How to draw balance between niceness and authority?

[lookingforyou]

How do you draw a balance between being nice to your subordinates and maintaining your authority? I'm generally a nice person and I don't believe in treating people of lower ranks or in a lesser job badly. I treat them as equals, unless they step on my toes.

 

I don't want to be a bitch but I want them to know I mean business and I don't stand for insubordination.

[stace79]

I deal with this, too. I manage two employees, and I'm only about 10-12 years older than both. They are recently out of college. And I'm an outgoing and friendly person, too, so it's hard to draw the line.

 

For my line of work, it's been helpful to have meetings with them every other week, and they provide progress reports. I also limit how often we take time to "chat" and have lunch together.

 

I will say that just being a "bitch" is never the solution, in my opinion. That just makes people hate you. Respect is earned...so by being a good manager I think you can earn their respect. Soliciting their opinion, teaching them why you make the decisions you make, helping them to feel empowered in their jobs, providing advice and constructive feedback, etc.

 

I'm interested if anyone else has suggestions, too, though. Great question.

[lookingforyou]

I deal with this, too. I manage two employees, and I'm only about 10-12 years older than both. They are recently out of college. And I'm an outgoing and friendly person, too, so it's hard to draw the line.

 

For my line of work, it's been helpful to have meetings with them every other week, and they provide progress reports. I also limit how often we take time to "chat" and have lunch together.

 

I will say that just being a "bitch" is never the solution, in my opinion. That just makes people hate you. Respect is earned...so by being a good manager I think you can earn their respect. Soliciting their opinion, teaching them why you make the decisions you make, helping them to feel empowered in their jobs, providing advice and constructive feedback, etc.

 

I'm interested if anyone else has suggestions, too, though. Great question.

 

Respect takes time to earn. I feel that they're already starting to get insubordinate with me, with one being more ambitious and seemingly to want to do things that aren't so nice.

 

I do what you say are signs of a good boss. I solicit their opinions, guide them, help them feel empowered at their jobs, provide advice and positive comments. However, this can actually make some (depending on their character) feel that I'm nice and can be stepped all over.

 

Anyone else has a pointer?

[carhill]

Boundaries

 

What I've seen in my business colleagues who are effective leaders, directly employing and managing workforces of 15 to about 100 employees, is a combination of compassion, familiarity, communication and, as appropriate, intimidation.

 

The example shown by the characterization of one of the greatest field generals of modern times was a great example of this combination at work. He was a true leader.

 

When I've seen managers become impotent, it essentially resulted from them becoming disconnected from their team and/or the team members not respecting them, essentially because the employees know the manager won't take action regarding poor work performance or insubordination.

 

My best friend has a simple philosophy. Work beside his employees, pay them really well, offer them the best training in the business, know all their families and communicate to them clearly that if they don't perform to the clearly enumerated standards of the company they will be fired. Whether it be visiting an employee's family member in the hospital, staying after work to help employees doing overtime work or inviting a problem employee into his office to hand them their last check, he does it personally, looking everyone right in the eye. His managers are so tuned to this dynamic that he doesn't even have to speak; they can tell by his expression that further work is needed or clear disappointment is evident. I watched this in action this past week while we were working a problem at a large customer and both his local branch manager and the service manager were with us on-site. We left our location at 6am so we could arrive at the branch location at opening time, a routine unannounced test he often performs, standing by the door as employees arrive, welcoming them with handshakes or hugs or 'I see you're arriving at 7:70 this morning', meaning they were ten minutes late.

 

IMO, some people are natural leaders; others are not. That said, if you wish to become a more effective manager, there is training out there, focused on your particular profession. I work in the blue collar world and the specifics of managing employees in our world is likely completely different from that in the white collar world. Leading them is IMO essentially the same.

 

In my example, the branch manager is a woman who leads about 30 men and three women. She's never turned a wrench in her life and two years ago was the secretary. She had the gift (natural leader) and my best friend saw it and so did I. He also sent her to be trained and backs her up 100%.

 

Good luck

[Tayla]

I have three boss's and three styles of handling matters.

Boss One: Friendly, personable, outgoing . Holds folks accountable without degrading them. The briefer his statements - the more direct he is in getting results.

Boss two: Rules with an iron fist. Demanding and as he says "I wasnt hired to be your friend, I couldn't give a rats **s what you think of me, get that stuff done NOW!"

Boss three: Fair and practical, firm in directives. Thoughtful and often regards that folks have a life outside work. Often compliments and encourages.

 

So from them, pick which one you want to be. I personally have a better regard for Boss 1 and Boss 3, but maybe its because they acknowledge I am human first and encourage rather then blame or toss titles around.

 

Been years since the terminology insubordination has been used in the business world that I work in. The Technology world doesn't think in that way perhaps as we welcome employee's who are up for changing things or tossing around ideas to move the business forward. We do so with equal regard for our positions and duties.

[D-Lish]

I am in charge of about 35 young female sales associates and 2 managers. The key is treating them with respect- and they'll give it back to you.

 

I am nice, fun- I joke around with them, and I keep myself 100% approachable. Everyone has a different management style. When I do have to come down on someone, I always make them feel like it's not personal.

 

I've never been the type to scare people into doing what I want them to do, because I never found that motivated me in the right kind of way. I lead by example, I never ask anyone to do anything they know I won't do myself. Hypocrisy in leadership is a bad move.

 

If someone is screwing up, I offer my support first "what can I do to help you with this?" Then I follow through with the support they need.

 

Honesty is your best friend- be straight up with people.

 

Having insight into the people that work for you helps- if you can read people, you can alter your management style to motivate them.

 

We all have different management styles- I choose to motivate with a balance of support, kindness, consistency, reward. If someone steps out of line I will write them up when called for. But I am a firm believer in telling someone that has done a good job, that they have done a good job and I appreciate it. Validate the positive, address the negative.

 

You'll find a balance that will work for you. I am never a bitch to my employees, even when they screw up. I'll do what is called for and write them up, but I won't make it personal (and I'll always be consistent about it).

 

You'll find a balance that will work for you:)

[pureinheart]

How do you draw a balance between being nice to your subordinates and maintaining your authority? I'm generally a nice person and I don't believe in treating people of lower ranks or in a lesser job badly. I treat them as equals, unless they step on my toes.

 

I don't want to be a bitch but I want them to know I mean business and I don't stand for insubordination.

 

This could be a problem (in bold)...even though you "say" you don't treat them as "lessor" or consider them "lower", your words are communicating that in fact you do.

 

Also it sounds to me like (by the last sentance) you could have it in mind to use position as power rather than what it is meant for, and that is to assign and assist.

 

To me, good leaders think of themselves as "lower", meaning the "higher" you are, the more of a servant you become, and it is obvious where a person is coming from simply by body language and wording.

[whichwayisup]

How do you draw a balance between being nice to your subordinates and maintaining your authority? I'm generally a nice person and I don't believe in treating people of lower ranks or in a lesser job badly. I treat them as equals, unless they step on my toes.

 

I don't want to be a bitch but I want them to know I mean business and I don't stand for insubordination.

 

Treat everyone equally, with respect you can be firm. Make sure there are lines that aren't to be crossed. You still can be funny, kind and nice to your employees, but don't get close on a personal level.

 

Even if they step on your toes, you can and should handle it professionally without anger yet use that firmness, letting them know you aren't putting up with certain behaviours. You can do that without making them feel bad.

[dressing up]

Wrong post.

[lookingforyou]

IMO, some people are natural leaders; others are not.

 

Since I'm asking here, I'm not. It's not a choice to manage since I find personal relationships of such not something I enjoy.

 

I have three boss's and three styles of handling matters.

Boss One: Friendly, personable, outgoing . Holds folks accountable without degrading them. The briefer his statements - the more direct he is in getting results.

Boss two: Rules with an iron fist. Demanding and as he says "I wasnt hired to be your friend, I couldn't give a rats **s what you think of me, get that stuff done NOW!"

Boss three: Fair and practical, firm in directives. Thoughtful and often regards that folks have a life outside work. Often compliments and encourages.

 

I can't decide whether I prefer one or three. The thing is even so there requires a balance. I don't know how to draw the balance between being friendly, fair etc. and still have them treat me as a boss trying to help them succeed instead of a friend they can bully.

 

When I do have to come down on someone, I always make them feel like it's not personal.

 

How do you do that?

 

This could be a problem (in bold)...even though you "say" you don't treat them as "lessor" or consider them "lower", your words are communicating that in fact you do.

 

Also it sounds to me like (by the last sentance) you could have it in mind to use position as power rather than what it is meant for, and that is to assign and assist.

 

To me, good leaders think of themselves as "lower", meaning the "higher" you are, the more of a servant you become, and it is obvious where a person is coming from simply by body language and wording.

 

I'm not sure I understand this. I have to communicate what I'm after on LS therefore what I said.

 

Treat everyone equally, with respect you can be firm. Make sure there are lines that aren't to be crossed. You still can be funny, kind and nice to your employees, but don't get close on a personal level.

 

Even if they step on your toes, you can and should handle it professionally without anger yet use that firmness, letting them know you aren't putting up with certain behaviours. You can do that without making them feel bad.

 

How do you let them know you don't put up with certain behaviors?

[Star Gazer]

How do you do that?

 

How do you let them know you don't put up with certain behaviors?

 

This topic is really relevant to what I've experienced in my office recently. I've always had this problem though, especially with staffers that I am too chummy with. Totally my fault, I know.

 

Recently, one of my subordinates came to me to complain about one of her equals (he's in another office, but her counterpart) not keeping her in the loop about a type of work they are responsible for handling - they are to work out amongst themselves who does what and when. Because she didn't know that he was doing it, she did it too, and thus they doubled their work, and she wanted me to call his boss (my counterpart/equal) and tell him that this guy isn't doing things as he should be.

 

When she came to me to complain, I asked her, "I understand he didn't tell you he was doing it, but did you tell him that you were doing it?" I was asking the question so that she'd catch on that she was complaining about the very thing she was doing herself, and that they are equally responsible for maintaining communication.

 

She was adamant that he should have told her he was doing it, and that she didn't need to tell him because she *always* does this particularly type of work. I pointed to examples where she didn't do it, that he did, and reiterated that we shouldn't be pointing fingers at him when "we" are equally as guilty of slacking on communication. Our discussion turned into her standing up and yelling at me, "What the he!! is your problem?!?!" and storming out of my office. I just sat there, speechless. Later that day, she came back to me to continue the discussion, and continued to be insubordinate.

 

The only thing I knew to do was to tell her that the conversation had to end because the way she was talking to me was unacceptable. After she left, I felt like I'd given away a piece of my authority... it sucked.

 

And it happens all the time - mainly with subordinates I'm "friends" with, or friendlier than I should be, I guess.

 

So, long story short... I'm looking for the same answers too!

[betterdeal]

Look into assertiveness training. It's designed to help us strike that balance between being nice and dealing with resistance.

 

I also agree with others that the way you've phrased it makes it feel like you're battling between being you (nice) and being a boss (authority). It doesn't have to be either or! You can be successful together by being assertive, making clear and precise statements, encouraging constructive feedback, rewarding extra effort and making genuine enquiries as to how you can help someone who is facing a particularly tough challenge.

 

It's about communication and a genuine feeling of being a team. Do look into assertiveness training, it will help you.

[Tayla]

Perhaps this will shed some light: When addressing a "subordinate" do so with regard . The goal is to "adjust" "address" the procedure or the perceived Offense and find ways to improve upon it. Far tooo many Boss's cannot separate the emotions from the business mode of dealing directly with the problem, isolating it, presenting it for resolution and seeking the persons feedback. Sometimes its a simple statement of" Hey sales are down, noticed you have been less enthused to capture that account and are starting to show a poor attitude. What can I do to motivate you back to the higher seller you are??

This address's the problem and shows support. If the person is still non responsive or says " its the economy" , follow up with , Yup its the economy , which is more of an incentive to move forward and make things buyable. Now go entice that sale and see what we can bargain for to help the deal get sealed.

This adds a solution and still holds them accountable to do their job.

[lookingforyou]

I'm a senior in a new company with subordinates. I find it a little more difficult because of the dynamics. I'm supposed to know everything or more than my subordinates but I don't. How do I show my "authority" (that I'm not a pushover just because I'm nice) while not knowing all?

 

For example, one of them would try to add in emails sent to others things that I've left out. Or this employee would email someone and say she wants to know what the other person wants of me so she could help. I find these emails inappropriate without talking to me first. Am I wrong to think this way? If I'm right to feel the inappropriateness, how do I tell her in the right way that I don't like what she did? Should I even tell her?

[betterdeal]

Ask yourself what you want to happen and start from there. If you want her to discuss things with you directly, say so, and maybe explain that you would find it would help you to understand the business better and how you can help her also.

 

If you can reach an agreement by being positive and open, that's the best outcome, surely?

[threebyfate]

1. Don't befriend employees.
   
2. Address insubordination as it happens.
   

Something I've noticed about new management. When someone voices opinion that differs, new management tends to view this as insubordination or disrespectful behaviour since it challenges the "order" given.

 

Don't fall into that trap. Sit back and really listen to what they're saying. If there's validity, then don't be afraid to compliment. If there's no validity and it's just arbitrarianism or downright rudeness, don't be afraid to nip it in the bud. Just be careful about how you publically shut them down since it's better to compliment in public and correct in private.

[Tayla]

3byfate- Hmmm....you just triggered the concept so well embedded, the Pecking Order.

Luckily a good manager or leader will stay away from that mentality.

 

We (as managers) are dealing with Humans and NO one likes to be treated less then or not have regard for the achievements and contributions. Seen my share of those who "disassociate" from the staff and thereby corner themselves as robotic and less able to contribute and be taken respectfully.

 

Remove the concept of "subordinates" no one is superior in a business, each one is capable of contributing, be that catalyst that motivates and withholds from degradation.