Jump to content

Keeping abreast of a coworker


Recommended Posts

TalesoftheWireMonkey

I'm a single male with a coworker who has an ample bosom. On almost a daily basis whenever we look at the same screen or piece of paper she presses her boob(s) against me.

 

The part that gets me, is she leaves them there during the entire interaction.

I can understand an accidental graze but then most people adjust their stance and separate.

 

Lately it's progressed to where she presses a little more firmly into me, holds her body against me. Never any hands.

 

She otherwise doesn't seem flirty. I've never seen her wear any cleavage revealing clothes, short skirts etc. She doesn't seem to flirt with other men.

 

I flirt more with her, tell her she looks nice. Compliment her hair, perfume etc. sometimes I pat her upper arm or hand. Once though, after a trying project I began to give her a shoulder massage and she immediately told me to stop!

 

She is married (unhappily it seems?) and we have become close friends at work. I'm very attracted to her but don't want an affair, although I think we may have already strayed into an emotional one?(I may write another post with more details of that. Trying to focus on body contact in general here.)

 

I don't pull away because it seems like that would call attention to it, and...frankly, I like it! I'm not in a relationship right now and the warmth of her body and the smell of her hair intoxicates me.

 

I question if there is meaning in it? My guess is she isn't aware of my infatuation and thinks of me as a buddy, or "just one of the girls":sick:.

 

Do they make bras so thick you can't feel anything?

Is this some sort of passive-aggressive flirting?

 

Thanks for reading.:rolleyes:

Link to post
Share on other sites
jellybean89

Are you sure you aren't imagining her pressing up against you? Maybe you are leaning more into her? Sounds like you are very attracted to her.

 

Just because a married person is kind, friendly, smiles with a coworker of the opposite sex doesn't mean she is unhappily married.

 

The fact that you went so far as to put hands on her and massage her gives her an easy complaint of inappropriate workplace behavior. Tread very cautiously.

 

I don't understand how she is pressing her chest up against you and staying that way...I'm not able to visualize what you are saying. I can't imagine a woman behaving that way at work...maybe an accidental brush but I don't understand her standing there and leaning her boobs into you?

  • Like 1
Link to post
Share on other sites
  • Author
TalesoftheWireMonkey

Even if I am leaning into her, wouldn't you think she would step away?

 

I don't know if you noticed where I said we have become close friends at work?

I assume that she is unhappy because she tells me long grueling stories about how unhappy she is at home, how much she wants to leave her husband, how poorly he treats her, how she has already packed all of her belongings in boxes to move, and on and on.

 

Yes, my entire workplace is rife with inappropriate behavior. Amazing really in this PC era.

 

I'll try to explain the physical layout better:

There are computer terminals that are at standing height. She has quite a bit of trouble with the programs we use. She calls me over to help her. (I've worked there much longer than she has) I stand at her computer a little to the side so we can both view the screen. Instead of keeping a personal space cushion, she stands so close that without either of us leaning, her breast is contacting my arm and or back and instead of stepping back when it touches, she stays right there. The same thing occurs when we are both looking at a piece of paper, like a shipping receipt or work bulletin.

As of late she seems to have taken to standing even closer, sort of pressing against me, I feel like I'm dancing with her.

 

Vision trouble? Perhaps, but she does wear contacts already.

Link to post
Share on other sites
  • Author
TalesoftheWireMonkey
Doesn't really matter, she's married. You honestly going to risk your job with a married female?

No, I clearly stated in my post that I don't want an affair with this woman. Despite whatever attraction I have for her emotionally and physically.

I seem to not be getting across, the point of my post is why does she act like this, the physical proximity( Perhaps I should have posted on some sort of psychology forum instead? /-: ).

What I should or shouldn't do in response to it isn't my focus.

Link to post
Share on other sites
No, I clearly stated in my post that I don't want an affair with this woman. Despite whatever attraction I have for her emotionally and physically.

I seem to not be getting across, the point of my post is why does she act like this, the physical proximity( Perhaps I should have posted on some sort of psychology forum instead? /-: ).

What I should or shouldn't do in response to it isn't my focus.

 

If you don't want to have an affair with her, you shouldn't care about the reasons.

 

The fact that you're obsessing over the why's is evidence that you do want to have an affair.

Link to post
Share on other sites
  • Author
TalesoftheWireMonkey
If you don't want to have an affair with her, you shouldn't care about the reasons.

 

The fact that you're obsessing over the why's is evidence that you do want to have an affair.

I've admitted I'm attracted to her but I don't want the complications. Ive had a workplace affair before and know how ugly they can be.

I honestly thought it was an intellectually intriguing bit of behavior to ask about. Plus I thought if enough people identified it as flirtation I may need to address it and ask her to stop.

Instead people seem to want to ignore her behavior and accuse me of a hidden agenda?

Link to post
Share on other sites
I've admitted I'm attracted to her but I don't want the complications. Ive had a workplace affair before and know how ugly they can be.

I honestly thought it was an intellectually intriguing bit of behavior to ask about. Plus I thought if enough people identified it as flirtation I may need to address it and ask her to stop.

Instead people seem to want to ignore her behavior and accuse me of a hidden agenda?

 

I don't think people want you to ignore her behavior, I think it's just unclear whether this is a problem for you or not. It almost doesn't matter why she's doing this. If it makes you uncomfortable, it needs to stop. If you enjoy it, then let her keep putting her boobs on you.

 

Am I oversimplifying it?

Link to post
Share on other sites
  • Author
TalesoftheWireMonkey
I don't think people want you to ignore her behavior, I think it's just unclear whether this is a problem for you or not. It almost doesn't matter why she's doing this. If it makes you uncomfortable, it needs to stop. If you enjoy it, then let her keep putting her boobs on you.

 

Am I oversimplifying it?

You aren't oversimplifying, but I don't understand why everyone says the "why"doesn't matter?

 

The why, the why, the WHY seems to me to be the crux of the matter.

If the why is she is flirting then I need to address it with her because it could lead to a problem. If the why is it's some sort of unconscious thing she does. I think I should not bring it up and just put up with it.

If the why is she really doesn't even feel it then that seems a little technically fascinating, can that even happen?

 

In retrospect I think I should have posted something simpler and generic like:

 

Do any of you women ever stand so close to a man your breasts touch them and if so do you leave them their, or does any extended physical contact usually mean something?

 

In fact, can I do that in another section? I didn't want to double post.

Link to post
Share on other sites

My guess is that she's unaware that her boobs are touching you. Some people are just unaware of one's personal space. And given that she's already is comfortable with you then her boundaries are even more blurred.

  • Like 1
Link to post
Share on other sites
  • Author
TalesoftheWireMonkey
My guess is that she's unaware that her boobs are touching you. Some people are just unaware of one's personal space. And given that she's already is comfortable with you then her boundaries are even more blurred.

Thank you so much. This is the kind of discussion I was expecting.

 

the craziest thing, one time she was training a new worker who she complained about crowding into her personal space and how much she couldn't stand that?!? :/ ...and yes, her boob was pressing against me as she told me this. :o

Edited by TalesoftheWireMonkey
  • Like 1
Link to post
Share on other sites

Why don't you just step away from her? That will let her know you feel uncomfortable without having to have an uncomfortable conversation.

  • Like 1
Link to post
Share on other sites

This actually happened to me too. The girl who did this to me has small boobs so she has to lean to hit me with them. But yea, I have concluded it's a flirty gesture. And yes they are doing it intentionally. The purpose is to plant a seed of seduction in your mind. And it works. It makes me think about it like how you are doing right now and when it happens several times, it starts to turn you on. Eventually, we get sucker in and become attracted to them. It is a very effective technique.

  • Like 1
Link to post
Share on other sites
  • Author
TalesoftheWireMonkey
Why don't you just step away from her? That will let her know you feel uncomfortable without having to have an uncomfortable conversation.

And, I'm trying to work up to that. I think posting it here and seeing it in print is part of my process to get over it. As I said and is discussed below it's very pleasurable both physically and psychologically. It's ego-stroking to be chosen the object of her attentions if she's doing it on purpose.

Link to post
Share on other sites
  • Author
TalesoftheWireMonkey
This actually happened to me too. The girl who did this to me has small boobs so she has to lean to hit me with them. But yea, I have concluded it's a flirty gesture. And yes they are doing it intentionally. The purpose is to plant a seed of seduction in your mind. And it works. It makes me think about it like how you are doing right now and when it happens several times, it starts to turn you on. Eventually, we get sucker in and become attracted to them. It is a very effective technique.

Right, it's bloody brilliant as a sexual predatory technique. By warning me off when I took the more aggressive move of massaging her shoulders she can always deny culpability. If it came to a point of actually going to HR she could say I was always pressing into her. In the meantime she gets the satisfaction of knowing she can still arouse a single man but doesn't have to lose any respect or control.

So did you end up with girl or was she also off limits?

  • Like 1
Link to post
Share on other sites
  • Author
TalesoftheWireMonkey
It is brilliant! Might try it with my tactile co worker

It's time you gave him a little tit for tat...Literally! (.)(.)

Link to post
Share on other sites

Okay, I am a LARGE breasted woman.

 

Honestly, men sexualize my breasts far more than I do and, yes, I will often stand so close to people that my breasts will touch them. It is far from sexual for me.

 

They are just part of me, the way my arms or legs also brush up against someone. I don't feel anything.

Link to post
Share on other sites
  • Author
TalesoftheWireMonkey
Okay, I am a LARGE breasted woman.

 

Honestly, men sexualize my breasts far more than I do and, yes, I will often stand so close to people that my breasts will touch them. It is far from sexual for me.

 

They are just part of me, the way my arms or legs also brush up against someone. I don't feel anything.

Thank you for giving that insight Carrie!

So let me get straight that unlike a brush of your arms and legs you will leave your breasts in contact with someone?

As a man, if my crotch comes into contact with someone say their shoulder when they are sitting and I'm standing I do step backwards. It may be somewhat awkward but it seems correct to respect the unspoken space cushion.

Link to post
Share on other sites
  • Author
TalesoftheWireMonkey

This is getting interesting. Looking back through the replies it seems there is some difference of opinion between men and women?

There was a study recently about how men assume much more attraction is present in a platonic relationship than women do.

Seems maybe this thread is bearing that out?

Link to post
Share on other sites
Right, it's bloody brilliant as a sexual predatory technique. By warning me off when I took the more aggressive move of massaging her shoulders she can always deny culpability. If it came to a point of actually going to HR she could say I was always pressing into her. In the meantime she gets the satisfaction of knowing she can still arouse a single man but doesn't have to lose any respect or control.

So did you end up with girl or was she also off limits?

 

It has gotten a little complicated recently. We moved on to verbal flirting. Then I got her number. We tried to arrange a couple of dates but the timing was off so we didn't go out. She was kinda upset with me taking so long to call her. During this time, I learned she made other dates with other guys. I decided to back off because I didn't want to be a contestant on her Dating Game. Then we had a fight at work about work related stuff. And so now we don't even flirt. So I guess we are moving on. :laugh:

Link to post
Share on other sites
It is brilliant! Might try it with my tactile co worker

 

Since you are interested. I'll give you the whole process my co-worker used. We'll call this seduction via body contact. She started off with boobs pressing on my arm to arouse my curiosity. Then once she detected I was interested. She transition to placing her chin on my shoulder and made it appear like she was just checking out what I was doing. And one time she lean her head on my shoulder showing she was comfortable with me. Basically I became totally attracted to her. I think during this time she was guarding my reactions to see my level of interest. She never had to say anything directly to me but I knew she wanted me to ask her out. But since I never experience anything like that before it took me a really long time to get the message and she was upset I took so long to ask her out. :laugh:

Link to post
Share on other sites
  • Author
TalesoftheWireMonkey
It has gotten a little complicated recently. We moved on to verbal flirting. Then I got her number. We tried to arrange a couple of dates but the timing was off so we didn't go out. She was kinda upset with me taking so long to call her. During this time, I learned she made other dates with other guys. I decided to back off because I didn't want to be a contestant on her Dating Game. Then we had a fight at work about work related stuff. And so now we don't even flirt. So I guess we are moving on. :laugh:

Sounds like you either dodged a bullet or missed an opportunity. If you don't have any lingering feelings sounds like you might be alright?

I think the chin thing would have gotten to me.

Do you feel like you'll pick up quicker now if you get this sort of attention from another woman?

Let me ask you one other thing it may sound silly, but do you wear Axe cologne/deodorant? It sounds like I'm a shil for the company but when I wear that stuff it seems more women pay attention to me and it seems like they get more physical?

Link to post
Share on other sites
Sounds like you either dodged a bullet or missed an opportunity. If you don't have any lingering feelings sounds like you might be alright?

 

It's a little bit of both. I knew I miss the window of opportunity but at the same time, I knew that had we got together it will create drama at work. That's the main reason why I took a while to decide to ask her out because I was sitting on the fence thinking if it's worth risking. So a part of me wants to date her and a part of me don't. This is the first time that has ever happen to me where I'm unsure. Now that it looks like we hit a road block, I kinda want to date her more. lol

 

And about the cologne, no I don't wear anything. I just take normal showers. Sometimes girls say I smell good and which I find odd since I don't wear anything. Perhaps, I have strong pheromones. lol

 

Honestly what I think it is the way I carry myself. Sometimes girls tell me that I look like a bad boy that gets lots of ladies. Of course that's so far from the truth. I have been single for like forever. :laugh: I do have an aura of confidence because I'm not shy and I can converse with just about anyone.

Link to post
Share on other sites
jellybean89

I have no idea why she does it.

 

None of us do. None of us know if it is intentional or accidental.

 

And a man's crotch is far different than a woman's boob ... you know that right? One normally sticks OUT and the other doesn't unless aroused. A woman's crotch doesn't intentionally stick out either.... but both sex's butt may stick out.

 

If you are too uncomfortable to move away from her when it happens, how are you going to bring it up in conversation?? You said you both are flirty.

Link to post
Share on other sites
×
×
  • Create New...