Jump to content

Married with Crush on younger girl


Recommended Posts

Hello there

Let me start with a background.

- I have been married for 11 years.

- We never had sparky love. We grew to love each other as family

- There is barely any sex in the marriage

- I have always had chances with pretty girls but have been faithful and never even drifted.

 

- Fast forwards to 3 weeks back. Coworker girl from another country comes to visit me. She is about 17 years younger than me. We get along extremely well. In a very very calm sort of way. We quietly understand each other. Go out for lunches and walks. Not flirtingly. Also not a sexual attraction. Its just like a natural human connection that was meant to be. An extreme mental connection is what I can describe it as.

- Fast forward to 2 weeks back. Her work done she goes back. We exchange emails.

 

I cannot stop thinking about her at all.

Help!

 

I am old enough to have gone through many crushes! So please help me. The "ignore her" and will go away crush advice is not working!!

 

C

Link to post
Share on other sites

I cannot stop thinking about her at all.

Help!

 

I am old enough to have gone through many crushes! So please help me. The "ignore her" and will go away crush advice is not working!!

 

C

 

 

If the above advice is not working for you perhaps you could seek independent counseling. Do you want to stay married?

Link to post
Share on other sites
MorningCoffee

This crush comes from your own heart, sending you a message that something significant is missing. It may or may not actually originate with this girl herself, she may just be the catalyst -- it is you calling to you from deep within. The need that is going unmet will not go away by itself. Get some counselling, figure out what it is. If it can be met with the loving aid of your wife, your marriage can improve. If not, then you will have some decisions to make.

Link to post
Share on other sites
Hello there

Let me start with a background.

- I have been married for 11 years.

- We never had sparky love. We grew to love each other as family

- There is barely any sex in the marriage

- I have always had chances with pretty girls but have been faithful and never even drifted.

 

- Fast forwards to 3 weeks back. Coworker girl from another country comes to visit me. She is about 17 years younger than me. We get along extremely well. In a very very calm sort of way. We quietly understand each other. Go out for lunches and walks. Not flirtingly. Also not a sexual attraction. Its just like a natural human connection that was meant to be. An extreme mental connection is what I can describe it as.

- Fast forward to 2 weeks back. Her work done she goes back. We exchange emails.

 

I cannot stop thinking about her at all.

Help!

 

I am old enough to have gone through many crushes! So please help me. The "ignore her" and will go away crush advice is not working!!

 

C

 

Among many other things, marriage is about discipline and self-control. There's really nothing else that can be said other than exercising restraint. You'll either do it or you won't. Your restraint may result in prolonged sexual tension and frustration, but you'll get over it at some point. However, if you engage in an affair, there are long-term consequences. Just use your brain here.

 

A lot of people will say that counseling will work. Maybe it will, maybe it won't. I think it happens that a lot of couples, though they may love each other, grow apart sexually. I don't know if counseling can solve that problem, though it might. Maybe it's worth a shot.

 

But I think you need to think past that point and ask yourself if you can be comfortable without sex. If you can't, and if you don't think your partner can satisfy you sexually, then I don't know what you can do except masturbate or go out and have a fling. The former is safer, but probably unappealing. The latter is riskier but might satisfy sexual urges. If you do have a fling, make it a one-nighter on a business trip, not a full on affair.

 

I want to be clear: I'm not advising you to have a fling. That wouldn't be my choice. But if you don't find the conventional advice and lecturing useful, then that's the best option. An affair with someone at work is probably the absolute worst option. You're threatening both your family and your career that way, even if it's just an emotional affair, and even if you make a test run and nothing comes of it.

Edited by amerikajin
Link to post
Share on other sites
The need that is going unmet will not go away by itself. Get some counselling, figure out what it is. If it can be met with the loving aid of your wife, your marriage can improve. If not, then you will have some decisions to make.

 

Ultimately, your wife is your primary relationship. If you can use what you have gained from your friend, and apply it to your marriage to hopefully make it stronger, then you will probably come out with a much better marriage, as well as a deeper appreciation for your friend. In other words, the more you strengthen your marriage, the stronger your platonic relationship with your friend will become as well. I never knew it could work this way, until I, a single women, inadvertantly developed a warm, clean, platonic friendship with an older married man. The relationship was extremely clean and innocent, and he was more like a father to me. We not only kept our boundaries, but we actually relished in them, because it was our ability to enjoy a simple, warm friendship, despite the boundaries, that made our friendship so joyful, and which hopefully gave some perks to his already healthy marriage as well!

Link to post
Share on other sites
Woman In Blue
She is about 17 years younger than me.

Why do I have an urge to watch the movie, "American Beauty?" Oh yes, because it's about a middle-aged guy perving over a much younger girl. :sick:

Link to post
Share on other sites

You may want to post this on the "Infidelity" board. You'll receive better feedback there.

 

Tell your W how you feel and take it from there.

Link to post
Share on other sites
×
×
  • Create New...