Do I need to change careers again?

[tuxedo cat]

I work in casting and my shyness has been responsible for ruining a lot of opportunities that have come my way. More and more, my social anxiety seems to be determining the direction of my whole life.

 

I don't know how I'll even have a career, let alone friends, with this problem. I never knew how debilitating it was and how judgmental people were until I got out there. No wonder I isolated myself for all these years.

 

I had a miserable night. The casting director I intern for threw a holiday party for all the interns at her place. I was awkward and stiff, even moreso than usual. The worst moment of the evening was when the old casting associate, a middle aged lady I've never met before who used to work for the casting director, took the floor and told some stories about weird interns from the past. She made fun of a kid who worked for them years ago, how he was so quiet and afraid, and how he would bring back food to the office to share with people in a lame attempt to endear himself. She mentioned how he gave her a long card when his internship ended thanking her for her "patience" and how she chuckled to herself that "maybe casting isn't for you but I hope you find SOMETHING you're good at." Naturally, I identified with this kid and thought to myself, "What am I doing here? Who am I kidding trying to make it in this field? These people are probably thinking the same things about me."

 

Should I give up on casting? I can't decide because I know I'm really good at certain aspects of it. I do have a great eye for talent (which I've been told many times), I'm resourceful, I have a strong work ethic, and I'm fairly organized when I make an effort. But the social element perplexes me. What can I do? I have to make a decision because my internship is ending soon. This will be now the third casting internship I've completed that hasn't led to a job. I'm not sure if this one really counts, though, because there wasn't an opening at the company, but with all three I've left on a strange note. Not that the people don't like me but just that I can tell they think I'm off, even if it's unspoken.

 

On the other hand I have worked for a few people in the field who really liked me as a paid assistant, but I got those gigs through my own initiative rather than working my way up from an internship level. I guess what I'm trying to say is I seem to be incapable of working my way up from the bottom when I'm competing against others for a spot. About six months ago I reached out to this commercial casting director and asked her if she needed help. She hired me on for a project and really liked my work and kept hiring me. But her projects are sporadic and I need to find another source of income. Then she recommended me to her friend who also liked my work but hasn't been in touch since (possibly because she doesn't have anything for me). A few weeks ago, I reached out to this young director who was looking for a casting director for her micro-budget short film. We met, she hired me (unpaid) and he and her producer keep going on about how impressed they are by my work and dedication. The problem is all of these people who have liked my work I haven't worked with much in person. I've done the work remotely because they don't have an office or need me there in person. That's the problem. I'm great on paper. I can write pretty well and I'm good at research...but I'm pretty certain that if they were around me for any length of time in person they would have a different impression.

 

 

So where does this leave me?

[genuinelyloverly7]

I know nothing about casting, or about you, other than what you are telling us. But I will relate it to my personal social conundrums. I get shy around people when I worry they will like me. I worry that I am too unusual in my beliefs, or my passions are too out there, or that my clothes aren't as flattering as I think. But when I embrace whatever it is about me (my beliefs keep me together, my passions keep me focused, and I found clothes that feel more comfortable and yet good looking in ways that maybe others wouldn't or couldn't wear it), I feel like I have a purpose for being me. If your good at finding talent but don't fit in with others, start your own agency. Be bold in your differences. That is half of what Hollywood is all about. Utilizing your eccentricities.

[d0nnivain]

That casting associate was horrible.

 

You don't have to change careers but you do need to change firms.

[Standard-Fare]

Every single job requires a social element. That's not something you can run away from. So if this career path is something you're interested in and show aptitude for, don't give up on it based on your anxiety. It's a good sign that you're getting internships/paid work in the field.