newmoon Posted January 26, 2015 Share Posted January 26, 2015 i will try to keep this short and to the point. it's an HR-ish question, kind of. i dated a co-worker, it was allowed and etc. not a problem in the workplace. we dated 2 years and broke up 1 yr. 5 months ago now. we are both with the same company - a large company - but i transferred from my office into another department 7 miles away immediately after our split. i went NC immediately and have not seen this man in 1 yr 5 months. but about 5 months ago he resurfaced and is now bothering me with calls, texts, and emails. they are basically "i want to be friends" again emails, but i have ignored 100% of everything. because of me ignoring him, he is now sending me emails that are more aggressive/upset that i am not responding to his outreaches. he is using my personal email and his personal email, not our work emails. i am not planning to get any type of restraining order because it's not at that level, and it wouldn't meet the requirements for that anyway, but his contacts really bother me because i have completely moved on and want NC forever. do you think this is this something that i can take to my HR dept. at all? that a fellow co-worker is bothering/harassing me. or not since it's occurring outside of work? Link to post Share on other sites
SoleMate Posted January 26, 2015 Share Posted January 26, 2015 What I'd do: 1) Send a very clear, certified letter saying that you don't want to hear from him ever again (or get a lawyer to send it). Keep a copy 2) If he bothers you again, then definitely, tell HR (just like you would if there were no history between you) 3) If he bothers you post-letter a second time, then consider filing for a restraining order 2 Link to post Share on other sites
GemmaUK Posted January 26, 2015 Share Posted January 26, 2015 Yes, you can take this to HR and you should. One of my colleagues did and the guy soon progressed to using work emails. Then he was blocking her in the car park when she was trying to leave the building. Her boss (one of the company directors got involved and he walked her to her car each night for a few weeks to ensure she had no or less problems. The guy also began emailing me about his ex too and I also went to HR in support of my colleague. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Radu Posted January 26, 2015 Share Posted January 26, 2015 What I'd do: 1) Send a very clear, certified letter saying that you don't want to hear from him ever again (or get a lawyer to send it). Keep a copy 2) If he bothers you again, then definitely, tell HR (just like you would if there were no history between you) 3) If he bothers you post-letter a second time, then consider filing for a restraining order Added to this, OP ... keep all the information about his contacts. Yes, you can take this to HR and you should. One of my colleagues did and the guy soon progressed to using work emails. Then he was blocking her in the car park when she was trying to leave the building. Her boss (one of the company directors got involved and he walked her to her car each night for a few weeks to ensure she had no or less problems. The guy also began emailing me about his ex too and I also went to HR in support of my colleague. Oh wow ... why wasn't he fired is something i don't understand. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
preraph Posted January 26, 2015 Share Posted January 26, 2015 I agree with the other posters. It's especially important that you must write him that dated certified letter (keep a copy of course for yourself and the certified receipt). In order to progress, it's imperative you first officially notify him you want no more contact. Don't even make this a long personal letter. Just tell him you want him to cease all personal contact with you, including contacting you at work for anything other than necessary work reasons (which hopefully he has no excuse to do). Once he's picked up the letter and you get the return receipt, if he continues to contact you, take HR a copy of the letter and tell them what's going on. And as other said, keep a dated log and notes of every attempted contact. If you start seeing him cruising by your house or anything, take all that to the police for a restraining order. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author newmoon Posted January 26, 2015 Author Share Posted January 26, 2015 What I'd do: 1) Send a very clear, certified letter saying that you don't want to hear from him ever again (or get a lawyer to send it). Keep a copy 2) If he bothers you again, then definitely, tell HR (just like you would if there were no history between you) 3) If he bothers you post-letter a second time, then consider filing for a restraining order really great steps, thank you so much to you and the others. it never even crossed my mind to get a certified letter to him as a first step. of course i'd have a lawyer draft and send it since it doesn't then come directly from me. appreciate it LSers! Link to post Share on other sites
GemmaUK Posted January 27, 2015 Share Posted January 27, 2015 Oh wow ... why wasn't he fired is something i don't understand. He wasn't fired but he was aided by HR to find another job elsewhere. He did get verbal and written warnings but agreed to be helped finding another job. He was also warned that should he contact her again the company would call the police. He has left my colleague alone ever since. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Radu Posted January 27, 2015 Share Posted January 27, 2015 really great steps, thank you so much to you and the others. it never even crossed my mind to get a certified letter to him as a first step. of course i'd have a lawyer draft and send it since it doesn't then come directly from me. appreciate it LSers! The idea is to show documentation that can stand up in court ... timestamps ... variation in writing and writing ustensils over the time in question. One way to keep a journal is to send e-mails to a 2nd e-mail address that you own and control in full. That way the timestamps are visible and it is quite unthinkable that you had the power to alter a database that belongs to yahoo or google. All of which can be presented in court. Link to post Share on other sites
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