Whipped4good Posted April 26, 2005 Share Posted April 26, 2005 I'm 18 years old and taking on new responsibilities that I have never had to deal with before. The girl I'm dating now is going through a divorce and has a 1 year old child. She is turning 21 in a couple of months. We're looking for a place to rent now and I'm really excited about getting to become that much closer to her. I love her very much and want to hopefully one day start our own family together and become married one day. I have never really had any responsibilities before and I know what I'm expected of now. Many people tell me that it's going to be hard and I don't know what I'm getting into. I've never had to save money before or pay for anyting except for a cell phone bill and 25 dollars a week to my mom for insurance. I've never had a car payment because my parents have already given me 3 cars because I totalled my first 2. I would really appreciate some other peoples input on how I should handle this information and how long I should wait to move in. We've been together for almost 3 months now and plan on saving money for the next month or 2 until we know we can afford to move in. Some input would be nice. thanks!~ Link to post Share on other sites
Illusion24 Posted April 26, 2005 Share Posted April 26, 2005 Lets analyze this... She's 21 divorced with a child, and you've only been with her 3 months and want to move in...Wow!!! Do you realize how much you have to experience before dealing with these kinds of issues. Have you started college?? Do you have a job to support a family?? If you get a job do you think you'll have time for school??? Are you ready to be father figure??? Do you know what it means to be a father??? Do you know what it means to be a husband (not a boyfriend)??? Do you know how to raise a child??? ARE YOU READY??? At 18 my thoughts were, what club am I going to?? What cute guys are their that I know??? What do I wear to school tomorrow??? OH my gosh does he really like me??? Damn, I need a new stereo for my ride??? **** like that, to some degree... It's a big responsibility that takes a lot of time and patience. My opinion, she's looking for someone to help with the child so she won't be alone. You're to young and I think you should really re-consider moving in with her so soon. Maybe it would be a little different if that was your child that you were taking responsibility for but another mans...it's to steep for me. I'm not trying to change your mind, I'm just trying to open your eyes a little that's all. In the end it's your decision. Love is blind, be careful. Link to post Share on other sites
NTB Posted April 26, 2005 Share Posted April 26, 2005 not to knock you or anything but you really need to sit down and think about this relationship ESPECIALLY if she has a kid your young do you really want to do this? and if you do i mean you have to go into this knowing that her child from the previous relationship will always come first and that the kids dad will always be around if he is in his kid's life i mean i could go on and on.......i once dated a lady with a child and it is tricky cause you don't only have a relationship with her but also the kid and when you break up you and her might break up but the kid doesn't know about this i mean we have been broken up 3 yrs now and this kid sees me on the street and ask me how come i don't come by anymore....... i just think you should really not rush into this take time to think and make sure it is all what you want......... just my 2 cents Link to post Share on other sites
FolderWife Posted April 26, 2005 Share Posted April 26, 2005 Um.....you are fresh out of highschool. All I really wanted to accomplish in life was marrying a good man, and being happy. So at the age of 20, that's what I did...I got married...and I could't be happier. However, I had the luxury of marrying a man who was already living on his own, had two good vehicles, and a well paying, steady job. Added with my barely above minimum wage job, we are pretty comfortable. His money pays the bills, and my income pays for the house. However, you don't have much going for YOU. My husband was fresh out of the army, and had a good job. You are fresh out of high school. I've been out of high school and working for 4 years, and I'm only up to $8.50 an hour. In this area, there aren't any good paying jobs without a degree. Sincemy husband has an army background, he was first in line for the job he now works at...but it's a 12 hour a day job So...I would recommend getting a degree, so you can sit on your arse 8 hours a day, and get paid a sinful amount of money. I get to sit 8 hours a day, but I don't get paid a lot. My husband gets paid a lot, but he WORKS HARD for it. So in order for you to make it, you'll have to work two jobs. Because at 18, fresh out of high school, you're not going to be able to find anything making more than minimum wage. Waiters sometimes get to keep their tips... Also, your girlfriend has a kid...who's going to watch it while she works? Will it work out that she works in the morning while you watch the kids, and then you work the night shift while she watches the kids? You'll be living together, but you'll never actually BE together. I have a guy that I work with who's wife works the night shift so someone is always home with the babies....they see each other once a week on Sunday You are going to be poor. You are going to live in a trailor. But you will be together. However, the stress of not having any comforts or luxuries so you can support her and HER KID will wiegh heavy on the relationship You'll never get to go to the movies because you won't be able to afford it, you'll never get to go out to dinner, you'll never have a spare moment away from her kid, you might not even be able to afford cable! You'll only be able to afford food, utilities, and gas for your car. I really don't recommend moving in with her so soon...especially since you have no income yet, and your prospective income is minimum. Good luck with whatever you decide! Link to post Share on other sites
FolderWife Posted April 26, 2005 Share Posted April 26, 2005 Just wanted to add that my cousin dated a divorced woman with two girls. They were both working. As soon as he moved in with her, she quit her job. Now he's stuck supporting her, her two kids, AND the baby that they just had together. They can't even afford gas. Link to post Share on other sites
Moose Posted April 26, 2005 Share Posted April 26, 2005 18 + Shake and Bake family = disaster. Link to post Share on other sites
DRAGONFLIES Posted April 26, 2005 Share Posted April 26, 2005 AFTER READING SOME OF THE RESPONSES, I HAVE TO SAY SOMETHING! I AM A SINGLE MOM AND I HAVE A BOYFRIEND. I AM NOT LOOKING FOR A DAD FOR MY KIDS, THEY HAVE ONE! AND AS FAR AS THE AGE DIFFERENCE, SO WHAT! IT'S NOT LIKE SH'E YOUR GRANDMA'S AGE! I SEE NOTHING WRONG WITH BEING HAPPY WITH WHOEVER MAKES YOU THAT WAY! IF YOU LOVE HER AND SHE LOVES YOU, WELL, THE HELL WITH EVERYONE ELSE! YES A BABY BEING INVOLVED DOES MAKE THINGS DIFFERENT, BUT NOT IMPOSSIBLE! YOU CAN STILL GO TO SCHOOL WITH KIDS, I DO. YOU CAN STILL HAVE FUN, I KNOW I DO! CHILDREN DO MAKE THINGS MORE DIFFICULT, BUT YOU KNEW WHAT YOU WERE GETTING INTO WHEN YOU STARTED DATEING HER AND IT DIDN'T BOTHER YOU BEFORE. DON'T LET ALL THESE PEOPLE EFFECT YOU! LISTEN TO YOUR HEART! THAT'S THE ONLY ADVICE YOU NEED. SIMPLY LISTEN TO YOUR HEART! Link to post Share on other sites
Author Whipped4good Posted April 26, 2005 Author Share Posted April 26, 2005 Okay, lemme clarify some things for some very unsupportive people out there. I have a job, working at a family insurance agency. She also works making good money too. (for the age and experience) Within the next 6 months to a year, we'll will both be Agents and making an average salary between 40,000 to 60,000 a year. I'm sorry that I didn't clarify that in the opening statement. I average around 8.50 to 9 dollars an hour and she makes 9.25 an hour so the money isn't such a big issue. I know what my responsibilities and expectations are. I have been around the child since late January, early February, and have become really close to her. Soon, I know that I will love her just as she is my own. She is also not just some ol' usual girl off the streets. She isn't someone to put her child off on me and do stuff like that. She is my sister-in-laws best friend of ten years. So, she is well, known and my family also knows her very well. I love her to death and we have had many conversations about it all, and have made our decisions based on money and if we're ready or not. So, I'm not looking for negative comments unless at all necessary, more looking for support or suggestions. (positive) So, there's a little bit of clarification for some of you guys and gals! Link to post Share on other sites
Moose Posted April 26, 2005 Share Posted April 26, 2005 We're just telling you like it is. You've got a long hard road in front of you. You said yourself that you never really had to deal with a lot of responsibility. Going into a ready made family relationship is like jumping out of the frying pan and into the fire. That's all....there's nothing positive to tell you. Sure it can be done, but not without a lot of hard work and determination. There's a lot more downs than ups. Link to post Share on other sites
Artifact Posted April 26, 2005 Share Posted April 26, 2005 Hi there Whipped: I think that at 18 (not taking into account that your girlfriend is going through a divorce and has a one year old) 3 months is too soon to move in together. I understand it may seem like a way to spend more time together, and to save some money on rent; but if you are serious about marrying her, take your time to get to know her better. You can save money, advance within your company, and when a year is up discuss this again. One other thing to think about is also her child. Although one is a young age, the time will come when she becomes attached to you, and will not bare to be able to see you go. Make sure you are REALLY serious before you take that step. Being a father and dad is a lot of work! Good luck to you! Link to post Share on other sites
NTB Posted April 26, 2005 Share Posted April 26, 2005 sorry.......but my comments weren't meant to be negative like i said just something to put some real thought into and like i said also the relationship is not only with her but the child if something happens between you 2 the child will also be affected.... and with that said if your gonna have a go at this good luck my friend all i am saying is go in with yours open and i can't really give you advice cause i don't have any kids just nephews and nieces but i am more like a big kid myself so i always let them do whatever they want and from what i understand from my brother and sister in law that is not a good thing... so i guess my peice of advice is don't the little one get away with murder..... good luck Link to post Share on other sites
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