New coworker issues

[Hersheys]

I'd like to ask for your insights/advice on what I should do regarding this slightly embarassing dillemma I'm about to be in. This may seem a little crazy but here goes...

 

We have a new coworker coming in the next couple of days. She's very young, intelligent, sexy and hot - the complete package. All my male coworkers are going crazy excited over the prospect of working with her soon.

 

My office is not really very large. It's quite creative and open to self-expression. There are many girls in the department but the design unit I work for consist of mostly male. Most of them are great and have been very nice to me. Most of them shower me with attention and kindness over the other girls in the office, which I secretly love and enjoy. I'd like to think that I'm not attention seeking, never have been but my problem right now is this- with this new girl coming, I am worried the attention they used to give me will shift to the new girl. I hate to admit but I'm feeling jealous and threatened... and she hasn't even started!

 

I hate myself for even feeling this way. Yesterday they were talking about her excitedly, of course, and suddenly I felt my cheeks turn hot and red. I could sense sweat coming out of my face/body (sorry TMI ).

 

It's like I feel self-conscious over how I would react. I feel I'm afraid that I would appear jealous and insecure over the presence of this new girl.

 

I have to say that I've always had anxiety issues (sweating profusely & blushing) when I'm feeling vulnerable and self-conscious. I just don't know how to handle myself when I'm in this kind of situation.

 

What I should I do to not let this get under my skin? How do I stop myself from embarassing myself? I just want to be cool about this and not show that I'm jealous over the fact that the fondness and attention is now on her.

 

Thanks in advance!:love:

[preraph]

Do you feel like this place only hires young good looking women? It certainly wouldn't be the first place that did.

 

I can just tell you that yes, you are going to take a back seat if they're already acting like dogs in heat about her and she's not even there yet. You certainly can't show that it bothers you. You will need to be smiling and polite to them and to her. I wouldn't worry too much about sweating and blushing because they're going to be focused on her if she's that hot, not you.

 

One of these days, this place is going to hire someone who doesn't like being the office sexual entertainment.

[Hersheys]

Do you feel like this place only hires young good looking women? It certainly wouldn't be the first place that did.

 

I can just tell you that yes, you are going to take a back seat if they're already acting like dogs in heat about her and she's not even there yet. You certainly can't show that it bothers you. You will need to be smiling and polite to them and to her. I wouldn't worry too much about sweating and blushing because they're going to be focused on her if she's that hot, not you.

 

One of these days, this place is going to hire someone who doesn't like being the office sexual entertainment.

 

Thanks preraph!

 

The thing is there aren't many pretty, young things in the office which explains the guys going gaga over this new girl.

 

I really should take a back seat and lay low for a while and let boys be boys. You're right they probably won't even notice me being all awkward. I'm not really good at playing cool and calm over something like this but I can try.

[preraph]

Don't worry, once she rejects them all, unless she is a master manipulator with a lot of savvy, then they'll all resent her. She's probably already taken anyway. Of course, you can always report any inappropriate comments they make in regards to her if you so choose, but if the boss is on their side, it won't do you much good.

[CarrieT]

Why don't you treat her professionally and not as a sex object? :rolleyes::roll eyes:

 

 

Most girls do NOT want to be objectified, you know.

 

That might go a long way towards your abating your embarrassment...

Edited March 22, 2016 by CarrieT

[Mind-Chants]

 

We have a new coworker coming in the next couple of days. She's very young, intelligent, sexy and hot - the complete package. All my male coworkers are going crazy excited over the prospect of working with her soon.

 

My office is not really very large. It's quite creative and open to self-expression. There are many girls in the department but the design unit I work for consist of mostly male. Most of them are great and have been very nice to me. Most of them shower me with attention and kindness over the other girls in the office, which I secretly love and enjoy. I'd like to think that I'm not attention seeking, never have been but my problem right now is this- with this new girl coming, I am worried the attention they used to give me will shift to the new girl. I hate to admit but I'm feeling jealous and threatened... and she hasn't even started!

 

I think the two statements (bold) are contradictory.

 

I hate myself for even feeling this way. Yesterday they were talking about her excitedly, of course, and suddenly I felt my cheeks turn hot and red. I could sense sweat coming out of my face/body (sorry TMI ).

 

It's like I feel self-conscious over how I would react. I feel I'm afraid that I would appear jealous and insecure over the presence of this new girl.

 

I have to say that I've always had anxiety issues (sweating profusely & blushing) when I'm feeling vulnerable and self-conscious. I just don't know how to handle myself when I'm in this kind of situation.

 

Not appearing jealous is really difficult. People think they could control their expressions, but the very first reaction we give to any situation (also called micro-expression – wiki read this) is involuntary. You can’t control it. If this jealousy thing is in your mind and you think you could fake “don’t care attitude” then rethink. I am sure you have noticed other people pretending, like you noticed they will also notice you too.

You don’t have to seek external validation to feel good. It should come from within you. Developing a sense of internal locus of control is important. Else you would be living a life what other people want to see you as, than what you want yourself to be.

Stop comparing yourself with others. The way you described about her, I feel you are already obsessing over her way too much. There is no relativity, it’s absolute you. When you become aware of the absolute you, you would feel more confident about yourself. Trust me there is nothing more attractive than a confident woman.

Maintain a professional conduct. Give maximum focus and attention to your work and career. Decide which thing you want more. Career or attention? Take it as an opportunity. When your co-workers are focused on this new girl, with their attention diverted from work, you could out-do them on professional front, get good reviews and recommendations.

Regarding anxiety issues, try to do some research on self counter conditioning techniques. It’s very effective in workplace context. Since you mentioned about sweating during anxiety, you could try physiological relaxation training like Somantic relaxation techniques.

Just stop thinking about her. Treat her like any other girl in your department. I am sure you will be fine.

 

PS: - When I was writing this reply, my gf came over to read what I have written. She gave me a mysterious smile which I associate with " you are such a fool".

[Hersheys]

Don't worry, once she rejects them all, unless she is a master manipulator with a lot of savvy, then they'll all resent her. She's probably already taken anyway. Of course, you can always report any inappropriate comments they make in regards to her if you so choose, but if the boss is on their side, it won't do you much good.

 

I probably won't report anything since the boss is very excited as well. I've worked with men before but I've never seen this kind of behaviour that I'm afraid they could almost froth in the mouth with excitement.

[Hersheys]

Why don't you treat her professionally and not as a sex object? :rolleyes::roll eyes:

 

 

Most girls do NOT want to be objectified, you know.

 

That might go a long way towards your abating your embarrassment...

 

I don't really plan on treating this new girl any differently. She seems the kind who's outspoken against any bad behaviour.

[Hersheys]

I think the two statements (bold) are contradictory.

 

 

 

Not appearing jealous is really difficult. People think they could control their expressions, but the very first reaction we give to any situation (also called micro-expression – wiki read this) is involuntary. You can’t control it. If this jealousy thing is in your mind and you think you could fake “don’t care attitude” then rethink. I am sure you have noticed other people pretending, like you noticed they will also notice you too.

You don’t have to seek external validation to feel good. It should come from within you. Developing a sense of internal locus of control is important. Else you would be living a life what other people want to see you as, than what you want yourself to be.

Stop comparing yourself with others. The way you described about her, I feel you are already obsessing over her way too much. There is no relativity, it’s absolute you. When you become aware of the absolute you, you would feel more confident about yourself. Trust me there is nothing more attractive than a confident woman.

Maintain a professional conduct. Give maximum focus and attention to your work and career. Decide which thing you want more. Career or attention? Take it as an opportunity. When your co-workers are focused on this new girl, with their attention diverted from work, you could out-do them on professional front, get good reviews and recommendations.

Regarding anxiety issues, try to do some research on self counter conditioning techniques. It’s very effective in workplace context. Since you mentioned about sweating during anxiety, you could try physiological relaxation training like Somantic relaxation techniques.

Just stop thinking about her. Treat her like any other girl in your department. I am sure you will be fine.

 

PS: - When I was writing this reply, my gf came over to read what I have written. She gave me a mysterious smile which I associate with " you are such a fool".

 

I just don't want them to look at my reaction and see that I'm not liking her around. I just don't want to look immature, depressed and struggling at her wonderful and glorious presence. I've never really been good at handling situations like this. But I've begun to psyche myself up and been trying to focus on the positive. I wish she'd start in a couple of weeks not days. I just need some time to accept things and get myself used to this new office dynamic.

Edited March 23, 2016 by Hersheys

[CC12]

But I've begun to psyche myself up and been trying to focus on the positive.

 

I think that's probably the best way to go. It's only a job, after all. Try to keep it separate from your own self-esteem or sense of self or whatever.

 

I also think that there's a big problem with the dynamic in your workplace. I get that it feels good to be the center of attention, but that shouldn't be happening in a professional environment. The men at your job shouldn't be favoring you over the other girls in the office, and you should try your best to prevent that from happening. And they shouldn't be so vocal about their excitement over an attractive woman coming to with with you all (assuming that's what they're excited about, and not her intelligence or skills.) Try not to contribute to that dynamic anymore. It's juvenile and counter-productive.

 

Be as kind and welcoming to this new person as possible. Maybe it will be nice to have another woman in your workplace. The weird dynamic might have to change and that wouldn't be a bad thing.

[Emilia]

If you feel you are drawn into validation too easily, take a step back in the work environment. Don't be so friendly with your colleagues. Distance helps, IMO.

[MightyPen]

OP, how much do you really enjoy all the male attention?

 

I guess most men can't really understand the dynamic because very few of our gender will be gushed all over in a similar manner, although I'm sure it does happen in female-oriented businesses and environments if/when a handsome new guy comes to work.

 

I would think it might end up being a relief to you that some of the attention is deflected away from you. Isn't it at least awkward with men giving you so much attention? Surely at least a few of them are creepy or give attention in inappropriate ways?