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Thinking of asking a female coworker out...


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Old 11th February 2017, 2:43 AM   #1
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Thinking of asking a female coworker out...

Ok. I've been at this job for about two months and about a month ago I started noticing one of the only cute girls in the office checking me out at least twice. I pretended not to notice. My first week there she started talking to me first and asked me things like where I went to school, where I live and what year I graduated. We have talked a few more times on our lunch break and have gotten to know each other somewhat better. The thing is, this girl is friendly and social to everyone so it's hard to tell if she's interested in me or not. We have been bouncing questions back and forth to each other the past couple times we have talked. She admitted to me "I really don't know what I want to do with my life" and we barely know each other. We started talking about movies and I told her about a movie I saw called Split and she asked if it was a love story because someone she knows made an indie movie with the same title but it was a different movie.

In this same movie conversation, I asked her if she watches a lot of movies and she said no not really but she did say she wants to see the live action Beauty and the Beast that comes out in March because she loved it as a kid. At the time, I had no response but I am wondering if she said that because she wants to see it with me.

She has been reading a book for an all-girl Chic Lit Club and part of the way through she put it away. I think she did this so we could talk. We both discovered we each have a dog but since she speaks her mind I figure I would too and told her I keep my dog baby-gated in the kitchen while at work and since he's a minpin, he can't hold his pee and has an accident almost daily and I give him a bath almost daily. I am just hoping she doesn't think I'm irresponsible because I do let him out constantly when I'm here. She asked about puppy pads and I said he will just chew them up if left alone with one out of boredom.

She also stares directly at me and smiles and the last two times I was in the supply cabinet, she came over and asked what I'm looking for and tried helping. She's definitely a nice person, but is she throwing hints to me that she likes me? It's a small office, so if anything I was going to ask her to go as friends to the KT Tunstall concert next week at work. I just don't want to get rejected and it being awkward.

One thing that has me a little concerned is that I tried adding her to Facebook after one of our lunch talks and she has neither accepted or denied the friend request. I am thinking she wants to get to know me before she lets me in on her business.

What're your thoughts/experiences? Girls and guys are welcome to comment on this one. Thanks!

Last edited by VedderisBetter; 11th February 2017 at 2:57 AM..
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Old 11th February 2017, 9:08 AM   #2
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Red face

To be perfectly honest, I did not even have to read your argument which was directed as to why or why not you should date a co-worker. The answer you seek is obvious, and it's a big fat NO. Do not date a co-worker, nothing good can come of it. You realize, that if something goes wrong, and statistically speaking you will eventually break up. Then you have to both work together and that can be a nightmare.
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Old 11th February 2017, 9:40 AM   #3
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Yeah , me too, just going by the title, don't go ahead. Too much at stake in this economy.
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Old 11th February 2017, 9:49 AM   #4
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Based on what you said, it is hard to tell whether she is interested or just friendly with everyone. To prevent things from becoming awkward if you get rejected, I say wait until you get a bigger green light that says ask me out. Until then, continue to get to know her more.
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Old 11th February 2017, 2:45 PM   #5
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She didn't want to accept you on Facebook and she didn't want to deny you and insult you since she works with you. She's outgoing and social, so if she is interested in you she would make that blatantly obvious.
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Old 11th February 2017, 7:04 PM   #6
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Yeah there are girls in work I'm interested in but I don't ask them out. No huge green go signs means no asking out. I've worked at the company for 2 years without a problem - job is good so no jeopardizing it.
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Old 11th February 2017, 7:19 PM   #7
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If he's comfortable with the whole dating a coworker thing, then he should go ahead and ask her out. If she was totally uninterested then she wouldn't give him so much attention. It could be a friend only vibe but there is only one way to find out.

Asking her out doesn't have to mean risking a major rejection. If you do a casual, low-pressure invite, then a rejection is also of low value.

So, invite her to something you are already going to do, with or without her. "Hey, I'm going to grab a drink after work today. Do you want to join me?"

If she wants to reject you, all she has to do is give a lame excuse about being busy. Nobody loses face in that situation.

Then, she isn't interested if she doesn't offer another time. It's a legit excuse if instead she says "I would like to, but I have xyz tonight. What about next week?"

See how that works?
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Old 26th February 2017, 9:24 AM   #8
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Talked to Coworker

Well I ended up asking a coworker when most were gone around us for the day on Friday if there was in fact a dating policy where we worked. She pointed out how our boss's wife works at the same company and someone else is in a relationship at the company. The company is just over 100 people but there is only about 15 people in our office. The majority are in the downtown office. Anyways, I did mention to the female coworker how I want to get to know this girl better and possibly ask her out. Her response was that she has or had a boyfriend several months ago. I told the coworker that I don't think she does because the few times me or my boss asks her what she's doing for the weekend, it's always hanging out with her mom or friends. She would've mentioned a boyfriend if she had one by now. Also, she wouldn't keep checking me out like I have been catching her doing. Now, I'm just afraid gossip will get back to her that I like her and want to ask her out. I guess this info isn't a huge deal for coworkers to know, but they don't need to know anything else if we do date. I doubt my boss would care as long as it didn't distract our work.

Now that I think about it, me and the crush are the only single people out of the 15 so maybe it's destiny lol. She did just train me on something new but we sit on opposite ends of the office so I don't think it's a big deal. We've both tried the online dating thing and it hasn't worked for either of us. My gut says go for it. She already told me she doesn't want to retire from the place and neither do I.

Is there anything to lose if we just take things slow and are friends at first?
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Old 26th February 2017, 11:58 AM   #9
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Quote:
Originally Posted by VedderisBetter View Post
Ok. I've been at this job for about two months and about a month ago I started noticing one of the only cute girls in the office checking me out at least twice. I pretended not to notice. My first week there she started talking to me first and asked me things like where I went to school, where I live and what year I graduated. We have talked a few more times on our lunch break and have gotten to know each other somewhat better. The thing is, this girl is friendly and social to everyone so it's hard to tell if she's interested in me or not. We have been bouncing questions back and forth to each other the past couple times we have talked. She admitted to me "I really don't know what I want to do with my life" and we barely know each other. We started talking about movies and I told her about a movie I saw called Split and she asked if it was a love story because someone she knows made an indie movie with the same title but it was a different movie.

In this same movie conversation, I asked her if she watches a lot of movies and she said no not really but she did say she wants to see the live action Beauty and the Beast that comes out in March because she loved it as a kid. At the time, I had no response but I am wondering if she said that because she wants to see it with me.

She has been reading a book for an all-girl Chic Lit Club and part of the way through she put it away. I think she did this so we could talk. We both discovered we each have a dog but since she speaks her mind I figure I would too and told her I keep my dog baby-gated in the kitchen while at work and since he's a minpin, he can't hold his pee and has an accident almost daily and I give him a bath almost daily. I am just hoping she doesn't think I'm irresponsible because I do let him out constantly when I'm here. She asked about puppy pads and I said he will just chew them up if left alone with one out of boredom.

She also stares directly at me and smiles and the last two times I was in the supply cabinet, she came over and asked what I'm looking for and tried helping. She's definitely a nice person, but is she throwing hints to me that she likes me? It's a small office, so if anything I was going to ask her to go as friends to the KT Tunstall concert next week at work. I just don't want to get rejected and it being awkward.

One thing that has me a little concerned is that I tried adding her to Facebook after one of our lunch talks and she has neither accepted or denied the friend request. I am thinking she wants to get to know me before she lets me in on her business.

What're your thoughts/experiences? Girls and guys are welcome to comment on this one. Thanks!
Why do you need to add her to facebook?
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Old 5th March 2017, 1:08 AM   #10
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I found the answer

I messaged this girl on facebook and she responded and said she is in a long term relationship and would like to remain friendly co-workers. She said I must've mistaken her friendliness for interest. Why would she check me out and Friday I saw her looking at my hair and standing really close when she comes to my desk. I've seen her cry twice at work so she is emotionally unstable. A coworker told me she has a boyfriend when I said I might ask her out. I figured she was just jealous of the girl I liked.

I think the girl either shot me down or has an imaginary boyfriend in all honesty. It's possible she just has a weird relationship with her "boyfriend" as he is not on any of her facebook profile pics. She talked to other girls about her supposed boyfriend but when me or my boss ask her what she's doing or did over the weekend she never brought up a boyfriend. She said she was doing things with her mom or friends, no boyfriend was brought up. This seems a bit weird but I told her it's no big deal. A girl who cries a lot is a lot to handle anyways but I figured I'd try to give it a go because she is attractive and nice. Plenty of girls out there, but I was hoping to get a chance with her as she's someone I met in person and all the others have been girls I've met on dating sites. Life will go on lol.
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Old 5th March 2017, 1:13 AM   #11
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Now you know. No harm done
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Old 5th March 2017, 1:27 AM   #12
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Why do you need to add her to facebook?
It's half assing it and to data mine

Rather than a good ole fashion, would you like to get together sometime
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Old 5th March 2017, 3:15 AM   #13
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Originally Posted by VedderisBetter View Post
I messaged this girl on facebook and she responded and said she is in a long term relationship and would like to remain friendly co-workers. She said I must've mistaken her friendliness for interest. Why would she check me out and Friday I saw her looking at my hair and standing really close when she comes to my desk. I've seen her cry twice at work so she is emotionally unstable. A coworker told me she has a boyfriend when I said I might ask her out. I figured she was just jealous of the girl I liked.

I think the girl either shot me down or has an imaginary boyfriend in all honesty. It's possible she just has a weird relationship with her "boyfriend" as he is not on any of her facebook profile pics. She talked to other girls about her supposed boyfriend but when me or my boss ask her what she's doing or did over the weekend she never brought up a boyfriend. She said she was doing things with her mom or friends, no boyfriend was brought up. This seems a bit weird but I told her it's no big deal. A girl who cries a lot is a lot to handle anyways but I figured I'd try to give it a go because she is attractive and nice. Plenty of girls out there, but I was hoping to get a chance with her as she's someone I met in person and all the others have been girls I've met on dating sites. Life will go on lol.
You dodged a bullet with this girl. In future, I would stay well away from work based relationships especially if you work in a small office and have only recently started working there. You're headed for trouble if things don't work out. It sounds like this woman could easily have made your work like a living hell if things took a turn for the worse. Just focus on your job and find girls outside of work.
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Old 5th March 2017, 3:38 AM   #14
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Originally Posted by VedderisBetter View Post
Why would she check me out and Friday I saw her looking at my hair
I've read the stories of many people who've interpreted checking someone out as romantic interest. However, the two can be totally unrelated.

Reasons for checking someone out:

They are hot
They have good hair
Something about them is weird
Something about them is interesting
They look like someone you know
They've got a good/bad body part which you can't drag your eyes away from

None of this necessarily means that they have romantic interest. I've known hot guys who I've been guilty of checking out, but they were totally not my type of personality and so dating would have been totally out of the question.
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Old 5th March 2017, 6:23 PM   #15
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What's the deal with two girls saying they have boyfriends?

One coworker was showing signs of interest(checking me out, standing close, pushing hair behind ears, going out of her way to help me, etc.) and I messaged her on Facebook last night and she said she's so sorry but she's in a long term relationship and I confused her kindness for interest. Why do girls show interest when they are already taken? I'm sorry catching a girl checking you out a few times is not from kindness lol.

Then today I ended up messaging my old supervisor because I left my job abruptly about a year ago. I apologized and then I asked her how she trimmed down. She started telling me about the gym she goes to and I was like "Do you need a gym partner or do you have one?" She said her trainer is her boyfriend. When I worked at my old job, I caught her checking me out through peripheral so I felt she was interested as well. My brother and her sister dated years ago so she kept asking me questions like where I grew up, etc. I know she was talking to her sister about me because she all of a sudden one time asked about the street I grew up on and she mentioned the name so she already knew from talking to her sister. She may have just been friendly but who knows. I told her we can keep in touch if she'd like to and she said sure we go way back ( meaning our siblings dated each other in the late 1990's.) I hope I didn't seem desperate but I probably scared her or something lol. On the plus side, she was receptive with my apology and continued the conversation for 15 or so minutes through fb messenger. I promised her I didn't reach out for a date but to apologize. It was only in our conversation that I saw an opportunity to ask her. I figure if she is dating him, it will end in a few months when she discovers how many girls he sleeps with lol.

The funny thing is, neither girl has their boyfriends on their facebook profile pics which I find odd. The first girl also never talks about her supposed boyfriend but she did months ago to a female coworker. Why are girls such an enigma lol?!

I figured I'll just play it cool with both and move on. I don't have many skills in picking up women lol.

Last edited by VedderisBetter; 5th March 2017 at 6:28 PM..
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