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Co-worker won't take No for answer


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I have this co-worker who is hitting on me. He told me one night in front of my other co-workers that I was his best friend and he loved me. I just ignored him. Later on he tried to coerce me into kissing him. I said no and took off. The next day he sent me an IM saying he was sorry. I said fine and ended the conversation. Three weeks later this POS comes by my desk making small talk and asks me out again. WTF? I have avoided this guy for three weeks as best as possible since I sit just over the wall beside him. We work together on the same project too. I thought since I now know he is pond sucking cheating scum that he would just slide back under his rock and go away but that doesn't seem to be the case. What is it with these married guys coming onto us all the time? Seriously, they are the absolute worst!! So how do I get this POS to **** off without ruining my reputation with my bosses and HR in the process? Can't wait until I don't have work with him or sit beside him anymore!!! It makes me so mad that this guy has latched onto me. Hoping he finds some else soon!!

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So how do I get this POS to **** off without ruining my reputation with my bosses and HR in the process?

Your reputation won't be ruined. You will look as though you are professional if you enlighten to this situation as soon as possible.

 

Do it calmly and professionally. Don't use terms like "POS" or come across as vindictive.

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You pull him aside privately & tell him to back off. You also explain that if he doesn't back off you will involve HR / management.

 

 

You note the date & time on your calendar.

 

 

If he does it again, you write him a note & transmit it to him in hardcopy & electronically. You reference the date you verbally told him to stop. You tell him again to stop & you remind him that if he does it again you will involve management / HR.

 

 

You keep a copy in your computer & at home.

 

 

Third time you do tell management / HR in writing with the 1st note attached & you cc: the jerk.

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What he is doing is sexual harassment and you have every right to speak to HR in private and put an end to this matter. You're at work to do your job and aren't a piece of @ss for him to fawn over. Don't put up with his crap.

 

If you're on the fence about HR tell him in no uncertain terms that this is his last warning. Do it via your work email so he knows it's documented.

 

His actions are not only unethical they are a liability to the company and I'm sure they will not tolerate it.

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You have asked him to stop and he hasn't. Report him to your manager and/or HR. He needs someone else to tell him that he needs to focus on work and not his personal life and to leave you alone. Please start documenting in case you have to build a case. You shouldn't get in trouble if you say something to management and HR. That is what they are there for. You are trying to focus on your job and he is preventing that.

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Also let him know that since you both are married people his actions towards you are completely inappropriate. What does your husband say?

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My husband is not happy about it. We had our Christmas party last week and spouses weren't invited. My co-worker asked me if I was going and I said no and he wanted to know why? I showed up at the party and my husband came later as we planned to do regardless of the no spouse invite. Was hoping this would get my co-worker to go away but yesterday, he was over here again making small talk and asking me to lunch. Yesterday afternoon, I was complaining about it on a phone call to my husband. Since guy works on the other side of the wall, maybe he heard it. He has not bothered me at all today but maybe he is just busy. Every time I get my hopes up, he starts back up again. My husband told me to transfer the phone to his extension and he would tell him to stop. May do that sometime.

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Do not transfer the phone to your husband. This is a work place issue. Handle it professionally.

 

 

Most guys who won't take no for an answer prey on a particular type of person: one who can't or won't stick up for herself. Your last post makes me wonder if you have that victim mentality, especially since you want your husband to fight your battles for you. I have seen this time & again. The spouse gets involved then you get in trouble because the guy will claim he's an innocent angel & your husband threatened him for no reason.

 

 

The next time the guy asks you to lunch say in no uncertain terms: I do not want to have anything to do with you socially. Go away. Stop harassing me or I will report you to management. You best have the evidence I showed you how to create in my last response to you.

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So how do I get this POS to **** off without ruining my reputation with my bosses and HR in the process?

 

You're going to ruin your own reputation if you keep bringing your husband to work events where spouses are not invited or by having him threaten your coworker for you.

 

Guy obviously isn't getting it, so I think you need to do something other than saying no and running away or passive-aggressively talking about him behind his back. First, be absolutely direct and leave no room for interpretation. "Guy, this is not appropriate. Please go back to your desk and please stop asking me to meet with you outside of work. This is the only time I'm going to address this with you." Then if he doesn't stop, go to HR with your documentation of his harassment.

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Stop involving your husband and handle it yourself like a mature adult by talking to HR immediately. Involving your husband in this is only going to make things more embarrassing for you at work.

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My ex wife had a problem where she worked back in the rarly 70's before there was such a thing as sexual harassment in the work place when women had to put up with it or be fired.

 

She told me about it and I said that I would handle it and she got scared that if I went down to where she works and handled the problem either by telling the guy to back off or doing something worse she could lose her job, so she did the next best thing.

 

She called his wife. Told her that her husband was being inappropriate with her not just once but on a few occasions and she either puts a short leash on him or he's going to come home bruised and battered by me and both her and him will be unemployed.

 

His wife knew my wife through meeting her a work parties and knew she wasn't just making trouble. I then took the phone and told her that I won't put up with it and that there will be a lot of trouble between me and her husband if it continues.

 

Moral of the story? She squared his ass away that evening and that was the end of it. Call his wife and let her know that your giving her notice that she either gets her husband in line or you'll be filing harassment charges at work and he just might lose his job.

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I dont think note is a good idea and in private.

he can say he never recieved.

and with stalkers you most not have any thing

That look like private.

 

 

I never said to give him the note in private. I said to e-mail it to him & transmit it some other way too. The OP will need written evidence not just the statements of co-workers.

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  • 2 weeks later...
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This issue is now resolved! I only had to work a half day so I took my son to work. Mr. Old creepy came over to wish us Happy Holidays. My son who does not have a very good inside voice looked at me and asked "is this the creepy old guy who keeps asking you out on dates"? The area around my office got extremely quite except for my booming laughter and my reply of yes. Mr. Creepy got angry, red and went back to his desk. Haven't heard from him since. He was really becoming a problem. Prior to this, he called me out in a meeting blaming me for something that wasn't my fault until the manager called him on it. Guess he had decided that if I won't sleep with him, he will try to get me fired. Now he's humiliated. People were walking past my desk grinning for the remainder of the day after my son's comment!!

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I'm sure your co workers know this guy is a scum bag and he's probably hit on some other women in the office in the past as well. do you have any women co workers and if so, have you told them about this guy? You could also let your boss know what he's done and now that you refused his advances many times he's trying to make you look bad in meeting and make it seem like mistakes are you fault when they are his.

 

Oh I see that this situation has been updated.. I still think you need to talk to him and be kind but blunt if he asks you out again in the future. Never show him anger or frustration or swear at him, laugh it off and just know that he is gonna mess up on his own one day, pick the wrong person to flirt with and have a sexual harrassment suit filed against him.

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I think you made the situation worse for yourself. When a guy like that gets humiliated he wants to get even. There is a reason why you have a manager - you report to them and they take care of it internally. This way it's done under the radar, no one is embarrassed and both parties can move on without worrying about a future incident.

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I agree with Truth seeker, humiliation may be an "instant" showstopper yet the backlash could be more permanent.

 

having HR involved would have been the more suitable way to work thru this.

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Secret Advisor

The main reason why he doesn't stop is because he thinks that you are secretly flatter by his attention. The "anger" with which you refer to him as a "POS" etc tells me that he is probably right.

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