SnazzyKatt Posted March 11, 2017 Share Posted March 11, 2017 Ok, a little background. I'm a 23 yr old electrical engineer for a power company. Ive been with the company for 3 years in the same department. 2 yrs as an intern and 1 as an engineer. My boss has been a mentor to me throughout and I highly respect him. His daughter is an intern and was recently assigned to work for me. She's a 21 yr old engineering student. Ive kinda liked this girl for a while now but it was alot easier to ignore it back when we didnt work together. We have been working together for the last couple of weeks and things are getting, interesting... I often catch her sneaking glances at me and instantly looking away. Today I was showing her something at her desk she rested her hand on my tights for an uncomfortably long time. Trying not to jump to conclusions, I dismissed it as her just being too friendly and causal. Until after work, we walked to the parking alot and she asked if i wanted to see Logan this weekend. Definitely a date right? I have a week conference in California this summer and my boss actually suggested she goes with me since she could learn alot. I guess he trusts me with her. I would hate the lose his respect but at the same-time, his daughter and i have alot in common and there might actually be something there. Our company doesnt have any policies on office relations so i dont think he can fire me for that but then there is the fact that im technically her boss. On a professional level how often does these office relationship work out? or does it fail and just make things awkward for everybody? Is it even worth it? Link to post Share on other sites
Marc878 Posted March 11, 2017 Share Posted March 11, 2017 Not a good idea but since you're on good terms with her dad maybe ask 2 Link to post Share on other sites
salparadise Posted March 11, 2017 Share Posted March 11, 2017 (edited) Our company doesnt have any policies on office relations so i dont think he can fire me for that but then there is the fact that im technically her boss. On a professional level how often does these office relationship work out? or does it fail and just make things awkward for everybody? Is it even worth it? Oh I wouldn't assume you couldn't get fired. Unless you're under an employment contract it's most likely "at will" employment wherein either party can terminate for any reason or no reason. You should check on that. Ethically, and by most workplace policies, a superior cannot initiate with a subordinate, but the subordinate can initiate with the superior. I took the HR training a month ago. Secondly, if her father is your boss and things went south, he could probably make it so miserable for you that you'd have little choice but to leave. So no matter how you slice it, there's quite a bit of risk. Another thing to consider is that most dating relationships do not end in marriage and happily ever after stories. Sometimes they end with no hard feelings, sometimes feelings get hurt. The odds are not in your favor. The flip side is that her father likes you, and my guess is that he thinks you'd be a good guy for his daughter or else he wouldn't be putting the two of you in close proximity where things might develop (that, or he's oblivious). Only you and she have a sense of how things are between the two of you, and you haven't quite figured that out yet either. If the attraction is really strong, and if you're thinking of her as a long-term possibility, you might decide it's worth it, and that's legitimate too I think. Just make sure it's about a lot more than low-hanging fruit before you put employment and career on the line. Default to not getting involved, and only do it if a) you're pretty serious about this girl, and b) you have excellent employment prospects elsewhere and wouldn't mind moving/changing jobs if things don't work out. Edited March 11, 2017 by salparadise 1 Link to post Share on other sites
MidwestUSA Posted March 11, 2017 Share Posted March 11, 2017 Do you think maybe her dad trusts you with her because you're both women? How long did she keep her hand on your tights, and where? Because that's pretty personal, IMO. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
LovelyCassie Posted March 11, 2017 Share Posted March 11, 2017 Do you think maybe her dad trusts you with her because you're both women? How long did she keep her hand on your tights, and where? Because that's pretty personal, IMO. I don't see any indication that the OP is either male/female. But then again, maybe you're just adding humor to the topic? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
MidwestUSA Posted March 11, 2017 Share Posted March 11, 2017 I don't see any indication that the OP is either male/female. But then again, maybe you're just adding humor to the topic? Maybe tights is a word for something other than women's leggings? If it is, I apologize. I see you and the OP both joined today. Welcome! 2 Link to post Share on other sites
act00 Posted March 11, 2017 Share Posted March 11, 2017 You're the intern's boss, and your boss is her father. First of all, as a superior, no, no, no. A superior dating a subordinate can be seriously bad news. I read "tights" as a typo, meaning "thighs." Either way, this is highly inappropriate touching. Coercion, nepotism, sleeping your way to the top...all fit this scenario. She is extremely immature. At what point does it ever become okay to touch your superior's thighs/tights at work? You are her boss. Behave that way. Some day, when you are no longer her superior, perhaps you can pursue a romantic relationship. Link to post Share on other sites
salparadise Posted March 11, 2017 Share Posted March 11, 2017 At what point does it ever become okay to touch your superior's thighs/tights at work? When you're an attractive young woman and your father's the boss, of course. Keep in mind this was the daughter touching the OP, not visa versa. You are her boss. Behave that way. Some day, when you are no longer her superior, perhaps you can pursue a romantic relationship. Unh huh, just ignore that thigh fondling thing as if it never happened. Never let realities, practicalities, or feelings interfere with theoretical. Esp. true when doling out advice to someone else. Link to post Share on other sites
Popsicle Posted March 11, 2017 Share Posted March 11, 2017 Ok, a little background. I'm a 23 yr old electrical engineer for a power company. Ive been with the company for 3 years in the same department. 2 yrs as an intern and 1 as an engineer. My boss has been a mentor to me throughout and I highly respect him. His daughter is an intern and was recently assigned to work for me. She's a 21 yr old engineering student. Ive kinda liked this girl for a while now but it was alot easier to ignore it back when we didnt work together. We have been working together for the last couple of weeks and things are getting, interesting... I often catch her sneaking glances at me and instantly looking away. Today I was showing her something at her desk she rested her hand on my tights for an uncomfortably long time. Trying not to jump to conclusions, I dismissed it as her just being too friendly and causal. Until after work, we walked to the parking alot and she asked if i wanted to see Logan this weekend. Definitely a date right? I have a week conference in California this summer and my boss actually suggested she goes with me since she could learn alot. I guess he trusts me with her. I would hate the lose his respect but at the same-time, his daughter and i have alot in common and there might actually be something there. Our company doesnt have any policies on office relations so i dont think he can fire me for that but then there is the fact that im technically her boss. On a professional level how often does these office relationship work out? or does it fail and just make things awkward for everybody? Is it even worth it? Omg I say go for it!!! Link to post Share on other sites
kgcolonel Posted March 11, 2017 Share Posted March 11, 2017 Better be very careful....as her boss if things don't work, you and the company could be sued for harassment. Better to talk to your boss and get his perspective. Link to post Share on other sites
DarrenB Posted March 11, 2017 Share Posted March 11, 2017 Just be aware of the repercussions that might occur if you do initiate a 'friendship' or 'intimacy' with her. Link to post Share on other sites
preraph Posted March 11, 2017 Share Posted March 11, 2017 For all you know, the boss/dad my like you and HOPE she likes you. So what you need to so is go to him and say, "Hey, I need to talk to you about something," and then "It's great working with your daughter. What a nice girl. She asked me to do something with her that sounded like a date, so I just needed to get your best advice there." 4 Link to post Share on other sites
Author SnazzyKatt Posted March 14, 2017 Author Share Posted March 14, 2017 Sorry for the typo, i meant *thighs*. We did go to the movies this weekend and had dinner afterwards. She was actually pretty good company, smart, funny and can carry a conversion like an adult, i guess it helped we are both in the same field. She wants to go hiking next weekend. I told her i might have family over so ill let her know if i can. - just to give me time to think. A few people pointed out, just asking her dad first. To be honest that actually never crossed my mind. I've never had to ask a girls' parents first before taking her out. I feel like i'm risking too much. As "salparadise" mentioned, not all relationships end happily. And I should know, my last one lasted over 4 yrs and ended badly about a year ago. I guess i got a little carried away when i realized there might be something there. Say i worked up the courage to ask her dad and he's fine with it. What if this doesn't work out? What are the possible fallout? Link to post Share on other sites
angel.eyes Posted March 14, 2017 Share Posted March 14, 2017 Dads are very protective of their "little" girls. Hurt her, and he'll probably make you regret it. Most relationships end. Someone is always hurt when that happens, even in amicable breakups. It's just not worth the potential repercussions to your job at the company and your career, especially if this is your first paid job. 3.5 billion women out there. She's not the only fish in the ocean. Find someone else to date. Link to post Share on other sites
GunslingerRoland Posted March 14, 2017 Share Posted March 14, 2017 This could easily ruin your job. How much does that matter? I know in my city engineer's change jobs about every 2 years on average. If it's like that where you are, it might not matter much. Link to post Share on other sites
elaine567 Posted March 14, 2017 Share Posted March 14, 2017 As he is your boss and mentor and your future career could hinge on his good will, then dating his daughter behind his back could sabotage your career. I think you need to run it past him and not let him find out from other people. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
preraph Posted March 14, 2017 Share Posted March 14, 2017 Sorry for the typo, i meant *thighs*. We did go to the movies this weekend and had dinner afterwards. She was actually pretty good company, smart, funny and can carry a conversion like an adult, i guess it helped we are both in the same field. She wants to go hiking next weekend. I told her i might have family over so ill let her know if i can. - just to give me time to think. A few people pointed out, just asking her dad first. To be honest that actually never crossed my mind. I've never had to ask a girls' parents first before taking her out. I feel like i'm risking too much. As "salparadise" mentioned, not all relationships end happily. And I should know, my last one lasted over 4 yrs and ended badly about a year ago. I guess i got a little carried away when i realized there might be something there. Say i worked up the courage to ask her dad and he's fine with it. What if this doesn't work out? What are the possible fallout? He must think you're a good guy to be exposing his daughter to you to begin with. So tell him "You know, I hope this works out, and i will keep your daughter's best interests in mind, but I am worried about what if it doesn't work out, so I just want your approval." Link to post Share on other sites
Purepony Posted March 14, 2017 Share Posted March 14, 2017 It seems like you have something good here Go for it ! If she's okay and your okay and your both adults why not ? It's not like she's a minor and needs permission to go watch a rated r movie Go for it ! Just be friendly and let her make the moves that way she knows your serious about your job too Link to post Share on other sites
Telemachus Posted March 14, 2017 Share Posted March 14, 2017 As to you your first question about whether "see Logan this weekend" is definitely a date. It definitely isn't. You need a specific day, time, place, and activity for it to be a date. Here, all you have is activity (seeing the film "Logan"). "This weekend" is way too vague to be considered day and time. You have no specific place identified. No, definitely not a date, although continuing the conversation could lead to one. You don't say that the conversation ever reached that point. Others have covered well the subject of the prudence and wisdom of dating the boss's daughter, a 21-year old university student. It's a bad idea. Her being attracted to you, and you to her is no offense. She's his daughter and effectively reporting to you, so it's imprudent and highly unethical. Look but don't touch. Admire without desiring. If you have adult maturity, you should be able to accomplish that. Link to post Share on other sites
mia251 Posted March 14, 2017 Share Posted March 14, 2017 Omg. I love this! Its the kind of stuff i read about in books. I suggest you talk to her about it before anything can progress. Going from what you've said, she clearly wants you. But does she want to date you or just a one time thing? Or just talk to your boss. Its better to do that than worrying about it. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
elaine567 Posted March 14, 2017 Share Posted March 14, 2017 What if this doesn't work out? What are the possible fallout? Hard to say. It could go from nothing at all, you merely part company amicably, to her turning all at work against you with all sorts of allegations and character assassinations... Her Dad if he thinks you slighted his daughter and betrayed his trust in you, may sack you on some trumped up charge, or make it extremely difficult for you to work there any more; he may refuse to give you a reference. If her Dad has any influence in the wider industry then a "misdemeanour" could in fact follow you. It doesn't take a lot for a boss (or his daughter even) to ruin someone's career, some implications in an an email or a phone call, a mention in a chat over lunch, a raise of the eyebrows, a shake of the head... "Who you know" is very important in the working world, and it is why most choose to keep their noses clean, not rock any boats and avoid making enemies. Link to post Share on other sites
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