Does my co-worker have a crush on me or is he just friendly?

[OnlyJake]

I have a co-worker who kind of beats to the march of his own drummer, and I can't tell if he is just nice and kind of quirky, or if he is flirting with me.

 

 

Some of the things he does include:

• He invites me to do something with him and his friends pretty much every weekend. He does this at work, in person, not by phone or email. We don't live near each other, and the activities often include day trips or sleepovers. I always decline. I also never say that we should get together sometime, or reciprocate invitations.
  
• He sometimes comes over to my desk and tells me I "look amazing today", or some variation, before launching into something work related.
  
• If I say hello or good morning, instead of just saying it back he adds "sunshine" to the end.
  
• In meetings he always sits next to me. If I scootch my chair over and move some of my things to make room for him he will call attention to the fact that I am moving away from him. Sometimes he just comments on it, and sometimes he will scootch his chair over until it is touching mine, and turn and stare at me for several minutes. I always ignore him when he does this, as does everyone else in the room.
  
• He doesn't like our supervisor very much, and in meetings he will often send me snarky emails about her, or stop by my desk and make comments. I respect our supervisor, and so I either defend her or make a neutral comment, but it makes me kind of uncomfortable that he does this.
  

All of that just made me think he was nice, and maybe trying to be friends, but a little quirky.

 

Then one day left a small gift on my desk. It was actually extremely thoughtful, but based on our relationship I think it would have been more appropriate to just let me know that such a thing existed and I could purchase it myself.

 

That was a week ago, and now today he invited me to do something this weekend. I declined as usual, and he then asked if I thought he was hitting on me because he's always asking me to do things. I said no, I hadn't taken it that way, but then he proceeded to say how attractive I am, so he wouldn't want me to take it that way...I'm not really sure what that has to do with anything, but I felt weird that a co-worker commented on me being attractive.

 

 

Thoughts? Is he just a nice guy and I'm blowing this out of proportion?

Edited August 22, 2014 by OnlyJake

[pteromom]

He has a crush on you.

 

Now - how do you feel about him? Is he someone you would date?

 

If so, say YES to one of his invitations!

 

If not, you should have a private convo with him telling him it makes you uncomfortable when he scootches his chair next to yours and keeps asking you to go out. If he doesn't get the hint, then you'll have to be more firm or go to HR.

[OnlyJake]

He has a crush on you.

 

Now - how do you feel about him? Is he someone you would date?

 

If so, say YES to one of his invitations!

 

If not, you should have a private convo with him telling him it makes you uncomfortable when he scootches his chair next to yours and keeps asking you to go out. If he doesn't get the hint, then you'll have to be more firm or go to HR.

I'm definitely not interested in dating him, and I'm also not available, which he knows.

[d0nnivain]

It appears that he likes you but since he's not asking you out per se, then he must at least be aware that you aren't available.

 

The next time he asks you to meet up with him & his friends, ask if your BF can come. If he says yes, make a brief appearance so he can get the visual of you with your SO which should hopefully cool his advanced.

 

Try arriving later at meetings, after he is there so you don't have to sit by him

[preraph]

He's blatantly hitting on you. When you said no you didn't take it that way, he made sure to tell you that yes, he does find you attractive. He didn't want you to think he wasn't hitting on you because he is. Don't ever be alone with him. Always have a witness in case he becomes a problem. Save any flirty texts/voicemails.

[OnlyJake]

It appears that he likes you but since he's not asking you out per se, then he must at least be aware that you aren't available.

 

The next time he asks you to meet up with him & his friends, ask if your BF can come. If he says yes, make a brief appearance so he can get the visual of you with your SO which should hopefully cool his advanced.

 

Try arriving later at meetings, after he is there so you don't have to sit by him

I have zero interest in seeing him outside work. Just to clarify, you think I should make the effort to see him with BF just once to give him a clear picture? I would consider that.

 

He's blatantly hitting on you. When you said no you didn't take it that way, he made sure to tell you that yes, he does find you attractive. He didn't want you to think he wasn't hitting on you because he is. Don't ever be alone with him. Always have a witness in case he becomes a problem. Save any flirty texts/voicemails.

He doesn't have my number, so I don't have to deal with any texts or voicemails. Fortunately.

[d0nnivain]

I have zero interest in seeing him outside work. Just to clarify, you think I should make the effort to see him with BF just once to give him a clear picture? I would consider that.

 

If it's an effort don't do it. We want to discourage him without inconveniencing you.

 

If he invites you to something & you were going anyway (or thinking about it), maybe then I'd plant the seed.

 

Unless you want a confrontation or you want to drag HR into this, both of which are bad ideas at this point I think avoidance is a better bet, as long as it doesn't interfere with your work.

 

At the meetings if he sits down next to you & you move away, announce you action -- "Here, I'l move over so you have more room." Again, I advocate getting to the meeting after him so you have your choice of seats & can sit away from him.

[OnlyJake]

If it's an effort don't do it. We want to discourage him without inconveniencing you.

 

If he invites you to something & you were going anyway (or thinking about it), maybe then I'd plant the seed.

 

Unless you want a confrontation or you want to drag HR into this, both of which are bad ideas at this point I think avoidance is a better bet, as long as it doesn't interfere with your work.

 

At the meetings if he sits down next to you & you move away, announce you action -- "Here, I'l move over so you have more room." Again, I advocate getting to the meeting after him so you have your choice of seats & can sit away from him.

OK, yeah, it would be inconvenient for me to go to anything he invited me to. Maybe if we ever have a work HH or event that SOs are invited to I'll keep this one in mind.

 

I'll definitely arrive to meetings later, that's a good suggestion.

 

I agree, I don't feel comfortable saying something to him or HR at this stage. Thinking about talking to them makes me think of a 5 yo shrieking "Moooooom he's LOOKING at me!" from the backseat when her little brother gets really close to her face and stares at her.

 

That visual really makes me see how weird it is that my co-worker does that.

[d0nnivain]

When it gets to the point where you can't take it anymore & you are thinking about going to HR. go to him 1st. Tell him his behavior makes you uncomfortable & has to stop. If you do that & he doesn't stop, send him a letter via regular mail & e-mail documenting the 1st conversation & again telling him his conduct is unwelcome. If you do that 1st before you go to HR they won't see you as the child crying to mommy.

[todreaminblue]

I feel that inviting your bf to an event is a good start.....just to give a physical reality that you are taken..if somebody is making you uncomfortable at work.....then you have the right to do something about it....from what i remember theres a process at most establishments...and the first one is to express yourself to the guy to try and resolve the issue yourself, and that he behave in a manner that you are comfortable with....... and if that doesnt get anywhere...to then go up one step....and if that doesnt work the next and so on..... ..i wish you well....deb