for ages and ages trying to think of what to say.Sometimes I just collapse into myself.Standing next to this short skinny old woman i look like i giant and i let her get by with it.Also i think she is always touching me,rubbing me,groping me, massaging me,holding my hand,hugging me in prolonged tight hugs to show dominance over me.I realized, that I am letting my self worth get too caught up in feeling like I am not standing up for myself, and then beating myself up for it, which makes the stakes feel even higher next time, which makes it feel even harder to stand up for myself
What is wrong with me?Basically, I'm at the point where my self-esteem and confidence in myself has eroded to where i don't trust myself.Why is this happening to me?This repulsive woman constantly puts me down, makes fun of me in front of my subordinates.She is done and said many hurtful things to me.She says things like 'oh i have a feeling your going to be hard work today' 'only you would say something like that' 'you're so slow'.She has made jokes about me having a pokerface and stuff to. She kind of insults me, trys to make me seem stupid.

Last edited by stella1979; 21st January 2018 at 2:07 PM..
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Old 21st January 2018, 4:33 PM   #69
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I work at a telemarketing company.So what!I have a bit of a complex regarding my career but I am very good at what I do . I make a decent amount of money. I always did excellent in grade school and high school, got great grades in college.

People do not see this as a career. It is job in their mind.When I started out I admit I used to be ashamed when I told people I worked at a telemarketing company.
Well at least I was correct on what type of work you are in.

I used to do inbound call center work part time to make extra money. I took orders overnight for marital aids...we used to call the night shift at the call center "The Dildo Factory", because we sold a LOT of em late at night. lol

I made this assumption because this was the same type of behaviors I saw from management where I worked. Having sex with subordinates in the breakroom or smoking weed with your bosses were stock in trade of the place. Enough drama to make the writers of Soap Operas envious.

So look, lets be honest here.

I'm one of the dregs of humanity. I just am. And I worked with a lot of fellow travelers in my life. So take what I say for what it's worth as it may be worth nothing.

BUT...

You are the office manager. You do have the owners to go to. Being the office manager, your employees are expecting you to lead by example. We both know with Boiler room operations that scuttlebutt runs like wildfire. I'm sure your shift leads and floor supervisors are already making bets as to whether you and this woman are playing Fingerhut on your off days.

Since they probably see that you publicly do nothing to stave off her advances, perception is their reality. We aren't talking a convention of rocket scientists here...we are talking Ear Hustlers.

So assume now that everyone thinks you 2 are banging...because I can tell you that s exactly what they all think.

You gotta lead by example here and make an example of this woman before she makes an example out of you.

So go in tomorrow ad start taking steps to pry this woman from the office.

This is all up to you. You can change this situation, but you have got to be brave enough to exert your leadership.


I think it bears repeating from me that I don't think any of us have animosity toward you at all...We are trying to help you based on our collective experience. I am particularly harsh on you because I feel that if I blow smoke up your skirt and tell you it's all nothing that you'll delay this until you can no longer do so, thus making it worse for you. We don't want to see worse for you. We want to see you get out of this situation as fast as can be.

But Stella, you have GOT to help YOURSELF.

Leadership means sometimes making decisions that your underlings may not agree with, but you are doing it for the sake of the company.

Leadership does not stop at the front door of your office..Leaders carry themselves as Leaders all the time.

You can do it to. Start leading, Stella.

You can do it!
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Old 21st January 2018, 10:54 PM   #70
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I think it's bizarre that tons of people on this thread have given you great steps to take and yet you keep coming back with the same descriptions of the woman and incidents without acknowledging or taking action on any of the advice. I also thought you should secretly record a convo with this woman confronting her about her behavior and telling her to stop--you can download supernotes app on your phone and it catches audio really well--but I do know some states don't let you record without the other person's permission. You need to start to cover your ass with documentation, e-mails requesting her to stop, publicly expressing that it's unwanted when others are around, etc. But to a lawyer yesterday!!!

The flight or fright response also includes freezing up so that's likely why you can't form any words when she does these things to you. It's creating a visceral response of fear in the form of freezing up. However, you need to take action and follow up on the great advice you've been given here even if you don't know what to say or do when it is actually happening.
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Old 21st January 2018, 11:09 PM   #71
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Why haven't you seen an attorney about this, Stella?
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Old 22nd January 2018, 12:59 AM   #72
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I feel like i have no choice than to let this pervert woman H R manager to grope me and rub me.Now my eyes are opened and I realize I don't stand a chance against this pervert woman. Is she just playing with my mind? Or is she grooming me to be her sex partner?It's gotten to a point that i pretty much just let her get away with a lot of things because it feels like it makes my live easier.
I'm ****ing scared.What is her endgame In your opinion?I am a 100% straight.I am a heterosexual woman.Even the thought of eating out a vagina makes me gag.I've never had any desire to do anything sexual with a female.Also this sociopath woman is hideous and repulsive to me.So far she hasn't tried to kiss me.This pervert woman is humiliating me.What is enjoyable about this? What is the mental mechanism that gives her pleasure to see me feel ashamed and embarrassed?Why she makes a lot of comments about how tall,big and soft i am.It is weird and creepy.She is CONSTANTLY wanting to touch my breasts. If I just stand there, she would stay there for a long time just feeling them and squishing them or whatever.When she gives me hugs she tries to bury her head into them. She will just randomly grab them. If she needs comfort she will tell me “I gotta rub your boobs”. Now, I’m becoming so frustrated with her. Also she will just full on grab my butt. It is super annoying.I find it irritating when this pervert woman H R manager walks by and grabs my butt. I get a lot slaps and groping. She will often include a growling noise.
I know it's really weird and probably sounds ridiculous. When she is groping me touching me rubbing me hugging me pressing her face on my breasts I just want her to finish and leave.I am frozen to the ground.I am totally paralyzed while she is groping me,touching me or grinding on me.I don't know why it happens.Suddenly, I am unable to speak coherently.I'm going "ummmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm" "errrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr" for ages and ages trying to think of what to say.Sometimes I just collapse into myself.Standing next to this short skinny old woman i look like i giant and i let her get by with it.Also i think she is always touching me,rubbing me,groping me, massaging me,holding my hand,hugging me in prolonged tight hugs to show dominance over me.I realized, that I am letting my self worth get too caught up in feeling like I am not standing up for myself, and then beating myself up for it, which makes the stakes feel even higher next time, which makes it feel even harder to stand up for myself
What is wrong with me?Basically, I'm at the point where my self-esteem and confidence in myself has eroded to where i don't trust myself.Why is this happening to me?This repulsive woman constantly puts me down, makes fun of me in front of my subordinates.She is done and said many hurtful things to me.She says things like 'oh i have a feeling your going to be hard work today' 'only you would say something like that' 'you're so slow'.She has made jokes about me having a pokerface and stuff to. She kind of insults me, trys to make me seem stupid.
Actually , the bit which is really weird is that you're just repeating the same story, splattered with gratuitous adjectives, and not taking any action.

If you choose to not take action, that's your business. But what's with the repeated descriptions of all the same stuff? We've got the picture.
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Old 22nd January 2018, 7:40 AM   #73
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what's with the repeated descriptions of all the same stuff?
Just a hunch, but I think this might be how Stella gets her groove.
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Old 22nd January 2018, 10:20 AM   #74
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Stella, this stuff pervert lady is doing - can you catch it on camera?

I recently purchased a spy cam, for my cats. While I was browsing, I saw one that looks simply like the little plug box you plug your USB cords into. Yep, just an itty bitty inconspicuous device. You'll need one that takes a micro SD card.

Get her in action and show it to any normal person outside of your workplace. I think you need someone to hit you over the head with how wrong, and how creepy, it really is.

Get to it, good luck!


Here's one:

https://www.amazon.com/Hidden-Charge...era+with+audio
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Last edited by MidwestUSA; 22nd January 2018 at 10:23 AM..
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Old 22nd January 2018, 12:30 PM   #75
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Stella, this stuff pervert lady is doing - can you catch it on camera?

I recently purchased a spy cam, for my cats. While I was browsing, I saw one that looks simply like the little plug box you plug your USB cords into. Yep, just an itty bitty inconspicuous device. You'll need one that takes a micro SD card.

Get her in action and show it to any normal person outside of your workplace. I think you need someone to hit you over the head with how wrong, and how creepy, it really is.

Get to it, good luck!


Here's one:

https://www.amazon.com/Hidden-Charge...era+with+audio
Chuck Berry installed pee pee cameras to watch women use the facilities in his mansion in St. Louis. He had toilet cameras under every seat. He's dead now, but I bet he could have given us some advice on video surveillance...minus the pee pee.
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