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Hi there,

 

I hope this is in the right place.

 

I work in an office and I've been there for a few months. I moved to a new city for postgrad studies and I'm working part-time. I'm quiet and work hard, and up to now have had no issues with anyone there - in fact, everyone is super friendly and kind to me.

 

I share an email with another colleague because I don't need my own.

 

Today she wasn't in the office but the email on the PC I use syncs with hers. So, I can just see everything she's reading without clicking anything. Usually it's work emails and never anything personal. That's why we share.

 

Anyway, today I got an email thread through between her and my supervisor. My supervisor asked her to come in on a day when it was just me and him, stating that he didn't trust me, and that I might rohypnol him or something. She replied laughing, and said she'd be there.

 

Now I know this sounds all very funny, but I'm actually really hurt by it. I've never said anything untoward and don't know where that kind of comment would come from. There was more in the emails but I'm not going to divulge it for privacy's sake, but that's the line that stung.

 

I work really hard and have never said a bad word to anyone there, or done anything strange that could be misread.

 

What on earth is meant by this and what should I do about it? I feel really uncomfortable, and I'm dreading the next day in work.

 

FYI - Everyone in the office KNOWS that I'm engaged to someone, so I can't see how this has even come about. I don't have any romantic feelings for my supervisor, in the slightest; in fact he is the complete opposite of anything I would find attractive.

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Doesn't she know you share emails? Does he know you share emails? I can't see why she'd allow that if she knows you can read all her messages. :confused:

 

I'd probably ask to meet with him and be upfront that I know about the emails and it makes me uncomfortable. Is their anyone higher up than him that you can report to?

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He does know we share emails; he sent her another email telling her to delete the messages. They both know I use the email. It's usually strictly business related, and it's a small company, too, so it doesn't really matter.

 

Anyway; yes, there is someone I can report to, but they're close with the supervisor and colleague, so I'm not sure how that would go.

 

What I can't understand is what he even MEANT by the message. It wasn't flirty, those two just aren't that way inclined toward one another.

 

I've never given any reason to anyone to say that sort of thing about me. I'm really upset and confused about it, because I'd considered the colleague a friend and my supervisor to be a really good guy.

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No need to get yourself worked up about it. I would just leave it alone.

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I just find it worrying and hurtful that my boss thinks I'm untrustworthy, when I've given him no reason to do so, and makes that sort of joke which questions or even just makes fun of my character. I'm not usually sensitive to much; the way the emails were written were so snide that I can't help but worry.

 

I need this job, too. It's only part time but without it, my bills go out the window. I actually moved to a new flat which is close to my office to make travel easier.

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I understand how uncomfortable this is...

 

If this isn't your full time career and you're just there to work and get money then you can do as Tressugar suggests and leave it alone and continue doing your work.

 

But if it is something that bothers you, then you can show the emails to the higher up and have them know that those two should be reprimanded or if you can work more closely with someone else or have someone else supervise you, have them do that.

 

Or you can speak to your supervisor and coworker about the emails...knowing me I'd respond to the email and let them be the ones who are embarrassed because I've seen it.

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Tiger Lily
Anyway, today I got an email thread through between her and my supervisor. My supervisor asked her to come in on a day when it was just me and him, stating that he didn't trust me, and that I might rohypnol him or something. She replied laughing, and said she'd be there.

 

 

Rohypnol him? Does that mean "give him a date rape drug"?

 

 

If so, that is COMPLETELY inappropriate! I would probably say something, either directly or to a supervisor. If possible, try to keep proof of your discussions (especially a copy of the email). Working in an environment where people think like that would be completely uncomfortable, so I consider the risks you may take in approaching your boss to be worth it.

 

 

Even if I misread your meaning with "rohypnol", I don't think you're being overly sensitive. Just by the fact that they're having a laugh about your "untrustworthiness" (in their opinion), I think they're very unkind. :(

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Thank you for your replies.

 

The guy I call supervisor is actually manager at my branch, so he's the one who can hire and fire. We have a company director, but he's in another branch.

 

I really am very uncomfortable with this. I do find it really inappropriate; even as a joke, it's bad taste and the fact that they have some kind of banter that I'm like that makes me feel really insulted and hurt. I'm a quiet person in work; I just like to get on with things, but I am very friendly, too, and always try to help people out. Never in a weird way, though; I treat male and female co-workers equally, so I just can't understand where the comment has come from.

 

I've taken photos of the emails because I know she'll delete them, and I do want to say something, but at the same time I really need this job. Then again, if I'm not trusted (I can't for the life of me understand why), then it seems probable that they'll fire me anyway.

 

I work hard, I go in on days when I'm not scheduled; I even went in after a family member went into hospital over a really serious condition, when all I wanted to do was stay at home and cry. I don't come across as desperate though; I just do what they ask and do it well.

 

I'm at a complete loss, really.

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That is a new word for me, also. If it means what "Tiger-Lily" is guessing, that is horrible. It is not only unprofessional, it suggests some (well, here I go again), you have access to illegal substance, and a notion to use it on a supervisor. I don't like crap like that written on a cyberspace record. Suppose someone else read this and took it seriously?

 

If it was me - and I accidentally discovered this - I would be frazzeled, and hurt. Plus - worried about who else might see this. If I saw it - well?

 

Furthmore, if the man can make such bizarre statement, on record, with such a cavalier attitude - geez, is talking like this too? About other young ladies, as well? That would make me lose some sleep. Seriously, to make such an implication about a fine female employee is bordering on sexual harassment.

 

I recommend you say nothing to these two about the matter, and compose yourself. The fact is, there will always be some discomfort when you are before this man - that is why this is call sexual harassment, and why you are having that "helpless feeling," and are clearly experiencing discomfort and anxiety.

 

Look for another job honey. There is no reason to get into reporting this conduct, and claiming harrassment in this case - although collect evidence. The tease I'm telling you this is that you have to pick your battles. If this is not a huge career job, and you can just get the heck outta there with a nice recommendation - forget it. They are just idiots. And the case is too small for an attorney to take it. Furthermore - if you start complaining internally - they will just make your life miserable.

 

That is from a woman that really took on a huge institution on a matter like this - but much much worse. No one gives an eff when it comes down to it - not even government EEOC offices (they are so overworked and underpaid) - even when you have dead on tape recorded proof. It's not worth it hon, especially a few small incidences. Made my efforts made a tiny bit of difference - but no one cared in the end.

 

Just Walk. You have a lot to give to people/companies that will treat you with the respect you deserve. Don't panic. Say nothing, forget about it, like it never happened, get you head back into you job. Take your time, and start applying for other positions. Yas

Edited by Yasuandio
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Eternal Sunshine

The thing is, none of us know what others say behind our back. OP had an unfortunate way of finding out. All those posted in this thread, superiors and co-workers could be making fun of us this way without us being aware.

 

Where I work, people back stab each other all the time while acting like good friends...

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He was probably trying to be funny, talking like women can't keep their hands off him. The trust thing was probably just a joke to the other girl and he needed her to come in anyway. Did it sound more like he can't trust you to not be attracted to him or he can't trust you to do your job right?

 

I know some guys that are ugly and they know it. And they're happily married. They make jokes like that too. Talk with the girl you share emails with.

Edited by Imported
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If you think you're uncomfortable now just imagine how uncomfortable you would feel if you were to discuss this email to your superiors and to the appropriate authorities.

 

I will keep this experience in the back of your mind (keep a copy for your records), but I would not make waves because as you said this 'job pays the bills' and this was an one-time incident.

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I would definitely print them out and keep them; you never know if the situation escalates and it *might* be worth showing HIS supervisor (which is my initial knee-jerk reaction).

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I think it was probably just a joke, his brand of humor. Time will tell. He may just have needed her to work and made up this funny excuse to break the news to her. When I worked in an informal office, all kinds of stuff like that could happen, though it was before emails. He knew you might see that, she knew you might see that. I don't think it could possibly be serious at all but just trying to either cajole with her or get your goat.

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Your supervisor is nasty and unprofessional, and I don't think much of your colleague. I do, however, think that he probably came off looking stupid.

 

 

I have no idea why that comment would be made. I'd just do very good work and get out when it's convenient. Don't make any banter or small talk to these people.

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It really baffles me how impossibly easy it is to segregate emails and not have to SHARE email regardless of whether it's a small company or not.

 

Privacy and confidentiality are at risk whether you like it or not. I find it really confounding that companies may or may not have these policies in place, and yet fail to enforce them in their own practices when setting separate emails or even filters up is one of the least costly thing a company not just SHOULD take care of, but MUST take care of.

 

Just want to mention that your supervisor (and your coworker too) is a dick and apparently doesn't value his reputation very much, since you've mentioned he knew you had access to those emails when he sent them.

 

As much as I value respecting other people in the workplace, how do you think you are seen in the company? Do you come off not being likable?

Edited by jonsnuh
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In the work environment, its important to open up discussions in a non threatening way. this is an opportunity for you to address it with your superior in a manner that opens the door to a responsible answer and acceptance of your respectability. If you sincerely took offense to it, then may I suggest that you make a sincere effort to address it in a timely manner. Being passive in the work environment may deter you from furthering your goals and receiving the regard you deserve. You sound like a diplomatic person, may it go well.

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pink_sugar

I worked a job recently through a temp agency where I shared an email with a coworker who received all of my boss's emails. I remember seeing a few communications between the temp agency and my boss about me, but details were minimal. I just assumed he thought I wouldn't open those emails. But yeah, I can understand why you'd be uncomfortable. Sounds like the issue is your boss, not you. And telling another subordinate he cannot trust you is unprofessional. I would quietly look for other work.

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State the obvious.

 

To the boss "I'm assuming you realize that _____ and I share an email account"?

 

"I need to understand why you would say that about me, it's completely off base and inappropriate!"

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Thanks so much to everyone who has replied. I feel less paranoid, now, and know that I'm not going crazy.

 

To the poster who asked if I come across as not-likeable; no, I come across as friendly. I'm quiet, but not snotty or cold. I make everyone coffee, ask how everyone is doing, laugh and make jokes when the opportunity arises, and try to make things smooth giving my line of work. I'm never nasty and I try to be professional and kind all the time. I stay late when I can see I'm needed, and when I'm asked to come in on a day off, I do it.

 

I don't fit the female stereotype of the office; I don't wear loads of makeup and talk about clothes. I don't really go out partying because I did that when I was 18 and don't have the time or really care for it anymore. I'm living with a man I love, have a nice home, and am working on a Masters degree. No one has ever acted weirdly when I've said I don't go out all the time, although now I'm paranoid that they're all laughing at me for making a perfectly legitimate choice.

 

I was bullied badly in school and this feels the same. Like I'm being mocked for something I can't help or don't even know I'm doing.

 

At the age of 23 I thought those years were long gone.

 

So, I suppose I'll just go into work tomorrow and get on with it as though it hasn't happened. The sarcastic side of me wants to ask him if he would like 1 rohypnol with his coffee, or two, just to see the reaction....

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pink_sugar

Yeah, unfortunately OP, a lot of times when you're an introvert when everyone else isn't a lot of people tend to think you're weird or don't fit in and sometimes they think they can take advantage of you. I've had those experiences. Sometimes they will think something is wrong with you if you're not outgoing and bubbly like them. Sad, but it does happen.

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I was bullied badly in school and this feels the same. Like I'm being mocked for something I can't help or don't even know I'm doing.

 

At the age of 23 I thought those years were long gone.

 

I was also bullied in school and I hate to tell you that adult bullying can continue; for me, it was into my 40s.

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pink_sugar

I agree with carriet. You need to stand up for yourself as another poster mentioned. Talk with your boss discreetly about your performance and see what he says. If he says nothing bad, he's probably passive agressive and you don't need that. If there is a problem, a good boss will be up front about it.

Edited by pink_sugar
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Adult bullying is almost more hurtful than childhood bullying, too. It's not as though you think you might make a sudden change when you "grow up".

 

Another thing annoying me about this, is the day he's asked her to come in because I'm there, is a day I'm not even in. So he's assuming I'm available without even asking, when in fact I had plans to take my brother to a university open day.

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