Eddy Street Posted January 3, 2015 Share Posted January 3, 2015 (edited) So I first came to the college I teach at in 2012 and that's when I met the professor. We were teaching in the same classroom, I taught the lower-level class and he taught the higher-level class. I was 25, he was 65 (maybe less), and right from the get-go he didn't like me. The first thing he did, as I came up to him to introduce myself, was to blatantly ignore me. But I was determined to initiate contact, so I came up to him to ask for some advice, and he basically told me I'm an idiot, though in a very indirect way. Then, in the following weeks, he continuously made sarcastic and sardonic comments to things I said out loud to my class in front of my students, like a misfit student trying to show off in front of his classmates. Sometimes he got a few awkward laughs, and I have to give it to him, his sarcasm was pretty good. Then one day he comes up to me in the office in front of all our co-workers and he literally pours his heart out about how incredibly overjoyed he is to see me. How how are you, happy new years, you look great, etc... then as I am exiting the office he comes up to me and whispers in my ear: "hey, you know I was only saying that to seem nice, I don't really care if I see you or not" If I ever want to get a full-time teaching position at the college, I'll have to be evaluated by a committee that has him on it. I know he hates me because I'm young and have less education than him, which makes him think I'm stupid. He will stand in my way of getting a promotion. I see him sometimes and I just ignore him. I can think of a few things to say to him that would probably destroy him but I won't out of respect, he has 2 PhD's and I hate some people too. It's only human to have preferences. What can I do? Can I win him over for my own benefit? Any ideas? Or just look for a different institution? Edited January 3, 2015 by Eddy Street Link to post Share on other sites
darkmoon Posted January 3, 2015 Share Posted January 3, 2015 (edited) but it was you who forced initiated contact, and look where it got you, do not say another word, initiate nothng more, winning him over no, just be diligent and also ask the college about him he might fancy you and know he has no chance a old man in teaching with two phds is a man who is lost, he might even be bitter i think he might have done this to others, maybe still is so ask others, you must protect yourself, but do not go to the authorities as a whiner, just talk about your observations, and make sure your work is exemplary write nothing down, so threre is nothing to show the old man as he is a trouble-maker, see what the authorities come back with and if the future looks iffy, then move on Edited January 3, 2015 by darkmoon Link to post Share on other sites
Taramere Posted January 3, 2015 Share Posted January 3, 2015 Then one day he comes up to me in the office in front of all our co-workers and he literally pours his heart out about how incredibly overjoyed he is to see me. How how are you, happy new years, you look great, etc... then as I am exiting the office he comes up to me and whispers in my ear: "hey, you know I was only saying that to seem nice, I don't really care if I see you or not" I think in all your dealings with this man you should proceed on the assumption that he secretly fantasises about you dressing him up as a baby and spanking him when he messes his nappies (diapers). 1 Link to post Share on other sites
anika99 Posted January 3, 2015 Share Posted January 3, 2015 Possibly something about your eagerness to make a good impression on this guy set him off, or perhaps he would have been as ass to anyone who took the position. I would kind of hope it's the latter as that would mean it's just his personality, in which case everyone is probably aware of his quirks and they don't take him too seriously. That way if he is part of your evaluation the others present may not be swayed by his negativity. Link to post Share on other sites
Satu Posted January 3, 2015 Share Posted January 3, 2015 Be perfectly polite and proper in your manner when your work requires you to interact with him, whilst ignoring any rudeness on his part. I think he may be a bit envious of your youth and future prospects, and that he's bitter about how his life has turned out. Do not under any circumstances allow yourself to rise to provocation. Link to post Share on other sites
coolheadal Posted January 3, 2015 Share Posted January 3, 2015 (edited) Face it! He's set in his ways and won't change for anybody at all, an especially you!. Can't change him nor should he try to convince you to change to bend to his ways. Don't give him the time of day! Just be polite and do your job there which is to teach and not socialize with him. Your there with fresh attitude where he been there for so many years he has lost touch with the real world around him. Today his antisocial behavioral methods has lead to mostly too non-treatment of fellow co-workers like you respectably. His old-school inside jokes are rude and not wanted today. But there are so many like him (both men and women) act just like him. Again it's too late for them and him. But you don't have to stoop so low to his level. Just be the type of woman you are in 2015 and beyond! Think positive, and be positive! When he comes to hit you with a negative response, you think in your head this is him and not me. I know better to respect others. I know better how to do my job here to teach my students. I know how to be a happy person. Just by saying those words in you head will keep his childish behavioral comments away from your mindset. Remember NG = never give in! and NL never listen. As for the board members, take control and show them all who you are! If he gives you thumbs down don't let that get to you. Keep on being the person you are and you'll succeed in life. Where he is afraid of you for who and what you bring with you. New ideas, new way of thinking! NOW GET IN THERE AND TEACH! Edited January 3, 2015 by coolheadal Link to post Share on other sites
Yasuandio Posted January 3, 2015 Share Posted January 3, 2015 Move on to another institution if possible. This kind of tenured faculty member can "X" you out of your job with any subjective criterion he wishes to invent. The goof up was likely being assertive to begin with, or something you did to get him unnerved. The University or college is bad about keeping these Dinosaus' around. They have to, due to tenure. Start looking, don't waste you talent, nerves and the chance of receive a negative review. I've been there, and fought it - you cannot win. Yas Link to post Share on other sites
Author Eddy Street Posted January 3, 2015 Author Share Posted January 3, 2015 Well I was just overly shy and nice I guess at the beginning, and despite being 25 about to turn 26, I looked 18. I always thought that had everything to do with it, that he maybe didn't like young people with positions that mattered. Luckily for me, I don't work along-side him anymore, I just sometimes see him in the halls or the library as he's passing through, as he's part of a different department. He's always starting conversations with people and smiling, a jolly old man by all accounts. He's especially nice to all the young men and women who are tutors, working on all sorts of joint projects dealing with engineering and physics with them and giving them all sorts of wonderful recommendations for then they transfer to a 4-year institution. He even got a couple of young men (barely 21) who were tutors into an internship at the Adler Planetarium. That's kind of big, I think. And everyone I ask says the most wonderful things about this soul of a man. Students love him, the only compliant I get is from lazy kids who say he pushes his students really hard, hardly a bad thing. I seem to be the only person he dislikes.... By the way, I'm male. If I was female it would make more sense, denial of feelings, usually in the extreme, is a clear sign of mental struggle due to not being able to get what you want. Link to post Share on other sites
preraph Posted January 3, 2015 Share Posted January 3, 2015 I think you should be keeping a log of all his comments to you, especially that one you quoted there about him wanting to appear nice. Honestly, as soon as that happened, you should have reported him. Yes, they will take his word over yours, but chances are that you're not the only person he's bullied like this, so they may or should already know something about him. There must be someone over him in chain of command you could talk to. Get it on record now so that when review time comes, you can remind them to also review that complain before voting. Link to post Share on other sites
FitChick Posted January 3, 2015 Share Posted January 3, 2015 Find out when he is planning to retire. Then you'll know how long you have to deal with him. Link to post Share on other sites
hoping2heal Posted January 3, 2015 Share Posted January 3, 2015 The guy is an arrogant prick, it's been established. Don't try to win him over. You were not hired to be a professional brown noser. Focus on honing your skills and avoid this **** head like the plague, save for being civil in person. He's one person on the board, and quite frankly if you do an outstanding job he won't have a choice but to give you a pass or his colleagues will think something is up with him. It won't be easy, but pretend he is not there. You could run off to another institution but then what? What if you meet another similar? Going to keep going through institutions? You need to drill it into your head that you DO NOT NEED this man's approval. Do not spend another minute worrying about "winning him over"; that is not what you were hired for. Focus that energy into improving your practice for that IS what you were hired to do. Link to post Share on other sites
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