londonguy007 Posted August 8, 2015 Share Posted August 8, 2015 I have been working in a centre for 9 months where I come into contact with a freelance hairdresser twice a week. She is 41 yrs old and has been showing signs of interest ( talking with me, touching my arm occasionally while chatting and kissing me on the cheek at Xmas time). She also recently cut my hair free of charge. Unfortunately she happens to be married with kids to a 60 yrs old guy. This is her 2nd marriage. I do not know how to escalate things and have hit a brick wall as to what to do. I don't want to break up a marriage but maybe just have a bit of fun which she might also want. I'm probably going to leave this job in 3 months. Any advice as to take it to the next level eg. Should I ask her out for a coffee etc? Link to post Share on other sites
CarrieT Posted August 8, 2015 Share Posted August 8, 2015 I do not know how to escalate things Don't escalate anything. She is married. I'm probably going to leave this job in 3 months. Any advice as to take it to the next level eg. Should I ask her out for a coffee etc? Leave it alone and don't even go there... 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Michelle ma Belle Posted August 8, 2015 Share Posted August 8, 2015 (edited) Speaking as a woman who tends to be quite affectionate and touchy-feely with most people, you're most likely reading WAY too much into her gestures. Some people are just more comfortable with affection than others and express it better. It's just their personality and doesn't mean they're looking for trouble. As for advice, take a cold shower and then peruse through the countless threads on here regarding marital affairs and the destruction it creates on both side of the fence. Edited August 8, 2015 by Michelle ma Belle 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Banker Chick Posted August 8, 2015 Share Posted August 8, 2015 Speaking as a woman who tends to be quite affectionate and touchy-feely with most people, you're most likely reading WAY too much into her gestures. Some people are just more comfortable with affection than others and express it better. It's just their personality and doesn't mean they're looking for trouble. I'm the same way so you might end up looking like a fool. Why you'd even want to consider this is beyond me. She's married and even if she might like the attention she gets from you, it doesn't mean she's willing to jeopardize her marriage. Leave it alone. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
writergal Posted August 8, 2015 Share Posted August 8, 2015 I have been working in a centre for 9 months where I come into contact with a freelance hairdresser twice a week. She is 41 yrs old and has been showing signs of interest ( talking with me, touching my arm occasionally while chatting and kissing me on the cheek at Xmas time). She also recently cut my hair free of charge. Unfortunately she happens to be married with kids to a 60 yrs old guy. This is her 2nd marriage. I do not know how to escalate things and have hit a brick wall as to what to do. I don't want to break up a marriage but maybe just have a bit of fun which she might also want. I'm probably going to leave this job in 3 months. Any advice as to take it to the next level eg. Should I ask her out for a coffee etc? Single women in London don't appeal to you because...??? Why start something with a married woman when you could easily date a single woman in a city of nearly 9 million people. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
applej4 Posted August 8, 2015 Share Posted August 8, 2015 I agree with the person who said you’re reading WAY too much into things. So she likes you and she’s a flirt (shrug) big deal. She most likely likes and flirts with many men. Break up a marriage? You’re kidding, right? I think you’re flattering yourself. You should back away and do your escalating with single women. Link to post Share on other sites
bubbaganoosh Posted August 8, 2015 Share Posted August 8, 2015 60 year old men are still capable of pulling the trigger of a gun so if your smart, you'll leave it alone. She wants to run the risk and step out of her marriage then it's her life but just think how you would feel if your wife did that. Always put yourself in the other persons shoes that your ready to step on and see if you would like it. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
pink_sugar Posted August 9, 2015 Share Posted August 9, 2015 Married AND your co-worker? Yeah, I wouldn't it touch it with a 10ft pole if you want to keep your job. Link to post Share on other sites
seixal Posted August 9, 2015 Share Posted August 9, 2015 I would say the first step to take in order to escalate things would be try to spend time with her one on one in a non-work related context, inviting her for a drink or coffee for instance. Her reply will allow you to gauge her interest. If she says no, then you have your answer and you can move on. If she says yes, see how things go and take it from there. I would definitely give it a try. Link to post Share on other sites
Noideanow Posted August 9, 2015 Share Posted August 9, 2015 I have been working in a centre for 9 months where I come into contact with a freelance hairdresser twice a week. She is 41 yrs old and has been showing signs of interest ( talking with me, touching my arm occasionally while chatting and kissing me on the cheek at Xmas time). She also recently cut my hair free of charge. Unfortunately she happens to be married with kids to a 60 yrs old guy. This is her 2nd marriage. I do not know how to escalate things and have hit a brick wall as to what to do. I don't want to break up a marriage but maybe just have a bit of fun which she might also want. I'm probably going to leave this job in 3 months. Any advice as to take it to the next level eg. Should I ask her out for a coffee etc? Why not? if she is in a sexless/loveless marriage (like 90% of the people here on LS;)) why not try, but make sure you don't involve yourself too much, as long as she is married, pull away from her if she wants to stay married, and if she really loves you she will get at divorce sooner or later and you can be together:love: Link to post Share on other sites
seixal Posted August 9, 2015 Share Posted August 9, 2015 Why not? if she is in a sexless/loveless marriage (like 90% of the people here on LS;)) why not try, but make sure you don't involve yourself too much, as long as she is married, pull away from her if she wants to stay married, and if she really loves you she will get at divorce sooner or later and you can be together:love: I am going to make popcorn, sit back and watch the mess this thread is going to turn into as the moral guardian posters step in! Link to post Share on other sites
pink_sugar Posted August 9, 2015 Share Posted August 9, 2015 I am going to make popcorn, sit back and watch the mess this thread is going to turn into as the moral guardian posters step in! Nah, it's common sense, which apparently isn't so common anymore. Trying to get involved with a married coworker AT WORK is just a recipe for disaster, but by all means....at least the DH will know where to find you. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
bp123 Posted August 10, 2015 Share Posted August 10, 2015 If OP wants to risk looking like a fool, that's his choice. Always put yourself in the other persons shoes that your ready to step on and see if you would like it. If I was married to an attractive woman, I'd expect men to hit on her. I'd also expect her to reject all advances. at least the DH will know where to find you. And do what? Get a criminal record for assault and battery? Link to post Share on other sites
pink_sugar Posted August 10, 2015 Share Posted August 10, 2015 If OP wants to risk looking like a fool, that's his choice. If I was married to an attractive woman, I'd expect men to hit on her. I'd also expect her to reject all advances. And do what? Get a criminal record for assault and battery? So it's totally okay for him to advance on her and totally up to the married woman to reject him? Seems a little sexist IMO. Rejection or not, there is never a good ending to these types of relationships....especially at work. And DH doesn't necessarily need to assault him to present an issue. He could easily pose a threat to his reputation at work though. Link to post Share on other sites
seixal Posted August 10, 2015 Share Posted August 10, 2015 Nah, it's common sense, which apparently isn't so common anymore. Trying to get involved with a married coworker AT WORK is just a recipe for disaster, but by all means....at least the DH will know where to find you. So according to you a wife is a piece of property that can be legitimately retained by the use of violence if need be. That's quite a patriarchal and illegal perspective. Link to post Share on other sites
bp123 Posted August 10, 2015 Share Posted August 10, 2015 So it's totally okay for him to advance on her and totally up to the married woman to reject him? Seems a little sexist IMO. Not sexist at all. I'd say the same thing about the reverse situation where women are hitting on a married man. Link to post Share on other sites
Ifalltopieces Posted August 10, 2015 Share Posted August 10, 2015 I have been working in a centre for 9 months where I come into contact with a freelance hairdresser twice a week. She is 41 yrs old and has been showing signs of interest ( talking with me, touching my arm occasionally while chatting and kissing me on the cheek at Xmas time). She also recently cut my hair free of charge. Unfortunately she happens to be married with kids to a 60 yrs old guy. This is her 2nd marriage. I do not know how to escalate things and have hit a brick wall as to what to do. I don't want to break up a marriage but maybe just have a bit of fun which she might also want. I'm probably going to leave this job in 3 months. Any advice as to take it to the next level eg. Should I ask her out for a coffee etc? Take a stroll through the OTHER MAN/OTHER WOMAN forum. You don't wanna travel down this rabbit hole. Link to post Share on other sites
applej4 Posted August 10, 2015 Share Posted August 10, 2015 So according to you a wife is a piece of property that can be legitimately retained by the use of violence if need be. That's quite a patriarchal and illegal perspective. What a way to twist what someone said. Wow. Do you even know what on earth you are talking about? Link to post Share on other sites
sandylee1 Posted August 10, 2015 Share Posted August 10, 2015 Don't attempt to take it anywhere other than where it is. She's married and you ought to respect her marriage, as you would want others to respect yours, if you were married. London is full of single women and there's no need to go after another man's wife. Link to post Share on other sites
pink_sugar Posted August 10, 2015 Share Posted August 10, 2015 Don't attempt to take it anywhere other than where it is. She's married and you ought to respect her marriage, as you would want others to respect yours, if you were married. London is full of single women and there's no need to go after another man's wife. It's one thing if she comes out and verbally seeks interest in you. However, purposely hitting on a married woman without even really knowing her intentions is a turn off...especially if you find out if she didn't have anything else but platonic intentions...you'd really be embarrassing yourself then. A lot of cultures kiss on the cheek...it doesn't necessarily mean she has the hots for you...though I think it's a little inappropriate on a professional level. Link to post Share on other sites
seixal Posted August 10, 2015 Share Posted August 10, 2015 Yes that woman is married, but I don't think the OP is planning on forcing her to do anything she doesn't chose to. Apparently she is somehow making herself available. Despite still being young, she might be in a sexless-loveless relationship which are usually favorable grounds for seeking outside attention and fall out of boredom. Marriage is often only a life long thing on paper. Feelings and attractions change, that's what divorces are for. That's not glamorous but that's the non-sugar coated reality. I think the OP can escalate things without embarrassment if he is careful enough testing the waters before being too forward. Link to post Share on other sites
GorillaTheater Posted August 10, 2015 Share Posted August 10, 2015 Feelings and attractions change, that's what divorces are for. Quite right, and once she's divorced the OP should feel free to pursue her like a stressed-out water buffalo. Until then, it's a remarkably poor idea. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
pink_sugar Posted August 10, 2015 Share Posted August 10, 2015 (edited) I had a coworker who was "testing the waters", when I was at a low point in my marriage. Even though there was testing the waters of both sides, if we actually followed through on anything, it still would have been dramatic all around. He wasn't married, but he was living with his girlfriend and his two infants...while I was married. It would have been a mistake to act on anything as it would have presented more problems than benefits. It would have just created a crap-ton of problems and often times people will not leave their current partner or spouse for the person they are cheating with. Bad idea all around. Looking back, I realized if I had acted on a silly impulse, I probably would have ruined my marriage. It has been two years since then and I still feel awkward when I talk to him about casual semantics. So as I said...bad idea. Edited August 10, 2015 by pink_sugar Link to post Share on other sites
seixal Posted August 10, 2015 Share Posted August 10, 2015 Quite right, and once she's divorced the OP should feel free to pursue her like a stressed-out water buffalo. Until then, it's a remarkably poor idea. Seeking a divorce as a solution to one's unhappiness in a marriage would be the simple correct decision to make I concur. I say "would" because in reality there are many more factors coming into play making it sometimes a less than ideal decision. There are children involved, the financial aspect, the fear of being alone, the hard times, the uncertainty, the frustration all these things turn a simple decision for those viewing it from the outside into a very difficult situation for the one dealing actually with it. Ir relationships were that simple, easy and straightforward LS wouldn't exist. Link to post Share on other sites
GorillaTheater Posted August 10, 2015 Share Posted August 10, 2015 Seeking a divorce as a solution to one's unhappiness in a marriage would be the simple correct decision to make I concur. I say "would" because in reality there are many more factors coming into play making it sometimes a less than ideal decision. There are children involved, the financial aspect, the fear of being alone, the hard times, the uncertainty, the frustration all these things turn a simple decision for those viewing it from the outside into a very difficult situation for the one dealing actually with it. Ir relationships were that simple, easy and straightforward LS wouldn't exist. I'd also argue that LS maybe wouldn't exist if people acted with integrity in their relationships. Although we'd probably still get the "what does this text mean???" questions. Link to post Share on other sites
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