Wiff180 Posted June 10, 2015 Share Posted June 10, 2015 (edited) I've worked alongside a girl for 18 mths. In that time I got very matey with her, we'd go to lunch and walk to the station each evening. Admittedly I think I got too close to her. She leaving the UK and emigrating soon, her husband left to the new country in Feb. Since Feb we got closer. We'd go jogging and generally chat. She was the one person I could rely on, and vice versa I was her go to guy. She didn't really have any other friends in the office at that time. Since then she's grown in confidence and become more popular. She tells me that I am negative and she has become positive about her role. It's true, I am unhappy at work and we kind of had that in common back in her early days. Just recently as she got more popular I got jealous of the time she was spending with another guy in the office. Yes, I know it sounds like I have feelings for her, I suppose in a way I do, but more toward the fact she's always been there for me. I felt like her more as a sister to me. Eventually my jealousy got the better of me. 3 weeks ago on Skype I said some hurtful things to her, accusing her of using me when she was less popular, telling her I felt she'd sold out to fit in. Even now I think some of what I said was right. But it escalated to the point where she blocked me. Initially she wouldn't listen to my apologies. After a few days she agreed to talk, but it took about 2 weeks to arrange before she'd agree and even then she accused me of arranging the talk so I felt better (even though she'd suggested it). Anyway.....long story short, she has shut me out of her life. We talk about work on Skype and have pleasant enough conversations, BUT it's nothing like we were. She won't spend any time with me at all, tells me she thinks anything she tells me would be thrown back at her by me and regards me differently. I honestly swear what I said, was said in anger over jealous of her spending time with the other man. In hindsight it was stupid, one 30 min blip in 18mths of friendship. My issue is, that now she won't speak to me like before, and with only 4 weeks left until she leaves I am desperate to try and get some normality back to what we had. She tells me she's changed and has a "wall" up which stops her being like she was. Some days she tries to chat only to then throw statements from our argument back at me, she seems torn on what to do. I've asked her for one more chance to show I have changed - but so far she's not giving me that. As next steps part of me thinks I should let it go and just see out the next few weeks, not making any conversation but seeing if she comes to me, eventually maybe even miss her leaving drinks. Another part of me remains committed to trying anything to salvage this, but it's beyond my control..........Should I attempt conversation about things she says are off limits like personal life or should I leave it.... Any advice anyone can give would be appreciated.. Edited June 10, 2015 by Wiff180 Link to post Share on other sites
jen1447 Posted June 10, 2015 Share Posted June 10, 2015 Sometimes friends grow apart for whatever reason. You can't really force friendship (or romance for that matter). I don't see much choice but to honor her wishes. Sorry. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Wiff180 Posted June 10, 2015 Author Share Posted June 10, 2015 Thanks Jen. I think you are right really. I just have to accept it for what I've made it. At very least it's 4 more weeks of working together. Link to post Share on other sites
jen1447 Posted June 10, 2015 Share Posted June 10, 2015 I'd go to the leaving drinks thing tho, just to be decent. If you stay away you'll look like you're grinding an ax, and that's never a good impression to leave. (That is unless it's somehow clear you're not welcome there specifically.) Don't try to make anything happen, just go and be nice. Link to post Share on other sites
NYC-BigKat Posted June 10, 2015 Share Posted June 10, 2015 Thanks Jen. I think you are right really. I just have to accept it for what I've made it. At very least it's 4 more weeks of working together. Uh...I had stuff like this happen to me all the time. I think u can only move on & hope for the best. Just dont do this yelling stuff at her anymore or to other girls if u want to keep them around. Learn from this yea. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Wiff180 Posted June 10, 2015 Author Share Posted June 10, 2015 I'd go to the leaving drinks thing tho, just to be decent. If you stay away you'll look like you're grinding an ax, and that's never a good impression to leave. (That is unless it's somehow clear you're not welcome there specifically.) Don't try to make anything happen, just go and be nice. Hmmmm I don't have an axe to grind, I am not sure about the leaving drinks. Could be a bit awkward......I don't want to leave her with bad feelings, but equally I don't know. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Wiff180 Posted June 10, 2015 Author Share Posted June 10, 2015 Uh...I had stuff like this happen to me all the time. I think u can only move on & hope for the best. Just dont do this yelling stuff at her anymore or to other girls if u want to keep them around. Learn from this yea. I think you are right. I need to learn from this. We didn't yell, just disagreement. I hope maybe she'll soften up a little with me maybe before she goes Link to post Share on other sites
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