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Awkward coworker crush


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I've dealing with an awkward crush and I'm looking for advice on how to proceed. I'm 31 and my crush is on a man who is at least 12 years older than me, I'm not entirely sure of his age. I know he has children, but I'm not sure if he is married. The crush is odd for me as he's not really my type, and started after I noticed him staring at me intensely (when I caught him he quickly looked away).

 

Since he and I previously didn't work together really at all it wasn't a big deal, but there was definite energy when he and I did end up in the same meeting - hard to explain it was just a feeling and awkward body language. Over time, I began to think of him more and more and would find reasons to "run in to him". He's extremely flustered to the point of stammering his words when I'd talk to him (He is a very shy person overall). Recently he changed roles within the company and is now the lead of a project I'm working on changing our level of interaction from rarely to daily.

 

This of course has intensified everything at the worst possible time ( he is basically my boss right now ). It's horribly awkward when we run into each other unexpectedly at the communal coffee area, we both are clearly flustered and awkward and we don't even look at each other. He won't really say a word to me in those settings other than the basic "hi how are you" followed by rhetoric from me. We are in meetings regularly together and I catch him staring and looking away when I catch him quite often.

 

Of course now I also have to schedule one on one meetings with him to discuss work related topics, those are more tolerable as I am able to relax in advance (I'm also shy, but usually able to control the symptoms). In these settings he is initially extremely nervous acting, fidgets, but is able to calm down after a few minutes. There is an undeniable energy and chemistry between he and I but it is getting in the way of my ability to do my job , a job that I love. I find it difficult being candid with him as my nervousness around him gets the best of me.

 

I should also mention that there have been some casual late night work emails sent back and forth - totally harmless in content, but it felt like waters were being tested so to speak. I'm looking for advice on how to get over this feeling so that I can get back to usual at the office. Ive tried but I cannot stop thinking about him

Edited by a LoveShack.org Moderator
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I cannot imagine why you have not yet taken the opportunity while exchanging late night emails to go fishing and say "It's getting awfully late. You better stop working before you make your wife mad."

 

To get any more interactive in any personal way or even emotionally not knowing if he's married is just emotional suicide on your part. He probably IS married. It wouldn't stop him and would explain why he's acting shady about the whole thing rather than just asking you out.

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Thanks for your reply, but you are missing my point. I don't want to feel anything for him, and have no intention of pursuing anything whether he is married or not. Chemistry isn't defined by someone's relationship status it just happens. I'm trying to find ways to get past it so that I can feel normal at work again.

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Well, that just has to come from self-discipline. Fake it until you make it. Be polite and nothing more and stop yourself from showing anything else. Good luck.

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