yvjones Posted August 8, 2015 Share Posted August 8, 2015 My boss is about 15 years older than me and I think we have developed feelings for each other. How can I tell? He has never said anything about it to me or vice versa. And we have only worker together a couple months. He gives me special attention and is protective of me. He goes out of his way to make sure I am doing okay with my direct and indirect coworkers. He gives me a hard time/jokingly often. He has helped me excel and grow within our company while putting his own career on the line to do so. He checks in and finds reasons to talk to me throughout the day more than he does with anyone else. He frequently asks me personal in depth questions, and tells me personal aspects of his life (although he has shared some with one other male coworker we have). He has made a point to acknowledge he has younger friends and is available to talk if I ever need to do so personally. My coworkers have noticed the special attention and mentioned it to me. On the other hand, he also gets very resistant towards me. He makes a point to verbally express things he doesnt want to come off as inappropriate (for myself and all of my coworkers) such as not being complementary, and not having personal communication with employees on their personal phones. Furthermore, he has contacted me for work related matters on my phone in the past and now makes a point to say he does not want to communicate with any staff that way and insinuates he never did so with me... When things have ever been tense between us professionally, he seems to shut down and take it very personally; and that applies to when things go well with us, he seems to be more jovial overall at work. Lastly, and most recently, I have been more friendly and responsive to what I perceive as 'advances'. He proceeded to throw a curve ball and suggest he also might have slight interest in an older friend of mine (one who is about 15 years older than him) and I wonder if he is using me to get closer to her. When I had an adverse reaction, he got cold and never brought her up again... Confused. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
RoseVille Posted August 8, 2015 Share Posted August 8, 2015 Is he married? 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Satu Posted August 8, 2015 Share Posted August 8, 2015 Keep it strictly professional. Anything else will bring unwanted and adverse consequences. Link to post Share on other sites
Author yvjones Posted August 8, 2015 Author Share Posted August 8, 2015 No, neither of us are married. And although I do agree to keep it professional, I've never felt this way about anyone before. I have not had bad relationships, and I am very close with my father, but this is the only man who has ever seen potential in me and shown genuine care and concern... It's a tough thing to just dismiss entirely. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Satu Posted August 8, 2015 Share Posted August 8, 2015 No, neither of us are married. And although I do agree to keep it professional, I've never felt this way about anyone before. I have not had bad relationships, and I am very close with my father, but this is the only man who has ever seen potential in me and shown genuine care and concern... It's a tough thing to just dismiss entirely. You don't have to dismiss it entirely, but it's generally unwise to get into a relationship with someone you work with. If the two of you decide you want to be in a relationship, one of you should get another job. That's the only 'safe' option. Link to post Share on other sites
RoseVille Posted August 8, 2015 Share Posted August 8, 2015 No, neither of us are married. And although I do agree to keep it professional, I've never felt this way about anyone before. I have not had bad relationships, and I am very close with my father, but this is the only man who has ever seen potential in me and shown genuine care and concern... It's a tough thing to just dismiss entirely. You don't have to dismiss it entirely. Some of the best relationships I've had in my life that helped me grow as a person were strictly professional, mentor-like, going both ways. It doesn't have to be "romance or nothing." 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author yvjones Posted August 8, 2015 Author Share Posted August 8, 2015 Thank you both. How do you balance caring about someone in both ways? Not sure it will ever truly cross the professional boundary and I do not necessarily intend to initiate anything; but I do deeply respect him, and I he is a great mentor for me... Yet, I can't help but have stronger feeling as I continue to get to know him better. As mentioned, this is beyond just something I've experienced in the workplace, but more so in my entire life with any man really. Link to post Share on other sites
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