Manager and coworkers are too close - unprofessional? Favoritism?

[Jammer25]

So I work in a team of 4 under our manager, who is female.

 

Our manager and one of my female coworkers have gotten close as friends. They sit across from each other at work and hang out outside of work, having coffee on weekends and things like that.

 

I didn't think anything of it the first few months, but now it is starting to affect our team's workplace dynamic. The manager will favor her opinion over others, quite obviously at certain times. The coworker tends to be dominating in the first place, and she has our manager so dependent on her now even over the assistant manager in our team. The coworker will almost "take over" projects, and our manager will chastise the asst. manager for not being as on-the-ball.

 

The coworker is always telling me how the manager is doing so much to try to get her promoted, but it hasn't happened yet. (Our manager does not make anywhere near that effort with the rest of us.) One of the scenarios they talked about is possibly demoting the asst. manager and promoting her instead.

 

This is obviously a bad situation for me, and I am actively looking at other jobs. One of the things I'm considering is talking to HR, because I feel it's super underhanded to talk about demoting a manager and promoting someone else on the same team. Not to mention how I feel like I'm being held back from advancement and visibility too.

 

So my question is, has anyone been in a similar situation? How did you handle it? Is it even worth going to HR if I'm looking at other jobs anyway?

 

Thanks in advance.

[Beach Guy]

It is a trying situation. Grin and bear it for now. If you're seeking other jobs, you shouldn't burn bridges with the manager. You'll need that reference. Sounds like there would already be a firefight from the assistant manager, who would report on the manager's favoritism. And you'll have your hands clean.

[Jammer25]

It is a trying situation. Grin and bear it for now. If you're seeking other jobs, you shouldn't burn bridges with the manager. You'll need that reference. Sounds like there would already be a firefight from the assistant manager, who would report on the manager's favoritism. And you'll have your hands clean.

 

For sure. I had a one-on-one meeting with my manager yesterday, and I was upfront with her about searching for other jobs.

 

She seemed genuinely surprised and worried, going on about how she doesn't want to lose talented people but it's just hard right now with our specific department's "freeze" if you will. And that she was going to talk to her boss about the state of our team as a whole. But nonetheless that she supports me looking out for my career. (Though she said the last part in a way that made me think she wouldn't be all that sad if I left.)

 

I'm not holding my breath on a promotion or even a title change. This, combined with the favoritism, is making me want to get out as soon as possible.

 

We shall see, though.

[CC12]

For sure. I had a one-on-one meeting with my manager yesterday, and I was upfront with her about searching for other jobs.

 

I think this was probably a mistake. Your current job never needs to know that you're actively searching for other jobs. Maybe you can do some damage control and tell your boss that after your one-on-one meeting the other day, you've changed your mind and decided to stick with the team and work hard to achieve some specific goal or something.

[Jammer25]

I think this was probably a mistake. Your current job never needs to know that you're actively searching for other jobs. Maybe you can do some damage control and tell your boss that after your one-on-one meeting the other day, you've changed your mind and decided to stick with the team and work hard to achieve some specific goal or something.

 

I don't think so, I'll add some context about our current situation:

 

We actually had a whole team meeting about it yesterday. At a recent company meeting, our team of 6 was completely forgotten and not even mentioned. There's been some unrest and job insecurity in our department at large as well, which I think adds to the insecurity we feel especially.

 

We've all been upfront about being on our toes for any change. We might be moved, we might be re-orged, we might be dissolved as a team because the department head could consider us unnecessary. We're largely a support team, so in a sense we don't have a lot of visibility or tangible impact in the workplace.

 

Our manager has heavily implied that she is close to being done with her job, from the stress and lack of recognition/mobility. So it's one of those "open secret" things within our team that we could all get let go any day, transferred or whatever.

[loveweary11]

As someone who has lead people since 2000, I'm going to say your manager needs some education.

 

She...

 

1) Should be actively drawing the needed attention to your group and attempting to show corporate leaders how important you are to them on a daily basis, demonstrating the successes of your department.

 

2) Working on this freeze or suggesting other support roles your department can take on in order to become more valuable.

 

(a manager is the agent of the entire team to higher ups and has a responsibility to go to bat for you)

 

3) Separate her personal and professional life. They don't mix well.

 

4) Have a more egalitarian, merit based approach to her style of management within her own department.

 

 

Im short, she needs to attend some management training seminars... fast.

[Bobbi7]

First off, it's none of your business if they are best friends or having coffee breaks together. Your job is to work and do your best. A good employee does their work without any distractions. Plus, I don't know why people are saying all this stuff to you- I've posted threads about this subject and they have me bs post saying its none of my business. So what? According, to what others have told me on this forum.

[Bobbi7]

http://www.loveshack.org/forums/platonic/business-professional-relationships/563010-should-employees-become-facebook-friends-their-supervisors

 

 

http://www.loveshack.org/forums/platonic/business-professional-relationships/560246-do-you-think-its-appropriate-supervisor-best-friends-her-employee

 

These are the threads that I made regarding co-workers/supervisors having a close friendship and favoritism...

 

I'm not understanding why no one has called you out saying that its none of your business, but apparently when I made posts people on here tell me to mind my own business. Such hypocrites.

[basil67]

I'm not understanding why no one has called you out saying that its none of your business, but apparently when I made posts people on here tell me to mind my own business. Such hypocrites.

 

The issue is different. The dynamic is having an effect on the OP and his job.

 

But your post was just being judgmental about others even though their choices apparently weren't affecting you. If your opinions had been overlooked or you'd missed out on promotions, the response to you would have been different.

[Jammer25]

First off, it's none of your business if they are best friends or having coffee breaks together. Your job is to work and do your best. A good employee does their work without any distractions. Plus, I don't know why people are saying all this stuff to you- I've posted threads about this subject and they have me bs post saying its none of my business. So what? According, to what others have told me on this forum.

 

Like basil67 said, I believe it is my business when their friendship/closeness is affecting our workplace dynamic and our actual workload split.

 

Plus our manager is "going to bat" for this coworker with much more energy and effort than for anyone else on our team, as I mentioned before. For example, she will personally go with her to talk with other managers about opportunities, work on projects together, and just "pimp her out" in general. For a team of 6, the favoritism is like a cloud that hangs over us every day.

 

Our manager knows that I'm looking to transition to more of an analytical role, but all she does is tell me to talk to an analyst in the company. I get it in a sense - it's my career and my choice for what path I want, but comparatively I feel like I would have a harder time without her support.

[WaitingForBardot]

Without commenting on the inappropriateness of your manager/co-worker's friendship, because I'm not sure it actually is...

 

The purpose of HR is not to protect employee rights, contrary to what many believe, it is to protect the employer against lawsuits. Going to them for help on a matter like this will not benefit you unless you are actually the target of behavior that is against company policy, for example sex discrimination. And even in that case there can be repercussions for you.

 

Never tell your current employer you are looking for another job, ever. As much as companies may treat employees as disposable/replaceable assets, they are still put out by any sort of disloyalty to them; turnabout is not fair play in their minds. Even if you have a written offer in hand and can manage to negotiate some temporary gain in terms of responsibility or compensation or the like, after that point you will be considered disloyal and your future with them limited.

[JustAddIce]

Without commenting on the inappropriateness of your manager/co-worker's friendship, because I'm not sure it actually is...

 

The purpose of HR is not to protect employee rights, contrary to what many believe, it is to protect the employer against lawsuits. Going to them for help on a matter like this will not benefit you unless you are actually the target of behavior that is against company policy, for example sex discrimination. And even in that case there can be repercussions for you.

 

Never tell your current employer you are looking for another job, ever. As much as companies may treat employees as disposable/replaceable assets, they are still put out by any sort of disloyalty to them; turnabout is not fair play in their minds. Even if you have a written offer in hand and can manage to negotiate some temporary gain in terms of responsibility or compensation or the like, after that point you will be considered disloyal and your future with them limited.

 

This. I would try to GTFO as soon as possible while keeping my intention to myself. I couldn't agree more with the quoted post.

[pink_sugar]

There are some cliques at my work that HR is involved in. They can be giddy and carry at times, but it doesn't really affect me, so I don't care.

 

I did work for a company where a superviso hated me and was buddy buddy with the manager. I went to HR, but she only started acting passive agressive. She had treated me like dirt and I eventually had to quit.

[Jammer25]

So I had another eye opening one-on-one meeting with my manager last week.

 

Without saying anything directly, she basically admitted that she is fed up with the company and her job. Lack of recognition, compensation, and promotion among other things. She said she is committed through the summer because she wants to set us up on a good path, whether that means within the company or otherwise.

 

My perception of it was that she was being genuine. In hindsight, she has often been tired of the actual work, the stress and the disorganization within the department. (She is also a cancer survivor, and I imagine she has some level of daily pain.) She hasn't admitted anything like this, but I feel the reason she has stayed on the job for this long is because of her team. Though it definitely feels she will leave earlier than the summer.

 

For one, she is making it an urgent push to change my title as well as that of another coworker. (Money is strapped right now due to the freeze.) I'm totally fine with it since it is a better title, and will at least set me up for a promotion and raise within the coming months. She is also helping to set up meeting with people in the department I'd like to transfer to, which I really appreciate.

 

I think I've been hard on her, now that I know what she's going through. And seeing that she's trying to improve the team's situation is something I really do appreciate and am grateful for. Before, it might have been that she was struggling with things and leaned on the coworker for stability.