FearandLoathing Posted March 10, 2011 Share Posted March 10, 2011 Hey guys, I'm having a little problem lately where I feel stuck and it's getting depressing. I'm 22 years old and I feel like I'm failing because the only jobs I can get are in crappy retail stores and grocery stores. I live in a city where you pretty much need a masters degree and bilingualism is a must for any good job but I don't have enough money to go to school like that and I don't have the money to pay for French classes either! I've taken one year of college (equivalent to community college I guess in the states) and I still owe them money because they screwed up. The problem is that since I work such crappy jobs it takes FOREVER to save up the money to pay this off. My boyfriend was helping do renovations for a store and just today they offered him a management position -after two weeks!- in the store for after the renovations! He's never even worked in an environment like this, or done management before. I'm VERY proud of him and excited for this opportunity for him but I can't help but feel like I'm going nowhere. He's two years younger than me and makes way more money than I do and I just feel like such a failure. He always tells me I'm still so young and have my whole life ahead of me but I just feel like I'll never make it anywhere I need some advice on how I can improve my situation or at least feel better about it, please! Link to post Share on other sites
Kamille Posted March 10, 2011 Share Posted March 10, 2011 The first part of your plan is to figure out what you want to do. What would you like to do? What's your dream job? Alternatively, what are your strong skills? Where do you excel? From there, there's only one way out: you set a plan and you put in motion. Consider taking out a student loan if you have to. Investigate what scholarships might be available to you. Being jealous of your boyfriend, however, isn't going to make you feel better. You're feeling a lot of anxiety about your future right now, and the jealousy you feel is merely a symptom of that. Take steps to take control of your own life and you will stop feeling jealous and start feeling proud of his success. Link to post Share on other sites
Template Posted March 10, 2011 Share Posted March 10, 2011 Well first thing, is this economy is not doing anyone any good. There are a ton of unemployed people out there, and so very little jobs. Just having a job, is a win in a couple million people's eyes. Second, just because your bf has a better job, does not mean that he's better than you. He just got more lucky than you this time - he was in the right place at the right time as all. Third, failure is often the result an unsuccessful result to a planned expectation. Besides, failure, a lot of times are just perspectives. At 22 you are young enough to turn your life around, not once, but many times over. You just just have to figure out what you want in life, and what it takes to achieve it. Life is a lot simpler than we think, when we expend our energies improving it, rather than complain about improving it (no offense). Link to post Share on other sites
Owz600 Posted March 11, 2011 Share Posted March 11, 2011 You remind me of myself a lot but the other way around, I was the guy in the relationship with a woman who knew what she wanted and is doing well at getting it, nothing gets in her way, anyway that 3 year relationship ended, 2 and a bit months ago and I am 20 and work in a retail store. The job is so monotonous I often use to get down about being 19 - 20 and working at a retail store while my friends were doing degree's and such. I got motivated and last month went to a job interview for an airport job which I think will be interesting, I thought the interview went terrible but guess what I got offered the job and start in 2 weeks time I also spent a lot of time thinking about my career and what I would like to be. I use to think I didn't know.. but my problem is that there are so many things that interest me from music, firefighting, police service, medicine, marketing and business. There's so much, well anyway I have been told I manage people well and have a good brain for business so therefore I am going to study business studies at University this year hopefully. My long term goal is to eventually run my own company, I need to learn the basics first. You need to do plenty of career research. At the moment you have tunnel vision and can't see other opportunities, I know how that feels. What are you interested in? What do you love and would never get fed up of learning more about? Follow what you love and everything will plan out fine as you will never wake up thinking I hate my career. Link to post Share on other sites
elastica Posted March 12, 2011 Share Posted March 12, 2011 Hey guys, I'm having a little problem lately where I feel stuck and it's getting depressing. I'm 22 years old and I feel like I'm failing because the only jobs I can get are in crappy retail stores and grocery stores. I live in a city where you pretty much need a masters degree and bilingualism is a must for any good job but I don't have enough money to go to school like that and I don't have the money to pay for French classes either! I've taken one year of college (equivalent to community college I guess in the states) and I still owe them money because they screwed up. The problem is that since I work such crappy jobs it takes FOREVER to save up the money to pay this off. My boyfriend was helping do renovations for a store and just today they offered him a management position -after two weeks!- in the store for after the renovations! He's never even worked in an environment like this, or done management before. I'm VERY proud of him and excited for this opportunity for him but I can't help but feel like I'm going nowhere. He's two years younger than me and makes way more money than I do and I just feel like such a failure. He always tells me I'm still so young and have my whole life ahead of me but I just feel like I'll never make it anywhere I need some advice on how I can improve my situation or at least feel better about it, please! Hi FearandLoathing, I know it is depressing, but unfortunately a lot of people are in the same situation, and even worse. The reason I am responding to your post is actually what you say about school and languages. Just for you to see that it is not all that matters, I will admit that I am truly bilingual and have a masters degree, AND also a really crappy job. So don't think you can't make a progress, because you don't have these!! And before you make any decisions about future studies, make sure you think twice. Personally I would not do it again, because what I can see is that experience, personality, luck etc. matter more than any degree. I am not saying it doesn't help, but my experience is that I have been trying for years to find a job in my profession, but have been unable to do so so far. I know I sound depressing too, but I hope you will find a better job soon. Just remember miracles don't happen over night. What happened to your boyfriend is quite unusual. But don't be sad, keep looking for a new position, and work on your skills. About language learning, there are so many free resources online, I am learning Spanish now from youtube. I wish you good luck!! Link to post Share on other sites
amerikajin Posted March 12, 2011 Share Posted March 12, 2011 Please, please, please...don't ever compete with your partner. It's not healthy for a relationship. Playful competition - like a board game or in a sport - is one thing, but a relationship in which people keep score in real life is just destined for failure. Link to post Share on other sites
I Luv the Chariot OH Posted March 12, 2011 Share Posted March 12, 2011 I'm on the other side of your situation Fear&Loathing. My man got an awesome "career" job 2 years ago, while I was struggling to get by with my 2 almost-minimum wage retail/reception jobs. But he referred me to his company and I got hired. So we worked together for over a year, and it was amazing to get to spend time together all day, every day! Especially because we made an absurd amount of money together, haha. But right at the end of last year I got promoted to a much more awesome position (around the same time, we also got engaged), and a couple months later...my man got "laid off" and we both have a strong that it was because of my promotion...they didn't want me being a "superiour" over the person I'm going to marry or something? (Although, they probably shouldn't have hired me in the first place then!) My man was nothing but proud and happy for me when I got promoted though, even after he lost his job. I think what everybody else is saying is very important, you CAN'T be jealous of your man, you guys are a supposed to be a TEAM! The way I look at it - if I'm doing well, we're both doing well. Link to post Share on other sites
Author FearandLoathing Posted March 14, 2011 Author Share Posted March 14, 2011 Thanks guys. I've done a lot of thinking and reading these answers and I've decided I love him too much to be jealous of him and potentially ruin our relationship. I'm naturally competitive so it's hard but I'll get over it. And about me, my interests and ideas about what I want to do change all the time, I've realized. I think it's better for me to really try and figure it out before I go and spend all the money. I just hope I do figure it out before I wake up one day and realize I've been a cashier my whole life D: Link to post Share on other sites
Kamille Posted March 14, 2011 Share Posted March 14, 2011 Thanks guys. I've done a lot of thinking and reading these answers and I've decided I love him too much to be jealous of him and potentially ruin our relationship. I'm naturally competitive so it's hard but I'll get over it. Glad to hear it! Remember, you're not competing with him (except maybe when you're playing cards). You're a team together, competing to make it in the world. His success is your success. And about me, my interests and ideas about what I want to do change all the time, I've realized. I think it's better for me to really try and figure it out before I go and spend all the money. I just hope I do figure it out before I wake up one day and realize I've been a cashier my whole life D: Have you thought of going to see a career counselor? You could either go back to your high school, or otherwise, go back to your college. (Thing to know about Universities and Colleges: they keep stats on their "success rates", meaning, how many of their students find a job in the field of their choice. Usually the focus is on graduate, but basically colleges are invested in the idea of "successful" students). Link to post Share on other sites
Author FearandLoathing Posted March 17, 2011 Author Share Posted March 17, 2011 Well before I ended up going to college last time I had seen a career counselor and thats how I got into what I was taking - health sciences/biotechnology. I decided I hated chemistry . I've been thinking about taking something like early childhood education and then teachers college so I would be able to teach elementary school; but if I ever was having children of my home then maybe I could do at home daycare to keep bringing in some money. I don't know, my brain is all over the place right now Link to post Share on other sites
confusio Posted March 17, 2011 Share Posted March 17, 2011 From your first post, the city sound like montreal, or somewhere in Quebec. If that's the case, do you feel limited because of you cannot afford french class? If that is the case, I belive that there is way you can have access to french class for free, as the gouvernement have programs for that. I might give you a bit more confidence to find a better job. Link to post Share on other sites
Kamille Posted March 17, 2011 Share Posted March 17, 2011 (edited) Edited and re-edited this message. If I had to guess, I wouldn't guess Montreal or anywhere in Quebec. If F&L lives where I think she does, then yes, the major employer does require minimally, a bachelor's degree and has a number of positions where bilingualism is required. Contrary to popular perception however, not all the positions require bilingualism, which is why I was suggesting she consider taking out a student loan to go back to school. Edited March 17, 2011 by Kamille Link to post Share on other sites
Tayla Posted March 18, 2011 Share Posted March 18, 2011 I've learned more from experience then any class or four years of debt could do. Most of the professionals in my business started out ground up. No formal education yet now run a multi million company.... I sincerely beleive its not the "status quo" of going to college that gets someone passionate in their field. I look no differently at a cashier then I do a DOctor, if they both love what they are doing then by golly I applaud, but if its the "status" of the title that entices a person they are in for a very boring career. No money can gain the passion it takes to pour yourself into a career. Think about it, its 1/3 of your life you are giving to a cause, whatever that business is.... I think the poster is wise to "pause" and "regroup" before jumping into a long term education that may not be the path that is meant for her. Link to post Share on other sites
dreamingoftigers Posted March 18, 2011 Share Posted March 18, 2011 If it's Ottawa, I don't envy you. That is one Hell of a tough living market. Miss it though... Link to post Share on other sites
Kamille Posted March 18, 2011 Share Posted March 18, 2011 I've learned more from experience then any class or four years of debt could do. Most of the professionals in my business started out ground up. No formal education yet now run a multi million company.... Sure, but from the sounds of it you have the piece of paper which certifies that you have been to college or a university. I'm not saying it's fair we live in a system that puts so much emphasis on spending a number of years learning various aspects of critical thought. But, be it in Canada or the USA, completing a college degree increases one's income by a significant margin and does facilitate transferring to full employment. And while formal education doesn't run a multi million company, neither do the majority of us. In fact, the position of CEO of a multi million dollar company is pretty rare. What is more frequent are middle-class jobs that require some form of post-secondary education. Link to post Share on other sites
Author FearandLoathing Posted March 18, 2011 Author Share Posted March 18, 2011 Edited and re-edited this message. If I had to guess, I wouldn't guess Montreal or anywhere in Quebec. If F&L lives where I think she does, then yes, the major employer does require minimally, a bachelor's degree and has a number of positions where bilingualism is required. Contrary to popular perception however, not all the positions require bilingualism, which is why I was suggesting she consider taking out a student loan to go back to school. Not all the positions require bilingualism, it's true, but for most of those it's more likely you'll get the job if you know someone in there in the first place. The government will send you for French courses if they hire you based on -you're right - how much schooling you have. I've learned more from experience then any class or four years of debt could do. Most of the professionals in my business started out ground up. No formal education yet now run a multi million company.... I sincerely beleive its not the "status quo" of going to college that gets someone passionate in their field. I look no differently at a cashier then I do a DOctor, if they both love what they are doing then by golly I applaud, but if its the "status" of the title that entices a person they are in for a very boring career. No money can gain the passion it takes to pour yourself into a career. Think about it, its 1/3 of your life you are giving to a cause, whatever that business is.... I think the poster is wise to "pause" and "regroup" before jumping into a long term education that may not be the path that is meant for her. I agree that people can learn more outside the classroom, about life, than in. It's just that when you're searching for a job and even entry level filing clerks or secretaries have requirements that include post-secondary and 2 years of experience, it's a little difficult. I mean, these are jobs people can do with some training but they can't get them unless they've done all sorts of schooling and whatever else. If it's Ottawa, I don't envy you. That is one Hell of a tough living market. Miss it though... Indeed. Well...at least it's pretty to look at. Link to post Share on other sites
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