Awkward situation with colleague

[purloined]

Worked closely with this guy for a year this month

 

Never really held a full conversation with him - he just never registered with me

 

However at some point last year I "noticed" him, couldn't say why, probably was the staring I think?

 

So starts the awkwardness, at the beginning there was constant eye contact but he never spoke to me, or if he did it was a monosyllabic conversation - I couldn't figure him out so I just ignored him and stopped trying to talk to him.

 

But he's always around me, always in the staffroom when I'm taking my breaks, staring at me when I eat (this bit I found the most intrusive)

 

So I decided one lunchtime to go and sit outside to eat my lunch with a mutual friend mainly to avoid him - lo behold there he is, and he comes and sits right next to me but again doesn't talk to me.

 

When we're in groups he always starts conversations about cases I'm involved with - so obviously I have to say something but then he never responds and he never directly talks to me.

 

Now for some bizarre reason I like this guy, we do seem to superficially have a lot in common but it's hard to know as he never speaks to me! He speaks fine to everyone else.

 

What would you do? Does he like me - or is this some weird polite way of rejection?

 

At this point I don't even want to date the guy I just want a normal co worker relationship!

[preraph]

I mean, he just sounds like a creep!

 

Some of the old posters on here may remember a guy who finally got kicked off because he was a broken record and sounded just like this guy. He'd obsess over some girl he worked with (over the years different ones), and he was so mental that he would refuse to talk or say anything nice. In his head, he had this script that he always hoped would play out, where by ignoring her, this would eventually make her come crawling or something no girl was going to do, and it never ever happened that way, of course. But you couldn't get him off his sick script.

 

And this guy just sounds unbalanced to me, and you need to reach back in your memory and find out who or what this behavior of his reminds you of from your early past to find out why this seems normal or attractive to you.

[purloined]

Haha I swear I'm not unbalanced, he acts like a perfectly normal guy with everyone else!

 

I was hoping more for advice on how to deal with him, any idea of dating has long gone due to the super awkwardness

 

I also don't trust my own judgement and wondering whether I am missing something in this situation?

[preraph]

Well, if you have no interest, then you need to audibly call him out preferably in front of another employee next time she stares and say "Bob, please stop staring at me!" Or if he follows you, tell him, again where others can hear so he'll be embarrassed, "Are you FOLLOWING me?"

 

Here's why. Because right now you are keeping his secret, which is he's staring and stalking, sounds like. And so by not speaking up and busting him out loud in front of others for it, he feels he can continue to escalate without you blowing the whistle. So you need to bust him for it and don't mind who hears it, and then he'll know he can't expect you not to come at him again if he repeats his behavior.