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Being made fun of by an older coworker


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I am a 35 year old woman who had always been more on the slender side. In my 20's I was a size 2. Since turning 30, keeping my weight has been a struggle and I've gained about 10 pounds. I am always working to keep it in check, but at the same time not being too hard on myself and enjoy certain foods or a glass of wine.

 

I almost always bring my lunches to work and for a while had been on a diet. I lost 9 pounds but gained a few back since then when I went off the diet for a while. I still follow the diet for lunch almost everyday and do what I want in the evenings. No one seemed to even notice my weight loss as apparently it wasn't dramatic enough. (Not that I even cared, I just wanted my clothes to fit better.)

 

Recently we moved to a new building and I was the only person in my area of four people that brought my trash can with me. As a result I have three men sharing my trash can. One eats burger king every morning and lunch and sometimes 3 smalls bags of doritos a day! Another eats BK a couple of times a week.

 

An older coworker, a man in his 60's sees my trash can when I am not there and has started calling me a junk food eater. I've told him several times that it isn't my food and other people share my trash can. He has argued with me that he has seen me eat BK before which is true. I have probably gotten it twice in the last two months. In one way, this could just be his sense of humor. But I feel like it's gone too far. He is starting to make comments to me every day.

 

This week three of us went for a walk on a break outside to warm up from the AC and he was leaving for the day. He walked past us and said to me, "Well I guess you burned off two french fries." This kind of hurt my feelings. If this is a joke, I feel like it's gone too far. He is actually known around the office for being grumpy and told one person who has a speech impediment a while back "Do you know how stupid you sound?" So I'm not sure if he is joking or serious. But regardless of it, I'm tired of it and want it to stop.

 

Should I talk to my boss about this? I am not afraid to tell him myself, but I'm wondering if I will get the respect I deserve or not just talking to him one on one alone.

 

One more note...another coworker said something about my junk food eating on Friday which has me thinking he might have been telling that person and making fun of it to him. (That person doesn't work near my desk so he shouldn't be seeing the trash can.)

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Tell the co-worker it isn't your garbage & that in the interests of professionalism you would appreciate that he stop commenting about what he believes are your personal habits.

 

If that doesn't work, ask your boss to buy a "food" garbage can for the office & tell everybody to dispose of food related waste in there because the smell is bothering you.

 

As a boss if you came to me with the story you shared here, I'd question your competency to take care of the business tasks assigned to me. This is not the type of interpersonal problem that shoudl waste management's time. Find a way to handle it yourself.

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Does Grumpy have a trash can? If so, start moving all the fast food and junk associated trash to his can. ;)

 

Seriously tho, if it's obvious from your size that it CAN'T be you who's eating it all, just smile, pat your belly and say 'yep. I don't know where I'm putting it all!'

 

 

There are going to be much bigger fish (and Whoppers!) to fry in a work environment. I'm also concerned that you describe yourself as having struggled with your weight at a size 2 and with a ten pound gain, and seem disappointed that no one commented when you did lose a few pounds. Are you dealing with BDD?

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You must be a really petite woman. I'm also wondering if you might have some body dysmorphic issues or an eating disorder if you are so obsessed about weight gain even though you are slender and underweight.

 

 

I would suggest you handle this rude guy yourself, and the next time he comments on what you ate or thinks you ate, tell him "My eating habits are not your business. This is a shared trash can, and I think you need to stop obsessing about what's in it."

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Good Lord I do not have BDD. I am just the average woman who wishes she was more fit...or has a little less fat. I am "petite" but was "blessed" with DD breasts. It runs in the family and I actually hate them. As a result, any weght gain I have goes to my middle as my body type is just that way.

 

Not sure if any women agree here...but big boobs to me are just a pain. You are limited to certain shirts, as I have gotten older they start to sag, and I'd prefer to run without having to tie them down in the strongest sports bra I can find.

 

If you reread what I said, I was NOT disappointed that no one said anything. I don't want people commenting to me at all about it.

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But thanks. I had thought of putting some rotten smelling stuff in his trash can in the early mornings.

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But thanks. I had thought of putting some rotten smelling stuff in his trash can in the early mornings.

Don't stoop to his level. Just call him out on his rude behavior, such as in the way I suggested in my prior post. Don't put up with any more crap from this guy. When you stand up to him, he will likely back off.

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"This is a shared trash can, and I think you need to stop obsessing about what's in it."

 

Haha. That just really tickles me. Please, GG3...say this to your irritating co-worker. I suggest saying it with a very bland smile on your face and just a hint of concern (for the weird guy who's so obsessed with rootling about in the bin to see what his colleagues are eating) in your eyes.

 

Other than that, it may well be that this is his notion of having banter with colleagues and I would advocate approaching him with the tolerance and patience you would employ when dealing with any disadvantaged person.

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"This is a shared trash can, and I think you need to stop obsessing about what's in it."

 

I love this!^^ That's all you really need to say to your older coworker.

 

If that doesn't make your coworker stop, the just give the trashcan to one of the coworkers who shares it with you. Tell him you can't focus on your work because the food smell bugs you.

 

Or just put the trash can in a hallway near your cubicles. Move the trashcan and the problem (of your coworkers comments about it) moves with it.

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I don't see why you're concerned over the gain....a lot of women would be happy to be a size 6. Anyway, your coworkers are inappropriate. I would smile and laugh like another person said "Yep, not sure where it all goes!" They are probably jealous because of your slim figure if they really think you eat all that and aren't gaining weight. ;)

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Tell the co-worker it isn't your garbage & that in the interests of professionalism you would appreciate that he stop commenting about what he believes are your personal habits.

 

If that doesn't work, ask your boss to buy a "food" garbage can for the office & tell everybody to dispose of food related waste in there because the smell is bothering you.

 

As a boss if you came to me with the story you shared here, I'd question your competency to take care of the business tasks assigned to me. This is not the type of interpersonal problem that shoudl waste management's time. Find a way to handle it yourself.

 

 

I think this food smell idea is a really smart one. Maybe because smells DO bother me.

 

I don't blame you for being annoyed OP, I get pretty annoyed when someone tells a lame joke and just won't let it go...ever.

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whichwayisup
I am a 35 year old woman who had always been more on the slender side. In my 20's I was a size 2. Since turning 30, keeping my weight has been a struggle and I've gained about 10 pounds. I am always working to keep it in check, but at the same time not being too hard on myself and enjoy certain foods or a glass of wine.

 

I almost always bring my lunches to work and for a while had been on a diet. I lost 9 pounds but gained a few back since then when I went off the diet for a while. I still follow the diet for lunch almost everyday and do what I want in the evenings. No one seemed to even notice my weight loss as apparently it wasn't dramatic enough. (Not that I even cared, I just wanted my clothes to fit better.)

 

Recently we moved to a new building and I was the only person in my area of four people that brought my trash can with me. As a result I have three men sharing my trash can. One eats burger king every morning and lunch and sometimes 3 smalls bags of doritos a day! Another eats BK a couple of times a week.

 

An older coworker, a man in his 60's sees my trash can when I am not there and has started calling me a junk food eater. I've told him several times that it isn't my food and other people share my trash can. He has argued with me that he has seen me eat BK before which is true. I have probably gotten it twice in the last two months. In one way, this could just be his sense of humor. But I feel like it's gone too far. He is starting to make comments to me every day.

 

This week three of us went for a walk on a break outside to warm up from the AC and he was leaving for the day. He walked past us and said to me, "Well I guess you burned off two french fries." This kind of hurt my feelings. If this is a joke, I feel like it's gone too far. He is actually known around the office for being grumpy and told one person who has a speech impediment a while back "Do you know how stupid you sound?" So I'm not sure if he is joking or serious. But regardless of it, I'm tired of it and want it to stop.

 

Should I talk to my boss about this? I am not afraid to tell him myself, but I'm wondering if I will get the respect I deserve or not just talking to him one on one alone.

 

One more note...another coworker said something about my junk food eating on Friday which has me thinking he might have been telling that person and making fun of it to him. (That person doesn't work near my desk so he shouldn't be seeing the trash can.)

 

Next time he says something to you, reply back this "I'm really impressed on how focused you are on the universal garbage can by my desk and what's inside of it. Next time I go have a poop in the woman's bathroom, would you like me to call you so you can come and verify that it's actually mine?" Shake your head (showing him that you think he's pathetic) and say Unbelievable under your breath when you walk away..Even laugh a bit too.

 

You could move the garbage can further away from you. Or put a note on it that says PUBLIC garbage can used by whole department.

 

Try not to get too upset about it. Those who are making comments are jerks and think they're funny, but they're not.

 

Edit to add, or you could ask management to supply each worker their own garbage can. And just thought of this, say "f...k guys, come on. buy your own garbage bin and stop using mine. You guys are the pigs here not me and I"m really sick and tired of the comments..It's not even funny anymore so please could you stop it." Just be honest and firm.

Edited by whichwayisup
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... I'm wondering if I will get the respect I deserve or not just talking to him one on one alone.

 

You might, you might not. You still need to talk to him about it before going to your boss. I wouldn't even bring it up until you've got a list going of things he's said to you.

 

Document each and every time he makes any remark about your diet along with the date, time, place, and any witnesses. Once you've got a good five or so entries, go to him with your list and say:

 

"Your comments about my diet are inappropriate and excessive. For example, on Monday, June 16th, in the break room, you said, 'That's a lot of junk food you're eating!' On Tuesday, you saw me outside the office with Coworker 1 and Coworker 2 and said, 'Well I guess you burned off two french fries.' [etc.] I'm asking you to stop mentioning my personal business from now on. Thank you."

 

Or something like that. And I just want to note that you should not include any statements like "I feel..." or "It makes me uncomfortable when..." I mention this because you spent a good part of your post explaining to us why his comments are hurtful to you. But you don't have to justify why it's hurtful, you just have to demonstrate that his behavior is inappropriate for a professional setting.

 

It's probably better to do all of this over email so you have proof that you've very clearly asked him to stop. It also might give him time to realize what an ass he's been, instead of resorting to reacting defensively in the heat of the moment. And if not, surely he's smart enough to realize that if he doesn't cut it out you could easily forward this email to his superiors and it would make him look really, really bad and possibly get him fired.

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