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I have just started an open war with my boss


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I have fired the first bullet and this will most likely cost me my job. Yet, I don't regret a thing. I feel like I have tons of options with my experience and skill set.

 

I have had disagreements with him before but this is the first time where I have decided to involve someone else, namely his direct superior.

 

It all started a long time ago. For the good 6 months I have basically been working unsupervised. It worked for a while but I need consultation and guidance and he simply hasn't been doing his job. He has had some personal problems and I was lenient on him for a long time. However, for the good 2 months he has fully been back at work and situation with me still hasn't improved.

 

We would often set a time for a meeting and I would show up and he would go "I am afraid I only have 10 minutes and I have to do or meet X Y or Z"... Needless to say, there was no time to go over my work. This has happened EVERY SINGLE time for the last 6 months. Work has been piling up and not getting done. I was/am losing motivation to do anything anymore. The final nail in the coffin was when he refused to look at my important conference talk (let alone go even through a single rehearsal) - the talk is part of our joint research. It is within his job description to do this.

 

He actually didn't blatantly refuse anything, he just ignored my e-mails and voice mails. When I did manage to catch him in person, he would make promises that he will absolutely do X Y or Z and then just not follow through at all.

 

I decided to write him a logical e-mail outlining all this - again he ignored it.

 

So that really pissed me off. I decided to write the same e-mail and CC his boss :) He finally responded - not to the single point I raised but he basically looked over my talk and sent comments cutting it to pieces (CC-ing his boss too). I guess that was supposed to show that I am incompetent. His attacks on my talk (on our joint research actually!) were mostly unreasonable. I wrote a long e-mail defending most of the talk and re-iterated that my issues in regards to his supervision need to be addressed.

 

This is where I am at now. I haven't heard anything back yet.

 

Him and his boss are good friends. I don't stand a chance in hell of being treated fairly.

 

Before you all say that I am maybe doing my job poorly and that he has been avoiding me because of that - it still doesn't excuse his behavior. He gave me a glowing performance appraisal just few months ago. Also, as my boss, he is SUPPOSED to have a talk with me in case he is not happy with my work. He never did that. I am not a mind reader.

 

If my concerns are not addressed I am going to file a formal complaint after I get back from the conference. I am gearing up for this. From my prospective, I can't work under current conditions anymore. If they fire me - I will fight back. At the very least, I will be cause of annoyance for months to come.

 

Let the war begin.

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Oh dear.

 

Is going in all guns blazing a good idea?

 

 

It's probably not a great idea, no. But I have now involved his boss and feel like there is no backing down. If I back down now, I will appear weak and it will open me up to even worse treatment down the line.

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I had a horrible boss as well and I ended up getting a new job. From what I hear they finally appreciate what I did for them. Can't you do the same. I hate to say but this is probably a war you can't win because people like that bend the rules to fit them.

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florence of suburbia

You could have turned this to your advantage by taking some initiative. What an opportunity to show that you work well independently.

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I had a horrible boss as well and I ended up getting a new job. From what I hear they finally appreciate what I did for them. Can't you do the same. I hate to say but this is probably a war you can't win because people like that bend the rules to fit them.

 

You are right. It's time to start looking for a new job. I have basically resigned myself to losing this job before I started with this.

 

The problem is, if I just remove myself from the situation - it will be great for them and my boss will just continue to treat other people this way.

 

I know that I will lose the war, but if he has to deal with formal complaints - it will cause him some hassle at least. It may make him think twice in the future.

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You could have turned this to your advantage by taking some initiative. What an opportunity to show that you work well independently.

 

Agreed. Instead, I'm afraid she made it worse because now she looks like she requires handholding. :o

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You could have turned this to your advantage by taking some initiative. What an opportunity to show that you work well independently.

 

Not really - it's a team project. Nobody really works on their own in our department. It's not that kind of set up or environment.

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I have yet to deal with a company who is ethical and has integrity. I am sure they are out there, somewhere..the few of them.

 

I understand that it is not fair, but along with losing your job you should consider the ramifications down the line. Bad references, etc. They could make it very difficult for you to land another job.

 

I think you had every right to point out that your boss is not doing his job, afterall if you are doing poorly at your job - it is because your boss is not doing his and then the company loses money.

 

You are realistic to expect you will not get fair treatment since they are friends.

 

I know you want to stand up for what is right and defend yourself, but again it may not be worth it to end up with a tarnished reputation in the aftermath. Again, I know it is not fair.

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Not sure what to say OG beyond that it's a tough situation to be in, when management isn't providing the support they should be. I'm just going to sit back and read your updates until something helpful comes to mind.

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Not sure what to say OG beyond that it's a tough situation to be in, when management isn't providing the support they should be. I'm just going to sit back and read your updates until something helpful comes to mind.

 

 

Thanks TBF. This is not an impulsive decision either. I have been sitting on it and thinking for months and waiting, hoping things will improve.

 

Given history, I pretty much expect that his boss will ignore this too and nothing will happen until I raise this again. I plan to do this when I get back from the conference but request a meeting in person rather than an e-mail. That will be my last attempt to talk it out peacefully - if it fails I will have to file a complainant.

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Ocean Girl is back! Hi Ocean Girl. :)

 

I am back but not really. I don't plan to post about dating anymore.

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There is no real solution to this problem - if making a complaint against your boss then the working relationship (if any) is pretty much destroyed regradless of whether you are right or wrong. All I can suggest is gather evidence to support your case, document everything and above all else, think before you do anything - if sending an email to your boss or supervisor, do not hit that send button until you have stepped away from your PC for a while and calmed down. Do not act in haste and think about how your actions could be interpreted - if you can be seen to be acting reasonably then your argument is strengthened.

 

However ultimately you are probably going to have to get a job elsewhere and you also now have to consider that your current employer may let any future employers know you put in a complaint if approached for a reference. That will seriously restrict opportunities available to you.

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Ann,

 

Would you say that my working relationship with my boss is already destroyed now that I have involved his boss? In other words, I am not sure if I am already at the point of no return.

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It depends on how far things have progressed and details in your emails. The working relationship may be able to recover so that it allows you and he to work together but I doubt that it will be amicable or as supportive as it may have been in the past.

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I agree. I don't think that it will ever be what it once was - but then again for the last 6 months I have received very little support anyway.

 

The really bizarre thing is that just last week we went to the opera and then his bday party (there were other co-workers too). Then we went to dinner and drinks - all on different days. In those social settings he was as friendly as ever and we chatted a lot and he bought me drinks all night.

 

But then when it comes to work - he has been consistently avoiding me. Losing the friendship aspect is of no concern to me. I no longer have a crush on him and I have plenty of friends.

 

I feel that the absolute worst thing for me to do is to back down once I stood up for myself. That would make me a doormat.

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In the upcoming conference there are number of social events that a few of us (my boss included) plan on going. I am now going to either not go or go and do not interact with him at all. Given current state of affairs, I can not be that fake.

 

In my conversation after the conference I plan to ask for the following:

 

Adequate supervision - either my boss will comit to meeting me for certain length of time fortnightly or they will have to find me a replacement boss. I absolutely can not work like this anymore. I do not think that this is at all unreasonable.

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This is the boss you are in love with ?

 

Maybe his limited contact is for a reason you are not aware of becuase of your attraction and wanting to have an affair with him ?

 

I really am only guessing.. Your threads are hard to follow sometimes but it seems like there is something happening behind the scenes that you are not privy to

 

and as another poster mentioned.. guns a blazing normally doesn't work with someone over your head..that normally just puts a target on your back.

Edited by Art_Critic
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How does your intoxicated personal phone call to him after your unhappy dating experience last week fit into all this?

 

The years of "love" should be keeping your boss at the maximum distance possible, I'd think, as well.

 

Could it be that you are so high maintenance at work (while still possessing great skills for what you do professionally) that your boss, and perhaps others, feel that extreme boundaries need to be in place?

 

Do you really NEED all this supervision ... why? Maybe it is attention and strokes that you need and want? I believe that if that is the case, you could have probably approached your situation like that rather than going on the attack. If you are good enough to do what you do basically on your own (and evidently you ARE, or you would not be left to do so) a request for some positive reinforcement once in a while could very well have been honored.

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Art, you are on the wrong track. I got over my feelings more than a year ago.

 

Anyway, when my feelings were full force, he was happy to meet me few times per day. In a way I feel that now that the flirting is off the table, he has no interest in my work whatsoever.

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How does your intoxicated personal phone call to him after your unhappy dating experience last week fit into all this?

 

The years of "love" should be keeping your boss at the maximum distance possible, I'd think, as well.

 

Could it be that you are so high maintenance at work (while still possessing great skills for what you do professionally) that your boss, and perhaps others, feel that extreme boundaries need to be in place?

 

Do you really NEED all this supervision ... why? Maybe it is attention and strokes that you need and want? I believe that if that is the case, you could have probably approached your situation like that rather than going on the attack. If you are good enough to do what you do basically on your own (and evidently you ARE, or you would not be left to do so) a request for some positive reinforcement once in a while could very well have been honored.

 

OK, now you are getting me angry. You ARE WAY off base and getting this thread on the wrong track.

 

If he was enforcing boundaries why would he invite me to go to an a)opera, b) his bay party c)dinner and bar and all this last week? Why would he chat to me there all night and buy me drinks? There were 4 other co-workers too, but he was the organizer and he certainly didn't have to invite me.

 

Yet at work he completely avoids professional meetings with me. Shouldn't it be the other way around if he was enforcing boundaries?

 

Please don't turn this into my past crush on him (and yeah during those times he was super flirty and super helpful - he enjoyed the attention). The crush is long gone, keep up with the times.

 

As for the intoxicated call, the one he e-mailed about and told me to call him at time X and I did. I didn't say a word about my dating or personal life. I was trying to arrange the time for my talk rehearsal to which he agreed only to cancel at the last minute.

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Art, you are on the wrong track. I got over my feelings more than a year ago.

 

Anyway, when my feelings were full force, he was happy to meet me few times per day. In a way I feel that now that the flirting is off the table, he has no interest in my work whatsoever.

 

Oh...Sorry for throwing it out there then..

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actually, no, this kind of sheds light on what she's experiencing now. Because if he was more open to overseeing her work while she had that crush on him, but now barely gives these projects the attention they need, it says to me that he quite possibly is "punishing" her for not giving his ego the boost it had gotten used to. Because if he was interested in being professional about things, he could have moved on and STILL maintain his duty, not just wave her work aside or fail to address the JOINT PROJECT.

 

this might be a passive-aggressive means of payback, even if he's doing it subconciously.

 

OG, because of the nature of the project (a teamwork thing), does he have to sign off on any of the stages? If so, make him stick to it, but without necessarily having to call in the big dogs. If questioned, simply air your concerns with him and his boss about what you perceive is a lack of interaction over this important project. NOT that you need hand-holding, because it sounds like you're quite capable of doing this on your own, but because this is what THEY set in place when they set it up as a team effort!

 

then remind them that you're only doing this because you want to have their back because it's a team project. You know, mind-fook'em with their own language ...

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OK, now you are getting me angry

You ARE WAY off

getting this thread on the wrong track

Please don't turn this into

keep up with the times

 

Sounds like you are in an aggressive note and not surprised about that email.

 

Hopefully you'll all come back more relaxed and friendly from that trip.

 

If you see people reacting in a certain way it's better to understand why and not force them to do what they don't want.

 

And don't forget that the world that you see around you you create.

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