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I have a crush on my married boss . . .


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I've had the same job for about 4 years, but only during the last 2 years have I been working so closely with this boss. I think he is just about the cutest guy ever and although he's shorter than me, going bald and is 39 while I'm only 24 - I can't help but like him. I think he's smart and funny and sexy. The major problem: he's married.

 

I think he is too honest and trustworthy to actually have an affair with me and quite honestly, I'm not sure if I could go through with it either. I have fantasies about him all the time, and I actually include his wife in my fantasies sometimes, so he wouldn't be cheating. I'm moving away in a few months so I won't see him anymore and can possibly get over this crush which right now consumes so many of my thoughts.

 

I had kept my crush a complete and total secret for a long time, but over the past few months have been doing little things that might be considered hints. For example, I had never touched him at all, except maybe a brushing of hands as we passed something between us, but I've started touching his arm or putting my hand on his shoulder if given the opportunity. And funny enough, after I started doing this, he too, started finding ways to touch me - innocent touches, but hey, when you have a crush this major, any little thing can be the most exciting.

 

We torment each other, constant teasing and harmless harassment. We have a very fun relationship and he is so easy to talk to. I find myself confiding in him about certain things. He likes to crack jokes - a lot of which are sexual. He's always trying to get me to tell him about my sex life and he keeps telling me I should be enjoying my single life. But I find it hard to think about being with other guys when I want him so bad.

 

I know it's wrong and I do feel bad, but also, I cannot ignore my feelings for him. It's slowly been growing more and more serious over the last two years. I just think he is such a great guy. I need to know if he feels the same way. Since I'm moving in a few months anyway, I plan to tell him how I feel just before I leave and maybe get a kiss - just a kiss. Is that so wrong? I really do think it is more than just lust. What if he feels the same way? I almost want to take the chance and tell him now, but then if he doesn't feel the same way - would things be so awkward at work that I'd have to quit. I just don't know what to do.

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Average 39 yo married bald guy + pedestal = considering affair and loss of job

 

Mitigating factor is leaving in two months. So, there's an impetus to 'let it out' since the fallout will be left behind.

 

If this young lady were your daughter, what would you suggest she do?

 

My bet is, once you're out of contact with this man, your feelings will subside. Tough it out for two months (plenty of other male attention to distract you) and move on. That's what I'd tell you if you were my daughter. Welcome to LS :)

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Keep it moving. It's sounds like just lust to me. Besides, you are moving, why complicate it by asking for a kiss or confiding in him? What's the point when you know it will never be a relationship.

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desertIslandCactus

Working very closely with someone day to day, brings people closer and with temptations, and becoming emotionally dependent.

 

You aren't doing yourself any favors by fantasizing, as it starts in the mind.

 

These relationships always feel like 'love', but you can save yourself a long hurtful journey if you stop now.

 

And also saving yourself the embarrassment of working with someone that you have been too close to, when the mood changes.

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So, it's unanimous that I should forget about him. That's hard to do when I see him every day. I really don't want to be the cause of anyone else's pain. I can deal with hurting myself, but if something happened and his wife found out that would be awful and even it were kept secret, he would probably regret cheating on his wife. I know everyone else is right. I'm usually pretty smart, but not when it comes to this apparently. I'd like to say I'll take the advice and leave this situation alone, but only time will tell. I like spending time with him, even if it's only talking. I guess it's worse too because I work for a family run business, so I'm close with the entire family. Some real destruction could take place if something happened between us and it became public knowledge.

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Keep it quiet and as a crush. 1)he's your boss, 2)he's married. Fact that it's a family owned business, you do not want to ruin your reputation and be known as "the one who banged the married boss.." You say you don't want to hurt his wife, so that's good thinking. Also, you'll be hurting yourself. Setting yourself up for a big hurt.

 

Leave it alone, it's a crush. Get yourself out of the habit of thinking and fantasizing about him. You're missing out on other opportunities by focussing on him. it's a waste of time! Sure crushes feel good, but when you can't "have" someone and you still spend time thinking about them too much, it could easily turn into an obsession. It sounds like he's on your mind alot.

 

Don't tell him how you feel, don't go for that kiss. Just not worth it.

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You are like the proverbial frog in the kettle. It has been slowly heating up, so you don't realize how close you are to getting boiled. Had you jumped in abruptly at this point and seen yourself, you would say, "what the blazes was I thinking?" In fact, I can almost guarantee this is what you will think with about 2 yrs of perspective down the road.

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You made so many valid points. Your post actually brought me to tears. Of course I wouldn’t want my husband to be tempted by a younger woman and I would be very upset and angry with the young woman for tempting him in the first place. Although we haven’t actually discussed it, I’m sure their marriage is not an open one and yes, I’m sure his wife would be devastatingly hurt, even by a kiss.

 

You asked me how I could spend two years mooning over a married guy. Well, I tried dating other guys, but none of them were right for me. And now, for the past six months or so, I’ve known that I’d be moving away so I gave up on the whole dating idea – I figured there was no point in trying to start a relationship that would only have to end when I moved away. With no other male attention, I guess I might have focused more on my boss and the more I got to know him, the more I liked him.

 

I never thought of it this way, but when you said I “admire” him – I think you’re dead on. I do admire him. I DO want someone like him to love and grow old with. You mentioned my being in “love” with him when I only mentioned it being a crush. I haven’t even really admitted it to myself, but I think I may be in love with him. It really isn’t just lust – I mean, ok, that is a part of it. But I enjoy his company and I feel comfortable discussing personal issues with him and I respect his advice. I feel we have become close friends and I cherish that friendship.

 

I want more than anything to feel this connection with a man who is available and preferably closer to my own age. You’re right, I do want to be able to look myself in the mirror and know I did the right thing. I don’t want to ruin someone else’s relationship and cause someone else the heartache that I hope to never have to feel. Even though I know what I have to do . . . that doesn’t stop me from wondering if he at least feels a little of what I do. How do I stop the curiosity? That has always been one of my biggest downfalls – I’m just about the most curious person you’ll ever meet.

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I've had the same job for about 4 years, but only during the last 2 years have I been working so closely with this boss. I think he is just about the cutest guy ever and although he's shorter than me, going bald and is 39 while I'm only 24 - I can't help but like him. I think he's smart and funny and sexy. The major problem: he's married.

 

I think he is too honest and trustworthy to actually have an affair with me and quite honestly, I'm not sure if I could go through with it either. I have fantasies about him all the time, and I actually include his wife in my fantasies sometimes, so he wouldn't be cheating. I'm moving away in a few months so I won't see him anymore and can possibly get over this crush which right now consumes so many of my thoughts.

 

I had kept my crush a complete and total secret for a long time, but over the past few months have been doing little things that might be considered hints. For example, I had never touched him at all, except maybe a brushing of hands as we passed something between us, but I've started touching his arm or putting my hand on his shoulder if given the opportunity. And funny enough, after I started doing this, he too, started finding ways to touch me - innocent touches, but hey, when you have a crush this major, any little thing can be the most exciting.

 

We torment each other, constant teasing and harmless harassment. We have a very fun relationship and he is so easy to talk to. I find myself confiding in him about certain things. He likes to crack jokes - a lot of which are sexual. He's always trying to get me to tell him about my sex life and he keeps telling me I should be enjoying my single life. But I find it hard to think about being with other guys when I want him so bad.

 

I know it's wrong and I do feel bad, but also, I cannot ignore my feelings for him. It's slowly been growing more and more serious over the last two years. I just think he is such a great guy. I need to know if he feels the same way. Since I'm moving in a few months anyway, I plan to tell him how I feel just before I leave and maybe get a kiss - just a kiss. Is that so wrong? I really do think it is more than just lust. What if he feels the same way? I almost want to take the chance and tell him now, but then if he doesn't feel the same way - would things be so awkward at work that I'd have to quit. I just don't know what to do.

 

 

Wow.. well you hear stories of the married boss hooking up with the subordinate; or married coworkers hooking up....and I never understood how it got to that point. Not judging at all but you're married or the other person is married and everyone knows it...so what is it that tells a person to go out on such a thin branch and make such a move?

 

Again... not judging...a little background on me...I'm in a sexless marriage and I would be open to something like this but theres NO WAY IN HELL I would move on someone for fear of it blowing up on me...and then theres the embarrassment, the character defamation and word that will travel. Thats too much of a risk for me.

 

Even those subtle hints that women like to give (that I have received)... I'd be so oblivious/scared/apprehensive that I would just dismiss it as nothing:

 

"oh shes just being friendly"

"shes just joking"

"shes just a close talker (seinfeld lol)"

"shes just a touchy feely kinda person"

In order for me to feel ok shed have to pull me in a room, back me into a corner, shove her tongue down my throat and say: "I like you! I would like more from you and I'm ok and respect the fact that you're married and will never ever expect you to leave your wife for me...you will never have to worry about me"

 

lol

 

Some here said... "the wife would be hurt".... "its not right" and this may be the case. Or maybe the wife wouldn't give a damn; the love is lost, the spark is gone, shes cheating.... maybe he has a massive crush on you too and is stuck in a dismal marriage of convenience? I only bring this up because I find people assume far too much....especially when it comes to "sacred" issues like marriage.

 

However with all that said I advise you to just leave it alone....there are too many unknowns and the risk isnt worth it.

Edited by StoneCold
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Duckduckgoose

Divert the energy you are putting into the crush to starting some networking to the place you are moving before you move there... that way when you move in you already got some new friends to hang out with!

 

He's married and he's your boss... it's not going to end well.

 

If you play racquetball (for example), then contact the local racquetball people where you'll be relocating and talk to them on the phone some, etc etc. It will get you distracted from the boss and take some of those temptations away. Its time to look forward, not back... and definitely not try to go out with a bang (or kiss).

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