hate your career and your house

[SarahRose]

I need some suggestions from some smart folks on here.

 

So I have a career I have been in a long long time. I hate it and believe me I have tried to like it again. I have tried changing companies, changing positions, consulting. I still hate it. I would like to do something else but I am not sure what, maybe something in agriculture? I am trapped with the golden handcuffs because what I do does pay very well.

 

Issues; massive debt from bailing a grown child out of some legal trouble. It cost me around $100k to get him out of trouble. And no, he hasn't gotten into more trouble, he has been really really good so not in any more trouble.

 

Husband lost job last year and is taking a part time training course; part time as in 2 half days a week, but he won't look for work. I feel very angry and overburdened that all the bills are on my back.

 

My health has not been the greatest either lately.

 

Real estate that is negatively geared but I am in over my head at least in my mind.

 

This house we are in I hate. I hate it so much I wish an earthquake or sinkhole would just swallow it up. It is supposed to be an additional investment property but with bailing my kid out and husband not working, I can't afford the repairs it needs.

 

I am not sure to just sell it at a loss or try to finish painting and at least repairing the roof and getting rid of the avocado shag and renting it out like our other houses. The rent would not cover the mortgage. The mortgage is around $2100 a month and the gross rent would be $1500.

 

Ok let me have it. Throw some ideas out there.

[Philosoraptor]

I'm in the same place minus the very large debt, I'm sitting around 25k in student loans and my car. I decided happiness needs to come first so I found a new job (starting the 14th) and have been patching my house up in order to get it on the market.

 

I'd suggest doing all of the little things you can to get the place looking good. Painting, patching, flowers, etc. to work on the aesthetic appeal. I've seen that most homebuyers are more about the look than the functionality of the house. You might also be able to work down the price on the roof repair by purchasing the material yourself and putting an ad out on craigslist. Plenty of well experienced people are out of work and are willing to give you quite a good deal.

 

Option two would be an electrical fire... but it has to look like an accident.

[Leegh]

Regarding your job: since the pay is good, I would stay with it. I know it's hard when you don't like the job, but at least you're making good money. Think about the good aspects of your job, there must be some. For example, I know of someone who works the "graveyard" shift of a 24 hour grocery store; not good hours. Regarding your home: possibly you could get your home repaired, then if you have a spare room, you could rent it, as this would pay for the repairs, and give you some extra income. In addition, if you drink coffee (or any caffeinated beverages) you may want to stop, as caffeine can magnify problems.

[Wolfcub]

I could rather believe that its depressive mood caused by your health issues and family: the job pays well and you don't have other dream job you would plunge head on into, the house you probably more or less liked when you got it. Repair it if its run down, not only some stranger, who might want to buy it, may like it, chances are you also may like it better. But the child who got into trouble (his trouble), that cost 100k of your money, wow, it had to be something really bad, if he could not get away with "I'm sorry" and a few weeks cleaning parks. And the husband who enjoys his unemployed status in a relaxed mood. Those are the things that would drive me mad. Maybe its the same with you, but its easier and socially more acceptable to admit that the job and the house are the ones to blame. What I am trying to tell is - changing the job and house may not solve the problems, just make you more exausted, because that also takes a lot of energy. I don't know if you have the courage to go for the root of the problem.

[carhill]

When H isn't busy looking for a job he can paint or repair the roof or xxx. Home repair isn't rocket science.

 

Alternatively, if the note is non-recourse, stop making mortgage payments and paying taxes and live in the house until they foreclose and lien-sale it and kick a tenant out and go live in one of the rentals. This is more common than you think. Your credit rating will get hammered but with your strong cash flow and asset mix it won't really matter since you're not looking to borrow any money anyway.

 

What I did when reeling from a divorce and my mom's death occurring a couple of months apart was to immerse myself in helping out friends with projects. I learned a few new skills and cultivated some private backing through those projects and now we're using those assets to collect and rehab houses. When life throws a few lemons, make lemonade. Up to you. No one else can live your life.

[SarahRose]

I'm in the same place minus the very large debt, I'm sitting around 25k in student loans and my car. I decided happiness needs to come first so I found a new job (starting the 14th) and have been patching my house up in order to get it on the market.

 

I'd suggest doing all of the little things you can to get the place looking good. Painting, patching, flowers, etc. to work on the aesthetic appeal. I've seen that most homebuyers are more about the look than the functionality of the house. You might also be able to work down the price on the roof repair by purchasing the material yourself and putting an ad out on craigslist. Plenty of well experienced people are out of work and are willing to give you quite a good deal.

 

Option two would be an electrical fire... but it has to look like an accident.

 

did you change careers?

 

we had a couple quotes on the roof. we would still have to replace the carpet because the animals tore it up plus it is 40 years old yuck.

 

thanks for the good ideas

[SarahRose]

Regarding your job: since the pay is good, I would stay with it. I know it's hard when you don't like the job, but at least you're making good money. Think about the good aspects of your job, there must be some. For example, I know of someone who works the "graveyard" shift of a 24 hour grocery store; not good hours. Regarding your home: possibly you could get your home repaired, then if you have a spare room, you could rent it, as this would pay for the repairs, and give you some extra income. In addition, if you drink coffee (or any caffeinated beverages) you may want to stop, as caffeine can magnify problems.

 

the only good thing about the job is the money and i am well regarded for what i do. i love the paycheck. that is it.

 

i have been hating it before all these problems. i am wondering if these other problems were resolved maybe i would hate it less? it really is boring.

 

thanks for the help

[Philosoraptor]

did you change careers?

 

we had a couple quotes on the roof. we would still have to replace the carpet because the animals tore it up plus it is 40 years old yuck.

 

thanks for the good ideas

Still in technology but nowhere near the same position.

 

Same with the carpet. You can find some cheap prices on the install if you get the material.

[SarahRose]

I could rather believe that its depressive mood caused by your health issues and family: the job pays well and you don't have other dream job you would plunge head on into, the house you probably more or less liked when you got it. Repair it if its run down, not only some stranger, who might want to buy it, may like it, chances are you also may like it better. But the child who got into trouble (his trouble), that cost 100k of your money, wow, it had to be something really bad, if he could not get away with "I'm sorry" and a few weeks cleaning parks. And the husband who enjoys his unemployed status in a relaxed mood. Those are the things that would drive me mad. Maybe its the same with you, but its easier and socially more acceptable to admit that the job and the house are the ones to blame. What I am trying to tell is - changing the job and house may not solve the problems, just make you more exausted, because that also takes a lot of energy. I don't know if you have the courage to go for the root of the problem.

 

you made me think about this more which is the intent of my initial post

i was thinking back to when i liked my job and i think i was somewhat ok before the kid got into trouble.

 

my dream job would be sitting around doing nothing.

 

or farming

 

i'm hating the house because we were only supposed to stay here until the repairs happened then it was to be a rental and all this stuff happened and delayed everything. this is not a house i would ever want to live in for myself. it was always meant to be a rental.

 

yes the charges were pretty bad even though nobody or nothing was hurt. this happened in another country so i had to fly there etc

 

i do think if my husband was actually looking for work i wouldn't be so resentful but i don't know how to resolve that. i have asked him to look for work and he says he is going to school and he has not applied for one job in 7 months.

 

sometimes i feel like running away. maybe i should.

 

thanks for the input

[SarahRose]

When H isn't busy looking for a job he can paint or repair the roof or xxx. Home repair isn't rocket science.

 

Alternatively, if the note is non-recourse, stop making mortgage payments and paying taxes and live in the house until they foreclose and lien-sale it and kick a tenant out and go live in one of the rentals. This is more common than you think. Your credit rating will get hammered but with your strong cash flow and asset mix it won't really matter since you're not looking to borrow any money anyway.

 

What I did when reeling from a divorce and my mom's death occurring a couple of months apart was to immerse myself in helping out friends with projects. I learned a few new skills and cultivated some private backing through those projects and now we're using those assets to collect and rehab houses. When life throws a few lemons, make lemonade. Up to you. No one else can live your life.

 

thanks for your input.

 

that is part of the problem. he isn't looking for work.

 

yes he has done the painting inside and is supposed to do the floors but it is going very very slowly.

 

i have actually thought about running away and dumping the house.

 

it sounds like you had some major life events there to deal with all at once but you did some good things

[SarahRose]

i am pretty sure i am burnt out and need to take a lot of time off but i can't. i think that might help.

[xxoo]

Your son owes you, big time. Enlist his help with the house.

 

If you can stand to live with him, he could pay rent.

 

Is the house big enough to take in a boarder to help with the financial burden?

 

I'm tempted to suggest you kick out the H and take in a paying boarder or two

[SarahRose]

Your son owes you, big time. Enlist his help with the house.

 

If you can stand to live with him, he could pay rent.

 

Is the house big enough to take in a boarder to help with the financial burden?

 

I'm tempted to suggest you kick out the H and take in a paying boarder or two

 

yes he does owe me. he lives in another country though.

 

well husband can sleep out in the shed and boarders could take the bedrooms lol

[shorty7]

we had a couple quotes on the roof. we would still have to replace the carpet because the animals tore it up plus it is 40 years old yuck.

 

If the house was originally hardwood floors, it's an option to go that route. I remember my parents saved a ton of money because they lucked out on the flooring. The carpet would have ultimately cost them more to re-do the entire house but once they took it out, all they had to do was polish the existing floors and re-board a few patches here and there. Corkboard flooring is also animal friendly, easy clean-up, and not that expensive in the long-run when you consider the maintenance carpet needs.

[JadeBird]

feel the same about the job thing. i graduated college as a computer science major 1 year ago, and curently work as a quality engineer for a japanese company...

i hate it big time. every morning , i have force myself to get out of bed ,and drag my ass to work. the only thing about it i can take comfort from is its pay.

it's not bad given my scarce experience. But i still wanna quit it as soon as i find another one, i won't even care if the pay is not nearly as much as long as i am passionate and happy about it.. every time i complain about it with my friends , they tell me to find another one ,saying i am still young so do it while i still can. i think they got a very good point about that.

 

the only difference between us is that i am not burdened with any debt, and i am very grateful about that.

 

if only you were not in so much debt nor with so much burden on your shoulder, then you could quit it and find one that spark your interest.

 

i have thought about getting into something in agriculture too..

i am thinking about moving out of country and becoming a fishman someday. just tired of the hectic and crazy city life.

[mario_C]

Hell, we need farmers. We need more corporations like I need herpes.

 

Seriously, though, start a plan for getting out of the job and into a career that you want. Maybe you can't quit today, but you can be out of there for good eventually. If, and only if, you take steps - even tiny ones - every day towards the goal of doing what you want to do. It's the only way to move on.

 

Your husband and son must help as well - taking classes and retraining is incredibly important, but it's not a substitute for a job. Sorry, it bothers me when I hear a woman is supporting a man who doesn't make the effort to further his career - I'm old school like that. But it's none of my business...

[zengirl]

I don't know how to get out of your situation. All I can say is that believe you will find a way out of your job and a solution and it may happen --- it may not look pretty, but I bet there will be something.

 

I was somewhere similar once, but much younger and with much less debt. Very glad I got out of the lucrative career and into something I loved when I was still in my 20s. I know it gets harder with age, but I believe it can be done.

[SpiralOut]

Not sure if this is an option for you or not, but I know a few people who were looking for extra income, so they rented out an extra room in the house. Not sure where you live, but if there's a university nearby there may be students looking for housing for a semester or two.

[Engadget]

I wish I could offer advice, but I'm in a bad position myself.

[SarahRose]

If the house was originally hardwood floors, it's an option to go that route. I remember my parents saved a ton of money because they lucked out on the flooring. The carpet would have ultimately cost them more to re-do the entire house but once they took it out, all they had to do was polish the existing floors and re-board a few patches here and there. Corkboard flooring is also animal friendly, easy clean-up, and not that expensive in the long-run when you consider the maintenance carpet needs.

 

unfortunately it has concrete floors. we want to tile it. carpet is a health hazard as it just collects filth and dirt. Carpet isn't popular in this country.

[SarahRose]

feel the same about the job thing. i graduated college as a computer science major 1 year ago, and curently work as a quality engineer for a japanese company...

i hate it big time. every morning , i have force myself to get out of bed ,and drag my ass to work. the only thing about it i can take comfort from is its pay.

it's not bad given my scarce experience. But i still wanna quit it as soon as i find another one, i won't even care if the pay is not nearly as much as long as i am passionate and happy about it.. every time i complain about it with my friends , they tell me to find another one ,saying i am still young so do it while i still can. i think they got a very good point about that.

 

the only difference between us is that i am not burdened with any debt, and i am very grateful about that.

 

if only you were not in so much debt nor with so much burden on your shoulder, then you could quit it and find one that spark your interest.

 

i have thought about getting into something in agriculture too..

i am thinking about moving out of country and becoming a fishman someday. just tired of the hectic and crazy city life.

 

it is a shame you are disappointed with you computer career so quickly. was it ever something you wanted to do or were you pushed by family?

 

it took me a couple decades i think to tire of my computer career.

 

i found that before i was in upper management and consulting, i was feeling pushed out due to my gender and race. Honestly IT was never that friendly towards women and there are not that many women in IT. Also with the huge Indian takeover, once an Indian becomes manager, the whites and asians are pushed out and replaced with Indian friends.

 

 

Like you, I take comfort in my pay. I stopped this job last month and am unemployed. I have savings but feel bored as I don't feel i can afford to have that much fun. I am not going out to dinner. i have avoided my favorite shopping places. I could take some drives and do photography and walks but gas is so high, i am trying to conserve.

 

Life seems kind of boring without the money. and that is my trap.

 

So what have i done, sadly immediately started applying for the IT work in my new location.

 

I feel confident that i am good as i have had 2 interviews and got offered th job both times. i am waiting for the results of a third interview for a job i reallly want.

 

i do feel i am starting to get a reputation for being the eccentric but flaky genius. so i need to stop the flake part before places are too scared to hire me.

 

it is sad the reasons for liking this job.

 

the first 2 seemed ok but didn't pay enough. i was tempted by the beach location of the office.

 

this third one is in a great location smack in the heart of the city with lots of lunchtime cafes and shopping.

the offices are beautiful. no rickety broken chairs and mismatched equipment. the job itself wasn't well defined and i would be working where needed which seems fun to me. well as fun as any IT is to me right now. i truly hope they have the variety to where i am not bored in a month. the pay is outstanding.

[SarahRose]

Hell, we need farmers. We need more corporations like I need herpes.

 

Seriously, though, start a plan for getting out of the job and into a career that you want. Maybe you can't quit today, but you can be out of there for good eventually. If, and only if, you take steps - even tiny ones - every day towards the goal of doing what you want to do. It's the only way to move on.

 

Your husband and son must help as well - taking classes and retraining is incredibly important, but it's not a substitute for a job. Sorry, it bothers me when I hear a woman is supporting a man who doesn't make the effort to further his career - I'm old school like that. But it's none of my business...

 

well i did quit to see what it felt like and it feels good in some ways but feels uneasy because of no money coming in and still the bills coming in.

 

if i had no debt, i would probably be ok for a year doing nothing and enjoying it.

 

his school time is almost done so we will see if he gets work or not. i will push him hard to get work. i am prepared with a job coach, resume writer, and stylist so there will be no excuse not to find work.

[SarahRose]

I don't know how to get out of your situation. All I can say is that believe you will find a way out of your job and a solution and it may happen --- it may not look pretty, but I bet there will be something.

 

I was somewhere similar once, but much younger and with much less debt. Very glad I got out of the lucrative career and into something I loved when I was still in my 20s. I know it gets harder with age, but I believe it can be done.

 

i wish there was something i was really interested in.

[SarahRose]

Not sure if this is an option for you or not, but I know a few people who were looking for extra income, so they rented out an extra room in the house. Not sure where you live, but if there's a university nearby there may be students looking for housing for a semester or two.

 

i quit and moved to another state. the existing house will be rented out.

[SarahRose]

I wish I could offer advice, but I'm in a bad position myself.

 

what is your situation?