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Didn't get the promotion at work, and now I'm sad.


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I am so bummed right now

 

I interviewed for a job promotion at my work, and I didn't get it. I now feel like I've made a fool out of myself. During my interview I was extremely nervous, as the job I was applying for would've been a 12K/ a year raise.

 

I was stuttering up a storm until they gave me water. I did better after I drank a bunch of water but the memory of my terrible interview still embarrasses me. I later found out they had someone else in mind, so my whole interview was completely pointless. I know for sure I didn't get it, but for formality purposes and HR procedure I still have my final interview this Monday that I know now is pointless.

 

I wish I could just tell HR nevermind and withdraw my application but I don't know if that would be for the best. I am now dreading having to show my face on Monday as a lot of my coworkers know I applied including the girl that is going to get the promotion over me.

 

This is upsetting me to the point where I seriously want to just quit my job but I know that's not for the best financially. I cried for a good hour last night and I just feel like I made a complete fool out of myself and I shouldn't have even tried.

 

It makes me feel like such a loser and I just feel like I am in such a funk that I'm taking it out in my newlywed husband.

 

If my interview went well I wouldn't feel so bad, but the fact that I was stuttering and I have anxiety issues I just feel like I made such a scene. My final interview this Monday is with the head of the Department and even though I know I'm not going to get it, I am still a nervous wreck over it.

 

I really feel like I just want to quit as my work "team" that I'm on right now consists of me and one other person, and this other person I feel takes advantage of me. She calls in sick at least once a week and leaves after lunch at least one day a week as well. I'm stuck doing all the work on those days, and even when she is there I do more than my fair share because she is older and can't keep up with the workload. She hasn't worked a full week since before Christmas.

 

It's getting to the point where I am dreading going to work and now on top of that I am just embarrassed and ashamed of myself. If the interview were infront of strangers I wouldn't care, but it was infront of my coworkers. I just feel stuck.

 

On the bright side my job pays well anyway (well at least I think so, to my standards). I've looked at other job postings and nothing pays within my current salary.

 

My husband and I are newlyweds and we are currently saving up for a house to start a family. With my current job we are able to save at least $2,500 a month.

 

My husband doesn't understand why I am so upset since in his eyes we aren't struggling and he just thinks I'm being too hard on myself and being greedy. Yes, I admit being able to save $2,500 a month is great, but we live a very poor lifestyle. We never go out drinking, as its too expensive. We never go shopping for clothes, we haven't been on a honeymoon, we share one vehicle, we don't have cable, we never go to the movies, and going to a place like the Olive Garden is a special treat.

 

I personally want more out of life as we both grew up poor, me more than him. And I've tried hard to become independent, put myself through college, etc... I also "support" my disabled mother which adds a lot more to my stress levels.

 

I don't know what to do. I am just so embarrassed and Monday will be here soon.

Edited by ZoeyLane
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Ummmmm, I don't understand. You said this:

I interviewed for a job promotion at my work, and I didn't get it.

 

But then you said this:

I still have my final interview this Monday.

 

This means it is NOT a done deal a going in with a defeatist attitude will only ensure that you don't get the job.

 

You have a chance to turn this around by emphasizing your loyalty and commitment (state clearly you haven't had a sick day in XXX weeks). If this other person (don't name her or try to compare yourself to her in the interview) is that much of a slacker, you can pull this around.

 

Stop crying and go in and wow 'em.

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Ummmmm, I don't understand. You said this:

 

 

But then you said this:

 

 

This means it is NOT a done deal a going in with a defeatist attitude will only ensure that you don't get the job.

 

You have a chance to turn this around by emphasizing your loyalty and commitment (state clearly you haven't had a sick day in XXX weeks). If this other person (don't name her or try to compare yourself to her in the interview) is that much of a slacker, you can pull this around.

 

Stop crying and go in and wow 'em.

 

I didn't want to go into too much detail but I know 100% this other person is going to get the job. But it's formality to have a total of 3 interviews as its government.

 

The girl is "covering" in that position even though I offered the same thing.

 

My coworker who is a slacker is not the same girl who is getting the promotion.

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Its not the fact that I'm just not getting the job

 

I've had over 10 professional interviews in my lifetime so far where I wasn't chosen, and I've been okay with it. But, in this situation I just feel like because my interview was so bad, I've made a fool out of myself in front of my current coworkers, NOT strangers.

 

I just want to cry. I can't eat, I've lost my appetite over the fact that I still have one more pointless interview to do this Monday with someone very high up, FOR NO REASON and even though I already know their final decision it doesn't take the pressure off. I feel like I'm going to go in there and make a fool out of myself to this person who is well known and high up.

 

My husband and I aren't even on speaking terms at the moment over it. I want to quit and he doesn't want me to leave a government job, as they are the most secure. I've been with the government for 7 years and he has been with the government for 12.

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First of all, your home and your husband should be your safe haven. Don't let work issues become marriage issues. You may disagree right now, but it's ok to disagree.

 

Second, don't act in haste. Next week, you will feel differently than this week. Next month, you'll feel differently still. The embarrassment will fade, and your feelings of quitting may change. Likewise, if you still want to quit in a month or two, your husband's feelings may change. He may soften if he sees you are suffering at the job, and not just reacting to a passing event. Give it some time. Don't fight.

 

Lastly, chin up, go in there and look everyone straight in the eye on Monday. Go shopping tomorrow and buy an interview outfit that makes you feel like a million bucks. I know, you're saving, but a couple hundred bucks on an outfit to help get you through this tough experience will be cheaper than quitting!

 

Hold your head up and power through. Practice resilience and dignity. If and when you quit, quit on your terms, and not on theirs. Walk out at a high point, not a low.

 

You can do this!

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Thanks for the response.

 

I've decided that when I get into work tomorrow, I am going to let HR know that I am withdrawing my application because I'm no longer interested.

 

I already feel better knowing I don't have to go through a pointless painful interview with chambers and their staff.

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No.

What you say is this:

 

You feel insulted that they interviewed you for a post you actually serioulsy would have loved, but in fact were just going through required motions to comply with regulations.

You feel cheated and think the whole sham affair was degrading and belittling.

You were extremely nervous because you desperately wanted that job - and now you find you were simply used as a 'space-filler' for them to be able to say they followed procedure.

 

Could they please advise you whether a similar opening will be available?

Could they please tell you why precisely you were not chosen?

could they please advise you whether they would be willing to give you a raise by way of compensation for your wasted time and effort?

Take control of your situation.

Show them what you are made of, and register your displeasure - with HR too.

Make it official.

 

Don't complain that you were turned down for the job.

Complain about the fact they cast interviews at all, when it was clearly a foregone conclusion.

 

I did this.

I went through this very ordeal with a Government-funded company I worked for.

I made them wriggle uncomfortably.

And I got me a raise.

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TheFinalWord

Sorry to hear things did not go as you would have liked!

 

I have had this happen before, but I would recommend going for the final interview and giving it all you got. Yes, they may have had someone in mind for this job already, but there will be other openings in the future.

 

Your doing the interview will show them: 1) You have a desire to move up in the organization. 2) That you go for what you want, even when there is a low chance, i.e. you take risks. Some employees sit around and complain, or say they would be a better boss...leaders actually put themselves out there and say "I am good and I will prove it". It's the difference between a leadership mindset and a follower mindset.

 

Guess what? When this happened to me, they offered me a promotion a year later (in a better department and with more opportunity) :) How you react under pressure is something that higher ups look for; if you get easily distracted or become defeated over a set back, they will hesitate to give you more responsibilities. Leadership positions take a different mentality. Would advise you to do your best and give an impression of confidence. Best of luck!

Edited by TheFinalWord
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Standard-Fare

I agree with what others are saying about NOT withdrawing your application. That's going to make you look like a defeatist and a sore loser. If they've essentially already hired someone else for the job, then in your interview your goal should be to make them regret or give second thoughts to that decision.

 

And if the cards fall the way you're predicting -- don't quit, but start applying to other jobs immediately. Focus your energies there instead of wallowing in misery at your current work conditions.

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No.

What you say is this:

 

You feel insulted that they interviewed you for a post you actually serioulsy would have loved, but in fact were just going through required motions to comply with regulations.

You feel cheated and think the whole sham affair was degrading and belittling.

You were extremely nervous because you desperately wanted that job - and now you find you were simply used as a 'space-filler' for them to be able to say they followed procedure.

 

Could they please advise you whether a similar opening will be available?

Could they please tell you why precisely you were not chosen?

could they please advise you whether they would be willing to give you a raise by way of compensation for your wasted time and effort?

Take control of your situation.

Show them what you are made of, and register your displeasure - with HR too.

Make it official.

 

Don't complain that you were turned down for the job.

Complain about the fact they cast interviews at all, when it was clearly a foregone conclusion.

 

I did this.

I went through this very ordeal with a Government-funded company I worked for.

I made them wriggle uncomfortably.

And I got me a raise.

 

OP can clarify, but I didn't get the impression that her earlier interview was a sham. By her own admission she did not perform very well in it. It is the interview tomorrow that appears to be purely pro forma.

 

I wouldn't be this aggressive unless I had solid grounds for arguing that they already had made up their minds about who they wanted to hire and extended me the INITIAL interview in bad faith. Otherwise, surely there is nothing improper about having the next interview - in fact it is only to OP's benefit to have it since she has the opportunity to correct the less than stellar impression she may have made in the first one.

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OP can clarify, but I didn't get the impression that her earlier interview was a sham. ....

 

I wouldn't be this aggressive unless I had solid grounds for arguing that they already had made up their minds about who they wanted to hire and extended me the INITIAL interview in bad faith...

 

This is what gave me reason to consider the possibility.....

I am so bummed right now

 

...... I later found out they had someone else in mind, so my whole interview was completely pointless. I know for sure I didn't get it, but for formality purposes and HR procedure I still have my final interview this Monday that I know now is pointless.

 

.........a lot of my coworkers know I applied including the girl that is going to get the promotion over me.

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This is what gave me reason to consider the possibility.....

 

Thx for that.

 

I still think it is risky for OP to come out with guns blazing, especially when by her own admission she did a not-great job in the intvu. If the coworker who gets it is less qualified than OP, then she has a stronger basis for complaint. Otherwise, it could come off as classic sour grapes.

 

JMHO.

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Perhaps you're right - perhaps a more circuitous route would be more effective.... including real determination to show her true mettle at the next interview.....

 

What also concerns me though, is the perceived lack of support she is getting from her H.....and I think saving that amount of money per month, is frankly, unreasonable, if even with good salaries, you're unable to enjoy some of the perks that should be available to you, as newly-weds with no kids.....

 

I can see some level of resentment here, and whether it's justified or not, the OP needs to examine her feelings with regard to her H's responses and the fact that even with good salaries, there is little or no enjoyment of the fact.

And if you DO decide that you would like children in the future.... although you haven't mentioned it.... well.... that's a whole different ball-game.....

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And if the cards fall the way you're predicting -- don't quit, but start applying to other jobs immediately. Focus your energies there instead of wallowing in misery at your current work conditions.

 

Thanks for the advice. I've briefly looked online at job postings, and nothing really pays within my current salary, which isn't surprising. With the government agency I work for, there is nothing above it. I am at the top. So along with the decent salary, I also have health insurance, paid-time off, retirement, dental, and the typical 8-5 Monday through Friday with weekends off.

 

I worked hard to get into this agency and my whole mindset when I first started was that I would retire there. You can retire there after 25 years if you put enough into your retirement.

 

This would mean I could potentially retire there when I am 53

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What also concerns me though, is the perceived lack of support she is getting from her H.....and I think saving that amount of money per month, is frankly, unreasonable, if even with good salaries, you're unable to enjoy some of the perks that should be available to you, as newly-weds with no kids.....

 

I can see some level of resentment here, and whether it's justified or not, the OP needs to examine her feelings with regard to her H's responses and the fact that even with good salaries, there is little or no enjoyment of the fact.

And if you DO decide that you would like children in the future.... although you haven't mentioned it.... well.... that's a whole different ball-game.....

 

I agree with this. What upset me most is his lack of understanding. But, we talked it out and are now on better terms. I am the one that handles our finances, because my husband, in his own admission, is terrible with money.

 

We just finished paying for a wedding all on our own (something he wanted) and we JUST paid off ALL of his credit card debt which was over 45K when we first started dating.

 

Now we are starting from the rock bottom with saving for a house. I refuse to have a baby until we have a house in the suburbs with a yard, because we currently have 2 dogs and living in a condo with no yard in a bad school district is not the ideal situation to raise a family in.

 

Saving $2,500 a month is my plan and my husband just goes along with it. Our goal is to save 20% for a down payment on a house to try to get our monthly mortgage low this way we can start a family and not struggle.

 

I decided that I am going to book our honeymoon tonight and enjoy our hard work.

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I am still planning on withdrawing my application tomorrow and not go through with the interview.

 

I know they won't fire me, and they know that I am very good at my current position. I am just going to tell them thanks, but that I'm no longer interested.

 

Even if this does impact me from moving up in the future at this point I don't really care. My H always told me usually more money equals more stress and that was definitely the case when I first started there.

 

I don't think I'm being a sore loser. I'm fine with the girl that is getting hired over me and it is definitely deserved so I am happy for her. I just don't feel like playing along and doing the whole song and dance for nothing.

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