Chad1975 Posted December 26, 2013 Share Posted December 26, 2013 I am a MM, with 2 kids and I am happy with my marriage of 11 years. My direct report, is Single and is 14 years younger than I am. I am a manager level person, and I have a direct report that I work with very closely. I have worked with her the past 1 yr and a half, and managed to keep it professional for the past 15 months, until recently... In the past 3 months we are slowly getting very close... We sit together for lunch, we hang out during breaks, we text/call each other constantly on weekends and week nights... And it is to the point that people are starting to see that we are very close at work... I really would like to do the right thing by distancing myself from her and keep things professional (or go NC)... But its been hard keeping NC, I almost always break NC. We are at the point that if we turn things around now nothing will be ruined... A part of me would like to have an A with her, this part of me I know I need to kill off. Please offer me tips how to avoid personal contact and keep things professional. Help! Thanks. Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted December 26, 2013 Share Posted December 26, 2013 Start putting some distance in your relationship. When the conversations turn to non-work related subjects, change the topic back to work, abruptly if you have to. Stop the weekend conversations. Eat lunch with other people . . . or at least add them to your lunches with her. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Chad1975 Posted December 27, 2013 Author Share Posted December 27, 2013 Start putting some distance in your relationship. When the conversations turn to non-work related subjects, change the topic back to work, abruptly if you have to. Stop the weekend conversations. Eat lunch with other people . . . or at least add them to your lunches with her. Thanks with the tips, I was able to not text her last night, lets hope I keep this up without breaking my streak this time, my longest streak in 2 days... Obviously it takes two to tango, I am getting some sort of encouragement from her, so its up to me to be strong and keep away... Link to post Share on other sites
MsSmurf Posted December 27, 2013 Share Posted December 27, 2013 You're married right? So act like it. Nothing tells a single girl hands off like a guy who can't stop yakking about his wife (in a good way!) or her occasional presence. So have lunch with your wife sometimes, even if its just a phone date. Invite your wife to company events. Have your wife pick you up after work. Introduce your wife to your colleagues. Are there other married/coupled colleagues you get along with? If so you can all hang out together sometimes. And if your wife isn't in the loop about this girl texting you constantly (and you responding), then she needs to be. Otherwise it appears that you're not as happy as you claim to be and you're hiding something from her. Maybe you 2 need some time away to reconnect. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
stillafool Posted December 27, 2013 Share Posted December 27, 2013 You may want to read around here about the people who have had affairs, want their spouse back to no avail, and watch half if not all their shyt walk out the door. If you really do love your wife don't fall into an affair. I can promise you your wife will never, ever view you the same as she does now and it will hurt. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Chad1975 Posted December 29, 2013 Author Share Posted December 29, 2013 I have kept NC for 2 days now. One small step, I hope to keep this up. Link to post Share on other sites
Tayla Posted December 30, 2013 Share Posted December 30, 2013 Try this, write down all the positive qualities you have in your marriage....then when you get the urge to wander with this other lady, read the paper. Then read it again, then ...if your really bored...text that wife of yours and tell her how much you adore the life you have made together. Your energy needs to go back to your marriage .... Your Boss and co worker needs to respect your life outside the office and your full time work as a husband. There is no "clock in and clock out" on being a loyal husband...its 24/7. Link to post Share on other sites
Arieswoman Posted December 30, 2013 Share Posted December 30, 2013 Hi Chad1975, What you are describing is how my exH's affair started. However, he allowed the boundaries to get blurred and let it slide into an EA. That is why he is now an exH. You are smart enough to see that you are skating on thin ice, so you need to get a grip of this NOW. Stop any meetings that aren't work-related and whenever possible don't spend time alone with her. Put a picture of your wife and kids on your desk at work, to remind you where your loyalties lie. Remember that being married doesn't stop you being attracted to others, but if you are in a committed relationship you owe it to your partner to resist temptation. Good Luck. Link to post Share on other sites
FitChick Posted December 30, 2013 Share Posted December 30, 2013 Have sex with your wife every morning before work to take the edge off. Either that or take care of things yourself. Can you afford a divorce? Rekindle your marriage with a romantic weekend away. You need to discover why you married her in the first place. If your marriage is shaky, see a marriage counselor or go for some sort of counseling yourself. Even if you got a divorce, it's not really a good idea to sleep with a subordinate. If you ended the relationship, she could sue you for sexual harassment, saying you promised her a promotion or said you'd fire her if she didn't have sex with you. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Chad1975 Posted December 31, 2013 Author Share Posted December 31, 2013 Thanks everybody for the advice, I really appreciate it. In the mean time, its been 4 days since NC. I must admit it is hard. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted December 31, 2013 Share Posted December 31, 2013 It takes about 30 days to form a new habit. Only 26 more to go. You can do it. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Chad1975 Posted January 1, 2014 Author Share Posted January 1, 2014 Things that I have done right in the past few days: Had a date night with the wife Played with my kids and gave them extra hugs 1 Link to post Share on other sites
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