adamfreely30 Posted March 18, 2016 Share Posted March 18, 2016 (edited) Am absolutely in love with an subordinate and do not know what to do or is mutual, the individual is considerably younger and am married, while individual is single. It is more of an love with aspects of the individual's character and inner beauty (sweetest person), while the individual is naturally pretty. Hired the individual straight from university. Basically trained and taught the individual everything, visiting clients, presentations, trainings as extremely apprehensive with no business experience (how to write emails, setup presentations, etc). We have worked together extensively where we are the sole individuals to organize certain activities and projects. After awhile the individual has greatly developed and wanted to move to another position but convinced to stay so could develop within our division. The person greatly appreciates the support have provided and would like to stay. It is very difficult to work with the individual but want to let something off my chest and tell the individual, however, could have consequential work repercussions. In the beginning felt was dragged to me but because of work and to learn, lately not as open and avoiding just business contact. Do not know what to do as do not want lose the person from our division as has become a main contributor, while at the same time have such strong feelings for the individual. Edited March 19, 2016 by a LoveShack.org Moderator Link to post Share on other sites
amaysngrace Posted March 18, 2016 Share Posted March 18, 2016 If you value her more than just as a colleague then divorce your wife and ask her on a date. Come on man, is it really that difficult to know what is the right thing to do? 3 Link to post Share on other sites
preraph Posted March 18, 2016 Share Posted March 18, 2016 You are opening yourself up to a sexual harassment if you pursue her. But at any rate, if you are not happy in marriage anymore, divorcing is the first step. Then you can at least see how she acts when she finds out you're single and maybe that will give you a clue. If the age gap is more than 10 years, she's not interested. And you have to also take into consideration that if she sees you divorcing your wife because you are crushing on a girl at work, she now knows that is who you are, a man who isn't loyal to his wife. And that will probably be a dealbreaker as well. There's no reason to assume she finds you attractive just because you are her boss, etc. There are billions of women in the world, so picking this one fraught with complications is not smart. You're married. You can't confess anything to anyone without getting yourself in a lot of trouble and also disrespected for being a cad. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Almond_Joy Posted March 18, 2016 Share Posted March 18, 2016 I think you need to refocus on your marriage. You've convinced yourself that you're in love with your colleague, and that's easy to maintain if you have been running with those feeling and not really thinking about what's missing in the relationship you already have. I think you started having romantic feelings for her because you didn't have romance at home in your married life and let yourself get carried away. I think you should at least try to figure out if you can enhance your marriage before you make plans to be with a woman who you're not even sure is interested in you. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
preraph Posted March 19, 2016 Share Posted March 19, 2016 It's also easy to fall for a subordinate because they are on their best most polite, most grateful, most respectful behavior with you since you're their boss. You don't even know the real person, who she is when she's not being polite to her boss. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author adamfreely30 Posted March 19, 2016 Author Share Posted March 19, 2016 Prepaph and Almond_joy thanks for the advice. Which the best situation would be to let her go as most likely the individual would return to finish their postgrad. I do know her very well as have travelled extensively together and the individual discloses personal/cultural issues with me. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
elaine567 Posted March 19, 2016 Share Posted March 19, 2016 I have been in her shoes, believe me, it is a horrible, horrible situation to be in. I needed to be polite and nice and laugh at the jokes and do my work well, be a good team player and keep my job, yet I really wanted to get as far away from him as possible and I ended up avoiding all non essential contact almost to the point of rudeness, the same way she appears to be doing now to you. Having your boss in love with you and you do not feel the same, is awkward, annoying, upsetting, irritating, frustrating and infuriating. YOU are also married, wise up and leave this poor girl alone. Link to post Share on other sites
Author adamfreely30 Posted March 19, 2016 Author Share Posted March 19, 2016 Thanks elaine567, however, when the individual first began would follow me everywhere and do anyhthing realize thus was to learn, including gifts for no reason. At this time do not believe she knows anything as still we communicate on business terms. The individual has grown within the company and trusts me as many times others tried to use the person. However, believe your advice is the best and allow to go to another company or pursue postgrad. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted March 19, 2016 Share Posted March 19, 2016 Don't you dare fire her. To do so would be gender discrimination. Figure out how to function as a professional. Be polite but cool to her. Never be alone with her. Refocus on your marriage. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author adamfreely30 Posted March 19, 2016 Author Share Posted March 19, 2016 Hello Donnivan, That is not my intention at all, overall believe the person is not satisfied with job expectations and not their interest, however, has excelled. Actually supported many of the projects that went unrecognized and hope if the individual stays can go onto another higher post. Thanks for the advice on keeping cool and away. Link to post Share on other sites
Miss Peach Posted March 22, 2016 Share Posted March 22, 2016 I have been on the other side of this a few times with coworkers. I actually have a thread on the latest one. A little joking and flirty attention is one thing. That can be a bit fun. But I totally lose respect for the men who take it farther - especially the married ones. Even men who are awesome at work otherwise it changes my thoughts on them. I'm lucky that most times the guy has waited for me to leave the company before pursing me. So if you ignore the advice on here at least wait for her to be somewhere else so she can avoid/ignore you if needed. Link to post Share on other sites
Author adamfreely30 Posted March 26, 2016 Author Share Posted March 26, 2016 Thanks Miss Peach.. The difficult part is the individual would like to stay in our division for development but believe is treading waters and will return for postgrad completion. Link to post Share on other sites
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