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fear of starting a new job

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Old 23rd March 2014, 1:30 PM   #1
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fear of starting a new job

I took a job a few years back. It was to supplement my more career oriented job which was contract and rather sporadic. I worked there part time for 2 years.
The job was stressful with very sick folks.
I didnt really fit in as I keep walls up alot if people are gossiping or hurtful or prove to be mean or I feel they might be the type to not be a stable friend etc
I just wanted to be polite and friendly but not close friends.
I wanted to focus on work, I tend to take it seriously and am not one to get in with cliques.

Im not snobby, at all. I love all different people but I have been burned in the past by getting close with work friends only for the friendship to fall through and leave me really sad. So I trief to go about it differently. Anyways there were alot of younger people than me & I just never fit in. I did form some nice healthy bonds and tried to be very courteous and a team player.
In the end I finally decided to make a change and move on to a new job.

In leaving and feeling many people didnt like me, I am having anxiety about my new job.
Im afrai . It will happen again. I felt REALLY misunderstood similar to how you feel in high school when you aren't part of the "in" crowd but inside your real nice and long to be a part but you never get your footing with everyone.

I am really warm & friendly & funny but it takes me some time to build trust to show my true colors. I am scared in my new job to have the same troubles.

I STILL want to only be professional & friendly but not friends. Truth be told i would really just like to be left alone to do my work as i am only there to pay my bills but I dont want to cut myself off or be unliked again, I just dont want to give away personal life or be part of gossip or risk getting close then maybe be abandoned & have an awkward work life.

Any suggestions on finding my way? This is a very small office with a family like atmosphere. I cant hide away I really need to get along in a healthy way here. im so scared.

Thank you.
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Old 23rd March 2014, 3:18 PM   #2
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Don't be afraid. Just be who you are you say you are a good funny person it just takes some time be friendly and they should understand you being new won't come in and be the life of the party. I work in a similar environment there are only 6 of us now in the space we are in and I know when we had a new person move up there we tried to make her feel like a part of the "family"

You never know things could be great and these might be the type of people that will make you feel right at home. Good luck hope it all works out great!
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Old 23rd March 2014, 4:13 PM   #3
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I felt the same way at my last job. I love small office environments and I sort of felt like I didn't fit in, because my whole department seemed to be one big clique and I'm pretty reserved and it takes time for me to develop new friendships. Sometimes I wonder if that was one of the reasons I "wasn't a good fit" as my supervisor was also part of the clique. It's a risk you take at every job though. Some companies have a lot of cliques, so I would aim for something with a smaller office environment.
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Old 24th March 2014, 12:20 PM   #4
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Well I am going from a huge company in a big big place to a very small company. I could usually keep on my own in my current job which required little team work, but in my new role its a small office so if I am not liked there I would REALLY notice.

I always tried to be REALLY nice just not super open & running with the crowd. Just never realized I could be so misunderstood & would give anything to not be there again. Its a lonely place to be. Especially when you cant fix it.
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Old 31st March 2014, 4:22 PM   #5
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I've worked in alot of different types of office environments and there were ups and downs in all of them.

Sometimes no matter how hard you try to fit in, there are pre-established cliques that won't let you in for any variety of reasons. I've been there, in everything you wrote. You are NOT ALONE in that experience of not being allowed into the clique. That's just life, it's how the cookie crumbles. The clique is usually not so great, when it comes right down to it. Seriously.

One thing I try to remember is to not participate in gossip of any kind. My motto is "Keep your head low to dodge the bullets".

I keep a low profile at work, try to stay friendly and professional, but keep the chit chat to a minimum and avoid gossip at all costs.

Most of all, remember it is your employment, but not your life entirely. You should try to have a full and satisfying life outside of work.

That helps make the jerks at work seem less relevant to your REAL life (the one OUTSIDE of work).

We all struggle at work to find balance and a way to fit in (often with very dysfunctional people in the workplace).

If ever the workplace becomes TOO unbearably hostile and dysfunctional, I suggest shopping for another job, along with keeping a very low profile whilst soldiering through as long as you can.

One other thing. I am a big promoter of living within one's means and saving money.

Having a cushion of savings in a huge blessing if one finds they must leave a job, for whatever reasons. Find a way to get some savings into place.

It is a security net that helps MENTALLY, SO MUCH< during these types workplace situations. Having emergency savings is key. The more, the better.

3-6 months worth of savings (I keep much more than that) is what Dave Ramsey recommends.

Dave Ramsey is my personal financial guru, I just adore the guy. He's not just about money, he's about finding your way in life as well, with Christian based principles to help guide you through the potholes in life (and getting out of debt, which is his claim to fame, helping people with that concept)

All the best to you dear and good luck in your new job. Give it a chance, the first 2 months are always the weirdest. Hang in there and think positive!

Last edited by Forever Learning; 31st March 2014 at 4:27 PM..
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