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Coworkers don't respect my authority


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Okay I'm starting to get really pissed off. There are two coworkers who enjoy asking me questions on what to do but then they will argue with me about it and it's getting to the point where I feel disrespected. I should mention I have senority over both of them and I do not tell them what to do unless they are asking me questions or unless my boss asks me to train them on something.

 

The newer coworker was hired several months after me and I am in a position of training him on certain things. For the most part he listens to me although sometimes will put up a big fuss and argue about something he thinks is stupid even though the reason I'm telling him to do something a certain way is because that is the way we do it and I have to make sure I teach him in a way that fits our company rules. But he'll argue with me anyway. I don't understand why he even bothers to ask me a question if he doesn't trust the answer I give him.

 

The other one (the real problem one) was hired only shortly after me. I don't trust his judgment; sometimes it's not good, and he often forgets things that have been explained to him before. He also has a bad habit of trying to dominate situations, which is what causes problems for me. I've complained about him before on here.

 

I don't have that much of a problem with him anymore but today he acted completely ridiculous. The newer coworker asked me a question. I answered it. Then this second one started arguing with me even though he wasn't asked for his opinion and his opinion was completely lacking any sort of logic. He was arguing with me about something he has argued with me before (and with other people!!) so I know that he KNEW that I was right. Three other people at work have told him the same thing I told him yet for some reason today he decided that he should do things a certain way because in his mind it makes sense even though he KNOWS it goes against company policy.

 

I wasn't able to just ignore him because the newer coworker (who is friends with him, go figure) started arguing against me too!

 

This really angered me. He interjected himself into a conversation that did not include him, questioned my judgement, and kept telling the newer coworker to do something the wrong way.

 

I might have lost my temper a little bit because I said to him "no we don't do that. Remember?" and then when he continued to argue I said "we don't do that because that doesn't follow the company procedures." The newer coworker decided to listen to me over him, so I guess that's good. But still, geez!!

 

I feel disrespected. It's also embarassing to me that my other coworkers see them treating me in this way. I don't know what to do anymore.

 

Nobody else at work behaves this way. If another coworker disagrees with me, they always have a good reason for it. These guys just disagree with me for no good reason.

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Stop engaging in this. As soon as he disagrees with you or starts to argue with you, tell him straight up, "You asked me, I told you this is how it's done, if you don't like my answer, go talk to the Boss." and walk away.

 

Though, I suggest you go talk to your boss about this issue and let him know this is how you might handle the situation when it occurs again. This way your boss has your back.

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Okay thanks. I was thinking that maybe I should just do that, but I wanted another opinion. I have trouble standing up for myself. I also get pissed off when I know what I'm talking about and someone else doesn't want to listen to me. But I can't force others to do as I say. Next time I'll tell him/them to just do what they think is the right thing to do. If it's wrong, it's their own problem not mine.

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  • 2 weeks later...
creighton0123

I agree with which. Don't play into it. Tell them how things are done when they ask questions and point them to your senior if they have a problem with how things are done.

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  • 3 weeks later...

Spiral,

 

I've had a very similar situation. Interesting, because I thought it was a female problem. I guess there are hard headed know it alls in both genders.

 

Like you, I was a senior, and their supervisor. They were friends. One wasn't terribly bright and I had to repeat things to her 4-5 times. The other was very smart (I learned to hire smarter the next time) but she'd argue over things because she was an aggressive person. I would stand my ground, but she was pushy. Then the other would join in just because they thought there would be power in numbers. It was unpleasant. I had to go to my boss and start documenting. I did not back down.

 

You have to learn to stand up for yourself, while not being overbearing or getting into petty ground like it sounds like they are. You MUST set boundaries. I read a book called Crucial Confrontations, which had some good suggestions although there was some stuff that I just didn't use. It was convoluted. But the main ideas were good. You have to stay on point, not take it personally, set boundaries. Reinforce. Rinse, repeat. Let the other person get flustered. You can't worry about hurting feelings and don't beat around the bush. It sounds like common sense, but for people who are people pleasers, they tend to dance around things and be subtle and then wonder why others don't understand their expectations. These are skills we all need off the job as well as on the job.

 

Good luck.

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The one thing you cannot do is have any sort of emotional reaction to these people. When you are forced to deal with these people you must stay in your logical mind instead of your more emotional human mind.

 

If you take a very logical and systematic approach to their non-sense, the non-sense will stop.

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  • 2 weeks later...
Not necessarily. Respect should be given to a boss, since they hold more power in the relationship. This is how hierarchical structures work.

 

Even if a boss is a bad boss, s/he should still be granted respect on that basis. The issue IMO is that the OP is too weak to act and enforce his/her authority.

 

I kindly disagree. Its a mutual matter to prove respect and gain it. It is in NO WAY A GIVEN Based on corporate title. I stopped that behavior long ago. Instead I approach "any" employee with regular regard due any human, not just because they climbed a ladder in a company.

 

Now onto the OP- Has it been approached from a listening stance? Listening requires attentiveness, a view of their perspective and a final decision. THe "because this is how we always do it" does not sit well to a person who may well have some valid suggestions. Naturally when its a medical or Health issue there are indeed specifics in order to follow correctly. Once a person of so called "authority" gives a directiveness and its challenged, it can be a straight statement of "just do it" or..Hmmmm and how would you suggest it be done that may be more efficient? I have marveled at some of the co-workers ideas when a "procedure" can be openly adjusted and modified. Nothing is written in stone....

Sometimes a good boss will lead thru example, meaning they listen and participate attentively. Sometimes when training its simply that, train and let them make the mistakes, its their behavior that they are accountable for. Employees are not robots and that goes for the one training them, both sides need to see that the goal is for the good of the business and not a personality conflict.

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