Jump to content

Drama queen coworker driving me nuts


Recommended Posts

Blackberries

Hi guys,

 

I'm having some trouble with a coworker (we'll call her Stacey) and I'd love some advice!

 

Basically, about a month ago, Stacey, myself and a few others started in our jobs. We all have the same role, and the company is my dream company, somewhere where I want to stay for as long as I can and progress up the ladder.

 

We spent our first few days in the company headquarters in London, receiving training. It was very informal and Stacey and I bonded very quickly, however she did constantly talk about personal problems she was having. However, most of the time she was a lot of fun, and we spent a lot of time together without the rest of the group.

 

However, a few weeks on, things have changed. Stacey has turned out to have a totally different side that is not fun in a professional environment.

It's just drama drama drama all day every day. She complains about her exes. She bitches about her housemates. She rants about the customers we deal with. She sits beside me, so I have to listen to this all day and it distracts me from my work. I pay her no attention and don't even turn my head, but she talks and talks and talks.

 

She has also verbally lashed out at me a couple of times. One time, she made a bitchy remark at me in front of the rest of the team for asking too many questions. She approached me afterwards to resolve it- in front of the rest of the team again. I was so embarrassed. I IMed her asking her in future, if she has a problem with me to discuss it with me one on one, not in front of everyone.

There was another time where she kept ranting about an ex and after about 5 minutes of plain ignoring her, I decided putting in my earphones might help. She got angry and said "Fine, put your earphones in then!!!". She describes herself as "honest" however it would be more accurate to say "confrontational". Most people, on seeing that their coworker is not interested in hearing about the latest personal drama, would take the hint and stop. Stacey sees the hint and confronts you about it and doesn't care who sees.

 

I almost snapped at her yesterday. She had been bitching about every call to every customer for literally an hour straight (most of our customers are very nice, just a little confused), saying how stupid they are etc, and I could not think straight with the noise or focus on my work. Eventually, I said, Stacey, please calm down, they are only phone calls, does every one need to be a drama?". She sulked for an hour afterwards and would not speak to me.

I feel like a soundboard. She is either one extreme or the other- either hilarious and fun, or angry and tempermental. Even the smallest thing is turned into a huge drama - last week I accidentally wore 1 navy sock and 1 black sock to work and she noticed and was like "OH MY GOD I can't believe you did that. Oh my god" as if I'd killed someone.

The problem is, Stacey considers herself very "honest" and I have no doubt that "honesty" would turn into making complaints about me to our manager if she decided she had a problem with me. She exaggerates everything, I have seen things that happen and when I hear her telling other people about them later, the stories are very embellished. Also, I really want to work my way up in this company and don't want any of this affecting it. Our office is being reshuffled next week and HR will be at the desks beside us, so they will see and hear everything- so I want to make sure any way I handle this will be the best way.

 

TL;DR- Coworker is a huge drama queen and is the type who would try and get me in trouble if I don't want to listen to her drama all day, every day.

Link to post
Share on other sites

ask to be sat somewhere else - with calm voice and a please

 

have a word wiv your manager tell him/her what you told us

 

or email HR - if you are the girl the public like talking to - you are notably a money maker for the company - point out to HR there's been no customer complaints about youi and that you don't want to be any trouble but you have no choice but to protect yourself

  • Like 1
Link to post
Share on other sites

She sounds like someone with borderline personality disorder, extreme views on everything.

 

I'd have a chat with your manager and ask to be seated elsewhere. Unfortunately, particularly if she really has BPD, she will turn on you badly and gossip until the cows come home about what a horrible person you are for not being her best friend at work. If she does turn on you, try to ignore her as best as possible. Any confrontation will lead you to where she wants to go and that's an opportunity to emotionally manipulate you with confrontation. She will be relying on your confrontation avoidance to get you to do what she wants you to do.

Link to post
Share on other sites
  • Author
Blackberries

Thanks guys. I'm becoming particularly worried about the exaggerating. When she's in a good mood, we make fun of each other etc. However, yesterday she mentioned, in front of me, to our trainer, a joke I had made, that she laughed at at the time- and said it as if I was being serious. I had to say, in front of her, Stacey you knew full well I was joking.

 

I'm trying really hard to put distance between us, but it is very difficult when she confronts me on every hint I try to make. I have no doubt in my mind that she will make me out to be the worst person in the world if I politely tell her I need to focus on my work.

 

She's just SO much work. She has really bad Princess syndrome- nothing is good enough for her, she complains about EVERYTHING. We are moving to a new office on Monday that is literally 10 minutes walk away from the old one, and she has asked me to bring her with me when I go to work (we live near each other)as she "doesn't know the way" to the new office- it's not even 2 blocks away- she won't even look at a map. I think I might cancel the night before and say I'm coming from a friend's house because she will do nothing but bitch the whole way in to work.

Link to post
Share on other sites
Thanks guys. I'm becoming particularly worried about the exaggerating. When she's in a good mood, we make fun of each other etc. However, yesterday she mentioned, in front of me, to our trainer, a joke I had made, that she laughed at at the time- and said it as if I was being serious. I had to say, in front of her, Stacey you knew full well I was joking.

 

I'm trying really hard to put distance between us, but it is very difficult when she confronts me on every hint I try to make. I have no doubt in my mind that she will make me out to be the worst person in the world if I politely tell her I need to focus on my work.

 

She's just SO much work. She has really bad Princess syndrome- nothing is good enough for her, she complains about EVERYTHING. We are moving to a new office on Monday that is literally 10 minutes walk away from the old one, and she has asked me to bring her with me when I go to work (we live near each other)as she "doesn't know the way" to the new office- it's not even 2 blocks away- she won't even look at a map. I think I might cancel the night before and say I'm coming from a friend's house because she will do nothing but bitch the whole way in to work.

 

 

now you move office you have the getaway - why mess up your life by hanging around her, seriously? cancel, yes

Edited by darkmoon
Link to post
Share on other sites
HokeyReligions

Do not share anything about your life with her. No joking around at work, don't even compliment her. I had a co-worker like her, actually she is someone my manager and I hired to work FOR me, and she sounds like your Stacey. I tried to have her moved, but by then my manager had been demoted and a new manager was in place. That made it more difficult and one day I made the mistake of complementing her new hair style saying it was very soft and becoming, and she ran to the manager and said I called her a Lesbian. To shorten the story, a major restructuring took place and because "I" was linked to the demoted (& then laid off) manager; and because my "Stacy" said I called her a name, I was the one in the dog-house. I have since moved to a new job which I like more, but is farther and the benefits are not as good - but I'm happier. If this is your dream company you may have to fight for it; and that may mean showing how YOU are adding to the bottom line and she is subtracting from it by her unprofessional behavior.

 

She may need some help - your description makes her sound bi-polar or with some major depression going on. If you have to approach your manager or HR, you might do it in an "I'm concerned about Stacy's health" tone.

 

Be professional, keep track of what's going on, and try to distance yourself as much as possible - no contact outside of the office; don't go to lunch together - unless it's a group lunch with many other people and if it continues, you may need to discuss it with HR yourself because it could become harrassment. Read your HR material carefully and make sure you understand your rights.

 

Know tho, that sometimes the squeaky wheel gets oiled, and sometimes it gets replaced - you have to be totally confident in how your new employer will handle the problem.

 

My only real advice is: However you are thinking of handling this - if in doubt, don't. Lawyers don't take cases if they are not confident they can win. Good Luck.

  • Like 1
Link to post
Share on other sites

only one thing comes to mind reading your saga, the response I'd use on the boys whenever their mom (my sister) left them with me and they'd start getting pissy and tattle-tale-ish and generally getting on my nerves: the good old, Mexican mamacita "YA!". Delivered in a tone that brooks no mistake that you're not having it anymore.

 

hoping you get moved away from her quickly, no one should have to suffer with a drama queen, especially in the workplace ...

 

*waves to Hokey* hey chica, happy to see you here :love:

Link to post
Share on other sites
  • Author
Blackberries

I cancelled travelling to work together tomorrow... I told her I'm staying with a friend and so won't be coming from the same direction as her.

 

I told her publically on her Facebook wall, so that it's there in black and white for everyone to see, so she cannot embellish it.

  • Like 4
Link to post
Share on other sites

you might want to remove her from your FB friends ... or at least limit what information goes out, because she sounds like the type to use that information against you.

  • Like 3
Link to post
Share on other sites
  • Author
Blackberries

I'm (kind of) free!

When we got to our new office this morning, I was meant to be sitting beside her- but there was a spare seat beside someone else. Since the seat beside her had a radiator close by, I pretended I'd be too warm there and would have to move :)

I'm so happy! The person I'm beside now is soooo chill :)

 

Of course, she didn't/wouldn't travel to work by herself this morning. She got a cab. She got one of her friends to meet her at the office after work this evening and walk her the entire 80 yards (no exaggeration) to the bus stop for going home because she refuses to help herself and look at a map. So glad she didn't ask me.

  • Like 1
Link to post
Share on other sites
Abystarswoman

Bad idea to "friend" coworkers on Facebook. If you have the least little complaint about your job, it could turn into a cluster---- of massive proportions. And people really do watch others' social media accounts these days - some employers reserve the right to terminate you because of your involvement in situations and actions OFF of the job (it depends on your individual company policy, but I know of several professions that have that ability).

 

Stacey sounds like a mountain of trouble, and quite honestly, I'd detach myself from her in every way - personally, professionally, etc. I wouldn't even greet her with a "good morning', were I in your shoes. Drama isn't appreciated in the workplace, and eventually your management will see it for what it is and she'll be gone.

 

In the meantime, I'd avoid, avoid, avoid.

 

ETA: Glad to see that you've moved away from her, seat-wise. The rest of my advice still stands in other situations, though!

Edited by Abystarswoman
Cross-posted.
  • Like 2
Link to post
Share on other sites
  • Author
Blackberries

It was really strange today... the guy beside me disappeared for a while and then a while later I turned around and all of my co workers had upped and left, our trainer didn't know where they were. They came back a while later, they'd all gone outside together for about 20 minutes. Usually, if people are going outside we'll all go, our office is usually completely silent and they didn't say a word. I was very hurt. I was surprised Stacey didn't ask me along, she always does, unless she's decided she hates me now. If that happened to Stacey she'd have it out with us when we came back. I didn't mention anything, I will see if it happens again tomorrow. If she was behind it, I think it is pure schoolgirl tactics and isolating someone is a form of bullying.

Link to post
Share on other sites
goodthingscome

As hard as it to deal with office drama, you need to ignore any and all of the players. Rise above, trust me it won't last long. Be happy positive and helpful. And "fake it till you make it".

 

It will drive her bat **** crazy! And if the others "follow" her then do you really care what they think?

 

You are there to work not socialize, it's not daycare or high school. No one "has" to "like" anyone, just be professional and courteous, most important do your job as well as you can!

  • Like 2
Link to post
Share on other sites
  • Author
Blackberries
As hard as it to deal with office drama, you need to ignore any and all of the players. Rise above, trust me it won't last long. Be happy positive and helpful. And "fake it till you make it".

 

It will drive her bat **** crazy! And if the others "follow" her then do you really care what they think?

 

You are there to work not socialize, it's not daycare or high school. No one "has" to "like" anyone, just be professional and courteous, most important do your job as well as you can!

 

I had mentioned to a couple of the others the issues I raised above- her constant drama affecting my work. Even if they have "followed" her they will hopefully realise their mistake as soon as she latches on to them and starts narrating her every thought to them!

Link to post
Share on other sites

The only person you can truly control is yourself. Focus on your job, be friendly, civil and most of all, professional.

  • Like 1
Link to post
Share on other sites
  • 2 weeks later...

I had a co-worker exactly like this. She was a drama queen and attention junkie. We worked different shifts and I'm male. I didn't know her very well but she was quite attractive & appeared pleasant. She showed the same signs with off-color remarks,etc. but I brushed them off. We dated for 1 week then she went crazy. She created havoc on the job, sent men to follow me on the streets around my home, (stalked me) then as previously mentioned watched my social media after I QUIT the job! I NEVER spoke to her after leaving yet she lied to the authorities and tried to get me into trouble because she was reading my personal profile and tried to use it against me. Be EXTREMELY careful with co-workers.

Link to post
Share on other sites
  • 2 weeks later...
I had mentioned to a couple of the others the issues I raised above- her constant drama affecting my work. Even if they have "followed" her they will hopefully realise their mistake as soon as she latches on to them and starts narrating her every thought to them!

 

Try not to do that. Better to be the person others go to with gripes and problems, and to handle it with discretion. If you keep your cool despite her provocation, eventually things will come good for you.

 

It could be tough for a while if you're being alienated, but try not to take it personally. Histrionic types will often draw shallow support from others on account of their prowess in emotional manipulation. If you keep your cool - let them get the sense that you're generally unimpressed but stay relatively civil, you'll likely be miscalled behind your back for a while. Not pleasant, but you sound calm and together enough to tough it out. These situations never last forever, provided you show strength fairly consistently. Once your colleagues start experiencing the fall-out of getting too embroiled with somebody like your workplace drama queen, they'll be coming to you with tales of woe quickly enough.

Link to post
Share on other sites
  • 1 month later...
  • Author

I'm back again- and wish I wasn't.

I am now back beside Stacey again and back to hearing all about more personal dramas. She has, in front of our trainer, also taken to storming out of the room in a huff when having personal issues, and ranting and raving about it when she comes back in. She always plays the victim and I would not be surprised if her personal dramas were exaggerated.

 

There was an issue that I had to approach her about today. She made another remark about me implying that I've been picking on her- with a dead straight face, in front of a number of other staff. I IMed her this morning and asked her if there was an issue, given that she'd hinted about it in front of coworkers, and she said she was "joking"- but I don't buy it. In order to protect myself in case she makes any allegations about me, I'm considering letting my manager know of the conversation- if nothing else, in case the other manager mentions what she said. Is this a good idea?

Link to post
Share on other sites

It means you were given advice on how to change the situation and nothing changed. So you continue to get the same results.

 

Are you ready to change?

  • Like 1
Link to post
Share on other sites
  • 2 weeks later...

What would happen if you just ignored her? Would she get the point after a while. I work with someone like that and after I started "plugging in" with my headphones.... she got the point and left me alone eventually

Link to post
Share on other sites
  • 1 month later...
  • Author

Just to update you all on the situation.

I was stressed for days after her announcing I "always pick on" her, with a straight face in front of numerous coworkers and didn't believe that she was joking- to me she was trying to get attention. I told my manager and he sat her down and told her that it is not acceptable to claim someone is picking on or bullying you, even as a "joke".

She blanked me and was hostile for a solid 2 weeks after and when I tried to speak to her about it she said I was in the wrong for taking offence.

These days, she is suddenly being all nice to everyone else, and one or two of our team are behaving differently towards me. I would not be surprised if she is spreading crap about me but it's hard to prove without seeming paranoid. She has gone down the more subtle route now- laughing extra loud when she receives an IM (I guess to show what a great time she's having!), looking over when talking to her new friends to see if I'm watching- silly chidish crap that is hard for me to prove. She has full on snapped at me a couple of times but only when the boss is not there (which he knows about). Needless to say I have removed her from my social networks- she asked me why and I told her I do not consider her a personal friend anymore. She has since moved to a different desk of her own accord.

This saga feels like it will never end- surely everyone will see through her eventually?

Link to post
Share on other sites
×
×
  • Create New...