Disrespected

[makeithappen]

Hello all,

 

so I had sent an email to my academic supervisor for their lack of provision of adequate feedback. They suggested a meeting which took place.

However, throughout the meeting, the tone was very defensive, accusatory, no responsibility was taken, and the work I had submitted was ripped into pieces. I felt disrespected, especially as they raised their voice at me. I was accused of not letting them speak and interrupting, when they are very domineering and find it hard to stop talking.

 

The meeting took a quieter tone in the end, but I am still not happy. I feel uncomfortable with this person.

 

I will see how things go in the next few weeks, but I am not sure what to do.

They thought I had planned to make an official complaint about them, and accused me of twisting their words when I told them they were being very accusatory!!!! It was so draining and difficult!

 

I hate that I left without having gotten what I wanted: an apology for a lack of decent feedback on my work, and an explanation, and reassurance that it won't happen again. But each time I told them how they made me feel, they kept being more aggressive. The conversation became dominated by them, and it must have been satisfying to them raising their voice at me, and putting all the blame on why they did not give me proper feedback onto me! It was horrible.

 

Now we agreed on another meeting, but I think if I tell them I did not appreciate their behaviour, they will lash out at me AGAIN!

Yet, I am STILL upset! I want them to know they cannot behave in a certain way.

[Satu]

Now we agreed on another meeting, but I think if I tell them I did not appreciate their behaviour, they will lash out at me AGAIN!

Yet, I am STILL upset! I want them to know they cannot behave in a certain way.

 

You have to stick to your guns, and not let them bully you into silence.

 

If you get no satisfaction escalate it to whoever is above them.

[makeithappen]

You have to stick to your guns, and not let them bully you into silence.

 

If you get no satisfaction escalate it to whoever is above them.

 

 

How can I do that?

 

Please advise me on the kind of smart behaviour I should be taking when dealing with them.

[Yasuandio]

Tape recorder. I never leave home without one. People these days just think they can say, or do anything and get away with it. Ha-ha. Unbelievable. Then, of course, will will often deny wrongdoing (you can take that to the bank). That is a time when a tape-recorded piece of evidence really comes in very handy.

 

I just picked a really fun little toy from the spy department in Micro Center. It is a ballpoint pen that makes complete audio/visual recordings. Remarkable device - charges and downloads to computer via usb thumb drive buried inside pen. The video and sound recording is clean as you would ever want. It records 20-25 minutes. This pen is a Q-SEE brand and was $59. I'm sure there are better ones with more data time.

 

Let this manic jerk disrespect you on video, and a digital tape recorder and deny it. See what happens in the academic grievance system once evidence is presented (but let it go full circle first, and get your letters of recommendation, if possible, before you drop a bomb on this egomaniac). You are a student, and you pay money to attend the academic environment, NOT to be abused emotionally by it.

 

I was a professor, I comprehend what you are going through. I helped students that were harassed by a senior professor in my department. If and when you determine to file a grievance, do it while you are at the end of your studentship, after you have your letters, BUT just prior to the formal graduation. The university cannot provide a legal defense for you if you are not technically a student. (Professors can get defensive and bring frivolous lawsuits against students that have the nerve to stand up to them. If student has already graduated, the school cannot defend them).

 

Check laws in your state - they are posted on the Governmental sites for all to see regarding tape recording and video-recording (the second of which most certainly is NOT koshier/legal). But, since he ripped up your work in your face, I would collect video, because that is violent, bully behavior, absolutely uncalled for, and his colleages need to judge that conduct in their own private college/university justice system (that is just my personal take). The tapings can be shown privately or anonymously perhaps, as these type hearings are not a Court of Law.

 

I think it is a good angle to wait for the denials, and for people to suggest/gaslight that you must have misunderstood OR you're mental. And, then wait for the "NEXT WAVE" of "you have no proof to back up your claims." BINGO.

 

Just stay cool and keep a low profile. I very sorry that this happened to you. I hope some of these ideas help, and maybe some other LSer's will add more insight. Yas

Edited January 26, 2015 by Yasuandio