Fell for married coworker

[Drivingwithnosocks]

I know what you're saying and I've said it plenty of times myself and heard it all from family and friends but I continued to recklessly fall for my married coworker. I'm struggling to let go mainly because I don't want to even though at this point, there is nothing as it was in the beginning to hold on to. So, if you're one of the lucky ones reading this right now and curious to read on...here we go. Before anything happened, I'm a single guy just taking college classes in the morning and working a part time job in the evenings. I worked at this job for awhile and in comes a new hire. And like all new hires, I just carry on and get my work done because that's all I'm there for. Well, work goes by, my married coworker and I develop a commonly good working relationship where we talk the usuals when we have the time, you know the anything but work content. So, things got personal. I knew she was married and was not initially physically attracted to her, but we'll touch more on that later. Where were we?...right we talked personal matters. She always mentioned her husband in conversation and it was never anything bad. I've met him in person a few times along the way and he seemed nice. Months go by and we become good work friends. She once said that she enjoys working with me and I said I felt the same way. One small problem though, I felt more in enjoying our work friendship. I was single at the time and actively dating but she lit a firestorm inside. She got my humor and was even funny herself, I mean we were really good close friends at work. Other coworkers in our department even acknowledged that and some others from other nearby departments even assumed we were dating. With my feelings about to erupt with no good cause and no good outcome for me, I rationally decided to extinguish them the best way I know how and that's to set my boundary with my married coworker. I should give her name at this point to make this less boring...I'll use Taylor. Next work day arrives and I start my distance with T and by that I mean I can't be the "buddy" she once called me. I stopped initiating conversations and I

made my responses brief. She noticed and asked me if I was mad and to her reply I answered no just feeling tired from school. Her facial expression told me she could smell that bull from a mile away but I had to be strong and not stray away from my distance. I hated lying but I didn't want to make things awkward at work if she knew I'm distancing myself because I like her more than a friend. Weeks go by and she adjusted to the distance and maintained our normal coworker relationship unlike before. If we talked, it was only about work nothing more and always less. Up until one evening when we both worked the same shift, she finally breaks and tells me that she's sad that we're not the same as before and she misses our friendship. I go on and say I feel the same but I can't tell you why I

changed because it will change things even more. I mean come on, she doesn't know by now? At this point, I gave her "friend"ly greeting cards at her desk and even a Christmas gift, it was a small one nothing romantic just small accessories of her favorite football team. So then I just say, I distanced myself because I'm enjoying our work friendship more than I should. Was that direct enough to get the point across? Nope. So, we

both carry on and become good "buddies" again. We're now facebook friends and exchanged phone numbers and occasionally text each other friend stuff like funny memes or news worthy stuff. We actually started a ritual weekend bowling night within our department. Our department was small so everyone went and so did their spouses, her husband included.

Everything is cool except me. I'm falling for her more as days go by and I try to go back to the distance mission again. She calls it out and jokingly said here we go again with you acting weird. But this time I let the distance carry over a full month or so. She requested to work more mornings which meant opposite of me for no special reason just preference. That helped me out so I had no problems with that. Occasionally, we'll work a shift once a week but when we did, at this point we spoke less to each other. I'm continuing my routine, school in the morning and and work in the evening and maybe a few dates dates here and there from OLD. I'm thinking to myself, the feelings I have for T are actually lessening............ wrong! They were up until one day we worked together, she confessed again she's sad we're not "buddies" anymore, misses her friend, values our friendship, and even offers to quit because she feels she did something wrong to cause my

change. I broke and spoke too honestly with her. I told her the full truth and I regret saying so but oh well. I told her I have feelings for her and I want more than a friendship. I can't go back to being just buddies. So that's why I changed. That's why for the distance. I told her I don't need a reply because that was my closure but she told me that this was all one way, just me and that she doesn't feel the same way. We parted ways and since then never worked the same shift again. She requested to work mornings and I continued to work nights. Months go by, and we don't see other.

No more texts. No communication. Nothing. So, I continue on with my life. A few months ago, my job held a mandatory company meeting. I arrive just before it started to stay clear of any run ins with T. I know, I'm acting like a chump but I just don't want to see her. The meeting finally ends and I jet out of there but with my good luck, I run in with T. Here's some petty advice from me: the more you try to avoid someone, it never works b/c

they will find you. Fail. She says hi but i'm already walking past her and I didnt want to stop and talk so I just go. Minutes later when I'm already driving home, she texts me to say she doesn't want to let go of our friendship and that she misses working with me. I'm really confused at this point. I didn't block her number b/c I didnt see a reason to and as much as I didn't want to reply....I did. I tell her that I feel the same but it's complicated. I let go of our friendship months ago when I told you my feelings. She said she won't give up and I just said ok.

Since then, a month goes by and nothing. We don't work together anymore and there's no communication. I'm leaving a few more minor details but it's more of the same.

 

I knowingly continued with the work "friendship" because we were good friends at work. I felt more and I told her. I let go at that point and but held on every time she attempted to reestablish communication.

 

I'm ending this here. Thanks for reading.

[preraph]

Listen, she isn't very compassionate. She should have understood that you needed to remove yourself and not made it hard for you. It is for this reason that I do not LIKE her. She is selfish. You have a big problem and she has none, but she thinks her "needs" for a buddy should outweigh you struggling with feelings for her when she is married and you are working with her.

 

I do not LIKE this woman. She is selfish. She clearly told you she is not interested. She is plainly happy in her marriage. And she does not give two whits about making this easier on you.

 

I am glad she's gone. I'm sorry you lost a friend, but you lost a very selfish friend who is thinking only of herself. Once she knew you had feelings and she did not, she should have done the humane thing and left you alone! There's an old '60s song that addresses this perfectly and plaintively: Vanilla Fudge "You Keep Me Hangin' On." Go listen to it. Hope you're feeling better soon, and kudos for continuing to date through this. One of these days, that will pay off.