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Should I use my personal relationship to lobby for a job?


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Lernaean_Hydra

I have a friend in the music and entertainment industry. He's the owner of a sizable company here in my city and in several other major markets, well known among industry types, etc.

 

A few months ago he hinted at needing an office assistant as his old one had to return to Toronto to deal with his family estate after his father's death. But at the time I felt it was more griping about how difficult it was going to be to start over with a new assistant in that capacity and not so much a proper job offer so I never really pursued it.

 

But lately, I've been encouraged to pursue this avenue again in earnest. I've heard from three separate parties his current assistant is, shall we say, grossly incompetent, inarticulate and generally awful at her job and he's unhappy with her performance. However, the general consensus is that he's sleeping with her which is the reason for her continued employment despite her shortcomings.

 

In the past, he's trusted me with highly sensitive information about company financials, new contracts, had me look over documents etc. This has all be given in confidence and very casually but given freely nonetheless. He trusts me, that much I know.

 

The thing is, he's a guy in his mid-40s with a big name and money to throw around, so while I'm not really surprised he hires pretty, young women to work for him and as it's his company he can do as he likes, I still don't want that association. However, I DO want that job.

 

It's a really good job. No, it's a great job. It's what young hopefuls might consider a dream job. I cannot possibly stress that enough. It would mean frequent travel, good salary, and networking with entertainers and other industry professionals. So yes, I want the job but it comes with a lot of....strings. Even if they're just perceived strings.

 

I'm just a little confused right now. I don't want to jeopardize the friendship but I want that damn job! Advice would be lovely.

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LH,

Should I use my personal relationship to lobby for a job?

- IMO it's big fat NO.

 

You've already said that, it appears, he's only keeping his present employee because he's using her for, errr, "outside-the-workplace-perks".

 

and then you said;

 

So yes, I want the job but it comes with a lot of....strings. Even if they're just perceived strings.

 

= dodgy.

 

He obviously trusts you to look over documents etc; so why not suggest he employs you as an 'adviser' on an ad hoc basis?

 

If his business acumen is so poor that he would employ a non-performing person just on the basis that she was "hot", would you really, truly want to work for such a person?

 

I would follow the old adage on this one - "if it looks too good to be true, then it probably is".:rolleyes:

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take the job, you might regret it if you do not, a dream job is hard to find

 

just be nice to his girlfriend, talk to him prior to working there about your perceptions, and get an employment contract to protect yourself, she might give you grief if she feels side-lined

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What "strings" does it come with? Does he hook up with his assistants/office managers or something? Do you think you'd be expected to whore yourself out for the job or something? I mean if he expects things like that, you obviously won't last long if you don't comply. Can you be more specific as to what these "strings" are?

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You can use your friendship to get A job just not a job working directly for your friend.

 

You two already have a personal relationship with an established power dynamic. As his employee you will no longer be his equal but a subordination & it will be problematic.

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If he is desperate enough for nookie to employ someone incompetent solely for that, then he is pretty darn desperate. What do you think would happen to your 'dream job' when he finds out that his new assistant (you) will not be providing him with that perk?

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Am I misunderstanding... but it seems like he isn't hiring RIGHT NOW. More like, you want to ask if you can have the job that someone else has currently?

 

You want him to give you a job over someone who is currently his side dish? Because... friend?

 

Think about it.

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Please tell me this isn't the same geezer who whipped it out in the car. If you know this guy wants in your pants and you know you're not interested and you've made sure he knows you're not interested, the danger is you may assume that means he won't bug you after you work for him, but he may assume you are going to put out or just want to be around him and that's why you ask for the job.

 

I have so much to say on this subject from that industry that I could write a book, but let me just abbreviate by saying it's never a good thing to work for a person or company who prioritize hiring hotties over getting the job done. If you want a position in the industry, I suggest you go apply out of his territory and get in with no history and then don't sleep with anyone you work with and make sure they all know you won't.

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Simple: use the guy's name to get the same job at a different music company, when a job becomes available. You don't have to work *for* him. But you can use him as a professional reference. Think outside the box. Then you don't have to work for him and possibly put yourself at risk to his sexual come-ons.

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The problem with using his name at all is that the music industry is a very small world and all those guys talk, and if he's got anything to say about her, everyone will know it as soon as she takes the job. I love that business, but the huge downside of it is the number of old geezers in it that are not in it for the music but only in it to have leverage to get young women to have sex with them -- by giving them free merchandise, tickets, music, jobs. They take it way too far once they have you in that category. They will treat you like that even if you're not in that category for as long as you let them and then some. It's very tough to find equality at work in that environment. If they have any inkling you'll F for favors, they will literally pimp you out in their own way.

 

I would just tell you that unless you have a huge love of music and would do the work for free anyway, there are much easier ways to make a living when you're female. I had a huge love of music and couldn't live without it. It was a constant battle to keep from being kept in place, and I hit the very firm glass ceiling by the time I reached 40, right when my male counterparts were going on to take the most lucrative positions of their career. Because they don't keep women past their prime, for the most part, in the entertainment industry. If you want to stay in past your prime, you need to buy a stake in something early on and become your own boss/owner/partner.

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Go for it! Most people get jobs because they know someone. If he's sleeping with this girl that currently has the job, and if he plans to continue sleeping with her, he's not likely to kick her out. But you never know. He might get creative and create a new position just for her or you in order to bring you on board. Let him figure that part out. Even if he doesn't hire you right now, it's almost certain that things will fall apart with this other girl. Just sit back and watch the show. Just make sure he thinks of you the next time he needs someone.

 

As far as strings being attached, don't fall into that trap with him. He would probably be relieved to have someone in that position that doesn't allow him to complicate and screw it up.

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Lernaean_Hydra
take the job, you might regret it if you do not, a dream job is hard to find

 

just be nice to his girlfriend, talk to him prior to working there about your perceptions, and get an employment contract to protect yourself, she might give you grief if she feels side-lined

 

She's not his girlfriend. She's uh....she's a fling from what I understand but you're right in that I should be nice to her but I don't think he'd kee her on if I was hired.

 

What "strings" does it come with? Does he hook up with his assistants/office managers or something? Do you think you'd be expected to whore yourself out for the job or something? I mean if he expects things like that, you obviously won't last long if you don't comply. Can you be more specific as to what these "strings" are?

 

Sorry that I'm just getting around to replying but the stings I meant were more, metaphorical. He's never - at least not to me anyway - implied sex would be a requirement for the position or anything like that but I do worry that since it seems his latest assistant is generally thought to be sleping with him, it wouldn't look good for me to take up her position. Lest anyone think I was doing the same.

 

You can use your friendship to get A job just not a job working directly for your friend.

 

You two already have a personal relationship with an established power dynamic. As his employee you will no longer be his equal but a subordination & it will be problematic.

 

 

Honestly, you've brought up the best point in this thread. Setting aside all the "perceptions" of others, the biggest issue would be the power dynamic which never even occurred to me. We are, in fact "equals" on some level right now but you're absolutely right, to take the job would be firmly placing myself beneath him and I certainly don't want that... :confused:

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Lernaean_Hydra
If he is desperate enough for nookie to employ someone incompetent solely for that, then he is pretty darn desperate. What do you think would happen to your 'dream job' when he finds out that his new assistant (you) will not be providing him with that perk?

 

I don't think it's so much as an issue with him being desperate or looking to get laid..although I do see how my OP could've lead tothat conclusion. His last assistant was a male in his mid-30s who'd he'd had for years. I think he's just got it into his head that he can shove some girl he's sleeping with into that position for however long but he has no idea how much it's hurting his business.

 

Am I misunderstanding... but it seems like he isn't hiring RIGHT NOW. More like, you want to ask if you can have the job that someone else has currently?

 

You want him to give you a job over someone who is currently his side dish? Because... friend?

 

Think about it.

 

Well....to be honest, yes, in a way. I don't want him to just give me her job because he's my friend but I'm 98% certain that one word from me about how his clients view his assisantant would lead to her being...well if not fired then at least demoted. He knows I know some of his clients (and that I won't say who they are) but he periodically asks me if I've heard anything negative from my side of the fence and I've been withholding what I've heard about her thus far.

 

Please tell me this isn't the same geezer who whipped it out in the car.

 

:lmao: Oh dear god no. I dropped that guy and never heard from him again. Plus he was really young, about 25 or so.

If you know this guy wants in your pants and you know you're not interested and you've made sure he knows you're not interested, the danger is you may assume that means he won't bug you after you work for him, but he may assume you are going to put out or just want to be around him and that's why you ask for the job.

 

This is a very real possibility given the circumstances and so I don't want to just outright start screeching that he'd never do that to me!! (because people can fool you) but, we've known each other for long enough that I he realized early on I wasn't some overeager groupie he could con into bed, etc. I think that's part of the reason hes trusted me thus far with sensitive information abut his company.

 

I have so much to say on this subject from that industry that I could write a book, but let me just abbreviate by saying it's never a good thing to work for a person or company who prioritize hiring hotties over getting the job done. If you want a position in the industry, I suggest you go apply out of his territory and get in with no history and then don't sleep with anyone you work with and make sure they all know you won't.

 

You've hinted at as much in another thread and honestly I'm quite keen to learn from you. Feel free to PM me because you seem to have some experience and I'd value you personal input. Seriously, I think you're definitely the one to ask.

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I don't know this guy or your relationship with him personally but I don't know too many dudes who are gonna fire the girl who's bangin them to hire the girl who isn't. =/ Even if the work is suffering.

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Lernaean_Hydra
I don't know this guy or your relationship with him personally but I don't know too many dudes who are gonna fire the girl who's bangin them to hire the girl who isn't. =/ Even if the work is suffering.

 

Typically I'd say you were right and the only reason I disagree with you is because he really cares about his business. If he knew the extent to which her presence was hurting his company he'd be horrified. He has an abundance of hot young tail at his disposal so having a chick willing to bang him nearby isn't his primary concern.

 

My mom actually called me the other night on the verge of a heart attack because she saw him on some TV show and was like "I can't believe you know him, know him!!:bunny:" He's a businessman first and foremost. I'm fairly certain he's using her to fill the spot until he can find a legitimate replacement but...

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Typically I'd say you were right and the only reason I disagree with you is because he really cares about his business. If he knew the extent to which her presence was hurting his company he'd be horrified. He has an abundance of hot young tail at his disposal so having a chick willing to bang him nearby isn't his primary concern.

 

My mom actually called me the other night on the verge of a heart attack because she saw him on some TV show and was like "I can't believe you know him, know him!!:bunny:" He's a businessman first and foremost. I'm fairly certain he's using her to fill the spot until he can find a legitimate replacement but...

Make your play then. It seems you don't have a lot to lose by being wrong, a gentle brush off at worst. And a great job you want if you're right. Everyone networks for work nowadays.

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