Spoke to my new manager regarding dress today.

[Sevria84]

So. I wear a dress that goes to a couple inches above my knees. Not too short. I'm very conscious about pulling my dress skirts or anything down anytime I stand up or do anything. I don't dress provocatively and had a sweater on as well.

 

 

The women in the office went on lunch together. Mind you I hadn't filed anything since early in the morning. After lunch the office manager pulls me into a conference room to say it wasn't important but she wanted me to know to be careful when filing with dresses or skirts so nothing shows. I had panty hose on too. Well I always am pretty conscious so I was immediately embarassed. I asked If someone said something and she said yes a lady that none of the men did. Well. I had only filed early in the morning so immediately I was even more embarassed knowing they were all talking about It at their lunch.

 

Am I wrong to feel embarassed and partly mad that someone couldn't just say something if they supposedly seen me. Or to think they were all talking about me? I'm self conscious and insecure as it is. It just ruined my.whole day and good feeling I had about this job. I thought I was doing so well and they all liked me.

 

Ugh. I need to keep the job and am not wearing anything that doesn't go a few inches past my knees anymore. I just hope this isn't bigger than she made it out to be. Some light please :/

[Yasuandio]

Some jelious b, that's all, honey. Forget it.

 

Here is what you are going to do. Take this a lesson.

 

You are going to change your wardrobe - and there will be no more short skirts. That will make you stand out as a most professional woman. OK? After a month or so, once note has been taken of your new look, go back to the Office Manager and express your appreciation of how she has helped you grow as a profession woman. That you were very embarrassed at first, but now, you realize that she has made a tremendous positive diffence (or influence) in your life - and you wanted to let her know.

 

Now - that is a class act!

 

Stop wearing short skirts to work. If you have to be concerned about your azz showing while you do your filing job, that is dumb, you read me?

 

See - take this advice and run with it! I bet you get a promotion! Forget about all the Sally's and Sluthie's that need to show their legs. Think PROACTIVE - moving up in the world. Go get em girl! Yas

[Sevria84]

The thing is it wasnt a short skirt.lol was an almost knee length dress. All my other skirts are pencil knee length skirts and button up collar shirts. Dresses only with closed cardigans. Flats or heel. Lol

[MidwestUSA]

The thing is it wasnt a short skirt.lol was an almost knee length dress. All my other skirts are pencil knee length skirts and button up collar shirts. Dresses only with closed cardigans. Flats or heel. Lol

 

First you said it was a couple of inches above your knee. Obviously, someone doesn't consider that 'almost knee length'. Go with yas' suggestion and good luck!

[CC12]

Am I wrong to feel embarassed and partly mad that someone couldn't just say something if they supposedly seen me. Or to think they were all talking about me? I'm self conscious and insecure as it is. It just ruined my.whole day and good feeling I had about this job. I thought I was doing so well and they all liked me.

 

It's fine to feel embarrassed. But try not to be mad that whoever brought it up didn't come to you first. It's totally understandable why they went to a manager instead.

 

You shouldn't assume that all the women in the office were gossiping about you at lunch. Sure, it's possible they were, but it's also very possible that instead of interrupting the workday, someone waited until lunch to tell your manager to give you a heads up that your panties were showing, or whatever.

 

And since your manager basically said, "This isn't a big deal, but..." I'm thinking this whole situation was more along the lines of "Yo, you've got some spinach in your teeth" rather than a "Hey, Sluts McGee, this is a formal warning to quit showing off your whorish panties or we're going to fire you."

 

I'm just saying, it might not have been all the women of the office giggling about you at lunch, it might have been someone showing some sisterly concern. Either way, it's not a big deal. Learn this lesson, and dress more appropriately for work from now on. Don't let this ruin the good feeling you had about your job.

 

 

P.S. One of the most caring things that I feel a near stranger has ever done for me was to get my attention from across a loud bar to tell me that I had toilet paper stuck to my shoe after visiting the restroom. Yeah, it was super embarrassing, but I was mostly glad that they didn't allow me to continue walking confidently around a very busy club with three feet of soggy toilet paper following me. Food for thought.

[todreaminblue]

I dont work but i wore a new skirt to get my eyebrows done......and i wa slyign back in the chair....i hadnt tested my skirt out that way i looked down it was at my knees i asked my girls do i look decent standing up they said yes...so i thought its fine...well it wasnt fine and the mirror opposite my chair at the salon worked that out by flashing my undies in it......

 

then the time i first got my period at school and wore white trackpants.....i was glad a girl pulled me aside so i coudl go home...i wondered why there were snickers.....

 

i ad had my eyes closed and i felt something drop in my lap ....it was a towel the lady who was grooming me dropped in my lap discreetly to protect me from the mirror.... i knew immediately what had happened.....of course i went red in the face and blushed i was embarrassed to who saw my undies.....i apologised and told her it was a new skirt and i was sorry i wasnt mad .....at all......she protected me from more embarassment ......so look at it that way someone protected you whether or not it would have happened it could have happend you be embarassed further..so be thankful;...if i was working a long line straight skirt calf length or lower.... is what i would wear...or trouser form fitted suit are cool if it involved bending or lifting or stretching.....deb

[Got it]

Ugh I understand. I was talked to when I was younger about a skirt I had no idea was inappropriate. All these years that conversation with my manager is seared into my head.

 

I agree that it would have been nice the person said something to you but that isn't normally what happens. Nor is it men who make the complaint. No surprise.

 

I would look at your dress code policy and talk to your manager a little more about it. I am on the fence if what you were wearing was inappropriate. I know of a number of times the person complaining is taking the policy above and beyond. Just because it bothered them does not make what you were wearing was inappropriate.

 

My general rule, I don't wear dresses or skirt that are more than an inch above my knee or I wear tights/leggings with them. Sorry it happened but try and shake it off and move forward; lesson learned.

[Allumere]

I wouldn't stress over it at all. Work environments vary in terms of how conservative dress attire needs to be just as the opinions of those who you work with. Unless you work with the caddiest group of hens ever I doubt you were the lunch time topic in a negative way. These things happen all the time. When I first started working I was told I needed to dress more professionally. Although I always wore conservative skirts and slacks with jackets, the boss wanted more "navy blue suit" type attire. I had no problem with the suggestion at all but my finances were not yet to the point I could buy 5 or 6 more suits so my response was just that. So, the end result was that I got a little bump in salary that I could use as a clothing allowance but before that happened I put in the effort and hit some thrift shops to start upgrading.

 

I have been in the position where I have had to talk to co-workers about attire. Like you they felt embarrassed but IMHO they shouldn't have been. They had their own styles and simply thought that what they wore was OK...a simple case of providing awareness. Sure, for some it seems like common sense I guess but I think it all depends on background, previous employers, positions held and the dynamics of the work environment. I worked with a young woman (22) who was incredibly talented. She was also very petite and large chested. She never wore anything that intentionally drew attention to her however it was difficult to miss her chest and I had heard a few comments. So it was simply a matter of informing her. Although she was a little more annoyed then embarrassed (I get that too) she made an effort to further minimize her attribute.

 

So, no worries. Make the necessary tweaks and it'll be water under the bridge.

[Yasuandio]

The thing is it wasnt a short skirt.lol was an almost knee length dress. All my other skirts are pencil knee length skirts and button up collar shirts. Dresses only with closed cardigans. Flats or heel. Lol

 

Listen girl,

 

Some advice on the pencil skirt. I have couple pencil skirts (I can't fit my fanny in them right now), but when I did a couple years ago - I looked dang good. Really good. Realy, really good.

 

NOW - why did I get those pencil skirts while I had my weight down? Well, I'll tell you the truth. The same reason every girl squeezes her sexy bottom into a knee length pencil skirt - you look HOT!

 

Specifically, the pincil skirt accentuates, in the tightest way possible, a woman's tiny waist, sexy hips, and differenciates your buttocks from the back of your legs - smoothly. Only a great figure can get into, and pull off a pencil skirt (the real deal, that is). The right pencil skirt might even give a subtle hint of the mid point in your sexy fanny. Yeah baby! The tightness at knee length, just above those curvy calves, cause you to have a certain, irresistible walk - especially in high heels.

 

Don't tell me you wear a pencil skirt with flat shoes - come on, who you think you're kidding? Now then again, if it is, indeed true, that you were wearing a pencil skirt with flat shoes and a Cardigan Sweater buttoned up to the top? Maybe the the Office Manager was concerned about the fashion faux pax situation? Is that possible, honey? Should we be more "Fashion Police" oriented in our responese?

 

Nonetheless, the pencil skirt is inappropriate because (a) it is too sexy in a business environment where men need to focus on their work, (b) it impairs your movement, (especially in an emergency), and © it could split open accidently and cause a huge disruption during business hours. Cause you seemed a little defensive by my post - that I really worked diligently on. I was really trying to turn a negative into a positive.

 

Bottom line - lose the pencil skirts. Nice flowing mid-calf, or below the knee. You are going for the GOLD here. Look at your Office Manager's outfits. Look at upper management - wherever you aspire to be. Go for that look. You don't have to look like a frump. You can show-off your tiny waste with an elegant sinched belt, and hot fashionable boots. That is the way to do it. Class Act.

Edited September 23, 2014 by a LoveShack.org Moderator

[newmoon]

you didn't say what type of office it is. if it's really strict then read over the rules again. i think the person did the right thing, by going to a manager instead because you would have been more offended/embarrassed if they had come to you directly, and that may have made you defensive. it's best left for management. we had a situation like this in our office once, one girl complained that another was wearing skirts that were too short. they called both girls in together to talk it out and see what the issue was and they ended up moving one girl to another section of the office so they don't have to walk past one another/interact. like someone said, it could be jealousy, but it could also be lots of other things too. some women are from a different cultural background or ethnicity and are more conservative in their views, it could be a situation of trying to move ahead and score points with management by looking out for policies, etc. but try not to get down about it, especially if you're dressing appropriately, people talk about you all the time in an office, gossip is standard, and it happens. it just means you're worth talking about :-) that being said, i believe hard-core in dressing in what makes you feel good. i wear sheer tops, short skirts and whatever else i want. i show off my body and could care less what they say. no one ever has, at least to management. there are personalities in offices too, you know? if you present yourself as free-spirited and etc. from the start you can get away with a lot and people won't care as much because you are just being you. look at how you're presenting yourself and what people think of you overall, it's likely a reflection of that more than the clothes. but there is no reason to look ugly when you have a nice body and want to show it, even in an office. just know others won't feel the same.

Edited August 9, 2014 by newmoon

[Sevria84]

Thanks everyone I'm sorry if I sounded Defensive I didn't mean to.

I just wanted to reiterate I wasn't dressing like a "hoebag" or whatever.

 

I'm just fixing the problem by wearing pants everyday. I'll let the other girls come in wearing sandals, sundresses, dresses above their knees, and with their hair all over the place while I wear pants and button up collar shirts everyday.

 

I care moer about my job than what they think of me. I'm just sensitive is all.

It's a law office. Again, I was the most professionally dressed so it was just shocking anyone said anything. It's whatever though.

 

i'll wear my pants and or ankle length skirts only and i'tll never be a problem again. I'm not here to make friends, i'll be professionally courteous and smile and nod, but i'm not here to be their friends or trust them.

[pink_sugar]

I have two women at work who are in this asian clique comment on my bathroom habits. One of the women had the nerve to walk over to my cubicle and tell me to check the bathroom because not everything went down. I went to look and saw nothing but a piece of TP. Seriously? You bothered me just for that? I felt like telling her she could flush it if it bothered her that much. Not only that, it's very uncomfortable to know she was monitoring my bathroom visits as no one else was in there. The second woman, her friend, walked into the restroom when I was washing my hands and flipped out when she saw a piece of TP in the toilet (we're dealing with low-flow toilets) and said I need to make sure to hold it down...which does nothing on the second flush. I cannot believe people flip out over something so trivial.

[Got it]

Thanks everyone I'm sorry if I sounded Defensive I didn't mean to.

I just wanted to reiterate I wasn't dressing like a "hoebag" or whatever.

 

I'm just fixing the problem by wearing pants everyday. I'll let the other girls come in wearing sandals, sundresses, dresses above their knees, and with their hair all over the place while I wear pants and button up collar shirts everyday.

 

I care moer about my job than what they think of me. I'm just sensitive is all.

It's a law office. Again, I was the most professionally dressed so it was just shocking anyone said anything. It's whatever though.

 

i'll wear my pants and or ankle length skirts only and i'tll never be a problem again. I'm not here to make friends, i'll be professionally courteous and smile and nod, but i'm not here to be their friends or trust them.

 

If you feel there is a discrepancy between how you dress and being held accountable for and others I would address that.

 

I think dress codes are crazy because it is normally about restraining men to stay focused on work than a real issue with the functionability with the clothing. So basically women are jumping through hoops making sure their skirt is a specific inch in length, not too tight, and god forbid if you do have a figure, you might as well be in a paper sack.

 

It is amazing the length's women have to go to because of others.

[pink_sugar]

You can also tell a manager or HR how these coworkers are making you uncomfortable by analyzing what you wear...especially if this really was not a short skirt. It's sort of like my coworkers who commented about things I did in the bathroom. If they continue, I will have to report it. It's borderline harassment.