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Would you report this to HR?


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I recently got a pretty nice promotion at work and I start my new position on Monday.

 

I've always had a good relationship with my co-workers, closer with some than with others but very professional and cordial with everyone and those who are my friends in the company have been really happy for me.

 

However, one particular woman and two of her friends has been talking about how I clearly slept with our boss to get this new position and how he had a thing for me for the longest time and that's why I was promoted. Now, that may be true, he did hit on me a few times but I shut it down and there is no way that it had any influence on my promotion because I went through interviews with multiple people and had references from other superiors.

 

Normally, I couldn't care less what they personally think and wouldn't even bat an eyelid at this gossip, but they are spreading it around the company to anyone who cares to hear and I would really like to avoid uncomfortable situations at my work place or a possible lack of respect that may stem from this rumor.

 

Have you had similar situations happen and would you report this to HR or let it go to settle on its own?

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This must be pretty irksome but personally I would ignore it.

 

Rumours at work are two-a-penny. What people don't know they invent most of the time.

 

It'll be a 10 day wonder and then they'll get around to bad-mouthing someone else.

 

What it has shown you is the true colours of these people, so you can be thankful for that.

 

Keep schtum, keep it professional and you'll do fine.

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I've NEVER had that happen....or heard of it happening to anyone else....and I would really struggle with what to do. I don't feel it can safely be ignored; that kind of nasty gossip is poison, can create great risk and harm to you, and you should not have to deal with it. I'd take it quite seriously. Rather than trusting to HR, which is not there for your protection after all, I'd suggest paying for a 30 or 60 min consultation with a good employment lawyer about the whole situation and what you can do. If you're in the US, a lawyer may be able to advise you how to use anti-sexual harassment laws to defend against both:

 

(1) the gossipers, and as or more importantly,

 

(2) the sexually aggressive supervisor, who after all is the ultimate root cause of this issue

 

Sorry you're having to deal with this.....good luck!

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This is exactly why the actions of a male boss end up only hurting the woman he shouldn't be hitting on at work. Other employees DO have a legitimate reason to care if someone is being promoted because the boss favors them. It does take something away from them. I have had that happen to me, my boss favoring this lying girl who was using him, and it really had a bad impact on my career. So I believe while gossip may not be warranted, coemployees fears are legitimate.

 

As usual, you are now in between a rock and a hard place. If you report the women, your boss will also be put in the limelight and then he will resent you for it. Now, only you know if you encouraged his favoritism at all. If so, suck it up and know this is what happens. If not, as you say, then I'm sorry for you, but if you think he gave you this promotion to try to buy you, then maybe you should have told him no on the promotion since that would be unfair to others who may deserve it more or be more senior and qualified.

 

If you can find out what the procedures are at the company about what options there are here, what I would be most comfortable with is writing up a statement about it to HR but then asking them to merely keep it on file for the record to protect yourself but not to act on it or talk to your boss about it unless there were further issues. I'm not sure HR will be able to do that though. On the other hand, it is a plea not to get your boss in trouble, which might soothe him (not that he deserves it) if they do talk to him. If they tell him, which they might not.

 

The other alternative is talk to the gossipers in private and tell them they are off base, but you'll have to do so without throwing your boss under the bus or they might report you for talking about him and really get you in trouble.

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What do you want HR to do about this? Do not waste your HR's time with idle gossip.

 

It's not just gossip if it ends up hurting my relationship with my new co-workers and people who I will be supervising - in terms of how they see me and whether they respect me.

 

It's not very nice to be thought of as someone who slept her way to get ahead.

 

This is exactly why the actions of a male boss end up only hurting the woman he shouldn't be hitting on at work. Other employees DO have a legitimate reason to care if someone is being promoted because the boss favors them. It does take something away from them. I have had that happen to me, my boss favoring this lying girl who was using him, and it really had a bad impact on my career. So I believe while gossip may not be warranted, coemployees fears are legitimate.

 

As usual, you are now in between a rock and a hard place. If you report the women, your boss will also be put in the limelight and then he will resent you for it. Now, only you know if you encouraged his favoritism at all. If so, suck it up and know this is what happens. If not, as you say, then I'm sorry for you, but if you think he gave you this promotion to try to buy you, then maybe you should have told him no on the promotion since that would be unfair to others who may deserve it more or be more senior and qualified.

 

If you can find out what the procedures are at the company about what options there are here, what I would be most comfortable with is writing up a statement about it to HR but then asking them to merely keep it on file for the record to protect yourself but not to act on it or talk to your boss about it unless there were further issues. I'm not sure HR will be able to do that though. On the other hand, it is a plea not to get your boss in trouble, which might soothe him (not that he deserves it) if they do talk to him. If they tell him, which they might not.

 

The other alternative is talk to the gossipers in private and tell them they are off base, but you'll have to do so without throwing your boss under the bus or they might report you for talking about him and really get you in trouble.

 

I wrote a thread about it last year, it wasn't something extremely obvious. We had a more relaxed relationship from the beginning and I wasn't aware of his feelings until a while later when he started making more suggestive comments, but again, nothing too uncomfortable. It was shut down by me and we have a normal, friendly, working relationship now.

 

He's not the one to suggest me for a promotion, he wasn't the one in charge of it, he did not offer it to me and ultimately, we won't even be working together when I start. I very much deserved the promotion and everyone who knows me well has no doubt in this.

 

I actually like the idea of confronting them, but does that only incite drama?

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Don't bother to say anything! You know the truth and that's all that matters.

 

A Lie Can Travel Halfway Around the World While the Truth Is Putting On Its Shoes

Edited by Tressugar
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The best revenge will be to do your new job and do it very well. In some regards, it doesn't matter how you got there, it is what you do once you are there. No one can argue with results.

 

Looking forward, I would only plan on staying there for another year. Don't make waves during that time. Polish up your resume, get any additional training that might benefit you on their dime if you can. Then start job hunting. The company you are with now has a toxic environment. Find a company where the men don't look at every attractive female as a potential target and the women look out for each other, not put each other down.

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This is defamation. If you can prove they are saying it, it should be treated as a firing offence. I'd seek legal advice, then go to HR.

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It's not just gossip if it ends up hurting my relationship with my new co-workers and people who I will be supervising - in terms of how they see me and whether they respect me.

 

It's not very nice to be thought of as someone who slept her way to get ahead.

 

 

 

I wrote a thread about it last year, it wasn't something extremely obvious. We had a more relaxed relationship from the beginning and I wasn't aware of his feelings until a while later when he started making more suggestive comments, but again, nothing too uncomfortable. It was shut down by me and we have a normal, friendly, working relationship now.

 

He's not the one to suggest me for a promotion, he wasn't the one in charge of it, he did not offer it to me and ultimately, we won't even be working together when I start. I very much deserved the promotion and everyone who knows me well has no doubt in this.

 

I actually like the idea of confronting them, but does that only incite drama?

 

You did say in the original post that it probably had something to do with it. And if you think someone over him would promote you without talking to him, unlikely.

 

Since you got the promotion, I assume now you are higher up the chain than them, so maybe if you act like it, they'll stop it, assuming you have some clout.

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Looking forward, I would only plan on staying there for another year. Don't make waves during that time. Polish up your resume, get any additional training that might benefit you on their dime if you can. Then start job hunting. The company you are with now has a toxic environment. Find a company where the men don't look at every attractive female as a potential target and the women look out for each other, not put each other down.

 

This is a huge company with a lot of potential career growth in my field and I can really see myself staying there. The pay and benefits are also really great which is important - I'm a single mom to a 6 year old, I have school tuition, extra-curriculars and I'm saving to buy a house in a year or two.

 

It's honestly not a toxic environment for the most part. Even the thing with my soon-to-be former boss, he wasn't a sleazbag trying to take advantage. I think he honestly liked me, tried to feel out the situation and got a bit inappropriate.

 

You did say in the original post that it probably had something to do with it. And if you think someone over him would promote you without talking to him, unlikely.

 

Since you got the promotion, I assume now you are higher up the chain than them, so maybe if you act like it, they'll stop it, assuming you have some clout.

 

It was a misunderstanding. I thought he was treating me less formal than others because I was the youngest one there and I took cues from that, so we always had a more friendly relationship. It didn't cross my mind that he liked me until he started making more obvious comments. Flirting can be very subjective and often people mistake general friendliness as flirtation or flirtation as general friendliness.

 

I know that they talked to him, but he was not a key figure in making the decision. I'd also like to point out that there is no concrete evidence that anything inappropriate ever happened because it honestly didn't. We've never spent any time alone off-work, no dinners, drinks, nothing. Just a few comments that probably weren't even heard by anyone else and are not explicit in any way.

 

As far as the gossipers go, yes, I will be higher up than them, so I may just see how the treat me and how far will they take their lies.

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As an HR executive I advise you to report to HR as well as report to your boss. Even though this is two women, this is actually sexual harassment and implying a quid pro quo arrangement which you say never happened.

 

Their behavior is inappropriate and should be reported. HR is not a shop steward like a union rep would be so isn't there for the employees in that manner but HR is there to help protect the company and this type of behavior is not in the companies best interest.

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So... do they make enough money to warrant a defamation suit?

 

There would be little here for that. She can not show it has negatively impacted her ability to earn money, etc. A defamation suit is ridiculous and would be against the company since they are agents of the company in which their legal department would work on the defense.

 

Ergo, no defamation suit. Ridiculous.

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As an HR executive I advise you to report to HR as well as report to your boss. Even though this is two women, this is actually sexual harassment and implying a quid pro quo arrangement which you say never happened.

 

Their behavior is inappropriate and should be reported. HR is not a shop steward like a union rep would be so isn't there for the employees in that manner but HR is there to help protect the company and this type of behavior is not in the companies best interest.

 

I'm pretty sure I'm going to.

 

I was thrown a sort of ''going away'' party by my current co-workers yesterday and afterwards I heard that they were talking about how ''of course they're sad, their favorite merry-go-round is leaving'', ''XY (the boss) must be devastated that she's moving on to more powerful d***'' and so on. More than one person reported it back to me.

 

Pretty gross and I can't understand where would they get this from? I seriously never had anything going on with ANY of my co-workers.

 

So... do they make enough money to warrant a defamation suit?

 

I would never go that far as to sue them, like I'd waste that kind of time and energy on these two idiots.

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I'm pretty sure I'm going to.

 

I was thrown a sort of ''going away'' party by my current co-workers yesterday and afterwards I heard that they were talking about how ''of course they're sad, their favorite merry-go-round is leaving'', ''XY (the boss) must be devastated that she's moving on to more powerful d***'' and so on. More than one person reported it back to me.

 

Pretty gross and I can't understand where would they get this from? I seriously never had anything going on with ANY of my co-workers.

 

 

 

I would never go that far as to sue them, like I'd waste that kind of time and energy on these two idiots.

 

They are toxic and you are most likely not their only victim. They need to be reported and reprimanded.

 

Wow, way to support other women and lean in there? :mad: Disgusting humans.

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DrReplyInRhymes

I don't think there are very many instances in which I would report anything to HR. Why would you want to be known as a troublemaker / person with issues by the department that can fire you?

 

So what if they are talking ****. You're the one who got a promotion, right?

 

And even if you did sleep with your boss for a promotion, who cares. You certainly wouldn't be the first woman to use sex for an advantage, and you certainly won't be the last.

 

If you're married, well, that just sucks for your husband but we aren't talking about that, are we!?

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WarriorBabe

Why haven't you confronted the women who are spreading these lies?

 

If it's not true and you feel this gossip is interfering with your job, then by all means talk with the gossipers to close the subject. Put everything down in writing and if the gossipers continue spreading lies, then take it to HR.

 

See with gossip, it gets twisted once it comes out of the first persons mouth. By the time you hear it again, it has taken on a total different form of more lies. You cannot stop someone from gossiping, looking at you or saying something in private negatively about you but you can go to work without being harassed or humiliated.

 

I wish you luck in any way you chose to handle the situation.

 

WB

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FIgure out exactly what you would be reporting - not just what happened and who did it, but how it negatively affected you and how it's illegal or otherwise contrary to company policy.

 

Second, as another commenter already suggested, figure out before you report it what you expect the company to do about it.

 

Third, how solid is your proof? Do you have witnesses who will give statements supporting your claim, specific as to date, time, place, people, and exact words spoken? These solid supporting sources can vanish into the mist.

 

Companies have wildly different internal policies about what constitutes a conduct issue, and what minimally will be done about it.

 

Personally, I've worked for employers ranging from 15 employees to 110,000 employees, and none of them would have taken any action in the situation you describe. Morover, if you report it as a violation of law, you'll effectively make yourself the enemy of the company, a risk to be minimized. I've been there.

 

It's gossip, which simply means that it's information of a personal or intimate nature. Some managers have no-gossip rules for their teams or work units, but they're totally unenforceable - a mom telling a pregnant co-worker about her c-section is arguably gossip. It gets ridiculous pretty fast.

 

My bottom line recommendation is this: it's not what they call you that counts, but rather what you answer to. Some people just like to irritate other people. Do you want to answer to this, to repeat their words, to give them what they want?

Edited by Telemachus
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whichwayisup
It's not just gossip if it ends up hurting my relationship with my new co-workers and people who I will be supervising - in terms of how they see me and whether they respect me.

 

It's not very nice to be thought of as someone who slept her way to get ahead.

Then it's up to YOU as their new supervisor to put them in their place. That you've heard the gossip they've been saying about you and it's got to stop. You earn their trust and respect by being a leader and not showing them that they've upset you.

 

Your actions from now on count. If you're really ready for the position and good at your job, then what they shouldn't matter. YOU Know you didn't sleep your way to the top, right? You and your boss didn't have an affair so forget their gossip.

 

Later if they are disrespectful towards you (like in a few months or so) then you deal with them by giving warnings (verbal then written) and hopefully that will be the end of it.

 

Going to HR now will do nothing except make it worse.

 

 

You don't 'confront' them, that WILL cause drama. You wait until someone gives you lip or attitude and then you make sure they understand in a professional manner. Those co workers now are not friends since you'll be their boss.

 

Most of all, learn to grow a tough skin and detach from them so you won't be feeling upset by their gossip.

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Going to HR should be the very last resort and only for extreme cases. Too many people nowadays are too trigger happy to run to HR for every drama that happens in corporate America.

 

I'm all for writing down the incident(s) in a private journal in the event things go awry later on but keep it private for now.

 

Be a leader. Show strength. You'll run into idle gossip and people who despise you at all levels in life. There are 2 people I work with who despise me and my ability to move up the ladder. I pay them no mind. They want a reaction out of me. I starve them the emotional investment.

 

Don't let them dictate your every move or cause you to be on the defensive.

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Well, long story short, it ended up being that one of my work friends has a friend in the HR and I mentioned it to him and he ended up giving them a verbal warning. He actually said that what they said falls under ''abusive language'' and he can give them a written warning for it, but I told him that I believe a verbal warning will scare them enough to think twice before they open their mouths about other people again.

 

I know that it might seem like I'm being petty and oversensitive, but I'm really not. I actually do have think skin and rarely care about what others think of me. However, I also think that it's important not to let people get away with nasty behavior that can seriously affect other people.

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Glad to hear your update, you did the right thing and so did your company. I hope there is no more heard of this line of abusive gossip.

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