spanishchick00 Posted February 7, 2015 Share Posted February 7, 2015 Anyone think its ridiculous that some co-workers who happen to be best friends can't live without each other through out the day at work? For example, I see them get up from their desk to just go to the break room together to get a drink of water, or when we have meetings, they usually wait for the another one to sit by each other at the meeting, they park right by each other, when work is over, they wait for one another so they can walk out together. My God. Its almost like being back in middle school, I can' join any clique at work because half of the time, they exclude me or I'm just not one of the "cool" kids. And they certainly don't socialize with anyone else except for themselves. I mean, god forbid that person gets laid off or fired, how will their other half survive at work without their best friend? Will they be in tears? I go to work to do my business, that's what I'm paid to do, not constantly look for my next work place BFF. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
newmoon Posted February 7, 2015 Share Posted February 7, 2015 Anyone think its ridiculous that some co-workers who happen to be best friends can't live without each other through out the day at work? For example, I see them get up from their desk to just go to the break room together to get a drink of water, or when we have meetings, they usually wait for the another one to sit by each other at the meeting, they park right by each other, when work is over, they wait for one another so they can walk out together. My God. Its almost like being back in middle school, I can' join any clique at work because half of the time, they exclude me or I'm just not one of the "cool" kids. And they certainly don't socialize with anyone else except for themselves. I mean, god forbid that person gets laid off or fired, how will their other half survive at work without their best friend? Will they be in tears? I go to work to do my business, that's what I'm paid to do, not constantly look for my next work place BFF. we have a pair like this. it's exactly as you described. they do everything as a set. every little thing. in this case they are the same nationality and share a common language. they are both married with 2 kids the exact same age and they are 4 years apart in age too. it's common bonds that bond people. but yeah, making a friend to the exclusion of others is a bad idea for when your partner leaves. but, those types of people are co-dependent and will latch on to someone else if the current BFF exits. Link to post Share on other sites
Author spanishchick00 Posted February 7, 2015 Author Share Posted February 7, 2015 Yeah, there are 2 girls at work that are inseparable. They are both married, have kids, so they share a common bond. Awhile back, I was trying to befriend one of the girls that was closer to my age and we talked for awhile, I went out of my way to greet her and try to talk to her, but as time went one, she never bothered to greet me or talk to me, she just wanted to be with her other half. I was like wth? No matter how nice, friendly, interesting my conversations were-she just decided I wasn't cool enough to hang out with them. Bonds suck. Just because I'm not married or have children doesn't mean I'm not worth a damn and be tossed aside. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
newmoon Posted February 7, 2015 Share Posted February 7, 2015 Yeah, there are 2 girls at work that are inseparable. They are both married, have kids, so they share a common bond. Awhile back, I was trying to befriend one of the girls that was closer to my age and we talked for awhile, I went out of my way to greet her and try to talk to her, but as time went one, she never bothered to greet me or talk to me, she just wanted to be with her other half. I was like wth? No matter how nice, friendly, interesting my conversations were-she just decided I wasn't cool enough to hang out with them. Bonds suck. Just because I'm not married or have children doesn't mean I'm not worth a damn and be tossed aside. i have the same situation. i am single, so i'm excluded from sets that involve women w/kids and husbands. but are we really missing much? they talk about their kids all the time - the illnesses, the sick days, the carpool, the school, etc. it's nothing that a single can really contribute to meaningfully. and we (singles) would get more from a single friend too. friends form because they have stuff in common. look around your workplace for someone you have stuff in common with, regardless of age. i spread myself around :-) i try not to make a singular friend, because - as you said - it's detrimental when they go. plus, too much personal info. sharing = trouble 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Tayla Posted February 7, 2015 Share Posted February 7, 2015 So long as the employees are being productive in their tasks and keeping the atmosphere someone civil, let it be. Granted its weird if they are joined at the HIP. As a lady I have been in presences of catty Ladies and I much prefer to stay away from that mentality. It lowers ones self esteem and does little for the morale of the team members at work. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
nomadic_butterfly Posted February 7, 2015 Share Posted February 7, 2015 (edited) Anyone think its ridiculous that some co-workers who happen to be best friends can't live without each other through out the day at work? For example, I see them get up from their desk to just go to the break room together to get a drink of water, or when we have meetings, they usually wait for the another one to sit by each other at the meeting, they park right by each other, when work is over, they wait for one another so they can walk out together. My God. Its almost like being back in middle school, I can' join any clique at work because half of the time, they exclude me or I'm just not one of the "cool" kids. And they certainly don't socialize with anyone else except for themselves. I mean, god forbid that person gets laid off or fired, how will their other half survive at work without their best friend? Will they be in tears? I go to work to do my business, that's what I'm paid to do, not constantly look for my next work place BFF. I fail to see the issue on the other ladies' behalves. I'm sorry you feel excluded but why label others in the process? I think it's only natural to gravitate towards some people...I mean you probably spend more time with them than anyone else. I remember feeling like this at a company with an extremely friendly corporate culture where (I kid you not), at least 70% of the company knew each other from high school...50% from middle..and so on and so forth and some people felt they were cliquish..which they kind of were. I spoke to a co-worker (a male) who was level headed and he told me it was I (yes, ME) who wasn't extending myself enough. He also gave me the sage advice that people need to know they can be themselves around you. He was right! I made a pact with myself to try to go to at least one co-worker's event a month and started to attend happy hours and bdays, etc. and tried connecting with people outside of work and the walls came down and I saw things in a new light. I'd always come from the standpoint work is work; personal life is personal life...but when you spend that much time together, it might behoove you to blend the two a little bit. I didn't realize how standoffish I appeared to others.Sometimes we think others are the problem when it might be us...just a thought. Edited February 7, 2015 by nomadic_butterfly 1 Link to post Share on other sites
contact1 Posted February 7, 2015 Share Posted February 7, 2015 I find it sad when people think that working means you have to be there for just work and nothing else. Making connections with co-workers is not a bad thing, especially when you consider how much of your life you spend working. I don't know, to me that kind of mentallity seems very cold and robotic. Some of my most memorable times at an old job of mine was going to a bar after work with co-workers, drinking and singing karaoke, large group of us, and continued to do so as a supervisor. The key is knowing how to still be professional and not let the friendship interfere with work. Even though I would go drinking with employees once a week and talk to them casually at work for the most part, when things had to be serious, they knew it and I expressed it directly. And yes, some people had their own little groups, but why should that bother anyone? You can't expect everyone to like you or make a connection with you, nor should you assume that they think they are better than you because they didnt make that connection. Think of it as if someone was trying to date but you had no interest in them. Would it be right for them to just assume you think you are better than them, are just some snob, just because you didn't "click" with them? 6 Link to post Share on other sites
Author spanishchick00 Posted February 7, 2015 Author Share Posted February 7, 2015 I find it sad when people think that working means you have to be there for just work and nothing else. Making connections with co-workers is not a bad thing, especially when you consider how much of your life you spend working. I don't know, to me that kind of mentallity seems very cold and robotic. Some of my most memorable times at an old job of mine was going to a bar after work with co-workers, drinking and singing karaoke, large group of us, and continued to do so as a supervisor. The key is knowing how to still be professional and not let the friendship interfere with work. Even though I would go drinking with employees once a week and talk to them casually at work for the most part, when things had to be serious, they knew it and I expressed it directly. And yes, some people had their own little groups, but why should that bother anyone? You can't expect everyone to like you or make a connection with you, nor should you assume that they think they are better than you because they didnt make that connection. Think of it as if someone was trying to date but you had no interest in them. Would it be right for them to just assume you think you are better than them, are just some snob, just because you didn't "click" with them? Well, I made the final decision to stop having close friendships at work after they all backfired. Yes, its fun and it makes work more enjoyable when you have friends at work and doing stuff outside of work, because that's what I did. I had several close friends. Each and every one of them fizzled. One girl I was close with-always excluded me when her other friends from work invited her and never bothered to invited me in front of my presence. If were are friends, why not invite me to tag along? I always invited her. Its high school bs. Also, the last friendships that I had, things were going good, until my so called friend kept nagging me about how I need to find a husband and how much she pitys me to death for not having anyone in my life. If she was a true friend, then why would she make me feel bad about myself for being single? And the another friend that I was close with, never had no interest in calling me or hanging out with me outside of work, oh sure, she's besties with the other girl that works in my department and constantly calls her and they have a great happy hours, but why the heck wouldn't they ask me to tag along if we are friends at work? And that's why I don't want to be close with anyone, except having the occasion small talk, because once I start thinking this person is my friend-I start getting offended and hurt once I find out I know I'm being excluded. Now, when I look at other people that are besties, I find it ridiculous. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Jessie1231 Posted February 7, 2015 Share Posted February 7, 2015 You call it ridiculous, but at the same time you seem to want a close friendship with coworkers. Some of my best friends I have met through work. If one friendship doesn't work out, it didn't mean they are all horrible. It just means that one didn't work out. When you meet someone, try making plans with the person instead of expecting to get invited to whatever plans they make with different people. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Eternal Sunshine Posted February 7, 2015 Share Posted February 7, 2015 I have 2 close work friendships like this Link to post Share on other sites
Author spanishchick00 Posted February 8, 2015 Author Share Posted February 8, 2015 You call it ridiculous, but at the same time you seem to want a close friendship with coworkers. Some of my best friends I have met through work. If one friendship doesn't work out, it didn't mean they are all horrible. It just means that one didn't work out. When you meet someone, try making plans with the person instead of expecting to get invited to whatever plans they make with different people. I'm always the one to make plans but the other person has no interest in doing anything. I do make an effort. Its such bs. I though all the bs like joining cliques, waiting for someone else to like you, seeing what kind of clothes you wear, what kind of league you're in ended in high school. We're adults in our 30's, I just find it silly. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
newmoon Posted February 8, 2015 Share Posted February 8, 2015 I'm always the one to make plans but the other person has no interest in doing anything. I do make an effort. Its such bs. I though all the bs like joining cliques, waiting for someone else to like you, seeing what kind of clothes you wear, what kind of league you're in ended in high school. We're adults in our 30's, I just find it silly. do you have a good social circle outside of work? if so, just concentrate on those friendships and let work be work. i actually think it's more problematic to have work friends that are also outside-of-work friends, because they are all in your business at that point. i don't want a BFF at work who also knows what my house looks like, where my dog sleeps, how often i drink, when my husband and i have sex, etc. can you make a friend in a different section of the office? or a different department? maybe you get along better with men? i found that women are too catty in the workplace, like high school as you say, so i make friends with the single guys and use them as my conversation/coffee/lunch buddies. sometimes i will just join the girls - a quick "are you guys going for coffee today" gets you invited. focus on other departments, guys instead of girls, or your friends outside of work, or invite yourself along. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Jessie1231 Posted February 8, 2015 Share Posted February 8, 2015 I read through some of your other posts, and I think some kind of counseling might help. You seem to think there are cliques that are excluding you, not just at work but in every situation where you interact with anyone. I've had mild social anxieties before, but I was able to talk myself through them because it wasn't anything major. It was basically me being a little shy and feeling like people were paying more attention to me than they were and being nervous because of it. This sort of sounds like what's going on with you except it seems exponentially worse in your case because I think you see this in most, if not all, social situations. Once you can see that decisions and behaviors by other people are not done to you or because of you, you'll be much happier. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author spanishchick00 Posted February 8, 2015 Author Share Posted February 8, 2015 i have the same situation. i am single, so i'm excluded from sets that involve women w/kids and husbands. but are we really missing much? they talk about their kids all the time - the illnesses, the sick days, the carpool, the school, etc. it's nothing that a single can really contribute to meaningfully. and we (singles) would get more from a single friend too. friends form because they have stuff in common. look around your workplace for someone you have stuff in common with, regardless of age. i spread myself around :-) i try not to make a singular friend, because - as you said - it's detrimental when they go. plus, too much personal info. sharing = trouble Now, I just do small talk at work and that's just where it ends. I made the mistake of sharing too much personal info-and when things backfire-it gets uncomfortable having to go in everyday and seeing their face. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
pink_sugar Posted February 8, 2015 Share Posted February 8, 2015 Now, I just do small talk at work and that's just where it ends. I made the mistake of sharing too much personal info-and when things backfire-it gets uncomfortable having to go in everyday and seeing their face. It's very cliquey at my work. Most of my coworkers have been there for years and I am the newest hire. It does feel like school at times as I was always excluded at school and sort of a loner. I also am careful about what I say to people at work due to experience, while everyone else is super comfortable sharing everything like their love life, finances etc. The one coworker I felt connected to went on maternity leave for a few months. It's really hard to fit in in an already established workplace. Try to keep your thoughts on your work and socialize outside of work. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Broom Posted February 10, 2015 Share Posted February 10, 2015 Cliques backfire. I agree that most of the clique-ish women end up in some HS drama. I have watched a lot of fake stuff go down in front of my face. Female co-worker talks with another female co-worker. They appear friendly and chum, chatting it up in the mornings. As soon as that same co-worker is not around, she is being dragged through the mud and all of her personal business spread by the other. All smiles again the next morning. Stuff like this keeps happening. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
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