I can not stand my co-worker

[OceanGirl]

I share an office with her and I have been gritting my teeth for the better part of this year just to remain polite.

 

She hasn't really "done" anything to me directly but she has made me look bad in front of our boss multiple times. She is one of those anal, super organized people who will complete extra admin tasks that are completely mundane and not even the part of her job description. She thinks very highly of herself, yet never has any ideas of her own. She constantly kisses a$$ of all our bosses and is a complete doormat to them. Her non-work personality (I have been out with her few times) is just as bland and boring.

 

On the other hand, I am completely chaotic and random. I have bursts of ideas but get easily bored with details of executing them. I am more like a series of highs and lows where she is the flat line. I haven't had any ideas lately, so it's been mostly a series of lows.

 

Our main boss is the one I used to have a crush on. During the crush, I was extra nice to him because I genuinely liked him. Since I don't kiss superior's a$$ (never have and never will), post crush I treat him with significantly less interest. She has now gained a clear edge over me and became his main confidante. She also never fails to rub it in how he confided in her about something "personal" but she can't really tell me what When he sends group e-mails, she is the first person on his list (and I used to take that spot) - I know that he orders people in how important they are to him rather than in plain alphabetical order. She constantly tells him things like "you are looking a bit thin, should I make you a sandwich?" or "I bought some chocolate for your kids" and he eats it up. I know that there is no flirtation going on (at least not from his side) and she is just very physically unattractive (shaved head but doesn't even shave her armpits or legs - yuck). The whole atmosphere just annoys me.

 

I have also made a fool out of myself a number of times because I openly discussed with her when I had a work problem or other bosses that I don't like etc (this was before I knew her that well). She of course, never said one bad word about anyone. I tend to be a bit naive

 

She has lately taken to saying things like "you look like you don't have much passion for what you are doing" etc which just makes me feel down. It is not even true but she keeps repeating it and as a result I keep doubting myself.

 

This is mostly a rant. I know that she looks like a picture of competence and reliability and I look like a disorganized mess compared to her. Ugh. I feel like since she came on board, she started some sort of competition with me. I never even really noticed her to be honest, much less was threatened by her- I have only noticed that my "standing" in our department has gone down since her arrival. So yeah, she is clearly winning. It doesn't help that she comes across as really "sweet" and "nice" and "helpful" so nobody really notices the malicious undercurrent in her personality. I am sickened that my boss is buying into it too.

 

It's such a mine field of hidden agendas at work. You not only have to watch out for super capable go-getters but also for average, mousy types with penchant for emotional manipulation.

 

If she offers to tidy up my boss's desk drawer one more time, I swear I am going to puke.

[Star Gazer]

I know that she looks like a picture of competence and reliability and I look like a disorganized mess compared to her. Ugh. I feel like since she came on board, she started some sort of competition with me. I never even really noticed her to be honest, much less was threatened by her- I have only noticed that my "standing" in our department has gone down since her arrival. So yeah, she is clearly winning. It doesn't help that she comes across as really "sweet" and "nice" and "helpful" so nobody really notices the malicious undercurrent in her personality. I am sickened that my boss is buying into it too.

 

I'm lost. I don't see ANYTHING wrong with her behavior, whatsoever, other than simply annoying you by being peppy during your "low" moments. You, on the other hand, as you said, are chaotic and unreliable, and haven't been doing well at work.

 

She's a stable, happy employee. I also don't see one ounce of maliciousness in her personality, or any competitive spirit. You set the bar pretty low, it seems, if merely offering to get a sandwich makes your boss do cartwheels.

 

She's not intending to show you up. YOU are failing YOURSELF. She's just the mirror to show you that you need to do better. You don't seem to like that.

[Yvelysse]

Turn the tides.....

 

Not that I'm telling you to be flirting or such.

 

She is stealing your confidence in yourself, in your work and in your perceptions of office politic.

 

Now flip her (lack of) wig and be uber confident. Find your edge in the rule of office innerworkings and make her ask to be moved to another area!

 

She's playing 'highschool' tricks in your office and the only way your gonna feel better is to oneup her somewhere... You GET to pick the spot for besting her. (hint xmas parties are prime)

 

Then NEVER let her live it down (when in her presence only)!

 

 

I have tired of highschool drama in the work place. The area I live in has LOADS of it, But it works. 0.0 We can't play 'highschool' games at work if we want work to go smoothly. Your boss obviously likes highschool drama or he'd nip it in the bud!

 

Get him a cool gift (for his family) and makes sure it's better than hers (for xmas). Or better yet Just got out and pay hi that extra attention he likes, for nothing more than to get her OUT of your immediate area.

 

Get a Brownnoser/demotivational poster and show it off at the office! lawl Just tell em it was a joke gift from "insert name of someone no one can contact here" and it happened to be sooo funny you needed to show it off.

 

These are JUST ideas, you know the politic of the office better, so Hunny be devious.

[Star Gazer]

She is stealing your confidence in yourself, in your work and in your perceptions of office politic.

 

No one is stealing her confidence. She's losing it herself.

[Green]

the only passion your co-worker has is for ass kissing. Seriously if some one at my currently non existant job told me I had no passion I'd lay the smack down on them.

[quankanne]

doesn't sound like this chick is singling you out ... it could be because you feel like you've hit a "low" that you feel this way.

 

best advice? Smile, let it wash over you and get on with your business. The only way it can become a "competition" is if you give into the mentality that it's a competition. She'll drive you nuts, but the sanest thing to do is to focus on her positive points and ignore the rest. Otherwise you'll just continue to make yourself miserable ... do you really want that?

 

my boss has a fantastic reply to those peppy "look what I can do" folks he encounters, and who would otherwise drive him nuts: "How wonderful for you!" said in a genuinely cheerful voice :laugh:

[SarahRose]

woman with a shaved head in an office? how odd!

 

Nothing that goes on in the office is ever innocent. People are very competitive, especially women.

 

I would watch your back and step it up with the boss.

 

One of these brown nosers got me fired from a job so that is how serious it can be.

 

I have been a brown noser at some jobs and not at others and believe me brown nosing works on everyone. People are so desperate for any type of validation these days, they just soak it right up. Being a brown noser got me choice assignments, higher pay, better equipment, more time off, etc.

[SarahRose]

doesn't sound like this chick is singling you out ... it could be because you feel like you've hit a "low" that you feel this way.

 

best advice? Smile, let it wash over you and get on with your business. The only way it can become a "competition" is if you give into the mentality that it's a competition. She'll drive you nuts, but the sanest thing to do is to focus on her positive points and ignore the rest. Otherwise you'll just continue to make yourself miserable ... do you really want that?

 

my boss has a fantastic reply to those peppy "look what I can do" folks he encounters, and who would otherwise drive him nuts: "How wonderful for you!" said in a genuinely cheerful voice :laugh:

 

So your boss would rather have sour miserable slack employees who do the bare minimum than cheerful enthusiastic employees? How odd.

[Surrealist]

Ah she's a tad jealous of you OceanGirl. Women get really catty or funny or competitive when in the presence of another better-looking office chick. Just try to be more upbeat and you'll be fine.

[anne1707]

I share an office with her and I have been gritting my teeth for the better part of this year just to remain polite.

 

She hasn't really "done" anything to me directly but she has made me look bad in front of our boss multiple times. She is one of those anal, super organized people who will complete extra admin tasks that are completely mundane and not even the part of her job description.

 

She makes you look bad because she is so organised and does extra work? She's not doing anything wrong at all - she's just doing her job well!

 

She thinks very highly of herself, yet never has any ideas of her own. She constantly kisses a$$ of all our bosses and is a complete doormat to them. Her non-work personality (I have been out with her few times) is just as bland and boring.

 

Her non-work personality is completely irrelevant - and for all you know, she may not be over the moon with your non-work personality. Either way, it does not matter.

 

On the other hand, I am completely chaotic and random. I have bursts of ideas but get easily bored with details of executing them. I am more like a series of highs and lows where she is the flat line. I haven't had any ideas lately, so it's been mostly a series of lows.

 

Your performance appears to be inconsistent and as an employer, I would have far more problems with this than somebody who is extremely organised and efficient.

 

Also - how can you criticise her for a lack of ideas when you are not having any either. At least she is getting her work (& more) done

 

Our main boss is the one I used to have a crush on. During the crush, I was extra nice to him because I genuinely liked him. Since I don't kiss superior's a$$ (never have and never will), post crush I treat him with significantly less interest.

 

So you kissed his a$$ before but not now. Yet you criticise her for doing this. Can you see the double standard????

 

She has now gained a clear edge over me and became his main confidante.

 

Because he can rely on her to do the work

 

She also never fails to rub it in how he confided in her about something "personal" but she can't really tell me what When he sends group e-mails, she is the first person on his list (and I used to take that spot) - I know that he orders people in how important they are to him rather than in plain alphabetical order.

 

Are you sure you no longer have a crush on your boss? You sound very jealous.

 

She constantly tells him things like "you are looking a bit thin, should I make you a sandwich?" or "I bought some chocolate for your kids" and he eats it up. I know that there is no flirtation going on (at least not from his side) and she is just very physically unattractive (shaved head but doesn't even shave her armpits or legs - yuck). The whole atmosphere just annoys me.

 

So we now have a woman who is doing her job well and is friendly. Sounds like the kind of person most employers would want.

 

I have also made a fool out of myself a number of times because I openly discussed with her when I had a work problem or other bosses that I don't like etc (this was before I knew her that well). She of course, never said one bad word about anyone. I tend to be a bit naive

 

Again, this is you making you look bad - don't blame her for your mess

 

She has lately taken to saying things like "you look like you don't have much passion for what you are doing" etc which just makes me feel down. It is not even true but she keeps repeating it and as a result I keep doubting myself.

 

To be honest, based on the way you have described yourself at work it does come across as if you don't have passion for what you do. You are being very negative about work - how can you therefore be positive and passionate in your performance?

 

This is mostly a rant. I know that she looks like a picture of competence and reliability and I look like a disorganized mess compared to her. Ugh. I feel like since she came on board, she started some sort of competition with me.

 

Well if you want to progress your career then it is a competition. That's just the way it is.

 

I never even really noticed her to be honest, much less was threatened by her- I have only noticed that my "standing" in our department has gone down since her arrival. So yeah, she is clearly winning. It doesn't help that she comes across as really "sweet" and "nice" and "helpful" so nobody really notices the malicious undercurrent in her personality. I am sickened that my boss is buying into it too.

 

But you have not posted one thing that indicates a "malicious undercurrent" - except perhaps your own personal dislike of this woman.

 

It's such a mine field of hidden agendas at work. You not only have to watch out for super capable go-getters but also for average, mousy types with penchant for emotional manipulation.

 

Sorry but you have not presented any evidence of emotional manipulation - unless she is being manipulative just by doing her job well.....

 

If she offers to tidy up my boss's desk drawer one more time, I swear I am going to puke.

 

That's the only thing in your whole post she does that I agree is not good.

 

Seriously Ocean - how can you complain that this woman is at fault for making you look bad when all she does is get on with her job and be friendly with colleagues whilst you admit to your performance being chaotic and random. I know who I would choose to employ out of the two of you.

[Taramere]

This is mostly a rant. I know that she looks like a picture of competence and reliability and I look like a disorganized mess compared to her. Ugh. I feel like since she came on board, she started some sort of competition with me. I never even really noticed her to be honest, much less was threatened by her- I have only noticed that my "standing" in our department has gone down since her arrival. So yeah, she is clearly winning. It doesn't help that she comes across as really "sweet" and "nice" and "helpful" so nobody really notices the malicious undercurrent in her personality. I am sickened that my boss is buying into it too.

 

Your boss doesn't feel threatened by this woman, whereas you do. So you will perceive all kinds of calculating, manipulative nasties in her personality...because that ties in with the emotional response you're having to her.

 

If she's sucking up to the boss, then she's going to be rewarded for that by being turned into a sort of confidante. Personally I don't think that's a very good place to be. I've had bosses, at times, who attempted to put me in that role of confidante...and it's something I'd resist. Often they're going to want to bitch about other staff members to you - or else they might over-confide in you, and then want to get rid of you at a later date because you know too much.

 

This person doesn't need to be a threat to you. You're not about to face the sack simply because she has a tidy desk drawer. I think it makes more sense to accept that while the more chaotic aspects of your temperament can be charming on a social level, at work you need to step into another, more efficient persona. Distasteful as it might sound, given your personal feelings about her, aspects of the way this woman operates in the workplace are probably worth watching and incorporating into the way you function there. She's probably picking up that you feel threatened by her, and that's bound to create a general sense of mistrust and dislike between the two of you.

 

If there are aspects of the way you do your job that you know, deep down, just aren't good enough, then focus on improving that rather than scouring around for evidence that this woman is out to undermine you. Even if she is out to undermine you, fretting over it wont' do much good.

[Els]

To be fair, I really don't think OG should be 'doing better' the way this woman is doing it. I don't understand how a lecturer (which I assume OG is?) should be expected to make sandwiches for her boss, or do menial clerical work that isn't in her job description. However, I think you really should strive to be less chaotic and to rely less on random ideas. Old adage of 1% inspiration, 99% perspiration, y'know. Basically, let her do all the menial work and sandwich-making she wants, but put more effort into what is in your job description. If they're still eating out of her hand, at least you know you're doing your job well and retain your dignity.

[anne1707]

To be fair, I really don't think OG should be 'doing better' the way this woman is doing it. I don't understand how a lecturer (which I assume OG is?) should be expected to make sandwiches for her boss, or do menial clerical work that isn't in her job description. However, I think you really should strive to be less chaotic and to rely less on random ideas. Old adage of 1% inspiration, 99% perspiration, y'know. Basically, let her do all the menial work and sandwich-making she wants, but put more effort into what is in your job description. If they're still eating out of her hand, at least you know you're doing your job well and retain your dignity.

 

I was certainly not suggesting that OG should do as this other woman in making sanwiches etc. However she should strive to be more organised and more efficient in her work. The point is that the only person making OG look not so good at her job is OG.

[Els]

I was certainly not suggesting that OG should do as this other woman in making sanwiches etc. However she should strive to be more organised and more efficient in her work. The point is that the only person making OG look not so good at her job is OG.

 

Yes, I agree with this. My post was sort of a response to SG's - forgot to quote it, sorry.

[amerikajin]

This is mostly a rant. I know that she looks like a picture of competence and reliability and I look like a disorganized mess compared to her. Ugh. I feel like since she came on board, she started some sort of competition with me. I never even really noticed her to be honest, much less was threatened by her- I have only noticed that my "standing" in our department has gone down since her arrival. So yeah, she is clearly winning. It doesn't help that she comes across as really "sweet" and "nice" and "helpful" so nobody really notices the malicious undercurrent in her personality. I am sickened that my boss is buying into it too.

 

First of all, how do you know that there is a malicious undercurrent in her personality? Maybe I missed it while skimming through the post, but nothing you've described jumps out at me as being malicious. It seems as though you are automatically assuming the worst of her intentions, and you are describing your feelings of concern over a perceived loss of 'standing' within the organization. Let's not confuse your feelings with facts. For sure, it's possible that she does have an agenda to do you in, but you cannot know that.

 

As for competition, you cannot avoid it. The fact is that, in these times especially, there is always competition at work. Few jobs now are guaranteed, even if you have adequate credentials -- which means that you have to prove your value to the organization for whom you work. I remember back in the late 1990s, when the Silicon Boom was in full swing and the economy was growing, every company needed more workers, if for no other reason than to greet people at the door or take incoming calls. I remember the days when employees basically had to be terribly under-productive or dishonest to get run off. Those days are gone. Now employers are demanding productivity, because every dollar they spend counts for something, and they have no idea when the next downturn will occur, which means that they need people with proven capabilities, and proven results. In a time when employers are ruthlessly pursuing efficiency, there is always the question of who is making the contributions, and who isn't. Everyone has to earn theirs. Your co-worker gets that.

 

With that said, it doesn't mean she's trying to get you fired. She may not be trying to pull the rug out from under you. Rather, I suspect she is just trying to let her employers know that she is contributing to the company, and that she is helping the company function. I think what's more likely is that, if she has an agenda, it's just to make herself look good -- nothing more than that, but nothing less than that either. It's up to you to make yourself look good in return.

 

There is a way you can turn this situation into a positive. You might consider taking a page or two from her playbook. Up your game a little. Don't turn it into a competition with her, but just think about how you can use what she does to your advantage. If she's always on time, you should always be on time yourself. If she is organized, then you should be organized too. If she offers to tidy up the boss's desk, then offer to do something else that the boss would appreciate even more -- like an extra meaningful job-related task (filing, reports, etc). Bosses will certainly notice the changes, and since they are changes for the better, they will be pleasantly surprised. On the other hand, if you choose to turn this into a contest of working styles and personalities, you stand to lose a lot. Think of ways to up your game, and just quietly go about doing it. If she makes the odd comment or remark, just try to deflect it or ignore it. Just do your job. You don't have to be a workaholic, but make every moment count from the time you clock in until you roll out of the parking lot.

[Star Gazer]

Ah she's a tad jealous of you OceanGirl.

 

Riiiiiiiiiiight. That's it. NOT.

[jean-luc sisko]

I share an office with her and I have been gritting my teeth for the better part of this year just to remain polite.

 

She hasn't really "done" anything to me directly but she has made me look bad in front of our boss multiple times. She is one of those anal, super organized people who will complete extra admin tasks that are completely mundane and not even the part of her job description. She thinks very highly of herself, yet never has any ideas of her own. She constantly kisses a$$ of all our bosses and is a complete doormat to them. Her non-work personality (I have been out with her few times) is just as bland and boring.

 

On the other hand, I am completely chaotic and random. I have bursts of ideas but get easily bored with details of executing them. I am more like a series of highs and lows where she is the flat line. I haven't had any ideas lately, so it's been mostly a series of lows.

 

Our main boss is the one I used to have a crush on. During the crush, I was extra nice to him because I genuinely liked him. Since I don't kiss superior's a$$ (never have and never will), post crush I treat him with significantly less interest. She has now gained a clear edge over me and became his main confidante. She also never fails to rub it in how he confided in her about something "personal" but she can't really tell me what When he sends group e-mails, she is the first person on his list (and I used to take that spot) - I know that he orders people in how important they are to him rather than in plain alphabetical order. She constantly tells him things like "you are looking a bit thin, should I make you a sandwich?" or "I bought some chocolate for your kids" and he eats it up. I know that there is no flirtation going on (at least not from his side) and she is just very physically unattractive (shaved head but doesn't even shave her armpits or legs - yuck). The whole atmosphere just annoys me.

 

I have also made a fool out of myself a number of times because I openly discussed with her when I had a work problem or other bosses that I don't like etc (this was before I knew her that well). She of course, never said one bad word about anyone. I tend to be a bit naive

 

She has lately taken to saying things like "you look like you don't have much passion for what you are doing" etc which just makes me feel down. It is not even true but she keeps repeating it and as a result I keep doubting myself.

 

This is mostly a rant. I know that she looks like a picture of competence and reliability and I look like a disorganized mess compared to her. Ugh. I feel like since she came on board, she started some sort of competition with me. I never even really noticed her to be honest, much less was threatened by her- I have only noticed that my "standing" in our department has gone down since her arrival. So yeah, she is clearly winning. It doesn't help that she comes across as really "sweet" and "nice" and "helpful" so nobody really notices the malicious undercurrent in her personality. I am sickened that my boss is buying into it too.

 

It's such a mine field of hidden agendas at work. You not only have to watch out for super capable go-getters but also for average, mousy types with penchant for emotional manipulation.

 

If she offers to tidy up my boss's desk drawer one more time, I swear I am going to puke.

 

I think you should manage around her.

 

I agree that people are competitive, which is not just pertinent to the workplace but in life, it's how we are as a species. I would suggest simply doing your best, and ignoring her. By the way, is that you in your avatar? If so, then this is why she feels threatened lol...