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Ok, am I in the wrong field of work or is there a way to handle petty females.

 

I'm tired of women turning the workplace into a high school playground where they are more worried about setting up cliques and are jealous of who's hotter than them.

 

NEWS FLASH!!!

 

No one is in competition with you. No one cares about you and/or wants to be in your clique. Some of us actually wanna come to work and get work done instead of play your silly high school games.

 

Any experiences with petty, uneducated, women who are so insecure and jealous that they think you are in competition with them when all you're doing is living life? How did you handle them?

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Ahh the henhouse gang is still employable eh? Yeah Gloria I have zero advice since I made it clear when I got hired that A: I would not tolerate caddy behavior nor should it be tolerated. So first day on the job.. The typical henhouse stood around with whispers of " look what she is wearing "' to " I heard she didn't even pass the exam ". I maintained pleasant attitudes and disallowed them to determine my value or place. Most want you to fall in line to their hen pecking order. I simply do my best and figure that next time a remark of unkind nature swings back around.. I'll ask if such teen age antics works in an adult environment? I'm not anti team .. Just anti scheming ..

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I only had this in one workplace, but it wasn't just the pretty girls. It was just like highschool all over again.

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This is not exclusive to women.

 

I work in a facility of some 1500 men, you will be out of the in-crowd based on such pettiness as your footwear or what brand of boxer short is showing above the waistband of your company issue trousers.

 

Hairstyles and any mispronunciations or verbal faux-pas also garner the attention of jackals who hunt in packs.

 

Lordy, the things you have to go through just to pay the rent.

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Is this indicative of a wider problem that often gets brushed under the carpet, that of bullying in the workplace?

 

I am an Introvert/Sensitive personality type, I observe the play-out of these behaviours.

 

Usually instigated by an unofficial management person on the shop floor. Neither Union or Management but is allocated a lions share of overtime/perks.

 

Behaviour classed as innocent 'banter' [but looks like the thin end of the wedge for bullying]

 

Those targeted for exclusion by the work group often find themselves high on the list for dismissal during any 5% reduction in payroll efficiency.

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I've honestly never experienced or been aware of this kind of thing, not at work nor at school or college.

 

I have been through bullying but I wouldn't call this bullying.

 

I guess I see it more of a case of walk into a room at a party and either be intimidated by some attractive other woman or - sod any of that and enjoy yourself! That's what you're there to do!

 

Same with work, I'm there to do work - so that's what I do.

I have no choice within my work context to fall out to some degree with colleagues simply due to my job but it's not personal, it's business.

I get along well with 98% of my work colleagues (one I totally avoid - different story, the other one, I keep strictly professional when in a one to one convo) and never feel any envy or anything, I'm unaware of any cliques - maybe there are some - either way it makes no odds my me at all.

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Ha, ha, looked at the title and thought it read 'pretty women' :D

 

OP, I know it sucks but groups of all types, workgroups being one, are governed by some sort of politics and the size of the group is generally irrelevant. That groups can remain relatively civil and work in a coordinated fashion is testament to human evolution and a modicum of adherence to law and order.

 

Personally, in my nearly six decades on this rock, I've seen no overriding correlation between pettiness and education or intelligence or any other metric. If anything, an intelligent and educated petty person has more weapons in their arsenal and is more clever about using them.

 

For those inured to politics and power, they use, and sometimes weaponize, the tools at their disposal to achieve their goals. For women, generally, that's related to group-think and emotional manipulation. It goes back to childhood, the tools I mean. They learn them very early. Survival. If one misses out on that education, or eschews it for another path, dealing with it can be, well, challenging. Expect it to occur for the rest of your life. It is what it is.

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Yet another thing that makes me so thankful to work in a tiny office!

 

We have a team 4-5 people, and any new hires get interviewed by everyone - being able to mesh well with our group is vital.

 

No office prettiness, no cliques, we are there to work and try to make it as pleasant as possible while we are there.

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Ha, ha, looked at the title and thought it read 'pretty women' :D

 

Me too! LOL

 

I have no constructive advice. I either don't notice and just ignore them.

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I thought it said pretty women too. I was wondering what that had to do with anything but figured to some it may. :confused:

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This isn't just women, men play these games too. Except they just pretend it's more grown up than it is. This is people. You handle it by staying out of it and focusing on your work.

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What specifically do they do?

 

In my experience it starts with jokes that are on you, sarcastic quips, pointed criticism of how you look, how you perform a work function.

 

In all work groups there are tasks that are seen as worse than the others as they are harder or dirtier or whatever, soon you get stuck with one of these permanently with no rotation.

 

It all goes toward isolating you and freezing you out of the team, uniting the team against you, making you the outcast.

 

It is done both outrageously with the jokes and quips; once you have been identified it becomes subtle and covert. Nothing can be proved and to identify individual instances makes you look like the crazy one.

 

Low level management can get in on the 'joke' by withholding information from you, backing up the ringleaders.

 

These are some examples but it can take many guises & forms. People who fear you [through whatever insecurity of their own] set out to undermine you.

 

The insidious nature of bullying in the workplace

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I worked with one woman like that for 12years. She had it in for me from the day I started because I got the job she wanted....when she eventually got to work along side me she went all out to make my life at work miserable.

As I was going through so much in my personal life I felt unable to stand up to her or do anything about it for a long time. When I did find my strength, I did stand up to her. I refused to be manipulated by her, when she couldn't manipulate me, she tried threatening me (via email) I passed the email onto the manager and complained about being threatened...the manager sided with her and told me to be careful about making accusations Grrr!!! My manager has her own issues (dishonesty) hopefully she'll get caught out eventually.

Anyway, I kept standing up for myself every time she tried to knock me down and I reported every slight I had to my manager, she must of got sick of it, she left about a year ago and work is so much better without her.

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I worked with one woman like that for 12years. She had it in for me from the day I started because I got the job she wanted....when she eventually got to work along side me she went all out to make my life at work miserable.

As I was going through so much in my personal life I felt unable to stand up to her or do anything about it for a long time. When I did find my strength, I did stand up to her. I refused to be manipulated by her, when she couldn't manipulate me, she tried threatening me (via email) I passed the email onto the manager and complained about being threatened...the manager sided with her and told me to be careful about making accusations Grrr!!! My manager has her own issues (dishonesty) hopefully she'll get caught out eventually.

Anyway, I kept standing up for myself every time she tried to knock me down and I reported every slight I had to my manager, she must of got sick of it, she left about a year ago and work is so much better without her.

 

Thankfully you had one person. Unfortunately, it gets dicey when it's a clique that includes one/two in management.

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Thankfully you had one person. Unfortunately, it gets dicey when it's a clique that includes one/two in management.

 

Gloria, I understand where you are coming from. Its a mire of mock when you are trying to perform your tasks and petty comments or tasks are cast upon you. I think if you are going to devote 8 hours of your life to a career, it needs to have value and not be devalued by the cohorts. Like I said, I really haven't found a clear cut way to cease others behaviors or mental flaws...I tend to move along and hope I am more of an asset then a deterrent to others when at work....

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Gloria, I understand where you are coming from. Its a mire of mock when you are trying to perform your tasks and petty comments or tasks are cast upon you. I think if you are going to devote 8 hours of your life to a career, it needs to have value and not be devalued by the cohorts. Like I said, I really haven't found a clear cut way to cease others behaviors or mental flaws...I tend to move along and hope I am more of an asset then a deterrent to others when at work....

 

It's not just petty comments. It's also not giving me credit for the work I'm doing, withholding tools I need to do my job, and trying to paint me as not being part of the "team" (despite the disrespect and unfair treatment this "team" - better said "clique" - dispenses out to people like myself, who try to be part of the "team"). Essentially, their petty games are aimed at costing me my job - not just their jealousy/envy.

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It's not just petty comments. It's also not giving me credit for the work I'm doing, withholding tools I need to do my job, and trying to paint me as not being part of the "team" (despite the disrespect and unfair treatment this "team" - better said "clique" - dispenses out to people like myself, who try to be part of the "team"). Essentially, their petty games are aimed at costing me my job - not just their jealousy/envy.

 

All of that ^^^

 

Loosing you your job is the game they play, the prize. sick sick people.

 

There is a 'no phones' company policy, all the clique have their smart phones, watch football games, check football and horse racing bets, place bets. If I got my phone out the supervisor would have me on the company disciplinary procedure, I leave mine in my locker.

 

Most of the time things are OK and I can earn my wages in peace. If they ramp up for whatever reason I have to ignore it, rise above it and continue with my process.

 

It is partly through this I started to investigate my spirituality, I needed something to get me through, to stop me reacting.

 

When things get tough I took to reciting this in my mind:

 

Galatians 5:22-23

 

22 But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, forbearance, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, 23 gentleness and self-control. Against such things there is no law.

 

If I don't react, they have to up their game, if they go too far - they will be caught in their own trap.

 

Not all members of the work group side with them, and this soon becomes apparent, they back off and will only go so far.

 

It is obviously not the Company who wants shut of me, I have 100% attendance, am punctual and work hard bell to bell. If it was the Company I would have been toast long back.

 

It tends to manifest during yearly 5 % efficiency's, or if one of them have a brother/sister/aunty/uncle who needs a job.

 

The key is not reacting to their BS and to keep smiling, gets right under their skin.

 

If you can have a phone they have video and sound recording facilities these days, any actual evidence you can capture is worth having.

 

Don't complain about it, Don't make waves, it just gives the on board supervisors ammunition to escalate the case against you.

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Ignore and turn down every social invite. It might take a while because they reeeeeeaaaalllllyyyy want to include you but eventually they get the message. Find the person who hates everyone at work and befriend them, they won't bug you for afterwork drinks and gossip, perfect.

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Ignore and turn down every social invite. It might take a while because they reeeeeeaaaalllllyyyy want to include you but eventually they get the message. Find the person who hates everyone at work and befriend them, they won't bug you for afterwork drinks and gossip, perfect.

 

Thanks, I got ya, but...

 

The thing is, they are using the social invites towards evaluations to say you're not a "team player" when fact is, they exclude you and treat you like crap when you try to participate.

 

And see, that's why I fail at these things. I'm not into all the 'go set up your own clique of people that can't stand them'. Besides, every time I see these situations, they're good at isolating the victim so if you try to reach out to others, they are either too scared or don't care to support you.

 

But thanks for the suggestions. :)

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It sucks big time.

 

You would think turning up on time, not skipping Monday & Friday, and applying yourself to the process would be enough to satisfy your contractual obligations.

 

As workers are either part of the clique or afraid of the clique - nobody will stand witness for anything that takes place - you can't prove a damn thing.

 

I'm 6'2" 175lbs and a useful Thai Boxer, when the hooter goes and we head to the car park you don't see them for dust.

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