ARegularGuy Posted October 11, 2015 Share Posted October 11, 2015 Well, some of you will remember me from a post a couple of months ago about being in love with someone at work 36 years younger than me. This post isn't really about that, but keep in mind that situation. A couple of weeks ago an unknown third party decided my talking to the object of my affection was inappropriate, despite the fact I have never touched her nor made any kind of untoward comments to her. It was reported to management and an investigation was launched. Due to the support and testimony of her and others I was quickly cleared and the matter was completely dropped. Oddly enough it has brought the two of us much closer together and things have been going great. There is the background for this post and questions. She is, admittedly, a flirt and a bit of a tease. Other men around the plant have taken this fact as permission to do things like grab her ass, try to touch her breasts and just grab her in a bear hug anytime they want. Everybody believes she "likes it" but I learned different this past Friday night as we discussed it. It is making her very uncomfortable. There are parts of the plant she will not go in to because of the way she is treated when she does. She has not reported any of this because she is afraid it will cause trouble, people will hate her and it might cost her her job due to some of these men being higher on the totem pole. This is fostering a very hostile work environment. After the issues with the investigation into me I cannot believe they allow this kind of behavior to occur with no recourse. To put it simply, I'm livid. Here is my question. Do I go to her immediate supervisor to discuss this (he is not my supervisor), or do I take matters into my own hands and talk to the men doing this, or do I go over everybodys heads straight to HR? Do I ask her for permission to handle it or do I just do it? I can't let this crap go on. Link to post Share on other sites
GemmaUK Posted October 11, 2015 Share Posted October 11, 2015 Don't do anything. Only she should report something. For all you know she could have been saying the same kind of thing about you to the unknown third party which led to you getting reported. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
NewLeaf512 Posted October 11, 2015 Share Posted October 11, 2015 Do absolutely nothing. I'm not kidding Link to post Share on other sites
Author ARegularGuy Posted October 11, 2015 Author Share Posted October 11, 2015 So I'm supposed to just let this kind of behavior occur when I know it makes a special friend uncomfortable and feel threatened? Yes, she should be the one to report it, but I explained why she won't. Trust me, she had nothing to do with my being falsely accused. We are closer than you realize. Link to post Share on other sites
Got it Posted October 11, 2015 Share Posted October 11, 2015 I disagree with everyone. Do not say anything to the individuals but go to HR and give them the information. You are absolutely allowed and, read your handbook, may be obligated to delve this information to HR. This is grossly inappropriate, there are most likely other witnesses to this behavior towards her and it will allow HR to start investigating the situation. This should not continue and it doesn't matter who reports it, it needs to be reported and looked into. Sexual harassment, and claims of sexual harassment should be taken very seriously. So whether or not she is telling the truth, she denies it, etc. doesn't matter. The company will be obligated to investigate and in their best interest they need to. Usually these things are the tip of the iceberg and if the culture is so lax that it is happening by so many and so blatantly with her, there are others who have been subjected to similar behavior. Please do not stay quiet. That is the worst thing to do. If you want more information on sexual harassment, in what areas the company is culpable, who can report it, if someone who just witnesses it can be affected, etc. I am more than happy to post more information. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
preraph Posted October 11, 2015 Share Posted October 11, 2015 The whole issue here is the usual issue. She is afraid to report it because she's afraid of losing her job or having to deal with someone who's mad at work. This is why there has to be a line not to cross and the line has to err on the safe side. Many women find it hard to talk back to anyone, much less a man at work, much less one who might be buddies with the boss, much less one who'd old enough to be her grandpa. Because she's been passive and not said or done anything even though she's very uncomfortable with it, men looking for an excuse or one iota of encouragement have taken advantage of her passive nature. I think if it gets around that you were reprimanded, this may well stop others from pursuing the same path. So maybe you put that out there: I wouldn't try that, man. I got called to the carpet for much less. You also need to think about what this just looks like to other people. I worked in an office where all these 40-ish middle aged men flocked around the desk of the youngest woman who worked there on a regular basis, just talking to her and shooting the breeze. They too didn't openly hit on her or make physical contact. But the perception by others was what childish fools they were making of themselves, not to mention she could hardly get any work done. The buzz was it made them feel young and "with it" because this young lady would chat with them. Well, she had little choice since they were all senior to her and she needed a job, but she would roll her eyes and make faces and shake her head about it like it was just this gigantic waste of her time. So never assume that just because your actions haven't crossed over into the obvious, that people aren't reading you for it, because they always are, and it will not benefit you in the short or long run, because it's not professional and the woman's hands are tied so that she may not feel she can just rudely reject your attention. Link to post Share on other sites
Clarence_Boddicker Posted October 11, 2015 Share Posted October 11, 2015 Only try to be the hero if you wanna be fired. She can fight her own battles if she chooses to. Link to post Share on other sites
NewLeaf512 Posted October 12, 2015 Share Posted October 12, 2015 So I'm supposed to just let this kind of behavior occur when I know it makes a special friend uncomfortable and feel threatened? Yes, she should be the one to report it, but I explained why she won't. Trust me, she had nothing to do with my being falsely accused. We are closer than you realize. I am not permitted by law to give you legal advise: this is simply my opinion in a personal capacity. Do absolutely nothing. Link to post Share on other sites
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