Professor-Student

[Kuzya]

I would appreciate feedback on my situation. I'll give as many details as possible. I posted this on a general thread but after familiarizing myself with the site I see that this is the best place to post.

 

I am deeply attracted to my university professor and I haven't been able to shake this "crush" since the beginning of the session. Class ends in December and he is teaching another higher level course next session, which I'm still debating on taking or not.

 

Details: I'm a 23 years old he's between 35-42 (max). Honestly I think he's 37-38 years old. I prefer more mature men so even if he was 42 if wouldn't matter to me. I'm taking this first year class as a back-to-basics course to better my academic potential after a few years in the workforce. He is aware that I'm not a "1st year student" in History. I always sit in front (160-200 student auditorium) and engage in conversation with fellow students - which often he seems to listen into while he preps for the lecture.

 

How did this attraction come to be? At first I was intimidated by this man that seemed so stern. 2 weeks into the course and I realized he was quite easy going and that was just a facade to discourage slackers from sticking around. I'm am really interested in his class and had no intention on slacking, this is no bird course.

 

Then it hit me, I was never "intimidated" so to speak, I just had a crush on this incredibly well spoken, intelligent, and handsome man. So 3 weeks in and I'm smitten with him. My attraction was further fueled by constantly running into him off campus. We live close by and we always say hello to each other when we crosspaths.

 

I had a few questions before the midterm. I was scared of makinga fool of myself by saying something stupid but I had to challenge my fear. I prepared a series of question, which he answered in detail. He does have a reputation for going above and beyond to help students. I kept eye contact and probably smiled more than I should of. We went off topic several times, especially when our opinions converged. He was warm to me and we talked for a solid 30 minutes. Flushed red, I noticed that I had taken 50% of his office hours so I said I'd get going in case others were waiting. He acknowledge the fact that others needed to meet with him, and watched attentively as I put on my coat.

 

The following week, he indirectly announced to the class that he had a girlfriend. I'm not going to lie, it pinched my heart a bit.

 

I had also sent an email requesting further reading material, he recognized this "initiative as impressive". The day before the exam I asked a quick question again during his office hours, I had the reading he suggested with me. This time he seemed more tepid about course related matters but more than willing to discuss the university's plan to hold a mass gathering outside the course hall duringour midterm. He jokingly advised me to bring ear plugs.

 

So I did well on the midterm. 88%, not too shabby. I wanted baddly to impress him with an A+.

 

Last event worth mentioning. I attended a 2 day colloquium on a matter of historical interest. He was scheduled to speak at the same time asour class on the first day, so the TA ended up lecturing in his place. After class I attended the discussions with a journalism student reporting on the matter. My professor was nowhere in sight for the entire afternoon. I was relieved and also pleased with myself that I attended without his presence proving that I wasn't just there to impress him. At my disarray, he came during the cocktail hour. During the last presentation before the serving of supper, he sat in the row in front of me with 2 graduate students turning to me saying [using fictional name here] "Mary,right?" I corrected him "Actually it's Mary-Jane, yay for composed names" he smirked and replied "those are the best" (his name is composed as well, yeah I know he's cocky).

 

Day 2, we both attended all day. We often caught each other exchanging glances. During the lunch hour I took the time to work the room. I ended up speaking with the 2 graduate students and he snuck in to see what we were up to. I quickly excused myself to get my glass of water (and get away from him asap). After I was seated he came and sat next to me to interrogate me on the TA's lecture the day before. Uncomfortable sitting next to my sexy professor for over an hour, we ended up joking about one presenter's fail (knocking over his cup of water - which he added was something he would do, I said "for sure" and he elbowed me on my side), we exchanged further laughs, and discussed where we were from. He finally switched seats to the round table for the final session. At the end of the night, we joked a bit outside, when he stopped to cross I figured he had to go to his office, I tried not to look to disappointed that he was not walking with me. He said he had to get a few things from his office and quickly added "see you next week".

 

Ok so this short story just to try to get input from this online community. I just don't know what to do. I feel it's wrong to tell him how I feel. Rejection hurts, but my dilemma comes from the fact that he's a prof, can I even discuss this with him? Plus he has a girlfriend (which I don't think he lives with).

[Survivor12]

--He's your professor, therefore off-limits.

--He's got a girlfriend.

--If he's as attractive as you say, you are likely not the first student to notice.

--From what you've said, there is nothing that alludes to him being interested in anything more than a friendly professor-student relationship.

 

--I would strongly advise you not to tell him about your crush. At the very least, you will end up embarassing yourself & making him uncomfortable; or worse, it is possible that he would ask you to transfer to another class to avoid any impropriety.

[2sure]

Students get crushes on professors all of he time. Sometimes they end up having sex but dont usually end up dating. Most of the time the professors enjoy the attention from one and then next semester another.

 

You make it sound complicated.

[GetHerBack]

--He's your professor, therefore off-limits.

--He's got a girlfriend.

--If he's as attractive as you say, you are likely not the first student to notice.

--From what you've said, there is nothing that alludes to him being interested in anything more than a friendly professor-student relationship.

 

--I would strongly advise you not to tell him about your crush. At the very least, you will end up embarassing yourself & making him uncomfortable; or worse, it is possible that he would ask you to transfer to another class to avoid any impropriety.

 

This. He's already got a girlfriend, and he's your PROFESSOR. It may be appealing to you now, but you may end up regret what you've done later on.

[anna121]

As a professor, I would say: please don't approach him. You will only put him in a really awkward position.

 

I know it's hard, but try and focus on other things. Don't take another course with him (especially a small-group format) until your feelings are under control.