boss + employee mess - from the bosses perspective

[distorted]

Hope i have posted this in the right place!

 

Ok where to start. I am one of three partners (Tim, Tracey, Myself) in a mid-sized company which i own a large share of. I am in my mid-twenties and pretty comfortable in all areas of life apart from love! At heart i have always been very straight edged, i work till i cant do anymore and i have until now always been very true to my parter(s). The last year everything has been turned upside down though!

 

Its a bit unrelated to this post but I did have a long-term g/f (best part of 5 years) up until about 6 months ago ("Jane"). We both led very busy and stressful lives (shes a marketing geeza), we were each others rock. She left me sighting that I had no time for her and that my priorities were up the what. My response to it was one of suprise and shock... she was always happy to enjoy the fruits of my/our "skewed priorities".

 

Of all my friends and associates there are very few who i feel are true friends. One such girl-mate i have known since i was just a kid and is one of the best friends i have i will call Kate. About 10 months ago Kates younger sister ("Sarah") applied for a job with us doing receptionist type work. She is in her early 20's, attractive and very bubbly! Being frank she was not the most suited applicant but pulling strings I got her the job... i went on my gut feeling that she would be good in the job, and despite what else has happened she was. She started working a few floors down from where I am and about 3 months after that we began seeing each other on a casual basis.

 

I still had a g/f but i could not keep my eyes or hands off Sarah. It quickly spiralled out of hand and before long the serious lies began. I had to lie to Kate, employees, Sarah, Jane, my business partners and myself. Juggling a very long working week, a demanding g/f, and another woman i wanted to spend every minute with became very hard. At about this time Kate found out about her sister and I and we havent really spoken since + Jane decided to leave (not to my knowledge knowing of Sarah) and i really started going backwards.

 

The relationship with Sarah turned into one of over indulgence... so much partying and drugs that my work started to suffer. She moved in with me and it seemed awesome. Sarah has introduced me to people and things i have come to like alot and i am finding it hard to contemplate returning to the straight laced lifestyle i used to live. The relationship has grown to something of an emotional level but i dont think she hears my concerns and i cant see it leading to far... even though im still head over heels about her months down the track.

 

2 weeks ago Tim asked me to please take some time out and decide whether i want to do what i do any longer - among other things. I am completely torn. Monday is the day I must face the music.

 

The sensible side of me tells me i must go back to work and start pulling my weight. I must either see Sarah leave the company or leave myself. Maybe i wont even get any choice in the matter.

 

My newly discovered wild side will have none of that!

 

My deal-maker side is unable to be reached and the emotional side is on unpaid overtime!

 

Any advice appreciated!

[Merin]

Well.. I guess I would say decide if you enjoy being able to pay your bills, feed yourself, have some money in the bank.. stay out of jail and basically enjoy life..

 

OR

 

Door number 2.. don't work, loose everything including Sarah who has come to enjoy the lifestyle you've up to this point been able to provide her.. possibly get into some serious legal trouble and end up having some "recreational time" in a day room with your cell mate "Bob"

 

I dunno.. while going out and having a good time is fine.. when it becomes your entire focus it isn't reality.

[SoleMate]

I don't know your New Zealand laws, but if Sarah is made to leave to solve YOUR problems, then you are doing her wrong. Here in the US, if she were fired because of your pickle, it would be legally actionable.

 

If you were only hurting yourself, I wouldn't worry too much, because it is your choice. But look how many people are getting pulled into the blender with you. "Kate", supposedly one of your best friends, couldn't trust you to stay out of her sister's pants. Will she ever forgive you? And it goes on from there...

[distorted]

Thanks for the replies! Ill try to clarify a few things...

 

SoleMate:

Kate will probably never forgive me, if shes not happy for us then i dont see why i should feel any guilt. I dont let it have any bearing on my relationship with Sarah, that might be a little blunt for some people and i can see why but i dont share your opinion. Kates always the first to tell me i need more balance in my life and that sortof mumble jumble. To be honest i would feel more guilt if people were loosing their jobs because the company was going under because of my mis-management.. that has and will not happen and i think it is only the business of co-workers, etc to the extent that it effects them.

 

Sarah has lost her job because she has not been turning up consistently. I had no part in that decision and it was made fairly and legally. She offered to resign and leaves in good faith, with good reference and a smile on her face! Had she not wished to resign she would most probably have been moved to another site. Once again some might think its blunt but dont be naive - your boss does things everyday you would find deplorable, if he didnt you likely wouldnt have a job much longer! She has a place to live in the meantime and if she doesnt manage to find herself a job i will help her do that.

 

Merin:

An equally realistic situation is one when work consumes you entirely. I take calls day-in day-out at all ungodly hours. The only time it doesnt ring is when the network has outages! I miss weddings, graduations, etc, etc on account of a relentless work load. Granted it has always been my decision to do that.

 

I dont think im going to meet Bob anytime soon. I dont partake in illegal activities everyday, and when i do im careful in how i go about it...

 

Sarah and I got to talking when we got back this afternoon. She told me she feels like a big weight has lifted and now she can be more open about how she feels towards me. It caught me off guard so i didnt inquire but suppose it has to be a good thing, time will tell! I want to pull the plug on the unlimited fun thing and see if she still sticks around. I dont quite know how to go about doing that.