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Coworker is obsessing over me... looking at my facebook, etc...


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This woman I work with was asking me about my religion the second day she worked there. She's a Christian, I am not.

 

She asked if I believe in God. I told her I do. She asked what I worship if I don't worship Jesus, and I said Satan just to be funny. I laughed, she laughed, I thought all was fine.

 

I am not comfortable talking about stuff like this at work... So I tend to offset the subject with humor. To me this all seemed harmless.

 

Well... since then, she has been talking about me behind my back to anyone who will listen. I can deal with that I suppose. I don't really care what rumors fly at work. I'm there to do a job, not gossip.

 

But, I am getting a little worried now that she's been looking at my Facebook. I don't know her last name so I can't block her yet. But I am trying to find it out.

 

I don't want to set my whole profile to private because I use Facebook to promote my artwork and photography. I think it's necessary that people can see my profile.

 

This woman looks at my Facebook on a daily basis I guess. And every time I post something, she comes to work and complains about it.

 

I got my hair straightened last week and I posted a few pics... Today she came to work and was telling everyone I must think I'm "hot sh**" because I got my hair straightened. She told everyone I posted "slutty" pictures of myself. And they weren't slutty... They were head shot type pics, showing off my hair.

 

This woman in ten years older then I am. She's in her early 40s. I just can't believe how she is acting. And she will tell everyone "This is getting to be so childish." She is the one being childish and perpetuating it. I am not doing anything to her. This morning when I got to work she told me she really liked my hair and I smiled and said thank you. I try to remain civil with her at all times since we work together.

 

And whenever she sees me talking to someone... she will go over to them and ask if I was talking about her.

 

I hear about all this from other people. I see her giving me dirty looks all the time.

 

I'm not really sure what to do... If I complain to my bosses I don't think anything will get done. She presents herself as the shiny happy sunshine, extrovert who gets along with everyone. I am the quiet gothy artist who only talks to a few people and who is thought of as kind of weird. Who do you think they are going to side with? Plus, we are both temps. The company might just decide they don't want so much drama between their temps, and just let us both go.

 

Idk... am I over reacting? Am I being harassed?

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You're doing the right thing. Ignore ignore ignore.

 

If I were in your shoes, I would ask the co-workers to stop filling you in on her antics. The less you know about what she's up to, the less power she has over you. As you said, you're there to do a job, not to spend your days acting like you're starring in The Hills.

 

I wouldn't go to management with this just yet, not because they'd pick sides, but because she isn't really doing anything that breaks work ethic. She's just being socially awkward.

 

And, well, joking about Satan with someone who says they worship Jesus? Perhaps not the best of strategies. I've grown up with people who thought the very mention of the word Satan was equivalent to calling for his presence. I understand you wanted to diffuse a charged situation, but pick a less symbolically charged character if ever this situation presents itself again (perhaps a political candidate).

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You're doing the right thing. Ignore ignore ignore.

 

If I were in your shoes, I would ask the co-workers to stop filling you in on her antics. The less you know about what she's up to, the less power she has over you. As you said, you're there to do a job, not to spend your days acting like you're starring in The Hills.

 

I wouldn't go to management with this just yet, not because they'd pick sides, but because she isn't really doing anything that breaks work ethic. She's just being socially awkward.

 

 

Keep your nose to the grindstone, and definitely ask your coworkers to stop bringing up her comments about you. I'd only discuss work related topics with her; if she attempts to bring up your personal life, just change the subject or suddenly become busy. Limit your interactions with her as much as possible.

 

All that she's successfully doing is making herself come across as nasty and gossipy to your coworkers. Unfortunately, depending on where you live (most especially in certain regions of the U.S.) *some* religious people will demonstrate very critical, un-christian like behavior towards individuals whom they perceive as occultic or 'satanic'. Try to view her as someone whose style and personality simply isn't a match with yours.

Edited by O'Malley
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next time someone ask you about your religion at work.

 

Just say I don't dicuss my religous beleifs at work I feel it is unprofessional.

 

and just ignore her. She is not worth worrying about.

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On one hand I agree with previous posters, but while many people go to work to do their job, sometimes the job involves interacting with others.

 

Something to consider - do any of these co-workers have the power or potential power to be promoted over you? You want to make sure that supervisors know you are an attentive, good worker, and if someone gets wrapped up in her nuttiness and then could hold your future with the company in their hands, you could have problems.

 

There is an older book called Games Mother Never Taught You. It was written I think in the 70s, when women were starting to go more heavily into the workplace and had no idea how the "boys club" worked. I am not sure if they have updated it for more modern work environments, but it's something to look into. I think that workplace relationships are rarely discussed in school or at home, and depending on the career field you are in, it can make all the difference between being held down or seeing that the sky is the limit.

 

Work SHOULD just be about how well you come in and do your job, but often times it's about who you know and how well you get along with them. Just something to think about.

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PS: As for your Facebook profile - make a personal FB profile for friends and family that you keep private, and make that public one STRICTLY business-like. That way you can still get your photos out there but not have Snoopy McSnooperton all up in your stuff.

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You're doing the right thing. Ignore ignore ignore.

 

If I were in your shoes, I would ask the co-workers to stop filling you in on her antics. The less you know about what she's up to, the less power she has over you. As you said, you're there to do a job, not to spend your days acting like you're starring in The Hills.

 

I wouldn't go to management with this just yet, not because they'd pick sides, but because she isn't really doing anything that breaks work ethic. She's just being socially awkward.

 

And, well, joking about Satan with someone who says they worship Jesus? Perhaps not the best of strategies. I've grown up with people who thought the very mention of the word Satan was equivalent to calling for his presence. I understand you wanted to diffuse a charged situation, but pick a less symbolically charged character if ever this situation presents itself again (perhaps a political candidate).

 

Yea, maybe I should have said something else... Funny thing is though, she seemed to appreciate the humor at the time. She laughed.

 

And, not like it matters, but just for the record, this woman is such a hypocrite. She is trying to hook up with a married man who's wife is about a week away from having a baby. I'm sure Jesus would condome that behavior.

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Empty vessels make the most noise.

 

She has problems and is projecting them onto you, and others by the sounds of it. Despite your fear of what others will think, I will hazard a guess that most people in the company have her sussed already as the gossiping, overly-interested in your affairs, superficial and inauthentic clown that she is. Most people know a kidder when they see one.

 

Pay attention to how other people react to her. Look for those tell-tale signs that they are humouring the village idiot. Smiling when she's looking and rolling eyes when she turns away.

 

When she talks to you, look at her eyebrows. It will look like you're looking her straight in the eye. If she's as insecure and false as you've detected, she'll be uncomfortable with this intimacy.

 

You don't have to answer any questions, and sometimes the best way to annoy someone is to not get annoyed. Instead, just wonder to yourself, what must it be like to be that insecure to have to bully other people to distract yourself from dealing with your own problems?

 

Ultimately, you're in contact with her because you share a workplace. If she continues to bug you, say you're there to work and the attention is making you feel uncomfortable and you'd appreciate less of it. Your personal life is your business.

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Empty vessels make the most noise.

 

I LOVE this. I cannot tell you how full of win this is.

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Now you can call her a "hater".

 

You work with this person but don't know her last name? That shouldn't be hard to find out. Ask.

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i think this is dangerous..i wouldnt know how to handle this situation..but it happened to me. i was thinking i could handle being alone and i couldnt care less if i was being gossiped about, or being ostracized on purpose..but i was dead wrong. from now on i believe its all about faking it till you make it at least at work..no need to be sincere with these people since you dont feed them or vice versa. depending on how strong you are, this might poison and make your working environment toxic..

 

obviously she is intimidated by you, and views you as a threat, make her know that there is no threat. make her feel that she achieves nothing by hurting you or gossiping about you. the more she gets a reaction from you, the more she feels rewarded. i hope that she will move on to her next victim (well hopefully not). i also have found most of the really religious ones are the easiest to act nuts and psycho.

 

the other persons advice to take off your personal pics would be great, make a private facebook and make another facebook account for business purposes. make your entire private facebook into "private".

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Goldenspoon

Since you got this different look than everyone else and you admitted that you worship Satan, maybe she takes it literally that you do worship Satan.

 

You're a temp., just do your job and don't cause trouble. Even if you're a perm. employee without any long history or management position with the company, you should keep a low profile, especially in this economy.

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Now you can call her a "hater".

 

You work with this person but don't know her last name? That shouldn't be hard to find out. Ask.

 

I work in a factory. It's not necessary to know the last names of my coworkers. The only thing that keeps me from asking is that I don't want it to get back to her that I asked. She would have a field day with that. She would probably go around telling everyone I'm stalking her or something.

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i think this is dangerous..i wouldn't know how to handle this situation..but it happened to me. i was thinking i could handle being alone and i couldn't care less if i was being gossiped about, or being ostracized on purpose..but i was dead wrong. from now on i believe its all about faking it till you make it at least at work..no need to be sincere with these people since you dint feed them or vice versa. depending on how strong you are, this might poison and make your working environment toxic..

 

obviously she is intimidated by you, and views you as a threat, make her know that there is no threat. make her feel that she achieves nothing by hurting you or gossiping about you. the more she gets a reaction from you, the more she feels rewarded. i hope that she will move on to her next victim (well hopefully not). i also have found most of the really religious ones are the easiest to act nuts and psycho.

 

the other persons advice to take off your personal pics would be great, make a private facebook and make another facebook account for business purposes. make your entire private facebook into "private".

 

I never thought that she might percieve me as a threat. I've been there longer then her. But that's about the only thing I have over her. We are both temps. We both do the same job.

 

She is more well liked by everyone at work. It's not that I am disliked. I am just a loner. At lunch for example... I sit in the corner with my iPod on and read. She goes from table to table socializing with everyone. So it's just a case of different personalities. I'm an introvert. She clearly is an extrovert.

 

Idk... introverted people are seen as strange a lot of times. Maybe that's why she's intimidated.

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Since you got this different look than everyone else and you admitted that you worship Satan, maybe she takes it literally that you do worship Satan.

 

You're a temp., just do your job and don't cause trouble. Even if you're a perm. employee without any long history or management position with the company, you should keep a low profile, especially in this economy.

 

I think she must have taken in very literally. I had no idea at the time though. She laughed when I said it. Maybe she laughed because I made her uncomfortable.

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heh same thing happened/happens to me cause im an introvert too, i'd rather be alone but i dont want any trouble at all or gossip. back before, girls would invite me to lunch with them but i didnt want to. i wanted to sneak in a few mins to call my bf or eat my lunch alone. for some reason they took that differently...it wasnt long until they really didnt talk to me. i had nobody to share work with, be in a group with for group work, if we had to go out of state i had a hard time because they were carpooled together. i had to travel alone. yeah i understand that there are some jerks who are more well-liked by other people - this part i really dont understand-. but it happens in life and from that time on i said i will fake it till i make it. so i faked it. i got through everything by faking it and being a hypocrite. :D not my cup of tea but i had to do it. to be honest i wouldve said the same thing you said :D

 

mind u one of the girls also spread a lot of crap about me, that i had mental problems, that i was a sex fiend..etc.

 

everyone loved/loves her though..

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LeaningIntoTheMuse

She doesn't like you for some reason. It's her issue.

 

Some people just have really bad social skills. You should just ignore her, and block her from Facebook (you can do that, without friending her.)

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A elder co worker had two neat sayings: Hey if you are talking about me that is awesome! Spares someone else from being the target. :) She was soo cool with how she handled the gossipers. Or she would say "Really, even I dont think I'm important enough to be the topic of conversation, Lets talk about food!" and she'd get folks a snack. She often had a way to turn things around.

 

Introverts vary, some are just private in there thoughts, others are downright un-readable, those are the ones I worry about, as they can go off and get postal one day

 

Extroverts can be just as irritating, loud and boisterious,without any regard for the folks who are applying effort to their job skills.

 

Most business' DO have policies in place for inter-office comraderie. Lose Lips sink ships and sometimes the powers that be can toss someone for being lose lipped in comments about others.....

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