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My Male Friend Co Worker Is Back


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Typos likely.

 

My co worker in a different part of the building and I have actively known each other since July of this year. We both openly admitted that we are attracted to each other, but we are friends.

 

We have this connection. I can't explain it. We can literally get lost into each other for hours without it feeling like any time has passed. We both genuinely enjoy the other's presence.

 

The problem is that he's in a two year relationship he's claiming to not be happy with. He says he not planning on leaving because she would have to make that move. The relationship is troubled because of her time limits on getting married. He doesn't want to be pressured because he recently ended his marriage. He does love her. She doesn't want to have this relationship go on for years without a marriage in the cards for her due to her religious convictions.

 

My co worker refuses to make time for me after work. I received a promotion and my birthday celebration. He'll only agree to chat/text or take breaks with me during work hours and it's usually me that's only who initiates the communication or our breaks. He's bought me lunch and tells me he cares about me. We tease and joke with each other playfully. He uses the excuse he has his kid all the time, but I'm finding out different. He lives with both parents since his divorce. I found out his ex at times takes his kid or his parents watches the kid when he wants to work out or do other things.

 

My feelings for him have grown and I keep disappearing (going dark) on him because I'm trying not to fall for him. I'm single. He keeps finding me and reopening that door.

 

I have not slept with him or kissed him. We just now have worked our way up to a "clinical" hug.

 

Last night I texted him about his feelings for me because I'm confused. He never responded or at least yet. I gave him until tonight to have full disclosure with me. I have to prepare myself if he doesn't want to choose our friendship then I'll have to move on. He's really a good person and hate to lose him. I want him to make time for our friendship after work hours and just plain on investing time to nurture our friendship! Is that so hard? He told me his girlfriend already knows about me.

 

It seems as if he really cares about me he would want to make and spend quality time with me as friends. My other my other platonic male and female friends like to see me and celebrate my milestones.

 

What gives? Am I missing something here?

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You have a crush and he has a GF.

 

Obviously if he's staying with her even though he's complaining it's not in the cards for you.

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Thank you for your response.

 

Hopefully he'll leave me be so I can heal from our friendship. He keeps walking through that proverbial door I try to keep closed.

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snip

 

What gives? Am I missing something here?

 

There are natural limits to friendship, which when not respected, lead to something else, like an emotional or physical affair.

 

It sounds like you are only narrowly on the friendship side of that limit.

 

Thats just something to be aware of.

 

 

Take care.

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Would it matter if I add that my co worker and friend has implied he wouldn't mind sexual relations with me?

 

And has asked me repeatedly to express my true feelings for him? Which I texted to him last night and told him my expectations of our friendship and gave him a deadline of today to respond.

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snip

Would it matter if I add that my co worker and friend has implied he wouldn't mind sexual relations with me?

 

 

If you take one more step forward, you will become his affair partner, and his guilty secret.

 

Don't do it.

 

It would not be a nice experience.

 

 

Take care.

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Would it matter if I add that my co worker and friend has implied he wouldn't mind sexual relations with me?

 

And has asked me repeatedly to express my true feelings for him? Which I texted to him last night and told him my expectations of our friendship and gave him a deadline of today to respond.

 

If he's staying with his GF then your will just be a side piece.

 

Is that the type of relationship you want?

 

I can tell you there are better men out there than this.

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I would never be someone's side chick or anyone's seconds.

 

I respect my friend's relationship and actually side with his girlfriend on their issue.

 

I've been cheated on and it doesn't feel good. But it doesn't feel good to have our friendship left like this either.

 

I guess I'll close the door again and this time leave it shut permanently. No matter how much he begs me. Everything happens for a reason... maybe it's for the best.

 

Thank you everyone for your feedback. It helps.

 

If he responds to my text messages I'll come back to update. In the meanwhile I've blocked him from contacting me through online chats.

Edited by Tressugar
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He hasn't responded to my question. What do you think that means? At least he can tell me one way or another.

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He hasn't responded to my question. What do you think that means? At least he can tell me one way or another.

 

I think he's probably confused about what he wants and doesn't know what to say.

 

 

Take care.

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Satu,

 

I believe you're right. Maybe I drop the emotional bomb on him and he wasn't expecting what I'd texted him.

 

A cautionary tale be careful what you ask for. He asked me what I want and finally delivered it to him.

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He responded just in the nick of time. He wants our friendship to last because he says he enjoys our talks. But he failed to see where I stand. He claims he's hurt by my words calling him a liar. It's just too much to list here.

 

I ended the text by saying this:

 

Let me get this off my chest because I want to close this chapter without any bad feelings. I care about you and respect you as well. And your opinion on how you want to limit our friendship.

 

I understand you don't want to invest time or energy into our friendship. I wasn't giving you an ultimatum. You've asked me to tell you how I feel so I told you. I don't see our friendship flourishing if you aren't willing to nourish it. It takes two to make any thing work. I guess I take friendships more seriously than most ppl. And I'm not bad mouthing you or your name.

 

We just have different priorities and expectations when it comes to our friendship. It doesn't make you a bad person or me one neither. I like to hang out with my friends point blank. I'm not going to change that aspect of myself. I'm not willing to compromise on devaluing or downgrading our friendship. If it doesn't mean anything to you, then I'm right there with ya.

Edited by Tressugar
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Wouldn't the truth be more along the lines of :

 

It's impossible for us to have a normal friendship if I have these feelings for you. I'm afraid that our friendship will need to be put on hold until I don't care about you in that way anymore. Don't call me, I'll call you.

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You're absolutely right Largo! I didn't see it in this way. Thank you for shedding some light.

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From the sounds of it, even though he is in a relationship he is not 100% fulfilled in, he is still not willing to hurt his girlfriend in certain ways. And that is a good thing! You say you only want to hang out with him as a friend but when i read everything you wrote, i get a different impression. He is not making time for you after work because he knows where it will lead and although he may like to go there with you in his fantasy, he's trying not to go there with you in real life. It is my opinion that you need to respect that and just let it go. I know you have feelings for him, but he is already taken... you would want some other woman to do the same if he were dating you.

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I feel for you because I'm going through something similar, but it just hasn't been going on for as long as yours has and we haven't been that vocal. My advice is to get out before you get hurt any worse. You guys can still be friends, but in the future...and if you can ever truly accept him as just a friend (I know you want more). You need to distance yourself to clear your head and not let yourself fall for him any further. In that time, if he breaks up with his gf and you revisit your friendship and hit it off still, great. As it stands right now, though, he's in a committed relationship, even if it is an unhappy one. Until that changes, there will be no room for you. You deserve better than to be strung along just so he can have the both of you.

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Thank you for your response.

 

Hopefully he'll leave me be so I can heal from our friendship. He keeps walking through that proverbial door I try to keep closed.

 

No, guaranteed he won't leave you alone. Some people are like that - they thrive on the attention and flattery. You're gonna have to be the one to ignore him and walk away.

 

Be careful, next thing he'll be filing false sexual harassment charges against you...People are funny, just when you think they're ok/cool.

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I feel for you because I'm going through something similar, but it just hasn't been going on for as long as yours has and we haven't been that vocal. My advice is to get out before you get hurt any worse. You guys can still be friends, but in the future...and if you can ever truly accept him as just a friend (I know you want more). You need to distance yourself to clear your head and not let yourself fall for him any further. In that time, if he breaks up with his gf and you revisit your friendship and hit it off still, great. As it stands right now, though, he's in a committed relationship, even if it is an unhappy one. Until that changes, there will be no room for you. You deserve better than to be strung along just so he can have the both of you.

 

Agreed...

 

He doesn't deserve to have you as his workplace distraction - while he goes home to his gf every day.

 

Tell him that it's over, and the day he's single, to look you up.

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CommittedToThis
Some people are like that - they thrive on the attention and flattery.

 

Some people, like those with narcissistic personality disorder, require attention and flattery simply to survive day in, day out. The attention doesn't even have to be positive, it just has to be there.

 

Great call on the OM possibly turning on OP and filing workplace sexual harassment charges.

 

OP, if this guy is playing any kind of head-games with you, I'd take it as a sign he may be disordered in some way.

 

Trust a veteran, you don't ever, ever wanna go down that road.

 

100% Ninja-style NO CONTACT is all you can do. Cut the supply.

 

All the best.

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Judging by him side-stepping you and your direct text, he isn't interested in enough of a relationship to feel obligated to correspond back and forth, even. He totally does not want to deal with you on this level, so he's not. Save your self-respect and just stop talking to him unless you have to.

 

And remember, men are sexually curious about nearly every woman you meet and it is NO indicator of true interest just because they wouldn't mind seeing what you would do to them in bed.

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Judging by him side-stepping you and your direct text, he isn't interested in enough of a relationship to feel obligated to correspond back and forth, even. He totally does not want to deal with you on this level, so he's not. Save your self-respect and just stop talking to him unless you have to.

 

And remember, men are sexually curious about nearly every woman you meet and it is NO indicator of true interest just because they wouldn't mind seeing what you would do to them in bed.

 

That's a pretty broad brush stroke there lol.

 

Op, could be you are a fallback plan should his relationship with the gf now work out?

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I would never be someone's side chick or anyone's seconds.

 

I respect my friend's relationship and actually side with his girlfriend on their issue.

 

I've been cheated on and it doesn't feel good. But it doesn't feel good to have our friendship left like this either.

 

I guess I'll close the door again and this time leave it shut permanently. No matter how much he begs me. Everything happens for a reason... maybe it's for the best.

 

Thank you everyone for your feedback. It helps.

 

If he responds to my text messages I'll come back to update. In the meanwhile I've blocked him from contacting me through online chats.

 

You keep talking about this "friendship" you want to nourish with him yet you know he already has a gf. Do you plan to be friends with her as well? If not, you are fooling yourself, you want more than his friendship. If you really want to be his friend that would include inviting his gf to these functions of your milestone celebrations. Some guys just get off on girls they work with crushing on them. It adds excitement to their day. When the day is over they go home to their wives/gfs and use that energy. This is probably why he took his own sweet time to answer your text with nothing really meaningful to say.

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  • 3 months later...
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My friend from work has returned back into my life. We are both attracted to each other, but I had to sever our ties because I caught feelings. He has a girlfriend and wasn't planning on leaving her anytime soon.

 

My question is, he isn't pranking' now he wants back in. This time for me it'll be different. I'm not going to catch feelings for him again. I don't know the status of his relationship. Will it be a smart move to invite him over? He's been practically begging me to allow him to come over. This will be just as two friends hanging out and nothing more. I've been dreaming of this opportunity for a long time.

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TunaInTheBrine
My friend from work has returned back into my life. We are both attracted to each other, but I had to sever our ties because I caught feelings. He has a girlfriend and wasn't planning on leaving her anytime soon.

 

My question is, he isn't pranking' now he wants back in. This time for me it'll be different. I'm not going to catch feelings for him again. I don't know the status of his relationship. Will it be a smart move to invite him over? He's been practically begging me to allow him to come over. This will be just as two friends hanging out and nothing more. I've been dreaming of this opportunity for a long time.

 

Sure, but what are you going to do if his situation hasn't changed?

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