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I am being blackmailed by pervert colleague.


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Old 17th January 2018, 7:07 PM   #16
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Originally Posted by stella1979 View Post
The more down I feel the more I dress up, put make up and such.If I'm mildly blue, I will indeed take more care with my appearance, in an effort to banish or soothe the mood. It helps!I'm confident that I look good in my clothes my style is "sexy but classy" I don't believe I have ever offended or embarrased myself or anyone with my wardrobe.I am a very classy woman and i would never dress in a cheap trashy way.I just find looking in the mirror and seeing something I like always helps when nothing else seemed to be going well.I am not going to change my dressing style.That is part of who i am.It is my whole wardrobe.I dress like this since i graduated college and got my first office job.I feel much better when I dress up and present myself as the best I can be.Dressing up makes me feel good because it makes me feel like i can do anything.I love my height and my curvy stature. I love satin and silk clothes and dressing up too. I am always in high heels with hair and makeup done. That's just who I am.I love dressing up, I've tried dressing down, but I always end up changing.
my clothes are there to be worn!
Listen, I get it....you don't want to lose your identity in the way you dress and I doubt that it would have an effect on this individual anyway. Most of the time people do this, it is not for sexual gratification but to either demean or belittle that person. She saw you were vulnerable and seized the opportunity. Doing this in front of others likely gets her jollies even more. That said...you also need to stop passing this by to your peers as "we have a unique kind of bond". This is letting them think that you are okay with this...

The next thing if it were me would be to gather all my strength emotionally of course because....just for a second, think of where this is headed. Things like this do not go away by ignoring them....this will escalate.

My suggestion is to see an attorney, explain the sensitive nature of the situation. I am confident that there is a way that her electronic can be seized without warning to be "sanitized" and then the legal battle begins...think not only about what you have to lose but she's an HR Manager (if i understood correctly). Once this gets out that she was blackmailing an employee, her career is over....this can be managed but you need to be both smart and strong to do it....do it for your kids, your value as a lady and as an employee who is being mistreated by one that should be protecting their employees.

Be Strong!!!!

KG
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Old 17th January 2018, 7:14 PM   #17
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Originally Posted by CautiouslyOptimistic View Post
Nobody is advocating a physical altercation, but she's committing a crime. More than one. What's on the videos?
I recorded videos of me pleasuring myself and talking dirty for my boyfriend.This awful woman H R manager says horrible, horrible things every day to me!She says that i am a stuck up cow,arrogant upper middle class snob and that i think i am better than everybody else.She considers herself "super-smart". She makes snide remarks to me for no specific reason.I have seen this H R manager laughing with some malice at me, behind my back, when I ask questions that seem silly to her. Also, she always tries to "help" me when I ask for somebody else's help (without asking her).She is very sarcastic.This short skinny old creepy woman is the kind of person that makes you walk around eggshells when you're around her.

What do I mean by that? I mean that she has the potential to make a cutting/ironic/sarcastic comment/joke about everything you do.

Every little thing from dropping my pencil or pen to my computer malfunctioning is something she makes a comment about that demeans either my intelligence or character.
My computer at my office breaks. "I wouldn't touch computers any more if I were you". Said with a grin in a demeaning, sarcastic tone.

I drop something or make a minor mistake. "I wouldn't trust you with fragile objects" etc. etc.

I've tried a few methods, from laughing about it to being serious, but I've concluded that you can't deal with this kind of person.This creepy short skinny woman hasn't pushed me into having sex so far. It's just the obsessive touching me and groping me. Like she can't keep away from me.Since december 11th 2017 she has to have her hands on me anywhere at work.She is taking advantage of me, and i am afraid that she will just go even further.She is also very mean and sarcastic with me.She frequently invites me to have lunch or join her for feminist workshop . She texts me at random times to ask if she can drop by to say hello. I feel very creeped out and fearful that something strange will happen.This woman my H R manager is hard to read because she has this bizarre sense of humor.She is some kind of local feminist activist.I am a 38year old woman.What is wrong with me?Basically, I'm at the point where my self-esteem and confidence in myself has eroded to where i don't trust myself.This pervert woman touches and messes with my hair, holds my hand (interlocking fingers).She is totally obsessed with my boobs.She is hugging me bouncing her face against them. She ALWAYS has to be grabbing them.In my office she is grrabing me from behind around my waist rubbing against my body.Carresing me from behind while rubbing my breasts squeezing them uncontrollably.She'll just grab my breast randomly or place her hand on my ass.She is obsessed with my breasts. She touches them and talk about them all the time.Also she is saying that I have a round and firm butt and that she adores my ass a little bit too much.She is always slapping or grinding on my ass.This repulsive short skinny geek H R manager doesn't just touch me or grope me, but she always seem to be out to embarrass me somehow.
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Old 17th January 2018, 7:53 PM   #18
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"I've tried a few methods, from laughing about it to being serious"

be a grey rock, which means be bland, a grey rock is boring, the grey rock technique is what therapists recommend, it has credence

I agree with the attorney idea, you need a strategy, you will feel better once you have control of the situation

she is old, she has been/done something like this before, pesky, inappropriate, blackmaily ... what might there be in her background?
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Old 17th January 2018, 7:53 PM   #19
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See an attorney and come up with a plan to involve the police so that her office and home computers, tablets, phones, etc, are confiscated as soon as she's put on notice that you have turned her in.

If all of her electronics are taken away and scrubbed, and you get that stuff off of your own computer, before the authorities apprehend her, then she won't be able to blackmail you.

Since she hasn't posted anything yet there has to be a way to get it out of her hands before she's able to.

Once that's done, press charges for sexual assault.
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Old 17th January 2018, 7:54 PM   #20
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What more damage can be done to your reputation considering this woman is sexually assaulting you in front of co-workers and you're going around telling them that you just have a "weird bond" like that? Not to make you feel worse, but I'm sure you're office fodder over the lunchroom given all that odd behavior. I don't know how the power structure is in your office, but you don't want to make it look like you're sexually inappropriate at work, too. Your appearance will already make you a target in that regard for the jealous types.

Were you storing inappropriate files on your work computer? Or did she use your work info/e-mail to get access to your personal e-mail?

You need to start documenting everything that has occurred at specific dates and times with this woman, including when you're working at home after leaving work early to tend to your daughter. Cover your ass. Document everything somewhere and start with the date and all the details that you can recall from that first confrontation. Start publicly expressing that her advances are unwelcome when she does it in front of your co-workers. You need witnesses that this isn't welcome. Do you have any close friends among your co-workers? If it becomes your word against hers you may need to consider that some people around you will be interviewed about your reactions.

Go to a lawyer pronto and get advice about your situation, when to involve the police, and how to fire her.
I feel embarrassed and ashamed of myself.I'm confused and my mind doesn't stop. I really worry that I'm going to lose myself completely! I don want to waste anyone's time but I had to get some of this out of my head.I'm just lost. Should I even be upset?I'm SO embarrassed.I can't relax and its constantly on my mind.I know other women my colleagues probably laugh at me behind my back at work because of the situation with this awful woman H R manager.They are weirded out but most of my colleagues think that we(me and this creepy pervert woman ) just have a weird bond like that because i am just standing or sitting there like paralyzed making stupid faces not saying a word while she is groping me touching me rubbing me.Most of my colleagues think i am stuck up arrogant and a bit of a snob.Alot of people have told me that I look unapproachable,arrogant and stuck up. Alot of people ( females in general) pre-dislike me, unto they get to know me and find out that I'm a not stuck on myself at all.I'm the kind of person that only speaks if I have something to say and I keep my business to myself. I work for a good company. I am good and competent at my job.It is bizarre because i am 5ft10 tall,curvy,well endowed,well built and always on high heels standing next to this pervert woman i look like a giant.Because of that I am not taken seriously by my colleagues.I'm feeling really frustrated.I feel like the most spineless person. I need help so desperately for this.I am like frozen, detached and numb while she is touching me and rubbing me.
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Old 17th January 2018, 10:49 PM   #21
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Well, if she's HR, then I would go to the attorney first. He will likely tell you that the first thing you need to do is tell her to stop so others can't say you liked it or whatever. But you need to do something. She's way over the line. Get yourself an attorney. They will likely settle with you. You can always plead that because she IS HR, you feared reporting it internally. So get yourself an attorney. Whether you keep your job, don't know. But if you wait around and make her mad on your own, then you won't. If you don't do something, it will end up bad for you, not her. If you get an attorney and get it on record and follow his/her advice, then you will have more credibility. Tell the attorney you'd like to keep your job but not have to see this woman.
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Old 18th January 2018, 3:42 AM   #22
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She can feel the weakness and takes advantage of it

First thing I would like to say, when you write such a long post could you make it reader friendly by forming short paragraphs? This is very hard to read. Trust me as I have been a copywriter for year

Now on the topic at hand two obvious questions; why don't you want to report this to police? And why would you have such content on your work computer?

She definitely has a huge problem and she feels a weak link in you that she's taking advantage of.

If being your subordinate still doesn't scare her to blackmail you it's because she must be feeling that you are scared. It is never good to let someone dominate you in such way, because things could go so way out of control.

Even if you're scared I would suggest that either you report this to the police of you find a way to show her that you're strong and won't take this any longer. If not God knows how far this could go...
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Old 18th January 2018, 4:44 AM   #23
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Originally Posted by stella1979 View Post
I am a 38year old 5ft10 tall heterosexual curvy hourgllass shaped attractive brunette. My boobs are 32 f bra size though and I do have a big butt.
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Originally Posted by stella1979 View Post
It is bizarre because i am 5ft10 tall,curvy,well endowed,well built and always on high heels
Quote:
Originally Posted by stella1979 View Post
I love my height and my curvy stature. I love satin and silk clothes and dressing up too. I am always in high heels with hair and makeup done.
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Originally Posted by stella1979 View Post
Alot of people ( females in general) pre-dislike me, unto they get to know me and find out that I'm a not stuck on myself at all.
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Old 18th January 2018, 5:47 AM   #24
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"She is skinny really short like 5ft3 ugly wrinkled face thin lips creepy green eyes grayhaired masculine"

"short skinny ugly old geek woman"

"This woman is a short,skinny,old perverted weirdo"

"This short skinny old creepy woman"

"this awful woman"

Frostedflake didn't go near catching all the superlatives you've used to describe your physical self. However, I also noticed all the insults you gave the other woman regarding her appearance.

Why all the focus on physical appearance? Do you believe it's somehow relevant to the situation?
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Old 18th January 2018, 6:18 AM   #25
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Looks like I'm the only one finding this story all a bit far fetched.

You work in HR and you are her superior. I'm confused as to why you deemed it acceptable to store videos of you pleasuring yourself on a pc belonging to the company.
Thinking that the best way to deal with this is to punch her in the face is ridiculous.
The story just doesn't add up either, the extreme and public behaviour you describe would naturally make others uncomfortable and they would report it no matter whether you gave it an excuse such as a wierd bond.

You'd be better off finding a new role asap and leaving. At the same time do some research into what constitutes professional behaviour in the workplace including proper use of company equipment.
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Old 18th January 2018, 8:30 AM   #26
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So this troglodyte HR woman publicly gropes and assaults a statuesque Amazonian such as yourself in full view of others and nobody bats an eyelid?

You've stored masturbation videos and other inappropriate material on your work computer and somehow this HR ogre 'hacked' you? Then she fully admits this to you even though what she did is a sackable, if not criminal offence? And your her superior? And you've not reported this to anyone?


No disrespect OP but call me Thomas. Doubting Thomas.
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Old 18th January 2018, 8:48 AM   #27
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This creepy short skinny woman hasn't pushed me into having sex so far.
Presumably if she does, your colleagues will just stand idly by and say "I was wondering what the commotion over by the photocopier was, but it's just the HR woman having sex with Stella. It seems to be non consensual, but according to Stella they have a strange bond. Oh well. Anybody for a cup of tea?"

Quote:
She is always slapping or grinding on my ass.
Does she stand on a box?
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Old 18th January 2018, 12:59 PM   #28
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It sounds like OP is dealing with someone with a Cluster B personality disorder, possibly narcissistic personality disorder. Just a wild guess.

I, too, am failing to grasp the intricacies of this "bond" and find it creepy to say the least. Sorry you somehow found yourself in this situation, OP, but it's up to you to report it.

Go "grey rock" (look it up) with her for starters, stop engaging her on every level except work-related, and make a plan to report her.

All the best.
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Old 18th January 2018, 1:00 PM   #29
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Originally Posted by RSCoach View Post
First thing I would like to say, when you write such a long post could you make it reader friendly by forming short paragraphs? This is very hard to read. Trust me as I have been a copywriter for year

Now on the topic at hand two obvious questions; why don't you want to report this to police? And why would you have such content on your work computer?

She definitely has a huge problem and she feels a weak link in you that she's taking advantage of.

If being your subordinate still doesn't scare her to blackmail you it's because she must be feeling that you are scared. It is never good to let someone dominate you in such way, because things could go so way out of control.

Even if you're scared I would suggest that either you report this to the police of you find a way to show her that you're strong and won't take this any longer. If not God knows how far this could go...
This woman H R manager is threatening me that my parents,their friends and my extended family will receive video on which I am masturbating.My parents are prominent well- respected members of the community.Just about everyone knows them.
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Old 18th January 2018, 1:10 PM   #30
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Call her bluff.

Tell her to do it. (Trump style)

When it all blows over, adopt the attire of a widow for a few weeks at work.
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