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Complicated crush


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Hi,

 

I am an married men having trouble dealing with a crush at work. To put you in context, I am working with a team of 15 people in computer programming, I am 37 but I look a lot younger, most people give me 27 to 30. About 6 months ago, I noticed I was getting glance and stares from one the girl in meetings. She has a boyfriend, just bought a new house (yet to be build), she is 24 and extremely good looking (you know the hot chick of the company every guy talks about). Back then I had a very strong marriage and I just putted her on "ignore", making sure to never look at her. Although she is on my team, I almost never had to speak to her about work, so I went for months without even speaking to her.

 

2 months ago, she was asked to take care of a system that is closely related to mine, so I had to speak to her. I am no flirt/crush expert but I noticed she got very red when I speak to her the first times, had trouble swallowing and had this habit touching her upper teeth with her tongue. At the same time, my wife had an adventure with a guy she meet on Internet, add to this health problems and I ended up very confuse and with a weak relationship.

 

Because of this and because of the fact the girl at work turn out to be a great person (nice, funny, intelligent, cute and with the most amazing eyes) I develop a crush on her. I think its the biggest crush I never had, with insomnia, constantly thinking about her, ... I figured out she certainly finds me attractive, but its work and I cant be sure if she loves me or not. Anyway, I HAD to get rid of this crush because it was becoming destructive. To do this, I even socialize more with her bringing the relationship with her to "good friends" level, I tried to rise my relationship with my wife in any way I could (and succeed) and finally got rid of about 80% of the crush strength.

 

She is now going on vacation for a week to move into her new house so I am planning to completely get rid of the crush and hopefully when she returns I will be able to continue my relationship with her being a good friend. Has for her, again I am no expert here, I am now getting mixed signals from her like she MAY be fighting a crush on me too. She could also find me attractive and nothing more.

 

So I am on a wait and see mode here and I hope I handle this well :)

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VASH THE STAMPEDE
Originally posted by Herbapou

my wife had an adventure with a guy she meet on Internet, add to this health problems and I ended up very confuse and with a weak relationship.

 

Cyber sex????

I'm not sure if thats what you mean?I'm not sure if thats cheating,I think it would be :confused: .

This crush is a one side thing ,she might just be really nice and might not share the same feelings as you .Sadly I learned that and it really hurt.

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I remember having a really bad crush on someone I used to work with. The first time I met him I could barely speak to him because I was so nervous. Everytime I spoke to him I would feel my face heat up and I would get really embarresed and shy because of it. When I got used to being around him I relaxed a bit more. Then I found out he liked another girl that was in the same work place and was dating her. I was really jealous. She ended up leaving the workplace because the relationship was going so well. You know how some couples don't like seeing eachother everyday at work. Knowing it could be bad for the relationship.

 

Knowing I had no chance with the guy I guess I could open up more to him and he was so nice to me. We would even flirt a little just for the fun of it without going to far. I just kept thinking if only it wasn't for that other girl him and I would have had a chance. He was the most decent guy I knew which was even worse but in the end he ended up leaving as well and I hear now that they just recently got married. It should have been here.

 

I handled that situation pretty well. I was the one that met him first. I guess I gave off a bad first impression for a couple of weeks. Being pretty shy and acting all nervous around the guy but in the end I just had to deal with it. He turned out to be really nice about it when we got to know eachother a bit more. Talking to him. That's all you can do in a workplace. Try not to let it get to you and effect your work.

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Originally posted by VASH THE STAMPEDE

Cyber sex????

 

Well unfortunately no, it was real sex. The thing is my wife and I played a game call Everquest for years and we made quite a few friends playing it. One of them came over to Canada from Europe and we visited lots of places here. But what I didn't know is my wife had a thing for him.

 

Has for the crush, one way or not, I need to finish killing the beast. I now feel compassion for the girls who had crush on me over the years knowing how bad of an experience it is when you cant act on it or when its one way. Has for knowing if this crush was one way or not, its pretty difficult to tell atm since in my attempt to get rid of mine, I display a few pictures of my wife at my desk (I had none before) and I started talking about her, things like "me and my wife we do that this way...", "My wife has a robe just like yours...", ... Talking about your loved one to someone who has a crush on you is a pretty good flirt/crush killer.

 

I dont really feel like writing all the little things that makes me think there is more that just "being nice" going on, but if I ever get to know whats really going on in her head, I will post it on this board. Since all this is going on at the office, there is lots of tricks I cant do or used to know things faster. I still need this job and I have to work with all those people in a professional way, so things must stay has discreet has they can and I need to make sure I dont do anything I might regret later.

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VASH THE STAMPEDE
Originally posted by Herbapou

Well unfortunately no, it was real sex. The thing is my wife and I played a game call Everquest for years and we made quite a few friends playing it. One of them came over to Canada from Europe and we visited lots of places here. But what I didn't know is my wife had a thing for him.

 

 

The 12:45am to Pittsburgh just came to a screeching halt...

She cheated on you!??!

Why did you stay??

What was the agreement to staying together???

This really changes my views and thoughts on your situation.

Do you strongly love your wife?

If you don't love your wife why not divorce her and move on with your life?

 

Usually after one spouse cheats its never on tract and there will be a luck of trust.

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Well the situation with my wife has been pretty complicated, but the end-results is we stayed together. The trouble is I am now realizing that this has hurt my love for her since I had a crush on someone else. I think I need to let some time go by before changing anything, the relationship might go back to what it was.

 

The girl from work didnt move to her new house yet because there was issues with the construction not beeing completely finish. Her vacation is going to be next week.

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My strategie at this point is to ignore the girl unless its stricly work related. That means I no longer to see her just to chat. If I do that this week and she is on vacation next week, I think I will be ok. I already see

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My strategy at this point is to ignore the girl unless its strictly work related. That means if she comes to chat I do has usual but I no longer go see her just to chat. If I do that this week and since she is on vacation next week, I think I will be OK. I already see improvements. The thing is I sense she has already noticed the sudden change in my attitude.

 

What scares me is if I get another crush on someone who is single and shows interest, I might just jump ship because I am not sure I will be able to resist this time.

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